


The Wings of the Future are hurt by the Past

by Izaioi



Series: Time is a Place [3]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Danganronpa fans are everywhere, Developing Relationship, Growing Up, Living Together, M/M, Mention of depression and anxiety, Mild Sexual Content, Self-Esteem Issues, Some Swearing, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-07-11 14:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 97,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15973784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izaioi/pseuds/Izaioi
Summary: “Hey Boyfriend-chan, do I really have to go to school? The others didn’t go to school for more than a year, why do I have to go now?” Kokichi pouted, resting his face on his hand.“The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can leave this formality behind, right? Besides, since we left the Neo World Program you have barely left the apartment and you don’t interact with a lot of people. Now that I’m going to school myself, you are often cooped up in here alone, I know you said you’re perfectly fine, but I don’t like the idea of leaving you here alone for hours every day. And maybe you will make new friends at school. You are the Supreme Leader after all, right?” Shuichi smiled, trying to look encouraging.Kokichi’s left hand clenched the fabric of his pants.As always, Shuichi was unable to understand anything at all.A sequel to From the Past to the Present.





	1. School sucks

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone!  
> I hope you are here after reading From the Past to the Present, because of course this takes place after the end of PP.  
> Not to scare you off, but I have a feeling you would not be able to follow this properly otherwise :)
> 
> If you are here after the end of PP, then welcome!  
> Before you dive into the story, however... I just wanted to make sure to point out some aspects of this work.  
> If you hate POVs where the protagonist is constantly negative or sarcastic and sees everything through pessimistic lenses this may not be your favorite thing in the world. If you are irritated by this mindset, same, but you may want to take a look, this may not be too bad on you, it's up to you I guess.  
> You don't have to love this mindset, I actually hope you don't, but you have to at the very least be able to tolerate it or this will be a bad read overall.  
> This story is centered around Kokichi, who clearly has some problems with people in general, but he has even more problems with himself.  
> That being said, I hope you enjoy!

Kokichi stared at the sign with the name of the street he was currently in. He was lost, like completely, definitely, _purposefully_ lost. The fact that the school he had chosen was almost on the other side of the city was not helping him, exactly as he had hoped. It was the perfect excuse to arrive late; possibly so late that the day was already over by the time he would get there.

“Ohh, this is bad, I’m lost!” he said out loud for no purpose at all, just to satisfy himself.

He was smiling, with his hands joined behind his back, his face hidden partially by his hood. He didn’t really care if he was going to be recognized or not. After the end of Danganronpa V3, everyone behaved like they understood everything about him, like they knew him in and out, so going around the city had become a major pain in the ass. No disguise was going to help, not with his characteristic purple hair, so Kokichi just stopped going out. He didn’t really like the outside world anyway. Just as he had expected, the outside world was very unwelcoming for him. Or better, it was unwelcoming for Kokichi but in love with the Ultimate Supreme Leader. But today was different, today he had been forced to show his face, so he was going to let them see him, he just needed an excuse to convince Shuichi that his place was not in any stupid school.

Unfortunately, no one really paid him any mind at all so he was forced to start walking again. He tried to keep himself in high spirit as he was crossing streets and walk roads, but in reality he was annoyed. He could try to waste some more time, but he knew that he could not fool Shuichi by telling him he could not find the school. Shuichi was not so stupid, and he knew that Kokichi was not stupid either.

He looked around, taking every detail of the streets around him, listening to the voices. Looking from a distance, without making his presence known, everything looked almost warm, the people were pretty lively, families were laughing and young couples were flirting. This world was so fucking peaceful and boring on the surface, hiding the filth in deeper layers. They were so disconnected with the concept of murder and crimes that as long as it was inside a simulator and it didn’t affect them directly they were saying: ‘it’s not real anyway’. That, of course, was true for the people that were handling the simulation as well. Not even them had an idea of what he and his friends had been forced to live through, watching a dead person on TV was completely different from seeing it right in front of you. Modern society was so detached from these occurrences that it was impossible for them to really relate on more than on a fictional level. No wonder Danganronpa was so loved.

He hated them all.

For their lack of empathy, sympathy, understanding, everything. They lacked everything.

Kokichi was honestly lost but even so, there was only so much he could do to stop his mind from coming up with solutions. He easily started to recognize some of the famous spots around the city he had heard of. And one of them, in particular, was situated near the school he was supposed to go to. He sighed and started to make his way towards that direction. It took him another fifteen minutes of walking to reach the right place, unfortunately. If it had been fifteen hours, he could have just gone home and call it a day.

He entered the building with a sour mood and asked the first person he was able to find, a janitor probably, where he could find class 3-B. The man looked at him with confusion for a moment. The halls were empty and quiet since the lessons already started and Kokichi was clearly late and quite calm and uninterested about it. The man surely had not encountered many like him before. After he stared at him for a moment, his eyes lit up. Recognition. So even a middle age man like him was a fan of Danganronpa. Not that Kokichi was expecting anything different.

He followed the instructions the man gave him and started to make his way up to the second floor. Luckily this building didn’t look anything like the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles. He didn’t need that kind of flashback right now, his mood was already horrid. After moments, he was standing in front of the door he was looking for. He could hear the soft voice of the teacher right behind it, already giving the lecture for the day. It looked like he was going to crash a party very soon. He smirked. It takes a lot of guts to do something like this, but having guts was the only good thing about him, together with a good shield against shame. As long as he had his mask in place, no shame could stop him, no feat could scare him, he was invincible.

Him and his cute little paper shield.

He slammed the door open with a loud bang.

“Hey!! Sorry! I got lost on my way here! Where is my desk supposed to be?!” he yelled cheerfully.

He walked in, ignoring completely the silence that soon was replaced by the murmurs of his ‘classmates’ and the yelling of the teacher.

“Okay, calm down please! Ouma-san, it's nice to see you _finally_ in class. I think we were waiting for you yesterday?” the teacher didn’t make any attempt at seeming welcoming, but he didn’t look intimidatory either.

He probably had no idea how to handle him at all. He was not the only one, Kokichi had no idea how to handle himself either. The previous day Kokichi had faked a headache to avoid school. It was his last desperate attempt to make Shuichi change his mind about the whole thing. It was a tactic that was a bit too immature for him, but he did it on purpose, to make his distress known. Shuichi saw through the act immediately, he sighed and let him stay home for the day. He said he could understand that he didn’t want to go to school, but Kokichi could feel that he took it more as a whim than anything else. So the next day Shuichi woke him up in time and sent him to school like he was supposed to, without any mercy.

“Ohh, I’m so sorry! Yesterday I overslept and I woke up at eleven, I figured I shouldn’t show my face so late! I would be so embarrassed!” he chuckled stupidly.

The teacher scratched his head with a discourage expression.

“Just… sit at your desk, it’s the last vacant one.” he made a vague hand gesture.

Kokichi grinned, using his most fake grin possible, dropped loudly on his chair and started to pull out all kinds of random stuff, most of it not entirely pertinent to class, like glittered pens, making an even bigger scene. Once he was done he purposefully turned sharply to face the person in the desk next to his, by the wall. It was a girl, an average, normal girl. Nothing compared to the eccentric looks of the Ultimates he had been used to. The girl inhaled loudly when she saw that he was looking directly at her and she backed away a little, for some reason.

“Hi!” he raised a hand and smiled at her.

The girl shrieked and stared back with wide eyes and her mouth open. A fangirl, of course. Of course, he had to end up next to one of his crazy fangirl. Not that he was surprised in the slightest; apparently all girls his age were his fangirls. His and Shuichi’s, which was maybe even worst. They were always expecting them to be together; surely they were shocked to see that he was going to a different school than the one his boyfriend chose. But he had always loved to disappoint expectations.

The teacher finally started the lesson, it was some boring history lesson, Kokichi had his memory stuffed with random facts, he recognized all the dates and names. He got bored of it immediately. For him, it was really not worth attending school. He told Shuichi that he could just take the final exams and get it over with, if Shuichi really wanted him to have the piece of paper with his degree written on it, or even study on-line. Shuichi still insisted he needed to socialize at an actual school. Kokichi stated to yawn behind a hand after five minutes of the history lecture.

He noticed that he was not the only one that was distracted in the class, everyone was. Because of him. They were all trying to look at him but being subtle about it at the same time. These people didn’t know the first thing about being subtle, they were completely hopeless. Even Momo-chan, the king of subtlety, could do better than this. Even the teacher noticed how distracted they were and started to scold them harshly. That brought back the attention of some of them, but not most. Kokichi ignored them, not wanting to meet eyes with someone and give them the wrong idea, but he started to sketch on his notebook in bright colors, just to be more obnoxious. The lesson finally ended, after a long agonizing hour of boredom, but he was not sure that this new situation was better.

Since he had arrived late, it was already break time. Normally, the students would probably start talking in small groups or even leave the classroom, but in this case after the first one took enough courage to approach Kokichi all the others started to create a circle around his desk. In a moment, he was surrounded by many voices and everyone had a question for him.

This was the first phase.

Kokichi knew them all by heart by now. The first phase was morbid curiosity that they could barely contain. Seeing a star in the flesh for the first time would make them hesitate only a moment, then they would think ‘Oh, when I’m going to have this opportunity again?’ and after the little line was broken the curiosity would just rush out. Then there was the second phase, which was confusion. This phase usually started only minutes after the first one, maybe an hour. The third phase was disappointment and that usually started if they met more times, since only one time was not enough time to give a long lasting impression. These two phases were caused by the fact that everyone had their own image of him, Kokichi, the Ultimate Supreme Leader.

That image, though, was kind of interesting. Because everyone was convinced that his role was for TV and in real life he would be accepting of the fans, humoring them and acting the way they wanted him to. Basically, they expected preferential treatment. They expected Kokichi to play with them and fulfill their every wish. They were not expecting him to be with them exactly as he was with the other participants on the show, mean, sarcastic and insufferable.

Kokichi was actually feeling a twisted pleasure being a complete disappointment.

And there were the other ones.

His fans, or more precisely all Danganronpa generic fans, were there trying to make him talk. But not all his classmates had approached him. Some of them remained behind, observing the situation from afar. Those were his haters. Not Danganronpa haters, _his haters._ He learned soon enough that hidden between fans were those kinds of people as well. In this case, three out of a class of twenty people, himself excluded. It was a pretty good representation of the actual percentage of haters he had in the city.

The recess ended and a new lesson started. This teacher was clearly so flustered to have a ‘celebrity’ in his class that he was not even capable of solving his own math problems. Kokichi enjoyed making some subtle noises every time he was starting to concentrate properly and making him lose focus immediately. He attended two other lessons and as soon as the bell rang he jumped on his feet, already set to leave. His classmates opened their mouth to stop him, maybe asking him to do something with them, but Kokichi ignored them entirely.

He left in a hurry, but as his classroom was on the second floor he ended up caught in the sea of people that were leaving the classrooms on the first floor. Kokichi could hear a lot of surprised noises around him, again, his purple hair was not making it easy. But he had to dye it back as they were in the game. First, because he needed to change his image, he didn’t want to remain Takumi. And second, he did it for Shuichi, since he had an attachment to his hair color. But that was as far as he went. Both he and Shuichi refused to use colored contact lenses to change their eye color. They both had black eyes and they were there to stay.

He escaped and ran as fast as he could out of the school gates. The last thing he needed was to remain on the school grounds longer than strictly necessary. And now that he was free, he wanted to go back home as soon as possible. His school was farther from their apartment than Shuichi’s school, but Shuichi would often stay a little longer, probably because people were forcing him to chat at the end of the lessons. He was pretty sure he could arrive home sooner than him if he ran fast enough. He wanted to arrive before him. For no particular reason, except for maybe the fact that he could get a moment alone to relax before resuming his usual charade. Before resisting again. Before trying hard again.

Before lying again.

This apartment was not the same as six months ago, inside the Danganronpa complex. They were living together, alone, inside a real apartment, in a different part of the city. It had not been easy to gather the money to rent an apartment of their own, they were actually riding on charity as half the rent was paid by Nagito’s father, who had tried to corrupt them. The other half was from Chiaki and Hajime’s salary.

After the end of the 53rd season, a long period of chaos had ensured. Many of his friends of V2 had gotten their degree, either during V3 like Sonia, or after, when he was in a coma. Some did not have a degree at all, like Kazuichi who got hired in a prestigious mechanical workshop as an apprentice. Teruteru was taking a long sequence of classes to become a real chef; Gundham had followed Sonia to her school even though he was already working part-time in a dog care facility. Hiyoko was taking classical dance lessons, instead of traditional ones. The others were following similar paths.

Many of his friends from V2 had already moved on with their lives and they were now earning enough to have their own house. The V3 cast was encountering some more difficulties overall. Momo-chan and Haru-chan, for example, could not make a living out of their talents, an Astronaut and an Assassin. Of course, Momo-chan had tried to become an Astronaut, but real ones were not hiring teenagers, he had a long journey ahead if he really was serious about all this. Haru-chan, for the time being, was working with Chabashira and Nekomaru, the three of them were now gym instructors. She had yet to decide what she really wanted to do, for now she was just using what she already had to help pay the bills, so they could keep a little apartment of their own.

Names had become kind of a mess for him to use. His old friends from V2 were branded forever with their first names in his brain, so he was still using them, but he gave up all the nicknames. They sounded completely wrong both in his mind and on his tongue. The people of V3 had been down-classed to their last names with no honorifics. There were some exceptions, but most of them he didn’t even see again after the end of the season, like Hoshi, Toujo and Shinguji.

The exceptions were only three. Akamatsu, now called Aka-chan, because she was Rantaro’s girlfriend. Momota, now Momo-chan, and Harukawa, now Haru-chan, because they were somehow Shuichi’s friends, so he had to tolerate them as much as he could. Their relationship was not the same as before, but all three were trying their best to make things work and so Kokichi was doing his part. By annoying them infinitely with a worst nickname than before, of course. But they knew it was a way to include them in his life so they were just tolerating him, for Shuichi’s sake. They would not have seen each other ever again if it had been for them, but this was really the best compromise they could come up with.

Kokichi pulled the key to his apartment out of his pocket. He opened the door and confirmed that yes, Shuichi had not come back home yet. Nice.

He threw his backpack in the little hallway to the bedroom and jumped on the sofa, sighing loudly. Shuichi was attending a school to become a real Detective. It was the best school in the entire region and Shuichi was having some trouble keeping up, but he was studying hard. Kokichi was not sure he should become a Detective, he almost wanted to tell him ‘leave that in the past, find something new’. But he bit his tongue and let him decide on his own. After all, Kokichi himself was completely lost about his future. A Supreme Leader meant absolutely nothing in the real world. What could he become? The Prime Minister? The next Emperor? A tyrant? None of it made any sense, nor did he want to do anything like that. Kokichi didn’t want to rule over the world, a nation or even a small group. His talent was simply to create the best solution to problems in emergencies. Now he was completely useless. He could not even think about anything that he wanted to do, he could only see a wall between him and his future.

Kokichi heard the key turn into the lock of the door and jolted upright. Shuichi had returned.

The door opened and Shuichi entered, he placed his bag gently on the floor and started to remove his coat. He had managed to free one of the sleeves when their eyes met. Kokichi grinned at him to greet him.

“Kokichi, you’re back already?” he was surprised.  

“Yep! I could not wait to get back to our love nest, of course. We were apart for only a few hours, but it felt like an eternity to me, my love. I missed you!” he acted in a pompous voice with a hand on his chest.

“Hmm-hmm.” Shuichi hummed smiling. “Your school was supposed to be a lot farther than mine. Did you run all the way back here?”

“Nope, not at all, it’s just that you are a slowpoke!” he crossed his arms with a pout. “How dare you make me wait here all alone this entire time!”

“You know, it won’t happen overnight, but I really hope you’ll find a good reason to remain at school even after the lessons. Maybe you should take a look at the clubs? You may find something you like.”

Great, another expectation that Shuichi wanted him to meet. From now on he better only come back home early once in a while. If he was to return home sooner than Shuichi every day he would confront him again and have another talk about the importance of friendship and shit. He wanted to avoid that bother at all costs. He had to find a place where to chill before going home. He didn’t need to join a club, he could just create an elaborate lie to make him believe he was in one. Shuichi was never going to know the truth anyway, he was not going to his school to ask about his activities, he was not a child, nor Shuichi was his dad.

“Whatever, are we eating yet? I’m starving!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go! I couldn't wait to start this one!  
> Since the chapters are longer and I don't have a lot of stuff pre-written, I plan a weekly release.  
> I'll post every Thursday, starting from next week. (11th of October)  
> It's nice to be back guys! ^_^


	2. Lovers and Haters

The next morning Kokichi woke up with an honest headache and a bad mood.

Sleeping together with Shuichi every night, in the same bed, had been quite embarrassing at first since Kokichi was not an expert on dating etiquette. Inside the Neo World Program there was a limited amount of things he could do, without completely destroying his dignity at least. But here, outside, they were free to do what they wanted. Kokichi had been really at a loss about what he was supposed to do. Was okay to ignore him and sleep, or should he do some… flirty stuff? What would a real couple do? Kokichi had no idea. Luckily, Shuichi was in the same predicament so they settled pretty easily into a comforting habit. It was almost as if they had decided that flirting was for when they were awake, while in bed the most they were allowed to do was hug. Maybe it was weird, but Kokichi could not be more grateful for this.

Kokichi turned to his side, only to see that the space next to him was empty. Like every morning. Shuichi was never late in waking up for school. Shuichi hated mornings, during the weekends he would sleep by his side until past ten in the morning, but during the week he was perfect. He was one of those perfect, good students. Shuichi was such a perfect student, boyfriend, and human being. It was frustrating, borderline annoying. It was making Kokichi’s skin prickle a little.

As soon as he got out of the Neo World, Shuichi immediately got his act together.

Not like Kokichi, the lazy-ass who was just lagging behind.

He was eating junk food, playing games that Chiaki had lent to him and browsing the internet all day, while Shuichi was working hard to study and become something. What that something was, Kokichi wasn’t sure, but something. He could not really understand why he was trying so hard. Sure, they needed a job to finally pay for the rent and their living expenses, but for that they just needed a random job, not to graduate in the top class in the most prestigious high school of the region. What was Shuichi trying to do? Was he really so comfortable with this world to just… run forward like this? Kokichi could not do it. He was not going to play by this world’s rules, he didn’t want to graduate anywhere and kiss the ass of any of the adults around. Actually, the world could stop spinning the next day and start to rotate in the opposite direction, he was pretty sure he would not care. Of course, he was not so stupid to think he could just live alone and in these four walls all his life, he hated riding on charity as well, but what was the point of making the lives of those people easy? To do exactly what the world was excepting from them? Kokichi could really not understand Shuichi.

He could understand him less and less each day.

Kokichi turned to press his face on the pillow. Maybe he could go back to sleep and Shuichi would take pity on him and let him sleep. He felt Shuichi walking to the door of the bedroom.

“Kokichi? It’s time to wake up, c’mon.”

Nope, of course not.

Kokichi groaned in protest and pressed his face deeper into the pillow. Shuichi entered the room and placed a hand on his back gently. Well, after this he would be a bastard to keep ignoring him. He turned and grinned at his boyfriend.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning, Kokichi. Breakfast is ready, you are going to eat, right?” Shuichi smiled at him.

“Hmm… will you feed me?” he rested his cheek on his palm, propping himself up with an elbow.

“No, it’s late, I have to leave soon, and you woke up too late. We can do the role-play another day.”

Kokichi pouted but only for a second. He didn’t really want to be fed in the first place. Kokichi yawned and got up slowly, no use in running; it was not like he couldn’t wait to go to school. He went into the kitchen and ate his cereal, plus a yogurt. By the time he had finished Shuichi was already out of the bathroom, school uniform perfectly clean and ironed, hair perfectly combed and in order. He really was like an honor student. Impressive. Not.

“Kokichi, you need to hurry up a bit, you are going to be late.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly capable of going to school alone.” he waved his little spoon around.

“That’s not what I’m talking about, I know that you will try to go back to sleep if I leave first. I know you.” Shuichi smiled a little.

Well, that was not entirely inaccurate. Shuichi did know him, or at the very least he knew the parts that Kokichi was willing to share with him nowadays. Which were becoming less and less. It was strange and sad, but it was true when people were saying ‘there is a right time and place for everything’. Inside the Neo World Program, all the conditions for him to fall in love were met, and so he did. But now, on the outside, it was becoming more and more difficult to play the part properly. That night in the Love Hotel, he had to make a choice. He could either accept Shuichi’s feelings immediately, even though it was too soon and not the right thing to do, in all honesty. Or he could have accepted the fact that he was not ready to have this relationship, and hurt Shuichi in the process. But he loved him, he genuinely loved him, that was not a lie, so he could not hurt him. Especially since that would mean to potentially forever lose the possibility of building something with him. So he went against his better judgment and ignored his own feelings and hesitations in favor of keeping Shuichi in his life.

At the time, he had thought he needed to lie only a little bit and then everything was going to become easier. But he had been wrong. Things didn’t get easier. Lately, he was feeling like he was suffocating every time Shuichi entered his field of vision.

Too much.

Too little.

_Need to escape._

Shuichi didn’t deserve any of his problems. If Kokichi was bitter about his life and the whole world, it was not Shuichi’s fault. This was the reason why Kokichi was keeping up with all this, even if the deepest part of him was begging him to leave this house and disappear somewhere. Alone. Shuichi was a good person, a very wonderful person even, if a bit naïve. Kokichi was torn between the need to be a good boyfriend for him and the necessity to ask him to search for someone better than him. Months ago he was ready to do everything to keep him in his life, selfishly, now he was really considering letting him go. But it was still just a consideration for the darkest moments.

He still loved him.

“Alright, I’m moving, wanna help me get ready? You can brush my teeth if you want!” Kokichi winked at him.

“No, thank you. Stop messing around; we are going to be late. You are surely going to be late if you are not ready in ten minutes.”

Shuichi stole his bowl of cereal as soon as Kokichi finished eating them. Then he grabbed and washed his yogurt cup as well. What a nice and responsible adult. Kokichi rushed to get ready, if nothing else to send Shuichi on his way so he could start to slack off again. In exactly six minutes he was ready, Kokichi was very fast at changing and his hair looked better if a little ruffled, not perfectly combed like Shuichi’s. His natural hair was a lot more straight than his in-game one, but Kokichi refused to use hair gel to make them remain the way they were, too much work and the gel was sticky anyway, so he took the habit of not touching them. As soon as a brush was in between the strands, they would fall down completely straight. So not cool.

They left the apartment together and separated in the street. Kokichi blew him a quick kiss and ran away from him. It was indeed a little late, he had only two options: run at max speed to reach the gates in time or walk normally and be late. The answer was obvious. He walked fast, because to arrive again exaggeratedly too late was going to be a problem down the line. But at the same time it was not worth it to run just to please people he didn’t want to please.

When he arrived at school the lesson had already started ten minutes ago. Kokichi took a deep breath before entering the classroom, inside, at the teacher desk, was a woman he had not seen yet. So this one was his homeroom teacher? As soon as she saw him her lips became really thin, they were an almost invisible line. Kokichi could immediately feel that this woman was not as easy to fluster as the others he had met yesterday.

“Ouma-san, you are ten minutes late. I heard that this is already the second time, not to mention the absence of two days ago. You think that this place is your playground, perhaps?”

In a way this kind of teacher was terrible for him, because he would have a lot more trouble now, but on the other hand Kokichi could respect a teacher like this. The woman didn’t let herself get overwhelmed by the ‘new celebrity’. Kokichi could respect this kind of integrity a lot.

“Ah, I’m so sorry, I was stopped in the streets by an emergency so I ended up been late for class, I’m so very sorry!”

Of course he was not sorry at all, and he was going to do it again and again, every day. Call it petty, but this was his personal rebellion against everyone and especially Shuichi. If he had to be forced to go to school, at the very least he was going at his own conditions. Even if he knew he was, ultimately, just going to make things harder for himself.

“You are going to remain at school after the lessons, I’m going to give you detention.” she didn’t take the bait.

Kokichi was glad she didn’t, it meant that she really was not going to move from her position which was good. He had seen too many adults take a step back as soon as he reminded him of his popularity. Sure, it was useful for him to be able to obtain what he wanted easily, but at the same time it meant that the world was too rotten to really realize the absurdity of a sixteen years old kid making an adult bow. It was disgusting. And the detention was a wonderful excuse he could use to make Shuichi think he was doing something with his life while he really wasn’t. Perfect.

Kokichi sat at his desk and pretended to be interested in the lesson, biology it seemed, but really he didn’t listen to a word. This time he was not in the mood for some big scene, so he remained quiet, doodling on his notebook, feeling observed from every corner of the room. He almost dismissed this day as being boring and normal until a paper ball flew on his desk suddenly. He was not fast enough to see who threw it and he scolded himself for even trying, giving these people his time of the day was exactly what they wanted. He needed to ignore it. He took the paper ball and put it inside his pocket, without even looking at it. Even in the remote possibility that it was a friendly message, he didn’t want to encourage them. Ten minutes later, another one fell near where the other landed. He was annoying someone, it seemed. He put that one in his pocket as well.

Kokichi waited until the end of the lesson and the start of the break period to go to the bathroom and take a look at the two paper balls.

-Who do you think you are?

Your season sucked compared to V1.

Don’t think you are such hot stuff-

-You are just an asshole-

Kokichi chuckled. Now, this was so _original._ At least a million haters had already told him this and worst. Ridiculous, they were clearly just stupid kids, not worthy of his time. When he left the bathroom someone pushed him so suddenly he could not see whom or from where it came from. Kokichi was a runt and skinny, he was sent flying easily. By the time he had recollected himself it was impossible to see which one of the idiots that were staring at him and whispering had been the one. Not that he was so interested, but at least he would know who to avoid next time. He returned to the classroom followed by the murmurs and noticed that his bag was in a different position from before. He inspected it and discovered someone had stolen his glittered purple pens. He almost could not believe the stupidity of this action but only almost, he could believe it easily actually. He ignored this idiotic act, sat down and waited patiently for the break to end. That day the people surrounding him were a little less, he could see that some of them were just staring at him from afar, studying him, trying to make peace with the mental image they had of him and this person in front of them.

The lessons ended after another two hours and Kokichi grabbed his bag escaping the classroom to search for the teacher that had given him detention. He liked the thought of having detention much more than he loved to spend time with his ‘peers’. He found her in the teacher lounge, obviously, and she sighed softly when she saw him.

“Ouma-san, I’m glad to see you at least listened to me. It seems you are not a lost cause just yet.”

“Nishishi! I’m honored you think there is still something worth saving in me!” he smiled widely, a completely fake smile.

“That’s not the problem. The problem is that the kids that leave the Neo World Program all think they don’t need anything and anyone, like they are already at their very best. That idea is completely preposterous, you are all still kids, you need adults to take care of you and correct your paths, if needed. Don’t think you already have all the answers, no one does.” she spoke calmly collecting her papers. “It’s my job to make sure you don’t fall into the wrong path because no one thinks that correcting you is the right thing to do. Now, follow me please.”

Oouf, that sounded pretty deep. His respect for the woman grew a little. It turned out that his punishment was to chronologically organize many boring documents in some archive place. The teacher remained with him until the end, making sure he would not sneak away before finishing. By the end, Kokichi was bored to death, but at least it was a good kind of bored, a boredom caused by something that he didn’t really mind, instead of caused by something that was forced onto him. The teacher dismissed him at six in the evening and Kokichi left feeling in a way better mood compared to the morning, he had respected Shuichi’s wish by still acting of his own free will. Perfect. And the fact that none of his noisy and annoying ‘classmates’ were there to pester him was even better.  

As he was walking and daydreaming about what he was going to do that evening, probably a new game, he received a text message. It was from Kazuichi.

-Hey Leader.

I’m coming over.

Later-

It was not a question, it was a statement. Kokichi sighed but smiled, he was used to them just dropping by whenever they wanted and stealing his games, which were previously stolen from Chiaki. His mood raised even more realizing that since Kazuichi was going to be there today, Kokichi didn’t need to find a way out in case Shuichi wanted to do something intimate. It was getting increasingly difficult to sneak out from him every time, Kokichi was aware that Shuichi was starting to suspect something. But it was unavoidable, every time Shuichi would kiss him or even worst try something more than that, Kokichi’s skin would start to prickle painfully and a thousand alarms would start to play into his mind pushing everything else away. It was not really the kissing or anything the problem… the problem was what should come _after. The other thing. The one he couldn’t even name in his own mind._

Kokichi realized, way too late probably, that inside the Neo World Program their emotional responses were a little manipulated, to make them psychologically more stable. Inside he was never afraid of anything, not even of pain or something stupid like spiders or whatever. Now that he was outside it was almost like he was suffering from abstinence from calming drugs. In the last few months sometimes he would have an excessive reaction to completely stupid and normal stuff, it could be an angry reaction or a scared one, and he had developed a phobia of heights which he never had. Or maybe it was Takumi, the dead Takumi was still hunting him with his old phobias or something. He hated this sensation; it was like he had lost a good 40% of control over his mind and psyche. A detestable feeling.

Intimacy was maybe the bigger problem. Every time Shuichi would try to go a little further his body would start to reject it violently, forcing him to run away from the situation as soon as possible. He was very angry with himself for that. And he was very happy of himself for protecting his space so fiercely. And he hated himself for it liking it. He didn’t want any remnants of Takumi inside him, or of the Danganronpa meddling, or of the Neo World Program or of whoever was at fault for this. He wanted to do what everyone else was doing; throwing everything behind and finding a new way of living. Enjoying a new job, a new school, their boyfriend or girlfriend.  Normalcy.

However, all this was probably no one but Kokichi’s fault, so there was no one to blame.

He turned the key in his door. And ten minutes later, he was immediately greeted by Kazuichi piercing voice.

“Leader, finally! Where the hell is your school, on the moon? You took forever!”

“It’s not, but probably Momo-chan wishes it was, so he could hide in my backpack and come with me! The freeloader!” Kokichi responded with the same tone.

Shuichi peeked from the kitchen and greeted him with a smile, Kokichi smiled back and waved, happy they were not going to talk about the school anytime soon. Kokichi ate a sandwich on the couch as Kazuichi was searching through his stuff near the TV, surely trying to find the latest racing game. He was always saying something about the cars being so cool to look at. Kokichi was always wondering if he wasn’t seeing enough of them at work already.

“So, have you found yourself a girlfriend yet?” yeah, it was old, but it was their inside joke.

Well, at least Kokichi found it funny.

“Again? What could have changed from three days ago?” Kazuichi lamented.

“You could’ve posted an announcement online maybe!” Kokichi mocked him.

“Yeah right. ‘Come and date Kazuichi Soda, winner of V2!’ Can you imagine? I would draw in an ocean of fangirls.” at least he was aware of this, which was always a good thing. “You are so lucky, I envy you! You got your soulmate directly inside the game!” he sighed.

Oh yeah, Kokichi envied himself so very much.

Kazuichi grabbed a disc and inserted it in the console. Nowadays the majority of games were in Virtual Reality, old physical console games were decreasing in popularity, but Chiaki only lent him these ones. She thought he would not want to go into another Virtual World and she was _so_ right. 

They started to play together in multiplayer mode, Kokichi was not very good at this one so he decided to protect his pride by trying to make Kazuichi go off course instead of competing in a fair way. Later Kazuichi stopped for dinner and when he left it was already past ten. As soon as he was alone with Shuichi he started to feel restless, he knew that questions were coming his way very soon. He probably wanted to ask him what he had done at school, if he had joined a club and so on. As soon as Shuichi turned toward him and opened his mouth, Kokichi interrupted him by speaking fast.

“They gave me tons of homework to do, Kazuichi is always fun but now I’m very late on schedule, I’m off to the other room, see you when it’s time to sleep Shuichi!” he turned and basically ran away.

Not fast enough to avoid seeing his disappointed face.

He shut the door with a silent sigh, releasing some tension away. Normally Shuichi never bothered him while he was on his laptop, respecting his privacy. Kokichi wasn’t exactly doing anything that needed privacy, but he was very grateful that Shuichi felt that way. He would often use the laptop as an excuse to isolate himself; sometimes he wasn’t even on the laptop at all, just taking a break. Today was not one of these days though; he had an actual appointment to keep.

He turned the laptop on and typed his password, leavemealonethanks, unlocking his desktop. He smirked for the hundredth time thinking about his password, he loved it. Even if one day Shuichi was to try and guess the password to snoop, there was no way he was getting this. He would try stuff like DICE or maybe something cheesy like his own birthday, thinking that maybe Kokichi was the type to use his loved one’s birthday as a password. Nope. And even in the real remote eventuality he could find it, at the very least it should make him feel bad for snooping, after all it could be seen as a double meaning sentence.

Kokichi double-clicked on his chatting program, opening the page. As expected he was already there waiting.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Hi, you there?_

It was sent more than thirty minutes ago. Kokichi was pretty late but it couldn’t be helped.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Hi! Sorry, a friend stopped by and he remained for dinner, so have you finished the main campaign yet?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, starting from now you can expect this to update every week, same day same hour.  
> I don't have anything special to say besides that I hope you'll enjoy it.  
> See you next week! :)


	3. Online pal

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Yeah, I finished it in the afternoon! You were right, it’s good, but the ending is a bit stupid… It’s anticlimactic but not in the way that makes it cool or original… It’s just dumb, like they misplaced some of the explanations and instead of putting them into the story, they added it at the end like an afterthought. It should’ve ended with like… a scene of two earlier._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Yup, I just don’t understand why they kept the ending going with a detail that’s only vaguely interesting, added more confusion, and then stopped without leaving with a real thought-inducing sentence or something. Even if you don’t plan a sequel, at least try to leave something that makes people keep going with the story in their heads._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _So no sequel?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No, there isn’t one planned either. At least not for now, but the game is four years old, so I don’t think it will suddenly have a spike in popularity._

 **Iliveintheinternet** : _I see. Well, this is it then, thank you for introducing it to me! I enjoyed the gameplay for sure._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No prob. It’s always a pleasure, my boyfriend is not so interested in games, he is always studying or doing adult stuff, I get bored if no one ever plays with me._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Well, except for school I have a lot of free time, so I don’t really mind. I mean, I enjoy games, but I never really look into the best ones or anything. You have good taste so I can trust you. Have you tried that one Visual Novel I told you about?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No, not yet. I have seen the price and… well, I can’t afford it right now, I’ll buy it later. And I have to go to school now anyway, so I don’t have the same amount of time I had earlier._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Oh really? Weren’t you the one that said that school was stupid?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Yeah, I am. It’s not me you have to tell that to, tell my boyfriend._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Your boyfriend is forcing you to go to school? How does that work?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _He sometimes loves to role-play as my mother._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Why does he want you to go to school? I mean, I don’t know your age, are you still in compulsory school or does he wants you to take a specialization?_

Kokichi paused, unsure of what to answer to this. _Iliveintheinternet_ was a wonderful, completely unaware of everything, online friend. He had absolutely no idea of who this ‘ _Halfeatenpurplelollipop’_ was and it was the best thing in life. Kokichi was role-playing as a completely normal, if a bit obsessed with games, teenager boy and he loved it. With him, he could have a very fresh and relaxing conversation about pretty much everything. With the people outside of his apartment Kokichi could not speak freely, because they were either fans or haters. And even if they weren’t, he couldn’t trust any of them. With the people who ever entered his apartment, Shuichi and his old friends, he had to keep up appearances. He had to be a boyfriend, a friend and a leader. He had his own persona that everyone was expecting to see. His friends from V2 were often stopping by to ask for advice and Kokichi always felt uncomfortable about it. Yes, his talent was exactly that, but… what kind of advice could he even give if he was barely putting his nose out of his door? Most of the time he would just pull something out of his ass that seemed vaguely relevant and helpful. He could not give advice about school, friendship, how to deal with popularity, love or work. Really, why were they asking him? Luckily he was a good listener and a good flexible thinker so it wasn’t impossible to try and find good advice.

But with _Iliveintheinternet_  everything was different. He had no idea who he was talking to so he was treating him like a friend, and sometimes a mentor when Kokichi would suggest a new game. The only thing they knew about each other was that they were both males. Well, he could have lied about that, but Kokichi could not really see why. Now, the problem with the question that he just asked was the fact that it was an implicit question for his age. Yes, probably it was not asked with bad intentions, maybe he just wanted to understand him better and nothing else. But still, he was his only outlet, his only hope to have a normal, non-stressful conversation. He wasn’t going to offer any kind of personal information, ever. He didn’t want to make any kind of mistake that would make him realize who he was talking to. Furthermore, he didn’t want him to even think about meeting him in person. Absolutely not. So he was not willing to receive information either.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Nah, I’m not in compulsory, but he thinks I’m too smart to stop and he wants me to have more friends. I already have too many friends, geez._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Ah, I see. Well, he really just wants the best for you then, why do you hate school that much?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Because it’s full of stupid people?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I’m going to school too you know, it’s not only stupid people, unless you think I’m stupid as well :P_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Nah, you are cool. The problem is the percentage of cool people and stupid people. Anyway, I won’t have that much time anymore, at least I will spend half my day outside now. It’s a pain <.< _

**Iliveintheinternet:** _It’s fine, don’t worry. I kinda piled up some homework as well, not that I regret anything! So, are we doing some multiplayer or are you busy?_

Kokichi let out a mental sigh of relief when he realized that finally real-life-talk had ended and he could start talking about games again. It was so nice to have something to discuss that had nothing to do with him at all. Next, they spent two hours playing an online MMO together. It was past midnight when Shuichi knocked on his door asking if he was done yet. Kokichi had a little moment of guilt, Shuichi surely had remained awake until then because he was waiting for him, Shuichi loved to sleep too much to sleep only six hours of his own accord. He wished goodnight to _Iliveintheinternet_. One thing was escaping; another was being intentionally mean to Shuichi for no reason.

He turned off the laptop and left the room, joining Shuichi in the bedroom. He was already in his pajamas, it was October and the temperature was slowly lowering so now he was wearing long sleeves again. It was a relief; during the summer wearing shorts in bed was making him feel even more uncomfortable with himself. Was it normal to not attempt to try anything in bed after seeing so much of your boyfriend’s skin? Kokichi didn’t know; the constant doubts were making him constantly unhappy.

“Hey, hi. We have barely talked at all today.” Shuichi smiled a little when he noticed him.

It was not a recrimination of any kind, Kokichi knew it, but he felt irritated all the same, because he knew he was right and knowing that Kokichi was avoiding him on purpose was not helping. He was torn in half between what he needed and what he wanted.

“Yeah well, I’m a busy man now! I have school, where I’m already a celebrity of course, where you forced me to go, I want to remind you.” Shuichi rolled his eyes a little; he was convinced that it was impossible for him to force Kokichi to do anything. What Shuichi had yet to realize was that Kokichi, for as much as he hated being manipulated and forced, had a strong sense of duty. He had taken this duty, to make Shuichi happy, so of course Shuichi could force him into doing stuff. But it was a blessing in disguise that he had not realized yet, he realizing would lead to even more problems. “And I had prior appointments already scheduled, so now I’m twice as busy as before. Maybe we should call off this whole school idea, yes?” he wasn’t really hoping it, but no harm in trying.

“Nice try, I think I can handle not talking to you as often. I was just a little disappointed because tomorrow Kaito and Harukawa are coming, so we won’t be able to talk tomorrow as well. But that’s fine, there is always the day after and so on, we live together, I’m sure we can find a moment.”

Kokichi’s morale fell directly to the floor, down the three floors below and into the ground. Oh no, how could he forget, Thursday was the parents-in-law day. Of course, by parents-in-law he meant Haru-chan and Momo-chan. His favorite people in the whole, wide world. They were stopping by every week, to make sure that Kokichi was not abusing poor little lamb Shuichi. If anything, it was the opposite; he was the one being dragged out of the house when he just wanted to be left alone. Shuichi probably read something in his expression.

“C’mon, are you still so annoyed by them? I mean yeah, they are not perfect and sometimes they poke their noses where it doesn’t belong, but asides from that, they are not that bad.”

“Right right, I’m very eager to see your parents, don’t worry wife, I’ll be a good kid with them.” Kokichi started to change into his own pajamas.

“Last time you said that you put licorice powder into Harukawa’s milk tea.”

“Yeah, and it was amazing.” Kokichi grinned widely jumping into bed.

Shuichi shook his head a little, joining him under the blanket. Kokichi tensed a little when Shuichi scooted a bit closer to place a kiss on his cheek. He hated the fact that every time Shuichi was trying to do some cute gesture Kokichi’s mind would immediately run to the deep end. His imagination was not helping in this situation. He decided to compensate by gifting Shuichi with a little snuggle of his own. They turned off the light and exchanged goodnights.

When he woke up, he couldn’t remember what dream he had, but he was sure he had a dream of some kind. Once again, the other side of the bed was empty. He pressed his face in the pillow, hiding a deep sigh in it. Another shitty day ahead. He got up and changed before Shuichi could come and ask him to wake up again, for the fourth day in a row. When he reached the kitchen, Shuichi was still sipping his tea.

“Oh, good morning. Getting used to waking up on time?”

Yeah, right. Sure. As if. He stole one of Shuichi’s cookies and chewed on it. He wasn’t in the mood for jokes, so he used that excuse to avoid talking. Shuichi returned to his breakfast while he was searching for something sweet to eat. He always changed breakfast food, going back to old ones only after a week, and he was choosing all the junky sweet food he could find, just to make a statement. He wanted to see how long would it take for Shuichi to start lecturing him about his eating habit as well. For now, he was minding his business, but he had noticed a disapproving glance more than once already. He gave him one of those today as well, while Kokichi was unwrapping his cheap and probably really poor quality plumcake. Kokichi immediately got on the defense when he saw Shuichi’s mouth twitching, but relaxed again when he just got up without saying anything to wash his cap in the sink.

They both finished their preparations in silence and separated again at the front door. This time, Kokichi didn’t even ask himself what he wanted to do. But he thought it could be a good idea to start searching for where the designated place to chill after school would be. He would probably keep getting a detention after the lessons end, but just in case, he wanted a neutral place where he could be alone.

Kokichi’s chosen school was not really famous, not particularly advertised as a good school and it was situated almost on the outskirts of the city. For this reason, once he got past the immediate surroundings of the apartment, he was walking into a more quiet and solitary area, with fewer restaurants and cafés, only closed shops at this time of the day. It was nice, but not what he needed. He wanted a hiding spot, something like an abandoned backyard, maybe. He was risking ending up lost, but he started to take a lot of narrower paths and snooped around the ‘not for the public’ areas. He found some little places here and there that could fit his needs, but being overly cautious as he was, he didn’t decide on any of them. There was always an indication that this place had been visited in the last six months, and any day could be the day the owner would come back.

He finally found his haven after a good twenty minutes. It was an abandoned factory, it was impossible to understand what was made in this place in its time, but it didn’t really matter. It was probably not really safe, as the ceiling had really big holes in it, with the climbing plants crawling through it. It was full of trash. Clearly, someone else had already used it as a secret base, but Kokichi didn’t stop at the first, easily accessible floor. He sneaked through a hole in the wall and up a pile of rubble coming from the collapsed ceiling and found three completely empty rooms upstairs. Sure, it was dangerous, the ceiling could probably collapse any moment, but it was indeed a very good hiding spot. He needed to bring some manga, some junk food and a couple blankets to place on the floor, so he would not get completely dirty, and he had his new secret Lab.

He left in a hurry and ran to the school, feeling a little better with himself. He was more than forty minutes late; his homeroom teacher was going to roast him hard today.

“Ouma-san. It’s nice to see you took my words at heart.”

“Ah, I’m very sorry! Today I was—“ she interrupted him before he could fire his lie, something about a lost cat.

“Please take your place in silence. You have detention later.” she returned immediately to her lesson.

Kokichi cheered internally, maybe, if he was lucky, he could arrive home when the parents-in-law were already gone. He sat down at his usual place, near the fangirl that was still sending him looks from time to time. Kokichi wondered if she had already told everyone about the fact that she was sitting next to him. This was already the third day. Starting from today, Kokichi was excepting trouble.

Near the complex where he used to live with Shuichi, immediately after V3, there was a little convenience store where they would go and replenish their supplies. The first two days, after Kokichi started to feel healthy enough to go out together with Shuichi, they had been able to do shopping freely, but then the problems started. Someone had leaked the fact that they would usually do shopping there and they started to encounter many people who were going there only to get an autograph or to meet them in person. Until then, they had been safe because the complex had a 24h security system that kept everyone away, even though the majority of people knew it was the where the kids from the show lived. The immediate surroundings of the buildings were always clean and that had gave them the wrong impression. Shuichi, with black hair and eyes, was not as noticeable as Kokichi and so his presence made it impossible for Shuichi to do anything he was previously doing. Shuichi had been able to do shopping and walk around the streets normally, only a very small percentage could recognize him, but with Kokichi coming along, everything became pretty much impossible.

The streets and shops nearby became all like traps, and once they actually were caught. Kokichi at the time had no idea how quickly mass movements could become dangerous, so when he grabbed Shuichi to drag him away from the fans and go back home, he didn’t predict the fact that they would get followed by what soon became an angry mob. They had been extremely lucky that the police had a patrol car parked three streets from there and they asked for shelter in their car. They drove them away and then back home, but later they got a harsh scolding for having created an obstruction to public peace. At that, Kokichi asked them if they were supposed to remain trapped into their apartment forever or get cosmetic surgery to change their faces. The police officers were not amused, but they didn’t do anything, because of who they were. After that incident, Kokichi started to go outside less and less, he tried to make it not so obvious, but Shuichi probably had caught on to what he was doing. But there was no mistaking it, Shuichi was a lot less recognizable than him. At some point, Kokichi pondered if cutting his hair short and not dying it purple anymore would solve the problem, but then he asked himself why he had to be the one to make a sacrifice for these idiots down the street. There wasn’t a single good reason.

Kokichi wondered how much time he had left before this school was going to get flooded with unwelcomed visitors. Sure, when he signed up for classes they told him they would take care of the problem themselves. How, Kokichi still had no idea. He was ready to flee if he needed to, and he refused to feel responsible for any damage for people or things his presence would cause.  It really was none of his business anymore.

The break arrived sooner that Kokichi would have liked it. Maybe he had lost himself in his thoughts a little too long. He didn’t prepare a plan for today, what should he do, leave his things there and snoop around or remaining there and guard his stuff? Going around bringing everything with him was not only inconvenient, it was quite silly as well; the others would notice him and be even more weirded out by him. Not that he was worried about that in the slightest; it was just that this way, people who enjoyed stealing his stuff would become more annoyed. He was okay with these weak forms of bullying, but he could not afford to get them more on the offensive. He was physically weak, a punch was enough to send him to the infirmary. And he didn’t want to deal with the pain. He had nothing he was fond of in his backpack, he wasn’t even bringing money out of the house and his cell phone was in the pocket of his uniform. He decided he’d rather have his stuff stolen than to remain in there and risk attracting people of other classes coming and bothering him. His ‘classmates’ were already getting distant from him, a little unsettled by his strange behavior, realizing that he was not going to play by anyone’s rules. But the people in the other classrooms had not had the occasion to see him in action, and by now surely the news had spread all over the school. He had asked to keep his enrollment a secret with the other students before coming to school, but now the cat was out of the bag for sure.

He explored the school, trying to avoid all the popular and packed places like the grounds, the courtyard and the food shop. Obviously he encountered a lot of people that were going left and right, but he avoided them easily, as soon as he heard them exhale in realization, he would start to walk faster and disappear behind a corner of sort. He had discovered through manga, anime and games that the ‘classic sport for secret encounters and peace’ was the rooftop. He tried to check it out to see if the cliché was true or not, but of course there were at least three couples up there and a group of five farther away. Definitely not a good spot for him to eat. He descended the stairs and searched for somewhere else.

As he was descending the stairs of the second floor, trying for the first floor next, he was approached by two guys that were way taller than him. The two called him by name, like he was their friend or something, a thing he disliked immensely, and asked for an autograph. Kokichi hesitated a moment, he didn’t want to start giving autographs around, that would become known around the school and in no time everyone would want one. But at the same time, the two had blocked the path down and were towering over him by a head and half. Anxiety settled down inside Kokichi’s stomach, he hardly could say no to these two if they were to insist. He really didn’t want to admit defeat however.

“You got the wrong person, bye.”

He turned and climbed the stairs in a hurry, yeah, that probably counted as a defeat as well, but he really wanted to get away from harm’s way. He ran to the other set of stairs, on the other side of the building. He didn’t care if he was caught breaking a rule, he already had detention anyway. He took a look behind, but luckily the two were not following him, well that was likely from the start, but still he feared it. Why was it so difficult now? In the Neo World Program, he never ever feared Momo-chan or Gonta, now any person taller than him was enough to make him think all the worst possibilities. The break was almost over when he found a relatively solitary place, it was the stairs leading to the emergency exit for the science lab. He didn’t touch the door because probably some fire alarm would start ringing, but he could sit next to it and eat his sandwich.

Or at least he tried.

He identified the black liquid that was dropped on him thanks to the sweet smell. Coke.

Someone took the trouble of buying a coke and dropping it on top of him from the stairs above.  That took dedication for sure. Kokichi got up and tried to quantify the damage, the results were not good. He needed a change of clothes and to take a shower. He definitely could not return in the classroom like that. There was a limit of how pathetic he was willing to let himself become. It was actually a huge problem. Kokichi asked, no, pretended, during the enrolment to be dispensed from P.E. He didn’t want anything to do with changing rooms of any kind, male or female alike. He had nightmares only thinking about how exposed he would be in these situations. No way in hell was he changing at school. For this reason, he didn’t have a change of clothes or a P.E. uniform.

Nice, they had struck him on his Achilles heel. Wonderful.

What now?


	4. Effort

Kokichi was fuming when he finally reached the teacher lounge to ask for help.

This was humiliating to say the least, but stealing someone else’s spare uniform was not the right solution to this problem. A benefit of calling for help was the fact that he could get a guard while he was changing. Sure, trust no one, but a teacher trying to harass a student was a bit too much. Especially, one like him who was constantly the topic on everyone’s mouth. He could trust an adult to at least smell the danger from far away. Kids were much more reckless and unpredictable.

“Ouma-san, what’s the meaning of this?” his homeroom teacher was there with some of her colleagues.

“I dunno, I guess a ghost was tired of searching the trash can.” he answered with sarcasm.

Seriously, what she thought had happened? That he was so clumsy to just drop a whole coke on his own face? She sighed.

“Ouma-san, I know that your life is not easy. But it’s not by being so unruly yourself that you will be able to break free from misery. Loving yourself is the first step; only then others can love you and respect you. And even if others will never do so, at the very least you will have yourself. Start by finding your own stability, then work your way from there.”

Yeah, yeah, all very true and right, all very annoying. He just wanted a spare uniform and a shower. She sighed again and got up from her chair, her colleagues were observing the situation with quite a bit of interest.

“I don’t have a spare uniform for you, Ouma-san. You are quite small. Your size is not the one we have spares of. But I have a spare set of gym clothes in your size. What do you prefer, a larger normal uniform or a gym one?” she asked opening a closet nearby.

So the choice was to either wear the white uniform in a sea of black and stick out like a sore thumb or to wear a big one and look like a little lost kid. Both were amazing choices…. Could he go home yet?

He chose the larger uniform and followed the teacher to the gym. She asked the P.E. teacher to take care of him before walking away, the break was basically over. The P.E. teacher looked at a loss of what to do, the class he was supposed to teach was already arriving, so Kokichi could not have the changing room all to himself. He refused firmly to go in with the class that had already spotted him and was murmuring loudly. Kokichi sat down in a corner, waiting for them all to get changed and leave the changing room. He didn’t care if he was going to miss his own lecture, the opposite, the later the better.

When finally he started to wash off the coke in his hair with warm water, he felt a lot better. The sticky coke all over his hair and body was absolutely terrible, not to mention the sweet smell that made his hunger evaporate. He took his sweet time, cleaning every part twice just to be sure and combing his hair with his hand. With the smell gone, the hunger returned, but he had thrown away his ruined sandwich and now the store of the school was closed. For the first time, he regretted having gotten detention. He wanted to leave school sooner to go home, change properly and eat a decent meal. He dried off using the school towel; Kokichi had to try hard to contain a disgusted expression thinking about all the bodies these things could have touched. Then he dried off his hair with the cheap hairdryer from the school until they looked lively again. His ‘new’ uniform was as big as he feared; both the sleeves and the legs were hanging off him by at least three inches.

Once he was mostly presentable, he left the gym before a flock of smelly adolescents could invade the changing room. He entered his classroom once the lesson was almost finished and while the teacher didn’t mention anything, his ‘classmates’ surely were staring hard at him. When the lecture ended, he even noticed that one of them in the back stole a photo of him with his smartphone. Great, just what he needed. The ‘wearing your boyfriend’s clothes the next morning’ look all over the internet. He was pretty sure he already saw five or six fanart on that precise theme, with Shuichi’s shirt of course. Now they could get the ‘Shuichi’s uniform’ variation. Lovely.

His homeroom teacher was waiting for him in the teacher lounge, a replay of the day before. This time she didn’t start lecturing him, she only observed him in silence for a moment. What, was she losing her hopes on him already? She still didn’t say anything as she guided him to the same place as the previous day. Kokichi refused to speak himself, this day started shitty, was continuing to be shitty, and it was going to become even shittier later. He was so thrilled at the thought of going back home and letting the two of them, no, the three of them, see him like this. He really regretted the detention, even more when cramps of hunger started to bite him down hard. At some point, his stomach started to make embarrassing noises all on its own accord, attracting the teacher’s attention. She looked at him and then returned to what she was doing. Wow, so starving kids was common practice around here?

To be fair, she let him go much sooner than the previous day.

Kokichi ran all the way to his apartment at max speed, it was not much that he couldn’t wait to go back home, as that fierce hunger was eating away at him. He couldn’t stop to eat anywhere else, he didn’t have money with him and this was the special time of the day when most people were getting off work. The streets were crowded and noisy and he wanted to change off this stupid uniform. He had his key ready in hand even as he was climbing the stairs, two steps at a time.

Home sweet home. Except visitors, of course.

“Kokichi, welcome bac—“ Shuichi noticed instantly. Inside or outside the Neo World Program, he still had too much observation skill. “What happened to your uniform?”

Well, to be fair Kokichi had a huge paper bag with his dirty uniform in it. Maybe the observation skill was not at a fault here. But Kokichi was ready, he had a lot of time in detention to think about a good excuse. One that would make him happy even.

“I found a club that I like! It’s a science experimental thingy. We make shit explode! It rules!” he showed the bag better. “Look, we exploded a ton!”

Shuichi’s inquisitor look turned into one of indulgence, as if he was looking at a little kid doing something very silly.

“Is that so? Is that club even official?”

“Don’t ruin my fun!” he pouted in an exaggerated way. “I’m going to change.” he intercepted the stares of the parents-in-law. “Hi!” he did his best to sound as obnoxious as he could, waving a hand as well to maximize the effect.  

He didn’t wait for them to answer, he just ran away in the bedroom so he could change into his casual clothes. Once he was safely hidden behind a door, he took a deep breath. He could do it, he had already dealt with them many times before, and there was nothing to be stressed about. He could deal with Momo-chan and Haru-chan any day. He could do it.

When he returned to the living room, the three of them were conversing in front of a cup of tea like most of the times. Haru-chan and Shuichi were more comfortable this way. Kokichi found it extremely boring; it was something only old people would do. He wanted to eat chips and play some music.

“So, how is your job Harukawa-san?” asked Shuichi, like all the damn times. “Are you getting used to it?”

“It’s nothing too bad really,” she answered, _like always._ “It’s quite boring actually. And Nekomaru is too loud. How are your studies?”

“They are going well, I finally caught up with the rest of the class and my grades are getting better.” would be rude of Kokichi if he started to yawn, it would, wouldn’t it? “The teacher said there shouldn’t be any problem with my final exam.”

Gosh, they weren’t even twenty and they were already dead inside. Shuichi was at his worst with these two around. Sitting there stiffly as if he was having a job interview.

“I see, I wish I could say the same for Kaito, he is slacking off.” she sent her boyfriend a glance and he started to make excuses for himself.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kokichi interrupted him, “the family is all well, I paid the bills, the garden is overgrowing again, the goldfish is looking sadder than usual, the TV is not what it used to be and there is a storm incoming next week. Does this cover for all of the topics you old geezers want to talk about?”

They all stared at him, giving him _the look._

“We don’t have a garden, nor a goldfish, and you don’t look TV.” Shuichi said.

“Yeah!” Kokichi nodded two times. “But it’s all the same, when you reach this age, as long as you say these things the conversation always goes well, right?”

“What age?” Momo-chan sighed.

“The age of retirement! Have you already paid for the coffin? It’s best to start planning these things in advance, you know? You never know when you are going to get a heart attack. I would advise you two to be more careful in bed. One of the biggest causes of elderly death is by being reckless during sex.”

Kokichi could see Haru-chan hold back a ‘do you wanna die?’ with all her strength. Her teacup made a strange sound. Shuichi quickly stood up and asked Kokichi to help him make some fresh tea. Kokichi followed him, but only because he could steal something from the kitchen this way.

“Kokichi, what did you say just yesterday? About being a good kid?”

“What, I was offering some advice out of honest concern; do you doubt my good intentions?” Kokichi searched for something quick and easy to eat.

“Yeah. I do. Seriously, try a little harder.” he observed him as she started to unwrap another cheap plumcake.

“Then you try a little harder to not make me die of bored, seriously!” he ate it in one big bite.

“You know that talking to them is a little awkward.” Shuichi shrugged.

“After six months?”

Shuichi’s not-so-happy expression was the only answer he got. He was being a little mean, prodding at this wound, but really. _It had been six months._ They still had no idea how to handle each other. Kokichi hated the stale relationship they had. Friendship was supposed to be something that made you feel freer, not more caged into yourself. Well, not that Kokichi had anything like that at all; it was more like a utopia, a dream.

“You shouldn’t eat this that stuff anyway, it’s not good for you.” Shuichi changed the subject swiftly.

Ahh, there it was. Kokichi was waiting for this. He had no doubt it was coming sooner or later, of course he chose to bring this up when he was being cornered, to counterattack. Smart but sneaky move.

“Yes mom, do you have a diet already planned for me that I should follow or do you need a couple days to plan it out? I can wait.” Kokichi licked his fingers, one by one.

Shuichi sighed rolling his eyes and prepared his tea. Kokichi took advantage of that moment to grab something else from the fridge, a chocolate ice cream. They returned together to the living room after the tea was ready and Kokichi used the ice cream as an excuse to remain silent. This day could not finish any sooner.

The only interesting part of the two hours long conversation of agony for Kokichi that followed, was about Nagito. His interested perked up when Haru-chan said that Nagito’s first trial date had just been decided. He was not considered a criminal anymore, he was going into the trial as a ‘person informed of the facts’. Kokichi was impressed by him, he had been able to convince a huge portion of the procurators working on the case hearing about his version of facts. Nagito admitted to the crime of messing with the Neo World Program, but he declared himself innocent in all other aspects and he had been believed. It was pretty much certain that he had to serve two years of house arrest, the verdict was going to be announced in the next trial, but he had been released from prison already. Kokichi had not been able to see him yet because Nagito was currently inside a special facility where no one could meet him, to protect him from any influence from the Danganronpa brand. Nagito’s father, Chief Towa, had used his influence to avoid jail for now. He was going to remain a free man until the judge would declare him guilty. He had been able to reject the accusation from having the power to destroy further evidence.

The line of illegality for the whole deal was quite finicky anyway. Mukuro Ikusaba’s death was a pretty clear crime, but there was no rule against manipulating people’s memories for commercial reasons. Not all the commercialized versions of Virtual Reality had the option to manipulate memories, at least not directly. It had been proved that some companies were using their technology to convince people to buy particular products or had used the connection to their mind to steal personal information. But this was another matter entirely.

The Neo World Program was categorized as a ‘medical procedure’ so they had _permission_ to do what they wanted with their minds. Which was absolutely crazy in Kokichi’s opinion. In theory, the only limit they had was to ‘make sure to respect their clients’ wishes’. That was the reason why they were recording the interviews; to have proof that they were _helping_ their clients. Chief Towa destroyed the old videos, claiming they had been damaged, he only kept intact the V2 and V3 videos. The reason was easy to understand, Chiaki had made sure to grant their every wish, so they would not find any proof of guilt there, and V3 was too recent, they had to hand over these ones.

Kokichi’s insides were twisting thinking that strangers were viewing his video. No, Takumi’s video. The video of who he had been. He didn’t want to know anything, he was still refusing to learn anything about Takumi’s life, and he didn’t want anyone else to see it either.

Takumi was dead. _Dead. DEAD._

Haru-chan said that Nagito was going to go back to his apartment after the first trial, so he could start his house arrest. They could visit him after that day. The trial was a month away. Kokichi was actually looking forward to see that crafty bastard again.

The two parents-in-law left a bit after dinner, at least they had the decency to help with the dishes, contrary to Kazuichi. After the door was closed, Shuichi sighed deeply, like he had just passed a very difficult test. Kokichi really could not understand this way of living. He had been the one to encourage him to keep this relationship with them, but it wasn’t healing. Kokichi wasn’t sure if the fault laid on their side or Haru-chan and Momo-chan’s side, or partially on both, but something clearly went wrong somewhere. Shuichi shouldn’t force himself, but then again he was not one to talk. But maybe he could ask, communication was the foundation of a healthy relationship, right? He almost laughed as he was thinking that.

“Enlighten me. Why are you still meeting them so often if you don’t enjoy it?” he placed his hands behind his head.

Shuichi sent him a serious look.

“Because there is something called ‘putting effort into things’. Relationships can’t be always fun and giggles, sometimes you have to put time and effort into it, to help it get stronger and better. You can’t always talk about fun things, you have to take reality into consideration as well.”

Kokichi immediately opened his mouth to ask ‘but is it really worth the effort if it doesn’t make you happy in the first place?’ but then he stopped. That was… no, better not take that direction for everyone’s sake. So he chose a different one.

“And there is something called ‘having so little to discuss that the only things you can really share are boring facts’. That’s a thing too, you know?”

Shuichi frowned a little. Kokichi felt the tension in the room rising a little too much, that had not been his intention at all, he didn’t want to fight with him, he just wanted Shuichi to be… more lively, happier. The more Shuichi was stressed and acting like an adult, the more the two were growing apart. He liked the Shuichi that still needed him better, not the one that was managing both their lives like he was a personal trainer. And all this talk about effort and stuff… they were still teenagers, basically kids, he wasn’t a middle-age man trying to make a loveless marriage work for heaven’s sake. Yes, maybe Kokichi was being childish, the only thing he liked to discuss being games and all that, but at least he was happy while doing so.

“Look, I wasn’t—“ he let his arms fall.

“Sorry. I know.” Shuichi interrupted him. “You are just looking out for me in your own way, right?” he smiled. “Thanks, but you could stand to be a little more diplomatic. I understand what you are trying to say. I miss the times where we were doing push-ups in the grass as well.” he paused a moment, probably recollecting past events. “I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had any time to pick up a hobby or something, so I don’t know what else to talk about. I’ll try a little harder.”

Trying harder was pretty much the exact opposite of what Kokichi just told him to do. He sighed mentally; well at least he had decided to pick up a hobby or something like that. Hopefully, that was going to be something fun, not another chore on his list of things to do. Shuichi took a step and closed the distance, hugging him. Kokichi left himself being hug and caressed his back a little.

“It’s late, I think we should go to bed now, tomorrow is another school day. I know what I said yesterday, but I really wish we had more time together. Sunday, we could do something together, what do you think?”

Kokichi felt a spark of excitement, but it quickly died down. He meant in the house, right? Not outside, he couldn’t mean outside. Outside was a warzone. He had to mean inside for sure. Then his excitement was replaced by worry, but he squashed it quickly. Ridiculous, he shouldn’t start to get anxiety two days in advance at the thought that his boyfriend may want to flirt with him and maybe go further. He probably didn’t even mean it that way, but even if it was perfectly normal. What’s so strange about a seventeen years old guy wanting to… have sex… with his boyfriend. A boyfriend that was living and sleeping together with him every night. Nothing strange at all.

The opposite was strange, actually.

What was he going to do if he really meant it like this? He didn’t want to think about it.

They went to bed together, and hugged until they fell asleep. That night he didn’t have a meeting with _Iliveintheinternet_ in particular and he didn’t feel the need to check if he was online. He was pretty tired and after almost having a fight, Shuichi was always at his sweetest. Maybe this shitty day was actually ending on a positive note.


	5. Fear

Kokichi woke up with a strange sensation, like he had just escaped from a nightmare.

He didn’t remember any nightmare though, only a very foggy dream. It was probably his anxiety getting to him, Kokichi was getting used to these sudden and senseless attacks of anxiety every once in a while. They were coming and going within a few minutes, nothing to be worried about, he had been careful not to let it show at all. He was absolutely sure that Shuichi didn’t know and he definitely didn’t want him to know. On the other hand, sometimes the aftermath would last a while, causing him to be more nervous and easily irritable through the entire day. On these occasions he would often snap without even realizing it, which was pretty bad. Once he had snapped at Shuichi and he was mortified for a whole hour, but not as much as Kokichi had been ashamed of himself.

He still wanted to hide behind a rock thinking back to that day.

Now he was suffering from the same aftermath and the worst thing was he now had school. He was already nervous and in a bad mood normally, what was going to happen today? What if he was to snap at someone outside of the house and create a disaster? He could already see the newspaper titles ‘Ouma Kokichi yells at his classmates in school’. Could he fake some illness at the last minute? Maybe he could draw some red spots on himself and pass them off as rubella. He could feel his anxiety level increasing and grasping his throat.

_He hated it, he hated it, he hated it, he hated it, he hated it._

He had not defeated a Killing Game to become nervous at the prospect of meeting a bunch of kids at a stupid school.

“Kokichi, are you up yet? It’s getting late!” Shuichi’s shout came probably from the kitchen.

How nice, he had been able to break the combo for one day and now he was right back into it. He got up and hid into the bathroom, taking his time washing and changing so he was more presentable. When he finally left, Shuichi was restless, already at the door and ready.

“Kokichi it’s very late today! Why were you taking so long in the bathroom, now you can’t have breakfast!”

Oh, hell no, Kokichi was not leaving without his breakfast.

“You don’t have to wait for me, just go.”

“But your school is further away than mine, how can you arrive in time if you eat now? We’re already late.”

Kokichi had a flash of intense irritation, but he shoved it away. Thinking fast, he realized the easiest way to get the best of both worlds.

“Alright, I guess I’ll starve, let’s go then.”

Shuichi ignored his comment about starvation and opened the door, already in his school mindset. Kokichi grabbed his backpack and followed him with much less enthusiasm. Shuichi turned in the street to kiss him quickly on the cheek and started to run. Kokichi walked two or three steps, and then he turned and climbed the stairs back to the apartment. Since Kokichi didn’t care about tardiness, why even bother? He could eat and still go to school, he could even start to grab some stuff to bring to his secret Lab. Yep, it was genius!

Kokichi took his sweet time, eating his biscuits and jam and packing more snacks into his backpack. He then debated if he could grab one of the spare blankets but decided against it. Shuichi didn’t care about his snacks, but he surely was going to notice that the blanket was not there anymore the next time he was making the bed. He left the apartment again, but not before checking if yesterday evening _Iliveintheinternet_ had left him a message, and searched for a nearby home interior store. He grabbed a blanket, with a cat printed on it, and hurried to pay before someone could notice him. Probably some bored housewife. The cashier immediately recognized him, but he pushed the thing towards her and handed her a bill, she didn’t have time to say anything. She was momentarily torn between her professionalism and her personal interest, but in the end, she typed the receipt and gave him the change. He ran away as soon as she opened her mouth. She probably just wanted to say ‘thanks for your patronage’ or something like that, but one could never be too careful.

Now that he was fully equipped, he infiltrated the abandoned factory and started to prepare his new nest. It was going to get pretty chilly in winter, considering the windows had cracks in the glass and icy gusts of wind were coming in from there. He took a second look around, searching for a possibly better protected corner when he noticed an electric cable. The cable was cut, but it had to be plugged into an electric front of some sort. He followed the cable to the other room and found what he was looking for, now if only he could make sure that electricity was still a thing in this place… Probably not, but it was worth a try. He was going to bring his phone charger the next day.

He was an hour and a half late to school. Amazing, he was almost replicating the record of the first day. Biology was ending in fifteen minutes; today he was not going to get his scolding directly from his homeroom teacher. It was good, because then he was more likely to come out clean, but he was almost disappointed. He was going to get detention with someone else today.

Kokichi’s bad vibe he was getting from this day started to concretize as he discovered that the lesson he arrived late to, following homeroom, was P.E. He was dispensed, sure, but the problem was that he had to serve detention with him now, as he made sure to point out. Kokichi could already imagine what kind of detention a P.E. teacher could give him. He would prefer rearranging documents in alphabetical order compared to cleaning up the gym any day. He sat in a corner for two hours, on the cold floor. It was difficult to ignore the glances that all his ‘classmates’ were sending him now and then. Kokichi wondered if they really though he would take P.E. with them. And make himself an easy target? Fat chance.

Immediately after P.E. was the break, so Kokichi didn’t wait for his ‘classmates’ to leave the changing room, he immediately left as soon as the bell rang. Today, Kokichi’s lunch was onigiri from the convenience store and he ate them in the classroom in a hurry. The others arrived one after the other, but none of them approached him, they were just staring at him from afar, like he was an animal in a zoo. It wasn’t like today was worse than the other days, more like now he was tired and irritated, so he was tolerating them even less. He was tapping his finger on his thigh repeatedly, trying to release some of the tension he was feeling. He wanted to run or scream as he had a flux of nervous energy running right under his skin. Just sitting at his desk feeling as if he was under a microscope was enough to make him want to bite his lower lip until it bled.

Unfortunately, this feeling didn’t stop even after the lessons as it started again. He was counting in the seconds his head that were separating him from the end. He wasn’t looking forward at all to detention, he just wanted to go back home and play some game with _Iliveintheinternet_. When another paper ball hit his desk, he just swept it on the floor without even picking it up, he really didn’t need this now. The history teacher at some point called him out, to ask him a question, and Kokichi had not paid attention at all. He tried to look at the holographic board to see if there was any hint on what the lesson was about, but it was blank, he tried to look around, maybe to see what page they others were on. All he saw were people staring back at him. When he crossed a glance with the girl next to him, she started to fidget nervously, maybe she wanted to help him but she was too nervous to speak up. Kokichi scolded himself, he shouldn’t let anyone think he needed to rely on them. He looked at the teacher again, trying to find a witty retort in his mind.

His mind was blank. Completely unhelpful.

Time passed and he could not find anything to say to save his life. It had never happened before. _Never._ His mind had never failed him like this. A huge wave of panic enveloped him. What was he doing? There, in that school, there, in that world. What was he doing there? Why he was there? He should… go away. Somewhere. Far away.

The teacher sighed and scolded him weakly, Kokichi didn’t hear a word. He didn’t care about what this person was saying, he cared a lot more about what the hell was wrong with _him._ He was feeling cold, his hands shaking slightly. He gulped, trying to moisten his dry throat, and closed his hands in fists, grabbing the fabric of his pants. This was absurd, so stupid. He just couldn’t find an answer to a question, it was not like this was the end of the world, no one was going to die from it. Hell, he killed people and still felt more lucid and calm than this. This was absolute bullshit.

When the last bell rang, he had already his bag on his shoulder. He ignored the teacher telling him he had not dismissed them yet and ran for the door. He still had detention to attend before going home, or at least away. Far from this building, somewhere where he could be alone. He pondered for a moment about the possibility of leaving without going to detention. It was not like he was going to get killed by a laser the moment he would leave the gates… He _could_ skip it. But the next day he had the last day of school for the week, his homeroom teacher was going to roast him so hard if he dared. What would he do if he was to get himself expelled? Yeah, on paper the idea was great, but what about Shuichi then? He would try to convince him to enroll somewhere else or they would have a big argument, he could feel it coming. No, it was best not to exaggerate; he didn’t want to make it worse for himself.

The P.E. teacher was in the gym, throwing the scattered balls into the basket in a corner, he had very good aim.

“Ouma-san… Help me clean the gym.” he said only this much before going back to his task.

What Kokichi had not realized, a great mistake coming from him, was that the gym was still in use by the clubs. There were a Tennis Club and a Basketball Club, each with half of the gym. Not only that, there were the managers and another teacher that Kokichi had never seen before, mentoring the Tennis Club. The stupid gym was stupidly packed. That was not part of the plan, too many males who were much taller than him in a single room. He could already see how his presence was going to be a distraction for every soul in the area.

His task was to collect the balls, giving the basketballs a quick cleanse with a towel, and move the rest of the equipment around. He was forced to speak with the managers of both clubs to hear which objects he was supposed to bring from the storage room outside and he had to hand over to them directly. Kokichi, who was trying to not talk with anyone, tried to take his task as stoically as possible, but he could not stop himself from noticing the excitement they were showing when they were ordering him around. He felt a lot better when finally they started the actual practice; they had their roles to cover, they could not focus on him anymore. The P.E. teacher gave him a big mop so he could clean the floor. The thing was bigger than he was and he was barely able to maneuver it around. He ignored the female manager of the basketball team when she chuckled seeing him struggle, and he ignored the ball that almost knocked him over. It could’ve been maliciously thrown his way or not, it was impossible to tell since Kokichi was working with his stare fixed on the ground, trying to crop out his surroundings from his mind. When it happened a second time, however, he was about ready to throw the stupid mop at the wall and storm off.

He was aware that he had not done a good job, but he refused to do anything else, he gave the mop back to the teacher telling him he had finished. The teacher looked around, Kokichi could read in his expression what exactly he thought of his work. He could see some black smears from the soles of the gym shoes himself even from a distance. Oh well. Not his problem.

“Alright, bring the mop back in the storage room, you can go after that.”

Kokichi could clearly see that he was being dismissed more out of exhaustion than anything else, but it suit him just fine. Finally he could go back home, he was really done with this day. He took the mop once again and left the gym, his steps lighter. The storage room was nearby, it was full of equipment and supplies, in pure darkness. Kokichi searched for the light switch with his eyes but found nothing, he entered anyway. He saw that the closet for the mop was on the left thanks to the light coming from the door. He was closing the door of the closet when he heard steps from the doorway and he froze on the spot. Why…? They should be still in the gym; no one else should be here right now. He turned and his suspicions were confirmed, they were part of the basketball team, it was three of them all looking sweaty, but full of adrenaline, smiling like they were having a wonderful day.

When they saw him, they stopped in their track, remaining still for a moment. Kokichi was surprised for a second, just enough time to notice that they had not tried to trap him there. It was a coincidence, they didn’t know he was going to be there, they were just chatting between themselves, maybe searching for something during the break of their match. Kokichi calmed himself down as much as he could, it was just a coincidence, they weren’t there for him, he could just walk out and go home. He was fine, he was going to be fine. The three were exchanging looks between themselves, probably trying to read each other’s mind and decide what to do. Kokichi finished closing the door calmly, appearances were very important, and turned slowly, waiting for them to move out of the way.

_Please move out of the way, please._

They didn’t move out of the way. They seemed to have reached some kind of decision and approached him to Kokichi’s dismay.

“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you in person, I’m a huge fan, I watched all episodes, I always voted for you in V3! I loved V2 as well, you and Nagito are an incredible pair, how is he? I read in the news that he was at the center of some investigation?” he extended a hand toward him, maybe to get a handshake. “Can I get an autograph, one for me and for my sister if possible? She is a huge fan as well.”

“Hey, I want an autograph as well! Don’t hog him all to yourself!” another interjected.

Kokichi took a step back reflexively before he could realize what he was doing. He could see it, he was not blind nor stupid, he could see it. They had no bad intentions whatsoever. They were honestly just ignorant children who were hyped about a TV celebrity, they didn’t think anything of it at all. They were not attacking him, they were not trying to scare him. They weren’t even capable of understanding what was really going on there.

“Ah, wait, wait, I know I have some paper somewhere… No? Where is it?” the third one was searching around his pockets. “Crap, I don’t have it anymore, where is it?”

“Man you are useless!” said the second one. “Wait, there should be some around here, like for recording and stuff? I’m sure there is a pen somewhere.”

He walked even closer, completely closing the path to the door. Kokichi saw the light coming from it getting smaller and smaller, the darkness getting more intense. He felt his breath starting to get worked up for no reason. He just needed to ask, he just needed to ask them to let him go. But his voice was not coming out, he was trapped in his own body. His breath became so loud that he could not hear anything else, or maybe his ears had stopped working and he was just imagining his own breath coming out. Kokichi took another step back, unwillingly, and he tripped on a pile of mattresses on the floor behind him. He fell back on his butt. It was so unexpected that he froze in place.

They finally noticed something was wrong with him. They stared at him.

“Are you okay, are you hurt? Is something wrong?”

The first guy grabbed Kokichi’s wrist gently, probably to help pull him up. Kokichi’s panic spiked. He had no reason whatsoever to be scared, they weren’t malicious, they were the kind of stupid naïve fans he had met sometimes. What was wrong with him?

He slapped the hand away.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”

The three guys and he himself were all scared by his shout. _What was wrong with him?!_ He got up out of pure adrenaline and pushed past them, running away. He ran outside and then ran some more until he was out of the school and into the city. He stopped, trying to catch his breath and warm himself from the inexplicable cold he was feeling. He rubbed his arms together and tried to regain his usual composure with little results. Now that his mind was working properly again, he realized that he had abandoned his backpack in the gym, where he was supposed to return after putting the mop away. There wasn’t anything too special inside, but there were the books and notebook. What was he supposed to bring the next day? What was he supposed to tell Shuichi when he returned home empty-handed?

Kokichi was livid with himself, how could he do something so stupid. He had been in no danger, there was nothing to be so scared of and he had made a fool out of himself by running away. He was already hearing the rumors about him flying around the internet. And on top of that, he had lost his school supplies like an idiot, making life harder for himself and for Shuichi. He didn’t even want to think about the possibility of having to buy the books again, they were already abusing too much of Chiaki and her boyfriend’s charity. He hated himself so much right now.

Technically, he could still go back and he would probably find the backpack where it was supposed to be. It was unlikely that someone stole it from the gym in front of so many people. So he could just go back and regain possession of his stuff. But he didn’t even think about it, he was not going back there, he never wanted to go back. He had to go back tomorrow, and that idea was already enough to make Kokichi want to throw up.

Why? _Nothing bad had happened._ Nothing! He was being stupid, reacting like he had been attacked and beat up, when the worst they did was touch three inches of his skin. Why was he feeling like he had just survived a scarring and traumatic experience?! Unbelievable, he wanted to punch himself for this weakness.

Not to mention that maybe the teacher would notice the abandoned backpack and keep it in custody until the next day, so maybe Kokichi had not lost anything, he was just being overly dramatic about nothing.

He started to walk. He walked and walked, covering his purple hair until the sun was completely out of sight and he blended in with the night. No one gave him a second look after darkness fell and he just kept walking. He had not eaten lunch or dinner, but he was not hungry at all. He didn’t feel like eating, going home even less. He didn’t want to see Shuichi and show his loser self to him. He wanted to just blend in with the night forever.

Except his phone started to buzz loudly and Kokichi was forced to confront reality by a worried and mildly annoyed boyfriend who wanted to know where the hell he had disappeared to.


	6. Escaping

Kokichi was walking into the mist.

No matter how far he walked no shapes were visible in it, it was all just a big moving wall of gray. He could not hear any noise, not even his own breath or steps.

Where was he? How had he found this place?

He tried to call out for someone but his voice was swallowed entirely by the mist, no sound arrived at his ears at all, let alone at anyone else’s. His heart started beating faster, or at least he thought so, he realized he could not feel his heartbeat at all, he just thought he could. He placed a hand on his chest but he could not feel anything. He could not feel his breath, heart and voice, was he dead?

Once he had joked a little, when he was returning from the Neo World Program. He knew he was not dead but he had hoped to be dead so he had humored the thought a little. It had been fun, stretching the joke as far as he could take it, knowing he was going to wake up sooner or later. This time he felt way more dead than last time, and he didn’t even know how he had ended up there.

He kept walking, at a total loss about what he should do, where he should try to go. His name rolled on the tip of his tongue. Shuichi. He almost called for him but then he stopped himself. What was the use in calling his name through the mist? He was not going to help him, he was not even there, he could not find him even if he wanted.

A silhouette was now visible in the mist, it was right in front of him, yet so far away.

Kokichi walked up to it, hesitantly. Who was it?

He walked and walked but the silhouette only became clearer, not closer, no matter how much he walked. It was someone young, for sure, it was too small to be an adult. Maybe it was one of his friend, or an acquaintance. The silhouette was very black, he could not see a single spot of color anywhere, except for the pale white of the face, it was so ghostly that maybe it was really a spirit. Maybe it was a shinigami, descended down there to take him away. Kokichi’s impatience rose, if he wanted his soul he could just come forward and take it, he was not running away. He increased the peace to an almost run, he wanted to see who it was, he wanted to see… to see…

He stopped dead on his track.

The person in front of him stared him straight in the eyes, unmoving. He really looked like a ghost.

Takumi.

_“Hi.”_

Such a small and weak sound, it was barely audible but it hit Kokichi straight in the chest like a bullet.

_No, no, no, no! You are dead, dead, what are you doing here, I don’t want you here, go awayIdon’twanttoseeyougoawaypleaseleavealonegoawa—_

Kokichi sat up in a hurry, making a mess of the sheets in the bed. He crawled backward until he almost fell off the bed and then stopped. He released all his breath in one single long gasp.

Shuichi on the other side of the bed woke up, startled and confused.

“What… Kokichi?”

He focused his gaze on him, Kokichi tried his best to ease his posture and not look as shaken up as he was feeling but it was not enough.

“Kokichi? Are you okay?” he sat up as well and reached with a hand to touch him before crawl his way to him. “A… nightmare?”

It was not like this was the first time, not at all. Both of them had had their fair share of nightmares in the first weeks outside of the hospital and the Neo World Program. They were used to them, in a way. But after two or three months they had become more and more sporadic, only perking up every once in a while and often after something remembered them of a murder or a particular stressing situation they lived. Not this time. This time Kokichi had not dreamt about the Killing Game at all, he dreamt of his dead past self, could he rot in hell forever.

Shuichi hugged him gently.

“It’s okay, whatever it was it’s okay, we are safe now, all will be alright in time.” he whispered in his ear cuddling him.

No, they were not safe now and there was no tell if everything was going to be alright or not, but Shuichi could not know he had not dreamt of what he thought he had. It was better that he didn’t know. He appreciated the gesture anyway.

“Heh, what are you saying, I was having a wet dream of you, not a nightmare, silly Shuichi!” he tried to shake all residues of his fear with a cheerful joke.

He felt Shuichi sigh silently, his muscles relaxing under his hands, if he was capable of making this stupid joke then he was probably not so terrified. He tightened the hug a little before letting him go.

“You think you can get back to sleep?”

“Aww, you mean my wet dream is not going to become real?” he was risking it, but after last night this reassurance of his feelings for him was necessary.

“We have school in like… three hours, let’s sleep a little more.” sometimes Kokichi was grateful that Shuichi was such a dedicated adult.

“O-kay! It’s not like I wanted you to do anything to me b-b-baka!” Shuichi chuckled at his imitation of the famous trope, the tsundere.

“Good night Kokichi.” he ruffled his hair with indulgence and returned at his side of the bed.

Kokichi did the same soon after. This was their routine for dealing with nightmares. The first few times Shuichi had made a huge deal out of them, fussing over him like he was going to drop dead. Kokichi had made sure to make him understand that he didn’t appreciate it at all, he hated all the questions and noise he was making. After they had got used to it a little more the routine started without having to agree on it. When it was Kokichi who was having them it was the agreement to not ask or mention anything, just comfort him until he was joking again, which was the signal that he was okay. When it was Shuichi who was having nightmares, Kokichi’s task was to distract him, he would either joke or tickle him until his mind was completely taken away from whatever he had dreamt about. When Shuichi was responding properly to him it meant he was alright. The agreement then was completed by them not mention anything ever again. Kokichi was sure Shuichi remembered pretty much all the times he had had one, just as him was remembering all of Shuichi’s, but it was an unspoken secret between the two of them.

Kokichi lied down again but didn’t close his eyes. Now that the last residues of the stupid dream were out of his mind he was reminded of last night, when Shuichi called him after he had spent most of the evening until night outside, walking around like a stray cat.

The call in itself had not been that bad, Shuichi was confused and worried so he wanted to know what had happened to him more than anything else. The problem was after that moment, when Kokichi decided if he preferred to have him know what had truly happened or not. It wasn’t even worth to mention that he obviously decided to lie. He said that he was in this new ‘club’ of his and he had completely forgotten to call Shuichi to tell him he was going to be late, then he said that he had stopped to eat dinner on the way home. This lie protected his pride but made him look pretty egoistic, the irritation in Shuichi’s voice as he closed the call was not even partially hidden. Kokichi just went along with the lie until the end, he deserved to be scolded, he was acting in a way that was unbecoming of him. Once he was back home he didn’t eat anything, to punish himself for his stupidity, and listened to Shuichi venting his frustration in silence. Shuichi was perfectly right, it was past nine and he had not let him know anything, he could’ve been dead for as much as Shuichi knew. They were not normal people, he could not just disappear like that, it was highly irresponsible. He could’ve been kidnapped, hurt or anything in between. Shuichi was a pseudo Detective and he had lived through enough to force him to think all the worst case scenarios. He remained silent through the whole lecture, not even attempting to defend himself.

At some point Shuichi got tired of talking and shut himself in the other room, the one that was usually Kokichi’s secret lair. Now it was him who wanted a break from Kokichi. Kokichi waited ten minutes before knocking on the door and apologize through it. Shuichi didn’t answer and Kokichi returned to the couch where he had been for sitting for the last ten minutes. After twenty more minutes Shuichi left the room and said “Sorry”.

Why he had been the one to apologize? He was right, it was Kokichi’s fault, his mistake. It shouldn’t be Shuichi the one that had to feel the need to apologize, ever.

Kokichi could not sleep any longer, he was getting sick to his stomach, he needed to get up and move. He got up slowly, moving only a muscle at a time to make sure not to wake up Shuichi, he was a light sleeper. Once he was on his feet he left the bedroom on tiptoes and closed the door behind him before switching on the light. The night before Shuichi had been so distracted and distressed that he didn’t even notice the fact that Kokichi had returned home empty-handed. A little luck into a big misfortune.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed a snack, without even look what it was, and sat again into the living room. He liked the nights, they were so much calmer and silent than days. During the night, while everyone else was sleeping, he didn’t feel the need to keep up any façade, any mask. There was no one there to see him, no one to study him, no one to judge him.  

Why he had dreamt of Takumi? Why was the guy hunting his sleep now?

Did he want to judge him as well? Like he had any right to do so.

He got up after finishing eating, his stomach definitely not sated but he was nauseous as well so it didn’t matter. He entered the room with the laptop. It was already the second day that for a reason or another he had not been able to talk to _Iliveintheinternet_ , it was a new record. It would happen sometimes that _Iliveintheinternet_ would miss a day, he was in school after all, but never two in a row. Kokichi instead was always responding within three hours, he had simply too much free time. The laptop screen light up and he typed in the password, it was almost four in the morning, there was no way he was online but at the very least he could see if he had tried to contact him in these two days.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Hi._

As Kokichi suspected he had texted him. It was from the day before. The next message was two hours after the first one.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Are you free?_

Another hour gap.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I need to go to sleep now, see you tomorrow if you can._

Kokichi sighed. Not only Shuichi, now he had let down even his only online pseudo-friend. It was not supposed to go like this, ever, Kokichi was supposed to have at the very least his own shit together. Sure, he was not a productive member of society, he was not driven by any kind of objective or dream, he was pretty much stagnant and useless, but he was supposed to have his shit together. He could pass off his lack of interest for the outside world as a part of his persona, a part of his role, but he was supposed to be a responsible human being that was capable of leading others, not making others look at him like he was the problem child. This was absolutely not allowed to stand any further, he had to find a solution of some kind. It all started because of the stupid school, if he had never gone there none of this would have happened. He needed some kind of plan, he could not afford to have another anxiety attack in school, it was really the last thing he was willing to take.

There was a solution… one that he didn’t like too much.

He could stop with his lateness, stop with the detentions, and just hide in his new secret spot before going home, giving Shuichi the illusion while still spending as little time as possible in that blasted building. Yes, it was a solution, and he had already prepared for it in a way. He just needed to adjust some more details.

Before Shuichi could wake up he prepared a different backpack from the usual one that was still at school. If Shuichi asked why he had changed it he could say it was dirty, Shuichi wouldn’t have the time to check before leaving for school that morning and by evening the old backpack was probably going to return in his possession. He replaced the textbooks with manga that Rantaro had gifted him and put his phone charger in there as well. Once it was closed it looked perfectly normal, like every other morning, Shuichi couldn’t suspect a thing. When he was done it was already five in the morning, Shuichi was going to wake up soon. Kokichi took a shower, to warm himself up from the cold of the night before and to regain a little control over his body. After he was clean, dry and sporting a clean uniform he cooked himself some pancakes, it had been a while since last time he had eaten something handmade for breakfast.

“Kokichi, already awake?” Shuichi peeked in the kitchen as Kokichi was half-way through his pancake.

Kokichi smiled with his mouth full and drank a long sip of milk before speaking.

“I’ve made one for you too, it’s there, you can warm it up a little if it’s cold, and you can thank me too. Bow to me and sing me a song.”

Shuichi ignored his orders and grabbed his cold pancake in the plate before sitting next to him.

“Thanks but there was no need for you to wake early for this, I don’t need compensation for yesterday, don’t force yourself.”

“What compensation? I have no idea what are you talking about, I just wanted to sip a bit of aphrodisiac in your breakfast so you’ll have to go to school all hot and bothered. It’s my revenge for earlier!” he pointed his fork at him with a smirk.

He ignored this joke as well, it had become even too easy for him to just dodge Kokichi’s silliness altogether.

“Listen well to what I have to say, okay?” Shuichi stared at him in the eyes. “I don’t want you to change, I don’t want you to do anything that you would not do normally and by your own will. Don’t do things because I was mad yesterday or because you feel bad, that will ultimately strike as insincere to me. If you want to cook me a pancake or do anything else do it, if you don’t want to do anything at all then don’t do anything at all. I’m not…” he paused and blushed a little, a rare sight lately. “I’m not together with you because I want you to be someone else, I’m not trying to change you. I chose you because I like you, not because I thought I could get something that you are not out of you. I’m not stupid or blind, I know you are struggling lately, even if I’m not sure against what, maybe yourself. If you want to talk about it I’m here.” he concluded looking hopeful.

Kokichi hesitated half a second, unsure of what he wanted to answer, then hurried to say the first thing that came to mind.

“Silly Shuichi! Like _you_ could change _me!_ The perfect human being. Pffft, make sure your ego isn’t growing too much or it won’t fit in the house anymore!” he poked his shoulder with a finger.

Shuichi rolled his eyes and started to munch on his pancake, Kokichi kept poking him all the way until the plate was empty. They left together, for the first time neither of them was late, and as soon as Shuichi was out of sight Kokichi changed his path. Minutes later he was dropping his backpack on the floor of the factory, next to his blanket. He pulled out his charger and inserted the plug in the wall in the other room. Kokichi was shocked to see it worked. His heart filled with excitement, it was a wonderful news. If the electricity was working then he could buy a thermal blanket and build up the perfect nest for winter!

It wasn’t like he was paying the bills for this place anyway.

He abandoned everything besides the charger, which was a pain to lose, in his secret base and walked empty-handed to the school. The first place he went to was the gym, even though he was sick and tired of it already, to see if his intuition was correct and the teacher had kept his stuff or had given it to the lost and found service of the school. As he was approaching him he realized that he needed to swallow his pride and admit his mistake if he wanted to ask his help. He shook his head a little to banish this thought, this was really not the right moment for that.

“Hi! I was wondering if you maybe had noticed my backpack yesterday, I left it here after I finished my detention. Inside were my secret plans to conquer the world so you have to help me! It would be a disaster if anyone else were to find them and use them to create chaos across the nation!”

The teacher looked mildly irritated that he had not shown any kind of respect for his position but didn’t comment on it.

“I have not seen anything Ouma-san. There was nothing here after the clubs meeting ended.”

Kokichi’s hands fell limps by his side. Crap, it had been stolen. Utter disbelief was soon replaced by irritation toward the teacher. How could he not notice his backpack and the fact that someone stole it, was he blind?!

“Is that so? Then I guess the world is doomed.” he said brashly.

Not the world, but himself. He was doomed.

The teacher didn’t look impressed with him but Kokichi was too annoyed to care. He said something else but Kokichi’s mind automatically muted his voice, he stopped caring. At some point he cut him off and said he needed to go. He walked away, if anything there was a ‘good’ point. He was so irritated and angry that he was not scared of the people in this building anymore. He had actually agonized a lot about it during the night, it had been difficult to fall asleep because of that and as soon as he had he started having nightmares. Now that he thought about it, maybe there was a relation to the two things.

For the first time ever Kokichi arrived in time.

His homeroom teacher’s stare immediately found him. She didn’t let it show but Kokichi knew she was surprised. The worst part was when everyone noticed he had not his backpack with him. Once again he was in the center of everyone’s attention. He had predicted he would stop being a novelty after a week but every single day something strange was happening and he kept returning in their mind. This was never going to end, they would forever look at him, and he _hated it._

Kokichi just remained still like a statue for the whole time, until break. He couldn’t even vent his frustration on his notebook. The teacher told him to share the textbook with the girl next to him but Kokichi didn’t even turn his head a little. He just stared at the holographic board for three hours hoping it would blow up and everyone could just go home. During the break he abandoned the classroom immediately and decided he would spend it walking around, he didn’t even want to eat because his stomach was closed in frustration. He didn’t have to walk much before he was stopped.

“Ah, there you are! I was searching for you!”

Kokichi recognized the voice behind his back. His mind immediately made the proper connections. He turned sharply to face the guy from yesterday who looked a little surprised by his sudden movement. It was the ‘first gym guy’ or more precisely the guy who touched him. Just as Kokichi had expected he had his backpack in his hand. There was only one possibility after he had said _‘I was searching for you’._

“So, what do you want? It’s clever, taking my stuff to blackmail me.”

Gym guy blinked twice.

“What…?”

“It’s this about the autograph? Or are you mad about me yelling at you?” Kokichi pressed on.

“You are… not making any sense, what are you talking about?” the guy frowned a little.

“Why else would you pick up my things and not giving them to the teacher? If you really want that autograph so badly then let’s get it over with.” Kokichi extended a hand, waiting for a paper to sign.

If he wanted it so bad then he must have come prepared.

“That’s not it. I took it because you left in a hurry and I noticed you left it behind, I didn’t want anyone to touch your things so I decided to guard them until the next day. I just… I didn’t think about giving it to the teacher, I was a bit distracted yesterday. Are you okay, you looked…” he trailed off.

Kokichi got on the defensive even before he could realize what he was doing.

“What are you implying? That there is something wrong with me?”

The guy looked at a loss.

“No… only that you looked scared and I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Did I do something to you? You seem to hate me or something…”

“Scared? Me? Of you? You sure like to flatter yourself.” Kokichi didn’t even know anymore what he was saying, he just felt like he needed to protect himself somehow.

“Well, if you were not scared then you must hate me for some reason, you yelled at me.”

“So what? Are you going to the press to say that the famous Kokichi Ouma is a self-centered bastard who refuses wag his tail at you?” his mouth was running on its own by this point.

“No?” the guy said in a way that meant ‘of course not, what the hell are you even saying’ and frowned, but Kokichi didn’t stop.

“Oh, I’m _so sorry_ that I’m such a big disappointment.  Maybe you should stop daydreaming about celebrities and you won’t get you heard broken by the likes of me!”

Kokichi’s brain registered the fact that at least seven people were now in the hallway and they were listening in, attracted by the fact that Kokichi had raised his voice considerably. But even if he knew about it he was powerless against the raw feeling in his body that was forcing all these words out. He just wanted to push the hurt onto someone else.

_To hurt, stab, break and destroy. Something that was not him. Anything that was not him._

Gym guy’s expression filled with irritation.

“I was just worried about you. Rumors keep flying around, saying you behave strangely, you always do odd things. I wasn’t going to bother you but since you were in front of me and then you forgot your backpack I just thought of being of some help. I’m sorry I was too presumptuous.” he tried to conceal his feelings a little.

“Yeah, you are way too presumptuous if you think a Supreme Leader would need someone like you.”

He regretted everything deeply, but he could not stop th situation from degenerating. He wasn’t capable anymore.

His mind memorized his face, the hurt in it, even though he could only look at it for a moment before some other guys entered his field of vision. It looked like the guy had some very good friends, friends that were willing to fight Kokichi for him. They surrounded their friend to protect and hide him, and started to accuse Kokichi of being an asshole and having taken it too far. Kokichi could agree with them, but that was not the problem right now. The problem was that all the increasing commotion was attracting a whole lot of witnesses, from other students to teachers. They were all murmuring or calling some other friend to enjoy the show. Kokichi stopped paying attention to the words, the voices becoming a loud buzzing sound in his ears, and studied the situation. His mind was cold and lucid again, the feelings from before had melted completely.

This was a complete disaster. He had let his mouth run and given these hyenas even more fuel, not to mention that by picking on some popular guy at the school he just created a terrible precedent for himself. _He was giving them what they wanted._

Kokichi had behaved strangely, not at all like his V3 persona, which made him a big turn off for some of them and an annoying target for others. But now it was different, this situation was so very similar to these inside the Neo World Program, where everyone had a jolly time ganging up on him. _This was a part of what they were expecting from him._ This villainous persona that made hearts beat faster. What he had unwillingly offered there was an opportunity to live V3 Kokichi for themselves, in real life. He had given them the opportunity to play a Danganronpa role-play.

This was the exact opposite of all he wanted.

He saw his homeroom teacher and some of the others making their way through the crowd, probably to stop the fight, and he decided. There was only a possible solution for this situation. He waited until the teachers were in front of the crowd, then started to cry.

“You are terrible! That guy stole my backpack and I just wanted it back, why are you all picking on me?! Just because I didn’t give him my autograph!”

The tear trick didn’t quite work in real life but Kokichi covered for it by hiding his eyes behind his hands. He kept his voice low, not like the usual scenes he was always doing inside the program that made him seem like a completely insincere and insensible person, he mimicked a more genuine upset reaction. The teachers and students immediately shut up, caught off guard. Kokichi was a known liar but he was still crying, they were not in Danganronpa, they were no Kaito Momota, to doubt his tears would be extremely _rude._ He effectively made the line between attacker and victim a lot less clear, crumbling their attack into dust.

The gym guy blushed.

“No! I wasn’t stealing it! I was just…” he didn’t know how to defend himself now that he had been caught into something a lot bigger than he thought.

Kokichi genuinely felt bad for him, there was even the possibility that now the next article would be ‘Kokichi’s schoolmates steal the Supreme Leader’s possessions?’. He had to make sure that would not happen.

“I know that I’m famous but that doesn’t mean you can bully me!” he sniffled. “I can give you my purple pens if you want them, just give me back my backpack, Shuichi will ask me where I lost it and I don’t know what to tell him! Please?”

After another moment of silence the teachers finally remembered they were not spectators and made everyone disperse beside Kokichi and the guy. Then they gave the backpack back to him while the guy tried to make his point. Kokichi made a scene by hugging his backpack to his chest and saying he could forgive him in his best childish voice. The gym guy was so baffled after that he just gave up entirely. Kokichi concluded the whole thing by asking the teachers to not punish the guy and he asked if he could go home for the day because he was not feeling well. The teachers were very happy to let him go and end this episode as soon as possible.

Kokichi left the school with his backpack and a sour taste in his mouth.

He had obtained exactly what he wanted and needed, and he was not feeling comfortable with it at all.


	7. A little break

He knew he shouldn’t go home this soon, Shuichi would ask questions later, but he just needed to play some games and discard everything about the day and the stupid school out of his mind. He knew from the beginning that he should’ve never enrolled in it.

It was still morning, and he looked out of place in the city with his uniform, but there was no one around so he calmed down and made his way home without any problems. He didn’t even need to cover his hair with the hood. During the walk, he considered what kind of game he could play today, Chiaki had given him six new games two weeks ago and he had yet to try three of them. The first one was a sequel of an RPG Kokichi completed a month ago. He already knew, because of the prequel, that it was one of these long and dragged out games that could really immerse him, but only when he was in the right state of mind. The long and boring process of grinding would eat up a big chunk of free time and he was not going to be distracted by playing it, only potentially more annoyed. The second one was a party game, Chiaki gave it to him so he could play with Shuichi and friends. He was alone now and definitely not in the mood for a party. The last game was an investigative adventure in a very peculiar graphic style. The fact that it was supposed to be an investigation game was kind of a turn off for him, he was reminded too much of Shuichi and Danganronpa, but at the same time this was his forte. Not to mention that if done right, it could be a very immersive story, he needed to try it to discern that.

His decision caused Kokichi to speed up a little, eager to start this new adventure. As soon as he got home he opened the fridge and grabbed a portion of already prepared bento to put into the microwave, Kokichi’s real best friend, and went grab his laptop before setting the timer. Normally he used it in the study room, attached to the charger, where he could get some solitude from Shuichi, but today he was alone so there was no problem using it in the kitchen while eating. He placed the laptop on the table and opened it, his login screen lit up. Once again, he typed his password and checked in with _Iliveintheinternet,_ but there was no new message. He should be at school right now, so it wasn’t a surprise.

Next, he opened the folder with the game inside and double clicked on the launcher. The startup screen opened up without problems and Kokichi was immediately greeted by the strange graphic design that Chiaki had anticipated him. It was very interesting to look at right now, but Kokichi was a bit afraid he would get sick of it after some time into the game. The black and white lines were very different from modern games, but that was a problem for later. He set the microwave and finally sat down to start the game.

The first sequence was a short explanation of what he was going to do in the game and the mechanics looked simple enough, it all depended on if it was put together well or not. He was on an old ship and he had to use a pocket watch that showed a still frame of the death of someone to reconstruct how things happened. He had to compile a book, linking together both the name and cause of death for sixty different people. He only had as a guide the pocket watch and three portraits of the crew, plus a list of names and roles on the ship. Kokichi had never played a game like this before so he was starting with a good first impression, he was interested to see how difficult this would become and if it was challenging or not.

The first sequence of the events he solved, which was actually the last event in the ten chapters of the book, was not difficult, but it got his blood pumping. He started the next chapter, now aware that he was going to play the whole story backward. He was going to start from the end, when all the characters had already died and little by little, he was going to uncover their entire journey until that point. It was quite fascinating. In chapter seven, for some reason the game decided to skip the eighth and ninth, he found himself in front of a Kraken, Kokichi supposed it was the standard for a ship disaster game; it didn’t have to be completely realistic. He proceeded with some difficulty to the next chapter, chapter nine, where the difficulty spiked suddenly; he was confronting a plot for mutiny from unknown people toward unknown people because of an unknown event. This was exactly what he had understood earlier, going backward was making this all the more complex because he didn’t have a good grasp on the characters’ motivations or allegiances.

Something beeped, scaring him while he was witnessing a particularly gross murder.

It took him a moment to realize not only the timer had gone off sometime earlier while he was too engrossed in the game to notice, but that he had a new message from _Iliveintheinternet._ Looking at the time, he realized he had already spent an hour just to finish these chapters. Linking the identities to the people he was watching die was not as easy as one may think. He warmed up his forgotten bento again and then he extracted it from the microwave and grabbed a pair of chopsticks while temporarily pausing the game. He started eating with his right hand and clicked on the message with his left.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I saw your feed while logging in, why did you start this game without me?!_

Kokichi chuckled a little. He remembered telling him he had gotten this one and _Iliveintheinternet_ said he had bought it as well some time ago but never got around playing it. But Kokichi couldn’t remember the two ever making plans to play it together, as apparently he had assumed. The time at the bottom of the screen was telling him it was already almost noon. _Iliveintheinternet_ had just returned home, immediately turned on his PC and seen his feed. The two of them were friends on the gaming platform and it was possible for friends to see your feed so they could join you. This was not a multiplayer game, but they could still play together and share their deductions.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Hey! If you wanted me to wait you should have told me, because I wait for no one when I get this irresistible urge to play!_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _You meanie :P C’mon, I told you I was looking forward to this particular game!_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Okay, okay! I’m eating right now so you can catch up to me, I’m in chapter 9._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _So you’re basically finished!!_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No, the game works kinda backward. I solved chapter 10 and now I’m trying with chapter 7 and 9._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Hmm, okay I forgive you. But I have to eat as well, I’ll do it as fast as I can._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Take your time!_

Kokichi started eating, taking his time, savoring the rice and egg omelet while he was considering some of his clues again. Nationality, clothes and positioning were fundamental to solve the enigma. There were so many faces and Kokichi was not an expert in titles on a ship, he knew only the basic stuff. Apparently, the people in Danganronpa thought this was not important information for a Leader so they didn’t include it in his mind. He had correctly guessed nine identities as of now, and he had seen more than twenty people in the three chapters. It was not _bad,_ but Kokichi’s perfectionism and pride were prickling. He wanted to complete a lot more before moving on.

After he finished his bento, he washed the container and threw it in the recycle bin. He started to play again. It was half an hour later when Shuichi returned home to find him engrossed into chapter nine.

“Hi, already home today?” he greeted him.

“What, first you told me to find a club then when I do and come back home earlier for one day you complain? You are heartless, beloved!” Kokichi pouted.

Shuichi smiled a little and ruffled his hair, not taking his bait. Kokichi complained with a groan.

“Hey, you are making me lose. I’m going to die because of you!”

There wasn’t even a ‘death’ in this game, no game over, but Shuichi didn’t know that.

“Is that so? Sorry, sorry.” he didn’t sound very sorry. “New game?”

“Yep, I’m playing a detective thingy! Your favorite stuff!” Kokichi mocked him a little.

Shuichi hummed and didn’t comment. He left to change and then returned to warm up a bento of his own. In the meantime, _Iliveintheinternet_ was figuring out chapter nine and Kokichi was getting ready to move on chapter six. Kokichi’s annoyance grew as he noticed that more and more people were left behind, he had a whole list of people that were ‘dispersed’. He could figure out the identity of some of them, but the cause of death was unknown. _Iliveintheinternet_ was not particularly useful, he had yet to figure out a single thing before him. Kokichi was kind of cheating, by telling him ‘right, right, that must be it’ every time he proposed something, even though Kokichi had already solved it ten minutes prior. But really, it was a white lie, no use fussing over it.

Kokichi tapped his finger on the table nervously and watched Shuichi finishing his food and preparing to clean up.

“Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi!” he yelled suddenly, making him jump. “Help me!! This game’s so difficult, it’s making my head hurt! I need your detectivish superpower and amazing skill! I can’t figure out without you, save me!!”

Shuichi’s expression was filling quickly with condescendence as words were coming out from his mouth.

“You are better than me at ‘detectivish things’ and I’m not an expert on games. I don’t think I can help you.”

“What?! Are you refusing to save me?! What kind of cruel boyfriend are you! UN-BE-LI-VA-BLE.” he yelled on the top of his lungs.

Shuichi sighed theatrically and got up.

“Alright, alright. Let me finish getting ready and then I’ll help.”

Kokichi’s expression lit up, he was excited to have finally convinced him to play. Shuichi would sometimes humor him, but very rarely. He had chosen to try to force him with this specific game that should be right up his ally. After Shuichi finished cleaning up everything, he took a kitchen chair and dragged it next to Kokichi so he could see the screen.

He explained to him how the game worked in vague details, he would get the hang of it eventually anyway, and replayed all the scenes until then to make him see the story at the end. In the meantime, _Iliveintheinternet_ reached his current point.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Hey, great news! I convinced my boyfriend to help! Now if something goes wrong we can blame him!_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _^_^’_

“Thank you, that’s really sweet.” said Shuichi’s sarcastic voice next to him.

Kokichi chuckled before going back into the game and starting chapter six. He moved a little on the screen, he peeked from a window and paused a second, trying to process what he was seeing.

“What’s that…?” Shuichi asked, perplexed.

Kokichi opened the chatting window again.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No. No, no, no, no, NO, NO, no, no, NO, NO._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _What happened?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No, no and no! I don’t want supernatural in my detective games!!_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _??_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Start chapter 6._

Kokichi waited for him to answer.

“You don’t want supernatural? But we are using a watch that reverses time somehow?” Shuichi spoke again after reading the messages.

“That’s the gimmick of the game, every game needs one, that doesn’t mean we should make the cases supernatural! It’s like adding magic, how I’m a supposed to deduce something if I don’t know how it works and the limits?!” Kokichi threw his arms in air in indignation.

“So you don’t like this game…?”

Shuichi had just arrived so he had no idea of what was really going on, Kokichi dropped his arms and sighed, preparing to explain.

“No, I really like this game. That’s the point, if I thought this game was stupid, I would not be upset. It’s exactly because I am so excited after playing the first three chapters that I want to like it even after! Why they decided to add these spider-crab thingy, they are horrifying! Not to mention… what’s there to deduce, they clearly were killed by them! It was the same with the Kraken, I spent a long while just writing down the causes of death as ‘killed by a terrible beast’ and now it’s the same! See what I mean? There are tons of why to kill people, don’t just blame monsters for everything! The mutiny plot was _so good!_ ”

Shuichi smiled, satisfied with his explanation, he was interrupted before he could say something by a message.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _What are those things?!_

Kokichi smirked, predictable reaction. They returned into the game, Kokichi suspended his disbelief for this chapter and ignored the monsters, focusing only on the identities since the causes of death were pretty boring. These crabby thingies were either decapitating or spiking people, there was not much to discuss. He was satisfied, however, seeing Shuichi finally starting to get into the mood of the game. Shuichi was the right person to play this game with, Kokichi was slightly faster, but Shuichi was always on the same level. They completed a whole lot of identities in this one chapter, they helped _Iliveintheinternet_ a little because he was struggling a bit more. Kokichi had even been able to identify a woman because of a wedding ring, it was no wonder whomever his only friend was he was not able to keep up with him. Even Shuichi complimented him when he noticed a little detail on the hammocks.

Once they had more than a quarter of the people identified, they moved on to the next chapter. Kokichi had complained about the supernatural things but he surrendered to it and he started to understand some of the things he had seen in chapter nine and ten. He had maybe already spotted a part of the overall plot. It didn’t mean that the game was bad though, actually it meant that it was really consistent. Shock factors were cool, but they didn’t especially make for a good story. Kokichi cared more for a very well planned and polished plot more than for being surprised a lot.

Chapter five started with even more supernatural elements, and the most ridiculous death yet. Killed by a slap from a fish tail, yep. But Kokichi felt his excitement grow again when he got some confirmations of his theory, he needed just to see the start of the story and he was set to go. This chapter was easy to solve, and a lot shorter, they started chapter four. Kokichi noticed that the pages left to fill were becoming a lot less, the chapters getting shorter. Kokichi waited for the end of chapter four before deciding if his theory was correct, because clearly it was there at that time that things had started to get serious for the people on the ship. But he had another opinion to share as well.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Let me guess: more supernatural._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Why more than half the people on this ship were killed by supernatural beasts? Just why._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _You really hate this ahaha_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No, I really don’t!! It’s just that thirty of these sixty people were killed by a beast!! I want more variety ç_ç_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Haha, I find this game so hard, I’m glad these deaths are so easy ahah If you didn’t help me with the mutiny plot I would still be there, stuck! You two are smart!_

Kokichi then shared, with both him and Shuichi who was reading from next to him, what he thought had happened in general, the overall plot. Shuichi agreed with him, and so did _Iliveintheinternet_ after a bit of thinking. Figuring out chapter four helped finish chapter five as well, since they were very linked together. It was a lot of fun, Kokichi could finally use his talent for languages to identify some of those, like a Russian guy and some guys from Formosa. Now that the supernatural plot was in the book, Kokichi was having the time of his life playing around with the names.

At some point, Kokichi noticed a thing that no one else had noticed yet and he started to giggle.

“Ahh, I’m getting tired, I think I’m just going to insert all the names and guess them all based only on luck.”

Shuichi reacted immediately.

“No! Don’t do it this way, it’s such a waste! We can figure it out, be a little more patient!”

Kokichi laughed, so he was invested and wanted to solve it in earnest now, ah? He selected another name and the music for the correct answer started to play.

“Ah, c’mon! I don’t feel good at all about this one! You ruined the deduction process!” Shuichi complained loudly.

Kokichi laughed even harder.

“Silly, boyfriend of mine! I didn’t reach this solution by luck, but by being the awesome genius I am! The book is signed by someone called H. E. and he said he was in Morocco, alive, he had the book in his arms in the scene, look.” Kokichi replayed the memory in question, proving Shuichi he had not guessed by luck. Shuichi pouted. Kokichi chuckled again. “What, you disappointed I got it sooner than you? You like this game so much now?” Shuichi faced away to hide. “Aww, to think you didn’t even want to play with me!”

Shuichi didn’t answer but Kokichi was filled with mirth. He liked playing with Shuichi like this, this was his favorite side of Shuichi. If only he could be like this more often…

The last two chapters were so short, they finished in a flash. The book was completed; they only needed to put together the last identities. Kokichi and Shuichi had less than twenty people left to identify, _Iliveintheinternet_ probably some more, they weren’t giving him all the solutions or he wouldn’t have any fun at all with the game. Kokichi loved this last part, there was no more plot to uncover, only clues to piece together. It reminded him a little bit about the trials but in a good way, this was honest, worth detective work, not the slaughter fest it had been in the game. However he still didn’t want to become a detective for all the gold in the world, he would die three times before someone could convince him.

Kokichi and Shuichi’s intelligence combined easily brought the game to a conclusion, they didn’t even need to guess anyone by the process of elimination, as the game suggested at the beginning. They were finally able to enter the locked chapter and finish the game completely, connecting all the plot points together. Kokichi sent a look at Shuichi, waiting to get praised.

“Yeah, yeah, you got it right, congratulation.” he dismissed him and Kokichi pouted a little.

“So, how did you like it, Mister Detective?” Kokichi hugged his knees and rested his face on them.

“It was very nice, the details were subtle, but not absolutely obscure, and the interactive nature of the game made it way more immersive than a novel. It was definitely fun to play.” Shuichi didn’t hide his enthusiasm in his answer and Kokichi was delighted.

“Maybe we should play something else together sometime,” he lowered his tone in a seductive whisper, “I like to play with you.”

Shuichi’s smiled became a little smaller.

“If I have free time.”

Kokichi furrowed his lips, his plan had failed miserably. Shuichi never had free time because he didn’t want to have it. If he was not at school, he was studying, doing chores or sleeping. There was no middle ground, no flexibility.

“Oh, yeah? Then I guess we will play together again on my seventieth birthday then.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I said we could spend some time together tomorrow, didn’t I?”

“Oh, right, you said that.” he felt his mood lifting again a little. “Then I’ll bind you to your words, tomorrow you better play with me!”

“Yes, yes, that’s what I said. Do you have something already planned?”

“I’ll figure out something, I should be able to find a game we can both enjoy like this one.”

Supposedly, since it was Shuichi who proposed to spend the day together, he should have been the one to choose what they would do, but Kokichi was glad he was going to let him decide. Kokichi was good at picking things to do, while Shuichi was pretty terrible. If left of his own accord, he could choose ‘spend a day at the library’ as a date. This was definitely not going to be allowed. Kokichi’s mind already started to scan the list of games he had gotten from Chiaki, and then they could do something else as well, like maybe cooking? Even if Kokichi loved games, he was still not going to propose to play all day long. Cooking sounded fine as they were both not extremely good at it and they were relying on the microwave for almost everything. Eat something handmade for once was a great idea. They could bake a cake maybe!

“Your friend wants you.” Shuichi pointed at the screen where the notifications were piling up.

“I bet he cannot solve the last identities.” Kokichi shrugged.

Shuichi left the kitchen after a while, leaving the two chatting. He was aware of _Iliveintheinternet_ existence, obviously. Kokichi had told him that much way earlier, but the two had never interacted before and Shuichi looked unwilling to enter in their relationship. While there wasn’t anything bad at all in the two of them talking, he was Kokichi's friend, they didn’t need to always share everything. And it wasn’t like Kokichi knew all the people Shuichi was spending time with. Who knows, maybe he was even cheating on him in these afternoons before he returned home. Kokichi didn’t particularly want to know who he was meeting. It wasn’t as much as the fact that he trusted him, more like he preferred to not know if that was the case.

Kokichi and _Iliveintheinternet_ played for a couple more hours until dinnertime, when he finished the game as well they went back to the MMO they were usually playing in their spare time. Later Shuichi prepared dinner and then Kokichi browsed a little the internet alone, while Shuichi was studying. The last part of the day dragged a lot because Kokichi was incredibly tired. Both playing games for a long time, more than five hours, and the events of the whole week were adding to his fatigue. He wanted to wait for Shuichi, but for the first time Kokichi decided to go to bed earlier than him.

He changed and wished him goodnight. Kokichi noticed the internal struggle, Shuichi wanted to go to bed with him, but he wanted to keep studying as well. Maybe he was feeling a little confused since this was really the first time since Kokichi's body had recovered that he was going to sleep earlier than him. Kokichi reassured him he was just tired because of school and too many emotions and buried himself in the blanket, his eyes closing immediately.

He didn’t dream about anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to whoever can guess what game they are playing!  
> Yes, of course it's a real game.
> 
> Are liking the story thus far? :)  
> Let me know anything you want, even critiques can help me!


	8. Weekend

Kokichi woke up feeling rested at past ten in the morning; Shuichi was still sleeping right next to him.

Waking up and seeing his sleeping face first thing in the morning was a rare joy of being alive. He didn’t move, he just laid down and stared at him with a smile on his face. He liked a sleeping Shuichi better than some other Shuichis. Shuichi had long, nicely shaped eyelashes and a small and perfectly straight nose. He looked a little feminine, but Kokichi didn’t mind at all, if he wanted a manly guy, he would’ve chosen someone like Momo-chan, personality aside. Shuichi looked both refined and frail, like something Kokichi could care for and want to protect. Of course, Kokichi knew about Shuichi’s hidden inner strength, Shuichi was not a victim by any means, when he wanted, he could even overwhelm Kokichi by pure stubbornness. But he didn’t dislike that side of him, it was probably the one that made sure he was never tired of him. If Shuichi had just been a victim to protect, Kokichi could have seen himself getting bored of it pretty easily. Shuichi was a very fine human being, grounded and determinate when he really wanted something. It was bothersome when he was forgetting the line between reasonable and unreasonable but the same could be said for Kokichi. He never stopped at the reasonable moment to stop. 

Kokichi scooted closer, caressing the side of Shuichi’s face that was visible and played with his smooth black hair a bit. He felt a weight grow into his heart that soon became sadness. Why had he become unable to enjoy the luck that he had? Why he was feeling so disconnected both from Shuichi, his old friends and the rest of the world  _ again _ ? It was almost like he was mad and bitter at them for being able to keep up with the outside world while all he felt was disgust and… fear. Fear had become a part of his world, for the first time since he could remember, which of course was the first day of V2, on the island. He had never been afraid of everything since that day, except maybe of Shuichi pushing him to express the feelings he didn’t want to express. To live the things he was not ready to live. Was he being envious? Envious of them for being stronger than him? 

Kokichi hated losing, he hated lagging behind. And yet he could not bring himself to even try. He didn’t want to try, he wanted to hide and escape. He was already done with everything and everyone. Why?

“Hmm, good morning,” Shuichi opened his eyes. “It’s been a while since last time we woke up together, isn’t it?”

Oh, so he noticed as well. Kokichi was always feeling disappointed about that small, insignificant detail. It was immediately worsening his day for no reason. He smirked at him.

“Right! You probably get up earlier than me every day to avoid letting me see your boner.” 

Shuichi rolled his eyes. 

“Right,” he changed the subject. “Do you want to eat something specific today? We could go get some groceries.” 

“Hm, I could get behind some cafè latte and sliced bread with Nutella!” Kokichi nodded twice.

“What’s that stuff?” 

“A typical Italian breakfast!” he answered cheerfully. “Love-me-chan would love that one!”

“Amami is not Italian though,” Shuichi was confused.

“Yeah, so?” Kokichi said it like it was a given.

Shuichi paused for a second, and then smirked.

“I need to remember to stop paying attention to your nonsensical jumps in logic, it only pushes you to do it more often.” 

“Nishishi!” nice reaction Shuichi.

“Alright then, as long as you know what that stuff is, we can buy it together,” he returned to the right track. He had learned how to not forget the original topic a long time ago, now it was very difficult for Kokichi to completely distract him when he didn’t want to answer something. “Do you think they sell them in the store close by?”

Kokichi tensed a little. Shuichi wanted to go and buy groceries, outside, together with him. Wasn’t this a repeat of last time? He didn’t need everyone to know where they lived now.

“Ah, but that was a lie, I don’t want that! I prefer a more traditional Japanese breakfast,” he retorted back to the old strategy. 

At the very least, he was sure there was some rice in the house; they didn’t need to leave for that. Shuichi’s inquisitory eyes were studying his face.

“Is it now? Or are you just changing your mind at the last moment because you don’t want to get groceries? You don’t need to lie for that, just say so.”

“I dunno. Yo’re the detective, not me! You tell me the right answer.” he was right, of course, but not that Kokichi was going to just straight out say it, that was just boring.

“You don’t want to leave the house… I know that already, but we can’t hide forever. I want to be able to go outside with you sometime. One day we’ll need to start.” 

“One day is all you need to die. You die only once,” he said staring at him in the eyes. 

“They won’t kill us Kokichi,” Shuichi sounded sad. “Our popularity is just the latest trend; it’s already starting to fade. At school I don’t have as much trouble anymore and now you are going to school as well, soon we will become normal people.”Kokichi had no idea how things were in his school, but in Kokichi’s he could not see any kind of ‘fading’. His popularity was as big as ever. “You can use your hood if you want to, let’s go.”

Shuichi sat up and extended his hand at him. Now Kokichi could not refuse unless he was to start to behave like a little kid and throw a tantrum. He didn’t take his hand, he turned and climb down the bed on his side, abandoning him there. 

“If anything happens, don’t hold me responsible,” he pointed a finger at Shuichi.

“I won’t,” he answered seriously.

Kokichi shrugged and made his way to the bathroom alone. He knew Shuichi would not easily be persuaded to change his mind; he was dead set about this particular thing. It all started some weeks after Kokichi was enrolled in school. After that one event, Shuichi became more and more determinate in getting Kokichi out of the house, be it at school or anywhere else. Maybe he had used himself as a test to navigate the waters outside and decided if Kokichi was safe there or not. But again… people were recognizing Shuichi way less than they were recognizing him. Not to mention Shuichi was ‘a good kid’. His haters were just people that were annoyed with his ‘loser-emo attitude’ they weren’t really pissed at him and they mostly ignored him. Kokichi was a far more divisive person.

Shuichi entered the bathroom without knocking. Kokichi had not locked the door, he didn’t need privacy to brush his teeth and change into his casual clothes. Maybe he was not there yet in the intimacy regard, but he was comfortable and trusting enough of Shuichi to do this much in front of him without being embarrassed. They silently and efficiently got ready together, Kokichi could feel the determination coming from his every gesture. He realized just then that he had hoped, until the end, that he would change his mind. 

Kokichi refused to think any more as he followed his boyfriend outside. They walked, the grocery store that Shuichi had chosen was not that close to the house. Kokichi’s analytical mind thought that it was a good thing because they could hide their address better if anyone didn’t notice them, but it was a bad thing that they had to do so much walking with heavy bags to go back home. He balanced the two side of the arguments together, the good side was heavier than the bad side. Shuichi’s choice had a one point advantage.

He had chosen a small shop as well, very distant from the malls in the center of the city. Kokichi knew, from Rantaro, that inside these places there was almost always a Danganronpa merchandise shop. Kokichi wondered if that had anything to do with Shuichi’s choice at all. If that was the case, then Shuichi got another point.

Before they could enter the building, Kokichi’s phone started to ring. 

Kokichi sent a look at Shuichi, pulling out his phone from the pocket. Shuichi nodded, signaling him to take the call. He looked down at the screen and saw the name of the caller displayed on it. It was Ibuki. Now, that was an unusual caller… Kokichi picked up and immediately moved the phone away from his ear, he had just risked to become deaf.

“HI LEADER!” Ibuki, one hundred percent. “How are you rolling today??”

“I’m rolling down a hill. I already started to pick up speed even before you called me, now I’m sure I’m going to fall into a burrow,” he tossed his distress casually at her. She wasn’t capable of getting his not-so-subtle metaphor anyway. 

“Cool! Hear me out!” she just brushed aside Kokichi’s complain. “I’ve bought a guitar!”

“Okay?” so what?

“With this and my amazing hearing and music sense I’m already half-way ready to have my first concert!” she yelled cheerfully, Kokichi moved the phone even farther from his ear.

Shuichi asked him a question wordlessly, he wanted to know how much time the call would take. Kokichi answered with a shrug, he had no idea. Shuichi looked around with what seemed to be a slight hint of impatience. Kokichi remembered where he was and who he was, it was not safe to have this conversation in the street in the morning. People were walking around to places and it was Sunday, so most people were not at work. Ibuki’s voice was too loud so people were sneaking a look at him. Kokichi covered the phone with his hand, ignoring Ibuki asking “Hey, are you there?!”, and addressed Shuichi. 

“Go inside and start getting the groceries, I’ll join when I’m done,” he said curtly and turned to walk away. He didn’t wait to hear his answer, he hid into a narrow alley on the right and returned to the call. “Ibuki. What the hell are you talking about?”

“You didn’t hear me? I said ‘With this and my amazing hearing and music sense I’m already half-way ready to have my first concert!’. Amazing right?” she quoted herself and ended the sentence with a laugh. 

Kokichi moved the phone away from his ear again. Was even her perfect hearing still a thing in the real world? In the Neo World Program, it was easy to give people superhuman abilities, but they didn’t carry over to the real world, obviously. 

“How does that make you close to a concert, what concert?” he asked, trying to make a sense out of her words.

“My debut! I’ve been practicing for a while in the music store I work, and now I’ve finally bought my own electric guitar. I just need a stage and… all the other stuff!” 

‘All the other stuff’. If all someone needed to make a concert were a guitar and ears, then there would be people everywhere having concerts. More importantly, what was she talking about? Since when did she wanted to have a concert? Yeah, Ibuki was always talking about concerts and music, it was her passion, but that never meant she wanted to actually have one in the real world. Why would she? The simple idea was… 

“Alright Ibu-chan! I must have lost a lot of stuff on the way because I have  _ absolutely _ no idea what are you talking about! Start from the beginning! Actually no, no!” he tried to sound very interested, even though he was actually just a little perturbed. “Start from the end and work from there!” 

“Hmm, alright, let me focus!” she fell silent, then started to hum loudly, probably to show she was thinking. “So, the last thing I did was buy a guitar! I’ve bought a guitar because without one I can’t play. If I can’t play, I can’t have a concert. If I can’t have a concert then I can’t be an Ultimate Musician. If I can’t be an Ultimate Musician then I can’t have my dream fulfilled! That’s all, boss!” she concluded in a military way.

Kokichi’s mind connected the dots, dots that Ibuki had displayed pretty clearly in front of his nose, but at the same time, he could not process this information. She wanted to have a concert because she was the Ultimate Musician and that was her dream? No, that was not strange at all, the problem was another. How could she even think about something like this  _ here?  _ In this world? Was she not aware that she was going to be eaten alive by the fans? There was just no way she could have a ‘normal’ concert! The fans were going to flock there like a bunch of moths and suck the life of the party away. Unless she wanted to make a private concert. 

“And this concert is for…?” he tried to make sure he was understanding this correctly.

“For anyone who wants to listen to me!” she answered without hesitation.

Kokichi was baffled to say the least. Was she so stupid? Yes, Ibuki was a little dumb, but he never thought she could reach certain levels.

“Hmm, Ibu-chan, are you aware that every fan of Danganronpa is going to come crashing at your little party and destroy all they can come across, much like locusts? I mean… if you want your party to be the end of the world, if you want to die with the fireworks, sure go for it!” he tried to keep his tone and words light, not letting his disbelief reach her ears. 

“Possibly,” she answered again with complete confidence, “but how else am I supposed to fulfill my dream then?” 

It could have been a completely silly counter-argument and yet Kokichi’s mind was drown to a blank. She was right. She was not stupid nor dumb; she  _ knew  _ all that Kokichi was thinking. She knew that it was going to be very difficult, if not impossible. She just decided her own path by herself, and that path was the one that was making her overcome that particular obstacle. She weighted her dream and the obsession of the fans and she had decided she wanted to fulfill her dream at all costs. 

Kokichi slowly started to feel respect for her. 

She was going to risk all of it for her dream, she had decided to fight against the world and live the life she wanted to live. 

Something Kokichi wasn’t able to do. 

He was almost jealous of her strength. And people were calling  _ him  _ strong and courageous. They should look at her for guidance, not at him. Hell, he himself almost wanted to follow her guidance. Except he was never going to because he was a coward and he was too scared to try. He didn’t even have a dream, he didn’t know what to fight for. 

Suddenly he felt a little depressed, everyone really, even the supposedly dumb ones, were moving forward without him. He took a deep breath.

“So, what did you call me for?” he asked her.

“Didn’t you hear me? I need a stage and some other… bureaucratic stuff like… permission to use the stage and stuff…” she trailed off, less certain of herself.

“And?” he asked again, not sure of where she was getting at.

“And so, since you are the best, I thought I should ask you how to prepare my concert!” 

After hearing her tone Kokichi suddenly realized, she was trying to sugarcoat him into take care of stuff in her place. And just after he had just finished thinking she was better than him in handling this world too. Yeah, no.

“Ibu-chaaan…” he whined a little bit. “Don’t wanna! I’m a busy man! Ask someone else! Why don’t you ask Aka-chan?” since they were both into music…

“But Kacchan is into classical, she doesn’t need a stage, only a piano!” she was whining as well.

“And I’m not even into music. Ask our Big Brother, ask someone else,” anyone else. “I have to go now, my boy-toy is waiting for me, bye Ibu-chan!” he closed the call in a hurry.

He slid the phone back into his pocket and sighed deeply until he didn’t have any more air to expel. He refused more out of cowardice than anything else, he simply didn’t want to have anything to do with adults, stages or music. Too many conversations needed to be done in order for someone like Ibuki to have a concert. Permission, as she called it, could not be granted lightly for her. There was the problem of dangers and how many people her concert would attract. A smaller place needed to hire some bouncers, so no more than the max number was going to sneak in. And that was not only going to be costly, it was going to be a mess. A bigger place could probably fill a decent amount of people and security was already part of the deal, but that was even more costly. Kokichi really didn’t want to deal with any of that.

He pried himself off the wall and entered the grocery store after checking that his hood was firmly in place. He walked aisle after aisle, scanning them with his eyes, searching for Shuichi. He found him in the drinks aisle, examining a bottle of Panta. He silently snuck upon him from behind, slapping his hands on Shuichi’s back.

“Boo!” he yelled in his ears. 

Shuichi jumped half a feet, inhaled sharply and turned placing a hand on his chest.

“Oh my god… You almost gave me a heart attack!” he exhaled in one long breath.

Kokichi took a step back and joined his hand behind his back. 

“You shouldn’t leave yourself so open. If I was someone else, you could be either dead or kidnapped,” he shrugged, trying to make it seem like he didn’t believe in it himself when he actually did.

“Right… You didn’t need to kill me to show me that though,” he raised an eyebrow, scolding him.

Kokichi shrugged again and picked up the Panta bottle on the floor. 

“Are we buying this?” he asked, disinterested.

“Hmm…” he hesitated just a second, but Kokichi didn’t miss it. “Yeah, sure.”

So Shuichi, the one that was keeping an eye out for their expenses, was worried because their funds for the month were almost dried up. Kokichi returned the bottle to the shelf.

“Nah, I’m starting to think that this thing is being sponsored by Danganronpa, they are trying to drug me. I think I’m going to pass this time.” 

Shuichi raised both eyebrows then smiled. He was always a step behind Kokichi, but just a step. He always was catching up quickly. 

“I’m not sure that is possible, but if you think so, then it must be true,” he played along appreciating Kokichi making a sacrifice for them both.

“What about our breakfast?” he asked, walking away from the shelf. 

“I’ve already found all we needed, aside from this Nutella thing, what’s that?” he walked by his side.

“A special chocolate cream! It’s wonderful, a natural remedy against depression!” he smiled widely.

“You don’t say.” Shuichi smiled back.

They grabbed the famous chocolate cream and paid for everything, and then they walked home joking and chatting. Shuichi at some point asked about the call and Kokichi told him all about Ibuki and her concert. Shuichi was a little more positive than Kokichi, even though he agreed with him that it was dangerous and not easy to organize. Kokichi teased him, asking him if he wanted to become her manager. Shuichi shook his head smiling, answering that he was too busy to do something so time consuming. Kokichi sighed in relief internally. 

When they returned home, it was already lunchtime, therefore, more than breakfast they had lunch instead, but it was good all the same. While he was eating, Kokichi mentally searched for the perfect game to play with him that afternoon. He munched happily on his bread and Nutella and he even convinced Shuichi to try it. Kokichi covered his mouth with one hand and giggled when he saw Shuichi’s mouth all smeared with chocolate. 

For once all Kokichi’s fears had disappeared; he was actually looking forward to this day with his boyfriend. This actually seemed like a date of some kind. It was a real first for Kokichi and he had to admit he was liking it. 

His good mood lasted until his phone rang once again, stealing the rest of the day.


	9. Magic show

“Oi, degenerate male.”

Chabashira’s voice was not the one Kokichi was hoping to hear that day. He was having a great time, for once, and of course, someone annoying had to interrupt. He forgave Ibuki, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to forgive this one.

“Hi, degenerate female, what do you want?” he didn’t even try to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“You and Shuichi are invited to our gym today and I’m not taking a no for an answer.” she deadpanned.

She was always so considerate, always placing everyone’s well being before hers. But… there were worse people out there, so he could at least listen.

“What’s this all about? Are you worried that I’m gaining weight? Oh, you really shouldn’t, I’m still underweight by at least three kilograms, but I agree with you that we should make Shuichi run a couple laps, I’m all for a hot, well-refined body for my boyfriend. I’m worried he will have all that horrible flabby skin soon, like… in fifty years or so.”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t care about Shuichi’s skin,” she dismissed him, “I’m not calling to make you do some exercise. Himiko is doing a magic show at the gym for only trusted friends, it’s very important for her, so your asses need to be there as well.”

Kokichi’s interest raised a little, especially when she said only trusted friends. This seemed a lot safer and well planned than Ibuki’s concert. Not to mention that Nekomaru, Chabashira and Haru-chan have all been working there since a long time ago, the gym had airtight security. The gym, from the very beginning, was made for celebrities. It was inside a big skyscraper, near a spa and a sauna. Even though the description made it seem like a place that was too snobby to be a suitable place for someone like the three of them it actually was pretty nice. There was a section for all the different sports, boxing and karate included. Even though the clients were all famous people, according to Haru-chan, they were all passionate about their favorite sport and very serious about it so it was a nice ambient to work into. Kokichi had been impressed by their wit and luck. It was really the perfect place.

Kokichi wasn’t aware, however, that Yumeno was still trying to be a magician.

“Ohh, has she finally learned to control her mana? Is she capable of making herself completely invisible or it’s still just the upper half?” he asked, just to mock a little Chabashira.

During the game she had been very convinced of Yumeno’s magic, but now that they were outside Kokichi understood that she had just being controlled to behave that way in the game. Now she had accepted that Yumeno was just a magician, but everyone was still playing along just to make the two feel a little better. Not Kokichi, of course. Even Yumeno had to admit that she didn’t possess magic.

“I’m going to ignore everything you just said. Just grab Shuichi and drag him here, we don’t have a lot of time.”

“Why so little notice? You could have invited us yesterday or even sooner, what if we have already plans?” he asked, a little irritated.

Shuichi was looking at him intensely, he picked up the fact that they were talking about him in some way.

“Because we decided to do it today. Himiko insisted this morning. And I already know you don’t have anything to do, you two never do anything. We barely see your faces anymore. You don’t leave home. I talk with Maki, you know?” she had a certain edge on her voice.

Kokichi felt stung where it hurt the most. She was right, and that was the problem. Kokichi was feeling guilty about not doing anything with his old friends anymore, he was trying to repress that feeling as much as he could, but it was still there. He knew he should, he knew they were expecting him to and they were disappointed in him not being the Leader they were expecting. He knew it all. But what was better, to be the person everyone wanted or to disappoint and be himself? Kokichi personally didn’t have a definitive answer yet to why he was feeling guilty. And then there was her point about the two of them not doing anything ever. She was right about that as well. This fault was divided in half, half the blame was on Shuichi in this case. But after what had happened at school he was feeling even more uncomfortable about this particular point.

He locked eyes with Shuichi and he read a question in it. Kokichi could not chose for both, for as much as Chabashira could say the opposite, so he needed to ask for his opinion before answering her but explaining sounded like a pain. He tossed the phone at him without a word to him or to Chabashira, gaining a glare from his boyfriend. Kokichi shrugged as Shuichi awkwardly greeted Chabashira and the girl repeated the whole thing to him. At the end of the exposition Shuichi covered the phone with his hand and asked Kokichi what were his thoughts about the invitation. Kokichi shrugged again, unsure of what he wanted to answer himself.

Remaining at home with Shuichi was definitely the option he liked better, but at the same time, he realized the benefit in going to the event. He left it to Shuichi to decide.

Shuichi stuttered a little, clearly unsure himself, probably a hundred good reasons both to accept and refuse in mind. But in the end he answered and it was the answer Kokichi was expecting already. Shuichi was really bad at saying no to people who were guilt-tripping him. He agreed and Kokichi heard, even from a distance, Chabashira shouting that he was expecting them at the gym sooner than later. At the end of the call Shuichi started to apologize, for some reason he loved to apologize about pretty much everything. Kokichi cut him off immediately, he had been the one leaving him to decide, what was there to apologize about? Shuichi mentioned something about ruining their day together under his breath. Kokichi decided to ignore his murmuring completely, starting a discussion about that was suicide. Especially since Kokichi was not entirely sure he was disappointed or relieved himself.

They changed again into something a little more presentable, clean, or less raggy in Kokichi’s case. The gym was inside a stylish building filled with many famous people and they were supposed to walk in there, take the elevator up and stuff. Kokichi had already had enough for a week and he needed a break from being stared at. And he could go without embarrassing Shuichi to death as well. Kokichi didn’t really know the exact location, he just walked by Shuichi’s side since Shuichi was friends with one of the people who worked there. They walked for forty minutes, Kokichi made sure to not meet eyes with anyone and not to show his purple hair. The area around the skyscraper was just as fancy, with the good amount of anonymity that helped keeping the area clean and neat. Everyone walking around had that air of being there for a very good reason and knowing precisely where they were going. That helped a whole lot easing Kokichi’s nerves. If Ibuki really wanted to have her concert, couldn’t she do it in a place like this?

When they entered the lobby they were greeted by Chiaki waving her hand at them by the guards. Next to her was her boyfriend, Hinata Hajime, looking like he had a stick in his ass as always. The guy was okay, really, but Kokichi could not believe how little he smiled and was having fun. Not that he was going to blame him for it; he wasn’t the right person to heal emotional scars for sure. He had been surprised to discover from Rantaro that he was the one that had won Nagito’s heart. He had to revaluate his opinion of Nagito a little after having acquired this knowledge. He wasn’t ready to judge either though, it was difficult to imagine who the two could have been when they first met.

Chiaki and Hinata confirmed their identity to the guards and guided them inside. Chiaki, cheerful as always, chatted with Shuichi and Kokichi during the walk and the ride in the elevator, Hinata remained in the background. Kokichi bragged to her a whole lot about the game they had finished the day before. He had been taking notes of the time, he had completed it in five hours in total, not counting the breaks and the time he had spent bickering with Shuichi and chatting with his online friend. He had looked at the achievements and apparently the minimum time required was ten hours. After discussing that one game, Kokichi talked about all the others as well, and when she asked him to return them, he laughed and said “sure, sure” but Kokichi never really gave games back. Not to say he was stealing them, it was just that Chiaki wasn’t really serious when she was asking him to return them, it was more of a routine, so Kokichi was playing along. Shuichi, on the other hand, was not aware it was a joke between the two of them and every time he was asking him in secret if he was really sure he could keep them, if he was really sure Chiaki was not secretly burning voodoo dolls of Kokichi. Well, the last part was maybe added by Kokichi.

The gym was exactly as Kokichi was expecting it to be. There was everything, from a pool to every kind of room for sparring types of sports. It had two floors, connected directly by an indoor stairway. The main room, the open one where probably people were doing yoga and all kind of relaxing exercises with a privileged view of the pool, was the one that had been prepared with a stage that vaguely reminded Kokichi of the famous magic show where Hoshi got eaten. At the very least he was pretty sure Hoshi would not be a pool of blood by the end this time around since he was there, chatting with Kirumi, of all people. Maybe they were sharing a joke about the good old times. The number of people around there was making his head spin a little. Seeing both game casts in one room was half a nightmare and half a wet dream for any Danganronpa fan. Not to mention the honorable mentions: Hinata and Byakuya, from V1. Really, only Mikan, Shinguji and Nagito were missing, all for very obvious reasons. The noise in there was so bad that Kokichi physically cringed.

He immediately spotted the ‘normal people’ in all that mess, the managers of the gym, because they were the only ones not dressed like a rainbow and because they weren’t screaming. Two major distinctions from all the others. They were talking with Haru-chan and faking, Kokichi could see it, a calm and collected appearance. In reality, they were looking around, expecting all of their expensive equipment to be blown to pieces by someone. Shuichi was immediately hugged by Momo-chan and Aka-chan, the two smiling and yapping about this and that. Kokichi walked away leaving the three alone, his presence could only make the situation awkward and he hoped Shuichi would actually enjoy the event. Since they had been forced to stop their date, at the very least he wanted to have him having a good time with his friends in a better place than his living room with tea.

Kokichi was approached by everyone, one or two at the time, and he exchanged some light jokes with all of them. Iruma of course wanted details on their love, or more precisely sex life, while Sonia let him pet DICE. Gundham and Gonta were discussing about insects, or more precisely Gonta was trying, not so subtly, to make Gundham see the beauty of insects while the latter was being skeptical. Fuyuhiko was playing a chess game against Mahiru, Kokichi placed himself behind her shoulder and whispered some advices. She actually followed them, with only a little hesitation, and she won, much to Fuyuhiko’s scorn. When he tasted Teruteru’s special dishes he made at home, he saw Rantaro talking with a serious looking Kiibo. Or Idabashi Makoto, as Rantaro had said he was called. They had never met after the end of V3. Kokichi didn’t know if he had contacted any other member of the cast but since he was there, he supposed it had to be the case. Kokichi wasn’t blaming him for avoiding him at all. He approached them slowly, giving time to both to decide what they wanted to do. They didn’t really notice him, but Kiibo left by himself and so Kokichi closed the distance separating him from Rantaro.

“Hi! How it’s going?” he greeted him raising a hand.

“Ah Kokichi. I was talking with Makoto about the Neo World Program functions and Nagito. He is being quite helpful lately, you know? I don’t think you two talked lately though.” he concluded the last part making it sound a little like a question.

“Nope! Robocop didn’t contact me and I don’t have a way to contact him.” Kokichi shrugged.

“Don’t call him that, he hates it.” Rantaro frowned a little. “He gave me his number but I haven’t given it to anyone because he didn’t give me permission. You could go and ask him if you want.”

“Nah, I have a feeling he wouldn’t like it. And I don’t really care either way.” he shrugged again. His feeling was even stronger now that Kiibo didn’t return. He probably saw Kokichi talking to him and decided to change air. “So Kiiboy is interested in Nagito?”

“Don’t call him that either. Just call him Makoto.” Rantaro shook his head lightly. “Yes, he is interested in the whole thing. You know, I think I’m taking a liking to the lawyer world, I may chose to study to become one!” Rantaro chuckled a little.

“Hmm…” Kokichi pretended to evaluate him. He actually could look like a passable lawyer in suit. He just needed to wear that sly grin he had seen him do from time to time. “I dunno, I have a feeling they would eat you alive and you would start to offer candy to any criminal that starts to cry. You are too soft for that job Love-me-chan!” he concluded with a nod.

Rantaro’s only answer was a hum of acknowledgement. Then his expression softened.

“How are you fairing? How is the new school?”

Terrible was the only truthful answer, so of course he lied.

“They all love me already, what else were you expecting?” he raised an eyebrow and examined his nails.

“Not surprising since they already loved you even before you attended.” he was trying to hide a smile. “Seriously though. How is it going?”

Kokichi stared at him right in the eyes.

“It’s going, it’s already much, believe me.”

Rantaro became a little sadder and dropped his smile.

“Yeah, I guess it really is…”

Luckily, Yonaga saved Kokichi from answering and keeping the conversation up. She had jumped on the stage and was babbling about the magic show in a loud cheerful voice. Kokichi’s skin crawled at the second déjà vu of the day. He wasn’t the only one because Chabashira felt the need to reassure everyone that no piranha were involved this time. Hoshi raised his glass at her, earning some awkward smiles from all around him. Kokichi abandoned Rantaro to search for his boyfriend again, but he wasn’t able to locate him. He took a better look and he noticed that besides him, even Aka-chan, Momo-chan and Yumeno were nowhere to be seen. He had a feeling he knew where he would find them.

He walked backstage quickly to see exactly what he was expecting. Momo-chan and Aka-chan were trying to put on Shuichi a colorful outfit that reminded Kokichi of a circus artist. He was all sparkling and ruffled. He had fought, he was still fighting, and his hair was the proof. His strands were all messy; they looked more like sheep fur. Someone had forced the outfit past his head and now Momo-chan was restraining his arms as Aka-chan was buttoning the jacket with a grin. They better not touch his pants, Kokichi was the only person allowed to do that. He decided to make sure they knew.

“Hey, who gave you permission to grope my boyfriend?” he crossed his arm, trying to look imposing even though he was a head and a half shorter than both.

“Kokichi help me!!” Shuichi actually yelled in a high pitch voice. “They want me to be the victim!”

“No, no…” commented lazily Yumeno. “I want you to assist me with my tricks. I need someone who can fit into the boxes.” she pointed at an assembly of different shaped and sized boxes.

Was she going to do the saw in a half trick? Well Shuichi could surely fit and they had been wise enough to not try kidnapping Kokichi, the other one that could fit.

“Ouma, we don’t have time to change to someone else now, Shuichi is going, don’t pick a fight.” Momo-chan said, on the defensive.

“I never planned to pick a fight! I think he looks very cute in that thing, I just said you can’t grope him, if someone is going to change his pants it’s going to be me!” he smiled widely making the three of them suppress a chuckle.

“What?! No! Kokichi help, I don’t want to go on stage!” Shuichi protested loudly.

“Alright, you are allowed to change his pants yourself, hurry up.” Aka-chan gave him permission to come closer.

“N-no! I’ll… get changed by myself.” Shuichi freed his arms before Kokichi could touch the button to open his pants and he run behind the boxes.

Kokichi followed, knowing Shuichi would try to sneak away if no one was there to stop him. Shuichi sensed his intention, not really hidden by his smile, and glared at him.

“I don’t want to do it! Help me, instead of trapping me here!” he whispered with urgency, as if his life depended on it.

“Play along or we are never going to see the end. You know your beloved Aka-chan and Momo-chan, they’ll bother you until you get dentures and a cane. Just play along and get it over with.” he smiled, honestly amused.

“Why don’t you do it instead, then?!” he whispered again, this time a bit more angrily.

“B-because!” he started to speak like a little whiny kid, knowing he would consume Shuichi’s patience immediately. “Someone already died during one of these, you are going to do it in my place and protect me, right?!” he waved his fists in front of his chest.

Shuichi rolled his eyes, finished changing and turned around, just as Kokichi had predicted. It was very easy to convince him once Kokichi pulled out his tricks. Kokichi eyed him a little, this colorful little adherent thing suited him quite a bit. Even thought he knew he would never be able to convince him to wear something like this ever again, he was considering trying anyway. He wasn’t sure how, but Shuichi sensed something because he sent him a glare again. Kokichi raised his hands and turned.

Yonaga’s shrieks were getting more annoying by the moment and Yumeno called Shuichi. Apparently the show was starting. Shuichi screamed something about him not knowing absolutely anything about what he was supposed to do on the stage. He shouldn’t worry so much, he had the Ultimate Supreme Leader by his side. Well, the retired Ultimate Supreme Leader, but still. Kokichi was going to sniff out any trap. He was going to be a ninja and inspect all the tricks before Shuichi was within a feet from them.

The work of a good boyfriend was never done.

And admittedly… he was in a good mood today, it was okay to screw around a little.

Yumeno proceeded, slowly but surely, to expose all her of tricks at her lazy pace. Kokichi was reassured that no one had snuck in a piranha anywhere, so he started to bother Shuichi while he was ‘working’. He found a stick that probably was a magic stick for kids, it had a star and a ribbon on one end. He hid in all the corners behind the curtains, to tickle Shuichi on the neck. As ‘professional’ as Shuichi was, he tried his very best to not shout at him to fuck off. He was just shooing the stick with a slap every time. Kokichi had a very fun time annoying Shuichi so much, a grimace was permanently stuck on his face the whole show. Someone, probably Love-me-chan, noticed him and the word spread. At some point the show became half a magic show and half a two-man comedy show. Many of them were laughing at them while Yumeno was saying some nonsense about mana between a trick and another.

When the show finally ended, Shuichi remained on stage just long enough to take a few claps and then he jumped behind the curtains, trying to grab Kokichi. Kokichi yelped in delight and started to run away, jumping down on the floor, ignoring the little stairs to the stage. Shuichi, who clearly was a more conscientious person than he was, descended the stairs like a good kid and then chased after him. The gym was big enough that the two didn’t need to do this silly game in front of the others. Especially since Kokichi had to run backward, he _had to,_ seeing Shuichi run in that outfit was a treat for the eyes. He was laughing senselessly, as well as running backward, he wasn’t doing it out of bad intentions but he could see that he was making Shuichi infuriated. But really… he couldn’t stop laughing.

“You know…” he said between a laughter and another. “You should… wear that kind… of things more… often!”

Shuichi didn’t answer, he just tried harder to catch him. Kokichi kept the game going a little more, then ran toward a corner. He glued his back against the wall, letting himself get caught. Shuichi trapped him placing both arms on each side. The two looked at each other panting a little.

“What are you going to do now?” Kokichi whispered with a smile.

It seemed Shuichi hadn’t thought that far ahead because Kokichi could see his brain working hard to find a follow-up. Kokichi chuckled and decided to solve the situation himself. He pushed himself forward and hugged him. Shuichi made a very vague sound, it could’ve been annoyance or fondness. But he reciprocated the hug so he couldn’t be that mad. Then Kokichi execute his killer move.

He raised a hand and groped his ass.

“Yep, you should wear this thing again!”


	10. Intimacy

Shuichi, regrettably, abandoned the amazing clothes in favor of his old boring ones.

The show had been transformed into a strange kind of night party, except it was afternoon. They had put on some music and they were eating Teruteru’s appetizers and drinking. Kokichi was pretty sure the drinks were non-alcoholic, but there was no way to tell for sure and he hated the simple thought of being drunk in front of everyone so he kept his thirst, only drinking after Shuichi had tested two different drinks. He could trust Shuichi to not drink alcohol. He couldn’t trust any of the others.

Shuichi, after he changed, refused to talk to him for some reason. Kokichi was still having the time of his life, he suspected that the reason was that he was playing hard to get. Lately, it had been Shuichi the one conducting the games and deciding the pace, Kokichi just tagged along for the ride. But this felt more like old times, this felt a lot more like the time they spent together in the Neo World Program. Shuichi had probably forgotten how forward Kokichi could get when he wanted to be, so he got flustered and his reaction had been to fake aloofness. Obviously, that only made Kokichi want to poke at him more.

He let him keep his attitude a little, waiting to strike when he had gained a fake sense of security. They were approached by Chabashira and Nekomaru, they thanked him for coming and for helping. Shuichi obviously got a lot of praise, as he deserved admittedly, even Chabashira didn’t call him a degenerate male. Nekomaru patted them both on the shoulders, making their knees go weak from the impact. He wasn’t exactly the same as he had been in the Neo World Program but he was working really hard to get his muscles back. He wasn’t that far from his objective currently. Not that Shuichi and Kokichi would be able to withstand a slap from him even if he was a lot farther away. Chabashira was in good shape herself, she had a lot less work to do to get back to her peak. Well, technically both Chabashira and Nekomaru never had that muscles in the first place, not on their real bodies, but that wasn’t really the point.

“Was Yumeno-san happy with the show? Even though we were kinda distracting…” asked Shuichi sending a glare to Kokichi.

“Don’t worry about that.” Chabashira shook her head. “Himiko was nervous. She was really scared to perform in the real world. It took her months to build up the courage… I tried to support her but she didn’t want to try. Then this morning, she suddenly woke up and yelled she wanted to do it. You know that she is normally a little more… contained than most people. So when I saw her so active all of a sudden, I just knew I had to do it today. I called my workplace, the only safe place I could think of, and begged my employer to let me use it today, privately. I was expecting a lot of resistance since today is Sunday after all, but they said it would be an amazing advertisement for the place if she were more sure of herself… They proposed…  that she performs here again the next time she feels like performing and this time the clients of the facility could attend the show. I didn’t make any promise, but I wouldn’t hate the idea. Obviously, it entirely depends on Himiko, I’ll support her either way.”

“Right!” interjected Nekomaru. “The best thing you can do in your life is to follow your dreams! If Himiko wants to be a magician, then she will be one! Shuichi, Leader, thanks for your comic relief, it made it all a lot easier on her.”

It wasn’t like Kokichi did it for Yumeno’s sake, but it was fine if that was what they wanted to tell themselves. Shuichi expressed the same thought out loud.

“It wasn’t really planned. It was just Kokichi being dumb. But you’re welcome, I guess.”

“Hey, I wasn’t being dumb! I was being flirtatious!” he said playing with his hair and blinking three times.

“Right.” Shuichi scratched his chin looking away.

“Well, thank you anyway; we will leave you alone now.” Chabashira, probably uncomfortable, read the air and left, dragging Nekomaru with her.

But maybe she hadn’t read the air enough, so Kokichi made sure she had by yelling at her back.

“Good idea, leave! I want to make out with my boyfriend in peace!” Shuichi hid his face behind his hands. Kokichi grinned. “What? This was supposed to be a date! You own me!”

“How do I owe you now?! We decided together to come here!” he protested loudly.

“No, you said okay to her! You had the phone in your hand and you answered!” Kokichi tilted his head.

“Wh-that’s—“ he paused a moment, with his mouth open. “This is so unfair! You passed the phone to me! You’re completely unfair!”

“When I have ever been fair? When I have ever, ever, ever, ever been fair? C’mon!”

Shuichi raised his hands and then let them fall. He sighed before admitting defeat.

“Okay. So. What do I owe you?”

Kokichi paused a moment but then relaxed. They were in a big room with a lot of people, they couldn’t go past a certain point anyway, so he didn’t need to become tense. He took a step and turned to him with a twirl.

“Hm, I don’t know…” he placed a finger to his lips and looked away. “There is music, we could start by dancing.”

“I don’t know how to dance.” ‘and I don’t want to’ was left unspoken but it was still there.

“But luckily for you, I do!” he grinned and extended a hand at him. “And as you know I can do everything and anything I do, I do perfectly, so you just have to follow my lead!”

And obviously they weren’t going to dance the foxtrot, they didn’t need a degree to do that swaying side to side motion the other idiots were doing. He had seen Haru-chan been led around that way by Momo-chan and her face was one of the highlights of the evening. He could’ve paid to have a photo of it to look at when he was annoyed at her.

Honestly, he didn’t care too much about dancing, he just wanted a good excuse to hold his hands and harass him a little. The atmosphere was perfect for flirting and he didn’t want to be the only couple not dancing together, all the others were, in their own way. They could choose a solitary corner, that was perfectly fine by him, but he really was in the mood for cuddling and messing around. He scanned the room quickly, localizing all the dancing couples, like Fuyuhiko and Peko that were doing some strange kind of statue dance with at least a palm between the two of them. The best solution really was to hide behind the stage, they would be alone there, where no one could judge and where Kokichi could relax a little more. He tugged at Shuichi’s hand and dragged him there, looking away from his face as soon as he noticed the blush on it.

Once he was satisfied with their positioning, Kokichi turned to face him, but could sustain his gaze only a moment. Shuichi’s eyes had never left him and they were too dark, Kokichi was scared to look too deep into them. He slowly took that one step that was separating them and placed a hand on Shuichi’s left side. He raised the other hand, still holding Shuichi’s. It was a very lousy waltz posture, but that was hardly the problem, it was functional enough. His real problem was Shuichi’s eyes still staring at him, it was a blessing the light wasn’t that strong, especially behind the stage. Why was he looking at him so intensely, he was making his courage deplete fast!  

To completely hide from his gaze, he moved even more forward, placing his face between Shuichi’s shoulder and neck. They started moving, spinning in place very slowly, they were barely noticing themselves. The silence was stretching for too long, Kokichi needed to say something or he was really going to get anxious again. He was feeling too warm too. Shuichi’s body heat was too close, too present. His mind somehow showed him a vision, him melting on Shuichi’s frame, connecting all the inches of skin together, the two of them living off the warmth of the other, relaxing, without the need of think, because they were a single entity.

“I thought you were avoiding me.” Shuichi whispered in his ear, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“And why would you think that?” he had to clear his voice a little to be intelligible.

“I don’t know, all the evenings you prefer to be alone and not with me… I mean, you are a pretty solitary person, I know you need your space. But I was afraid you were actually avoiding me. I wasn’t sure of what I should do. I guess I shouldn’t have worried so much.” he concluded happily, hugging him closer.

Kokichi felt heat radiating from his face and a weight settling down on his stomach at the same time. He was right, he had been avoiding him, but surely not because of Shuichi. It was Kokichi that was a complete mess of a person, and who wanted to punch himself because he was a coward who was only able to lie and hide. And avoid apparently. And he was the one saying that Takumi was dead. It would make a lot more sense to say that he and Takumi were the same person and they were both cowards. He was taking too much time to answer, he knew, so he tried to say something but all thoughts flew out of his mind when Shuichi kissed his neck gently. It had been a while, Kokichi wasn’t perceiving this kind of affectionate attention in a positive way since a long time ago. He didn’t know what had changed, but he liked this now, he was feeling small but repeated shivers of pleasure down his back. He hummed in Shuichi’s neck before he could stop himself and he barely even noticed when he moved his hand on Shuichi’s side down and past the rim of the jacket and shirt.

Shuichi reacted by transforming his hugging hand into a grip that was poking Kokichi from beyond his clothes. He breathed a long breath in Kokichi shoulder and neck, the hot air making him shiver even stronger.

Inside the Neo World Program, he couldn’t be sure if his body was reacting because of the situation or because the people behind the monitors wanted him to react, but now it was different. All the blood rushed down to a single place, and something that was soft started to change. He just had to return to a body of an adolescent full of hormones, hadn’t he? That was his punishment for always acting like he was a big shot. But surprisingly he wasn’t hating it, he was actually feeling, for the first time, the need to do something with himself, instead of just negate everything and step away. He loved Shuichi, he loved _this_ Shuichi. Maybe this Shuichi was capable of making him forget all his fears and anxiety. Suddenly all his fear for intimacy seemed silly, maybe it was just a mistake that his psyche wanted him to make. Maybe he was trying to punish himself or something.

Or he had actually drank alcohol and now he was having a hallucination.

Shuichi made a strange noise in his neck, something between frustration and embarrassment. The cold air of the gym hit him suddenly when Shuichi broke the hug and Kokichi’s first instinct was to go back to the warmth. He didn’t like this cold, Shuichi’s body was such a wonderful thing to be leaning against…

“Let’s go home.” Shuichi said like he was in a huge hurry.

He didn’t wait for Kokichi to answer, he started walking with large steps and Kokichi was just dragged forward by his hand. He went for the door without looking at anyone in the room at all, grabbed both their coats, handed him Kokichi’s and then left the gym.

“Aren’t you going to say something to your friends…?” he tried asking to stop him, overwhelmed by the sudden development.

Shuichi stopped a moment and turned toward him a little, he looked like he was considering it, but then he turned again.

“I’ll call them tomorrow.” he dismissed the objection.

Kokichi found himself descending a lot of stairs, only half of his brain wondering why they weren’t using the elevator, the other half wondering if _Shuichi_ was the drunk one. Maybe it had been a mistake to use him as his personal tester. He wanted to go back to the hug; that had felt great, stairs not so much. The night air outside of the building felt even worst, it was definitely chilly. Kokichi put on his coat in a hurry.

Shuichi called a taxi and that was the moment Kokichi understood that things were starting to get _bad._ If Shuichi was willing to spend the money for the taxi to get home quickly, then the situation was really _bad._

As he was sitting in the warm car, his heart started racing, his previous calmness and excitement were starting to be tainted by nervousness. Things were getting too real, too fast. Were they going to…? He forced himself to stop thinking about _that_ before he could start to breathe funny and make a mess of the evening. If even… if even that was the case, it was really better to go for it, finally, and then stop being scared of it forever. Surely after the first time, everything would click in the right place and make it all right. Surely, it had to be like this. It had to.

Or else Kokichi had no idea what to do to save himself.

Yes, he had to endure and be brave this one time then everything would go well. Right. Surely.

He shook his head, pushing his thoughts out forcefully and focused in the sensation of Shuichi’s warm hand in his. When they left the taxi, the scene repeated again, Shuichi dragged him by the hand up the stairs and into the apartment. Kokichi didn’t put up any resistance until Shuichi tried to grab his coat and take it off for him.

“Hey, wait, what’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” he tried to chuckle at the end but it sounded pitiful even to his own ears.

Shuichi took off his coat to buy some time and find an answer for him.

“It’s just that…” he took a breath. “Today we were finally going to be together. Together alone. The whole day. Without all… this.” he gestured around the room with his arms, but didn’t elaborate on what ‘this’ was supposed to be. “Don’t get me wrong, I love all of them and I liked the show… But I was looking forward to be with you.” he paused and shook his head. “At first I tried to keep my expectations as low as I could because I was afraid you weren’t as interested as I was, but now…” he paused again, he looked like he was fighting against something that Kokichi couldn’t even start to fathom. But then, when their eyes met again, Kokichi was hit full force by the awareness that his intuition was correct. Shuichi _really_ had in mind what he was afraid of. There was no mistaking it. He extended his hand at him again. “What do you want?”

Kokichi’s mouth was completely dry and his throat was squeezed so tight it was painful. He couldn’t speak even if he wanted and he didn’t even want to. He refused to stop and think, it would only make everything worse, so he just took Shuichi’s hand without looking at him in the eyes. That was apparently all the answer he needed.

Another tug at his arm forced Kokichi to follow Shuichi into their bedroom. Shuichi didn’t even turn on the light, he just replicated immediately the position they were into before he had this irresistible need to be home alone with him. Kokichi greatly appreciated being again in his arms, protected by his warmth. He regained the ability to gulp and eased the knot in his throat. He had even the presence of mind to realize that they were going to hit an impasse soon enough; if neither were going to take that last step either toward the bed or at the very least toward nakedness then things couldn’t really move forward. The problem was clear, Shuichi wasn’t really used to taking the initiative except in some rare moments like the one they just had a moment ago. Now he looked unsure how to leave the easy territory to enter the difficult and unknown one. On the other hand, Kokichi didn’t want to take the initiative, despite being the one that was doing so more often.

And that was it, the impasse.

How was this supposed to be done? How does one… start? Clothes or bed first? Manga and novels lied. They said that when the right moment had arrived instinct was going to take over. If his instinct was having all his muscles so contracted that he was going to start having cramps soon, then it was surely working. If not, then he wanted to have a word with the authors. The liar was supposed to be him.

Shuichi started to kiss the skin under his ear and thank god for that, he could deal with that. He left him at his occupation and Kokichi focused instead on getting Shuichi's shirt out of his pants, so he could touch the skin of the back. Shuichi contracted, escaping his touch at first, but the relaxed back into his hand. His skin so hot Kokichi almost wanted to ask if he was feverish. Besides drunk, obviously. He moved his hand a little higher, feeling all the little bumps of his spine, Shuichi in the meantime had changed spot. Shuichi had abandoned his ear in favor of biting somewhere near his Adam’s apple, while he had secretly found a way to move his hand in between them and placed it in the little growing bulge in his pants. Kokichi couldn’t contain the embarrassing yelp that escaped his lips at the bold approach. Shuichi had _never_ touched him there before.

Shuichi seemed to realize what he had done because he immediately abandoned the position and returned somewhere around his hips. Kokichi felt relief for a moment, but immediately after he felt an absurd irritation, like he had been somehow hurt in his pride. His logical mind flying out of the closed window, he moved his free hand and grope Shuichi’s butt hard, making him tense and release a strange grunt of surprise. Two could play the unfair game. How it was unfair, Kokichi wasn’t going to waste time figuring out, he just knew it was. Shuichi didn’t back down however, probably because he was drunk, and he kissed Kokichi messily. He didn’t really reciprocate, he had better things to do, like figure out how to open Shuichi’s pants so he could repay him properly for the previous embarrassment. True to be told, Kokichi didn’t even remember anymore what embarrassment he supposedly had undergone, but that hardly mattered, he needed to be sure to make Shuichi pay somehow.

Kokichi broke the kiss to create enough distance to see properly as he opened Shuichi’s belt and buttons, opening both his pants and jacket at the same time. Shuichi let him work, watching silently and curiously as he was doing so. Then when his jacket, shirt and pants flew across the room somewhere in the dark, he seemed to realize that only he was getting more naked, Kokichi was still fully clothed. He moved his hands to start working on his button, but Kokichi slapped his hand away. He started working on them himself, fast and efficient. It wasn’t Shuichi that was going to get Kokichi naked, Kokichi was going to get himself naked! For some reason, that point was very important for him. Shuichi didn’t seem interested in disagree anyway.

They were then both half-naked, Shuichi had his pants open but still on, Kokichi’s mind was now blank. He had finished accomplishing all the actions his brain had decided to do and there was nothing else in the queue. Shuichi’s gaze traveled from his naked chest, to the bed, to his pants, to the bed again and stopped on a random black spot of the room. Kokichi realized that this was the first actual time they were both without the upper half. He was suddenly torn in half by the need to cover himself and took a very good look at Shuichi. Luckily, they both seemed to notice that this pause was really odd and awkward so when Kokichi closed the distance to get a kiss, Shuichi welcomed him immediately. Kissing was easier than all the other things for Kokichi, so of course he had decided to go for that. It was a great excuse to not think about anything and get back into the mood. If a mood had ever been established at any moment of the evening, Kokichi wasn’t really sure, it had been a stupid rollercoaster as far as he was concerned.

Shuichi’s arms around him and his hands on his lower back and neck while they were kissing were raising his temperature and making him shiver at the same time. Every time they changed position on his skin it was as if he his warmth was replaced by icy cold, and he wanted them back there. A very small part of his brain remembered that they had not turned on the heater before leaving, so the house was now quite chilly. The excitement, Shuichi’s hot skin and being half-naked in a non-heated room were a strange combination of factors of hot and cold. Not that he disliked the hot and cold kind of situation, but right now he preferred to stop having these muscular spasms that were hitting him every once in a while. The bed could probably help with the average temperature of his body…

It looked like Shuichi had read his mind because he broke the kiss and instead of catching his breath, he started to drag Kokichi to the bed, moving the comforter out of the way with his other hand. Shuichi pushed him down gently, a light push to his shoulder to make him sit and then another on his chest to tell him to lie down. Kokichi executed the first advance, but not the second one, remaining seated, he propped his legs up, he still had his shoes on and he needed to take them off. Shuichi apparently was satisfied with the current situation because he walked to the other side of the bed giving Kokichi a bit of break time. When Kokichi’s feet were finally free on the sheets, he turned completely to look at the person that was now almost completely naked on the other side of the bed. Shuichi had worked way quicker them him, all things considered, since he was already in his grey and white underwear. Only then, Kokichi’s brain completely shook off the dizziness and connected the dots.

_They were indeed in bed and about to have sex._

The temperature drop hit him so suddenly, he felt like he had been thrown into a fridge. Now he was trembling slightly but uncontrollably from both the intense cold and nervousness. He tried to hug his knees to his chest, but Shuichi was faster. He fished him closer with one arm, covering his small frame with his, trapping him between Shuichi’s body and the headboard. Kokichi started to feel sarcastic.

_Look at this, taking advantage of the fact that he was cold to drag him into bed, wasn’t he?_

Kokichi knew it didn’t make any sense at all to recriminate about something so absurd, that it had been obvious from the start, nevertheless it made him feel a little better with himself. Like it wasn’t really his fault, it was the _cold fault,_ if it wasn’t for that Kokichi would have been able to resist. Except that he wasn’t trying to resist, he was going to confront the situation head-on and end up the winner somehow, but the incongruence was the last of his problems right now. Shuichi was still quite shy, so even at this point, or maybe even more because they were at this point, the only thing he was really doing was hugging and kissing his neck. Kokichi, he had to admit to himself, was taking advantage of this fact by not helping at all. Of everything that had happened in the room and even before then, he had contributed at less than a quarter. He was making Shuichi’s life more difficult and he had to admit that he was doing it on purpose because Shuichi was not really the type to take the initiative. Once again, he was forced to face the choice in his head, should he do what he wanted and force Shuichi to do everything, _since he was the one that wanted to do it,_ or should he try to help the best he could, which was probably not much anyway?

How were they going to go all the way, if they were both this fucking pathetic? If this had been a novel, Kokichi would have laughed at these two idiots, completely incapable of _doing it right._

Now that he was the one in the protagonist’s shoes, he wasn’t finding it all that funny anymore.

The authors definitely lied to him. Nowhere in the novels was it written that his heart would beat like this, not out of emotional participation, but painfully, hard and cold. Nowhere was it written that he would feel all his muscles like logs and that he would start to sweat cold. Wait, _he was sweating cold!_ It was gross, he noticed only at that moment.

As he was completely lost in these mental rants, he had failed to notice that Shuichi’s position had changed a little. He was not kissing his neck anymore, now he was slowly following the outline of Kokichi’s collarbone. Shuichi’s hands also were descending, getting dangerously near his nipples. Kokichi’s heart leaped backward and he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind, namely the last thing he had thought when he still had the presence of mind to think.

“I’m sweating pinballs.”

Shuichi’s movements stopped. Kokichi didn’t move either, staring at the top of his hear that was right below his eyes. Then Shuichi’s head raised just enough to have the two meet eyes at the same height. Shuichi’s gaze and his raised eyebrow were saying everything that his mouth wasn’t.

_Is this something you should say right now, in this situation?_

The fun fact was that Kokichi’s mind wholeheartedly agreed. Yes, that was indeed something he should say right now. If his exploration of Kokichi’s chest was going to continue, he was going to taste his sweat very soon and Kokichi thought it was worth a warning. Was it not?

Shuichi apparently decided that it wasn’t worth to start a discussion about this now and returned to his previous occupation. _Damn, it didn’t work._ Wait, no, he wasn’t trying to gross him out to convince him to give up, that was not his intention at all. At all. Surprisingly, Shuichi stopped almost immediately and he moved away from him.

“You can’t be comfortable in that position.” he said.

Kokichi noticed that he was indeed completely glued to the headboard and with his legs half folded under himself. Even a blind person could see that he was not in a comfortable position for _foreplay._ Shuichi moved away a little to give him space to choose a different position. Now that he forced his muscles to move again, he noticed how painful moving had become and another detail caught his attention. The kissing and fooling around from before had given him an erection, which had now vanished without leaving a trace. Kokichi gulped, refusing to accept how fast the situation was becoming hopeless.

He moved slow, aware that he had countless possibilities in front of him, he could choose any kind of position he wanted, Shuichi clearly had made so that it was for him to decide. His mind humored some of the choices he had, one of them definitely wasn’t jumping down from the bed and run, and he took a decision. He smirked and moved toward Shuichi on all four. When he was upon him Shuichi lost balance and had to use his arms to keep himself in a vertical position, Kokichi took advantage of the distraction to grab Shuichi’s underwear front and what it contained, not all that gently. Shuichi winched visibly, probably shocked by the aggressive assault. In seconds, Kokichi pushed him completely down, the positions reversed. Now, it was Shuichi that was trapped under him, and it was Kokichi that had his manhood at his disposition. He gave it another squeeze, Shuichi inhaled violently, but Kokichi was momentarily distracted by what he was feeling. Shuichi was complexly hard and one of his fingers had landed in an area that was kinda damp.

Kokichi’s back skin caught on fire, he was overwhelmed by the need to jump backward, so he was clinging to the wall, much like Spiderman. He forced himself to remain where he was, not moving even that one finger. Shuichi, in the meantime, had covered his mouth with a hand, his face completely red. Kokichi’s secret plan crumbled into dust after noticing that sight. Had Shuichi always been so incredibly sexy? Kokichi’s asleep body part gave a sign of waking up to his, objectively absurd, own mortification. The complete absence of logic to the whole situation crashed hard into Kokichi’s consciousness, none of this was making any sense. Talk about hot and cold.

Shuichi was the first one to react; he used the other arm to force Kokichi’s head down so they could kiss. Kokichi let him do it, too overwhelmed by the stimuli coming from too many different directions. He noticed that the arm that was previously covering his mouth was now reaching down for Kokichi’s pants. He started to work with the button and zip, and Kokichi’s mouth froze into the kiss. Shuichi’s gentle bite convinced him to reciprocate a couple more kisses sloppily, but he could not stop focusing on the hand that was working in the dangerous zone. To his utter surprise, Shuichi didn’t immediately try to remove his pants, no, he moved his hand deeper, directly into Kokichi’s underwear. He found what he was searching for and Kokichi realized a moment too late the real problem.

Kokichi’s situation was completely different from Shuichi’s. He wasn’t even nearly as hard as he was, the opposite.

Kokichi put all the strength he had in the arm that was supporting him and escaped Shuichi’s hold on his neck. Then he grabbed the hand that was in his underwear and pulled it away forcefully. He was feeling completely mortified to be the only one that was not enjoying the situation and was terrified. He could not let Shuichi notice just how behind he was; it would only upset both beyond repair.

“I have to go to the bathroom, I’m not feeling well, sorry!” he forced out of his mouth and escaped to the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

He ran his hands through his hair and tried to calm his breath that was going out of control.

He slammed his fist at the wall three times, his eyes stung.

_Fuck._

He had screw up hard this time.


	11. Never going back

Kokichi had a minor hysteric freak out in the shower immediately after he comforted an extremely confused Shuichi.

He refused to even mention their failed attempt at sex or whatever, he just said he had felt sick to his stomach and Shuichi worried about him quite a lot through the door. In the shower Kokichi actually cried a bit, out of frustration and disappointment towards himself.

He came out of the shower after half an hour and only because he knew he was wasting a ton of water and electricity. He dried himself up angrily, scratching his skin until it was red in some places. Shuichi had stopped asking questions when he had heard the water, but Kokichi had no doubt he was right outside, waiting for him to open the door. Kokichi took a deep breath and prepared his best childish voice.

“Heeeey. It’s pretty chilly in the house and I’m naked in here! Can I have my fluffy pajamas, please? I’m already partially sick, I don’t want to catch a cold too.” he whined by the end of the act.

Shuichi didn’t answer, but Kokichi heard his steps outside of the door. He waited until Shuichi knocked on the door softly, still silent. Kokichi turned the key and stuck an arm outside, making a grabbing motion without letting him see inside. He felt his soft clothes and he pulled them into the bathroom but didn’t close the door anymore. Shuichi didn’t try to open it, he just waited. Kokichi got dressed quickly and left the room after taking another deep breath.

He immediately had Shuichi’s eyes on him. He was observing him in silence, no particular recognizable expression in his face. The blank stare unnerved Kokichi a little. He decided to break the ice first.

“I may have eaten something strange or maybe I’ve already got a cold since I left home for the first times this week, after a long hospitalization. Don’t worry, I’m okay now, I just needed a hot shower!”

Once again, he didn’t mention the mess from before at all. He wanted to forget that even happened as soon as possible and he hoped Shuichi would pick up his hints. Shuichi’s face changed a little, the corner of his mouth raising a little, and he nodded, his stare getting sweeter.

“I think it’s best if we go to bed, the house is too cold.” Shuichi proposed, finally speaking.

“Don’t you have to take a shower too?” he asked.

The next day they had school again, Kokichi hated to just think about it, so he had to take a shower. Shuichi was too worried about others’ opinion to just ignore the matter and not shower.

“I’ll take it in the morning, right now I couldn’t be bothered.” he dismissed his question with a wave of his hand.

Ouch, he must have been very worried then. It was the first time Shuichi had ever said something couldn’t bother him. He was too responsible to say something like this out loud. Kokichi didn’t even know he could think something like this until that very moment.

Kokichi was finally able to write down a checkmark next to the date, metaphorically speaking, when he lied down to actually sleep this time. Shuichi absolutely didn’t try anything, he just wished him a good night and turned on the other side, giving him his back. Now that Kokichi was alone with his thoughts and not in a strange situation where he was supposed to do something to lift the mood, he was descending fast into paranoia. This had been objectively a disaster. The day started great, well kinda, then it evolved into something fun and ended up creating a pit between the two. Kokichi knew, on a logical level, that Shuichi wasn’t displeased at him for leaving, he had bought the lie about being sick even too much. Which was actually somewhat interesting because he was somehow feeling sick, just not physically, and so Shuichi believing him was actually very on spot. But even thought he knew in his mind, he wasn’t capable of shaking off the feeling he had disappointed him. And Shuichi’s strange coldness was eating at his conscience way too much.

What was he thinking right now?

He never got the answer to that question, as the next morning Shuichi was surprisingly back to his normal self. The fact that Kokichi was completely unable to discern if he was being genuine or if it was just an act honestly weirded him out a bit. Shuichi wasn’t supposed to be a better liar than him, so the answer should be obvious, except it wasn’t. Kokichi, to avoid touching any kind of wrong spot decided to be silent as much as he could, he wasn’t down for a fight right now, he was already on edge by himself. He had slept, but he wasn’t rested, his mind was fixed on both Shuichi and the school as two separate problems that were somehow melting in one big pot of uneasiness. Everything was a fucking mess.

Shuichi took his shower, they ate and changed into their uniforms with nothing strange happening. Kokichi forced himself to stop thinking and keep up with the scarce conversation. They left the apartment and separated like normal. Kokichi walked slowly toward the school, step after step, forcing his feet to move. With every step, it was almost like a barrier between his obsessive thoughts and his active mind was breaking apart. With every breaking barrier, more and more weights were settling on his stomach until it started to hurt. His steps slowed down. It was more difficult to move his feet now.

He didn’t want to go to school.

He didn’t want to see any of the people in there. He didn’t want to have more and more problems to solve every time he was going in that blasted place. He didn’t want to deal with fans. He didn’t want to deal with haters. He didn’t want to deal with his classmates. He didn’t want to deal with his teachers. He didn’t want to deal with any of the souls that were going to that place. He didn’t want detentions. He didn’t want to be punctual for class. He didn’t want to answer to questions. He didn’t want to be in the gym, looking at the other doing P.E. He didn’t want to have lunch where he was scared to be attached. He didn’t want to talk, to listen, to sit at his desk, to scribble into his notebook, to breath the same air as everyone else.

_He didn’t want to go to school._

He stopped. Why was he going? For himself? No, definitely not. To make Shuichi happy? Yes, but was that really the only way? Why was he forced to do this in order gain his approval? Was he a little kid, was Shuichi his father? What was the line between Shuichi’s morals and Kokichi’s personal freedom? Was the piece of paper the problem? The degree? Kokichi could obtain that online or even by just taking the test at the end of the year session. He never needed to go in that place, it was just Shuichi’s conviction. Why should he bend to his opinions?

_No._

That was it. He was not going. He was never going back there. He didn’t need to fight with Shuichi, there was a far better alternative that would still result in him having the piece of paper Shuichi wanted for him.

Kokichi turned and returned back home. He closed the door behind him and hung up his coat back into its place, and then he threw his backpack at random. He stretched his arms; feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from him. There was no need for him to be outside anymore, the plan was simple. He could leave the house with Shuichi, go back home, pretending to have gone to school as planned and play games all morning until after lunch. Then he needed to leave the house sometime around the time Shuichi was normally returning home, maybe a little early, just to be sure. He could spend two or three hours in his secret lair, read manga, and go back home later in the afternoon, pretending to have done the same exact thing he had done last week.

_It was perfect._

He was going to go back to the golden era, the one before Shuichi started to talk about all this school nonsense. He just needed to make Shuichi think he was being a good kid, and do everything behind his back. In the meantime, he could take his stupid degree online and show it to him after the end of the year, completing his lie in full. Shuichi was never going to know about this, for a simple reason: Shuichi didn’t follow gossip, he hated them. He wouldn’t listen to the people saying he wasn’t going to school anymore and he had disappeared into a black hole, not if Kokichi was saying he was going as planned. Shuichi would believe him rather than gossip, for sure. Besides, Shuichi wouldn’t really go and find out about his progress at school, and if he dared, Kokichi was going to remind him he despised people sticking their noses where they didn’t belong.

Honestly, he could only see good points all around. He could play games, read manga, be at home in the warmth most of the day, eat with time to spare, be alone, wear what he wanted, make Shuichi happy and even get the degree he may or may not need for his future. This was genius, there was no other way to describe it. It was highly dishonest, yes, who cared? Not Kokichi. As long as Shuichi wasn’t going to find out, there was no problem as far as he was concerned.

Some adjustments had to be made, for example he needed to make sure to turn off the notifications from his online game center, he didn’t want to notify _Iliveintheinternet_ that he was playing during school hours. He definitely didn’t want to give him any explanation. He had to play offline as much as he could and he needed to make his achievements hidden from others, because they were going to have recorded strange hours from now on. It was kind of a pity, Kokichi was proud of his achievements.

In very high spirit, for the first time since three weeks ago when Shuichi brought up the school for the first time, he opened his laptop and looked at the list of games he owed, or Chiaki owned, to be more precise. His search brought him to a simple conclusion: he needed a lot more new games, these just weren’t enough until April next year!

With a huge smile on his face, he launched his favorite MMO, now he finally had time to get that rare sword he was chasing after since a month ago!

The morning went by so fast, Kokichi could swear it was eight just seconds ago and now the clock was telling him it was lunchtime. He had been able to level up twice and make six more progresses on the quest he was working on, Kokichi felt like he had easily made up for the lost time of a week in a single morning. He couldn’t feel more satisfied with himself. He closed his laptop and pondered about the food arrangements. He could not cook, or else Shuichi would notice the absence of food from the fridge, but he had his bento with him. They were usually buying the pre-prepared bento because it was faster and easier but now Kokichi had a lot of spare time…

A cocky grin appeared on his face. He could use this to his advantage. He could start preparing bento for the both of them for the next day during the afternoons and pretend he was trying to be considerate toward Shuichi, who had to go and buy them every couple days at the grocery store, while he really wasn’t. Cooking was way cheaper than buying something that had already been processed by someone else so with the same amount of money they could make a lot more food, and Kokichi could become again Shuichi’s hero, generous enough to scarify his time for the well-being of his boyfriend. Another genius idea in the same day? Hell yeah. He could build up a lot of practice, become an amazing cook, save them some money, get a lot of praiseS and make Shuichi proud, all in one single act. If this wasn’t an excellent opportunity, he didn’t know what could be.

Sure, Kokichi was not the best cook around, far from it, but he now had spare time to kill. And a ‘friend’ who was a cook. Kokichi wasn’t sure he could consider Teruteru a friend, not entirely at least, but when he was useful there was no reason not to take advantage of it. He didn’t try his luck that day, if he burned the ingredients he wouldn’t get any praise, only sighs of resignation, so he just ate his bento without complaints. At one in the afternoon, he left to go hide at the abandoned factory. He made sure he brought everything he was supposed to have brought to school with him. Once he was there, safely tucked into the blanket, he texted both Chiaki and Teruteru, firing his demands to each respectively. Neither answered him immediately, so he grabbed the first manga he could get his hands on; it was the first volume of a long series. It suited him just fine, he was in the mood for a long story, especially if it was interesting. It took him five chapters, but then he was hooked, it was a mystery of the past, the technology in it was fascinating and so different from what he was used to, but closer to the one he remembered in the Neo World Program. Of course, it _had_ to be a mystery to fire up his blood; it was a curse by this point, it was better to just resign himself to his fate. Everything he liked was a damn mystery, Shuichi included.

His two targets answered, Chiaki first and Teruteru later. Chiaki, as expected, agreed to lend him new games, in exchange for a review of them all, for some reason. The two texted for a while and she said she apparently was using him as a tester to find out which game she should play with her boyfriend. He poked the subject a little more until she revealed that Hinata was kinda a fan of games, but after Danganronpa he had trouble playing anything.

Chiaki, who didn’t have any psychological scar, she could still play zombie games and fictional killing games for what they were, but obviously things were a little different for Hinata. She said he was using Kokichi as a test to see which games may give a bad time to someone who had been through a rough killing game experience. Kokichi was a little dumbfounded. Aside from the fact that the killing games they had taken part in were very different… every individual had a different degree of fragility. What could be harmful for Kokichi may not be for Hinata and the other way around. But more importantly: she was using him as a tester! Didn’t she care about him being potentially hurt? Kokichi sighed, already aware of the answer. It wasn’t like that, she wasn’t doing it intentionally, she was just being stupidly dense in a very goofy way. It wasn’t like she had ever lent him a zombie game or something that could remind him directly of his experience, she was already filtering them somehow.

Teruteru’s texts were less controversial. They agreed on the place and time. Obviously, to keep up the façade Kokichi said he was free only after school, which translated meant during clubs hours. He was going to forfeit this reading time alone in the secret lair for a while, in the meantime, he would learn how to cook. Teruteru couldn’t know anything about the club at school he supposedly was a member of, and even if he mentioned something to Shuichi he could just tell Shuichi he was trying to surprise him by learning how to cook. Again, good points all around.

Kokichi finished the first two volumes and left. He couldn’t wait to read volume three and find some more clues about Friend’s identity. Shuichi was already home, as he had hoped and speculated, and Kokichi made a big scene saying how much he hated Mondays at school. Shuichi still was acting the same way as the morning, all sweet and cheerful, and again Kokichi was confused. Was Shuichi capable of keeping an act so consistently for so long? In any event, since he had had the whole day to relax by himself, he didn’t mind to keep him company, he even asked him how his days had been. Shuichi didn’t comment on Kokichi’s change of attitude, suddenly asking him about his day for the first time. They chatted about some events of the day and then Shuichi asked about Kokichi's day. Kokichi happily lied, every word coming off more easily than the previous one. There was something nostalgic and bittersweet in returning to one’s roots.

Dinner went by swimmingly, Kokichi couldn’t believe how much better he was feeling, what big of a difference deciding to abandon school was making for him. He was even able to partially forget about the horrendous embarrassment that he had been through the previous night. Shuichi started studying, so Kokichi went to the other room and finally was able to talk with _Iliveintheinternet._ Kokichi completely invented a whole birthday party of some friend or some such to cover for the absence in the last few days and then they spent the rest of the evening until late playing the MMO Kokichi had played alone the whole morning. The two levels he gained made a big difference and so _Iliveintheinternet_ complimented him for his increased ability. Kokichi felt a spark of guilt, but he couldn’t be bothered to care any more than that.

At ten and a half, Kokichi declared that Shuichi had studied enough and went into the kitchen to fetch him. Shuichi surprisingly agreed to stop without complaints and they watched some stupid kitty videos on Kokichi’s laptop for half an hour. At eleven, they prepared and went to bed, Shuichi giving him a quick peck on the cheek and nothing else. Kokichi felt his guilt once again and embarrassment stirred inside him, but he ignored it. The night passed without any nightmare for both of them and morning came, outside the sound of rain. The day went by pretty much like a carbon copy of the last one. They got ready, Shuichi kissed him on the cheek again before leaving, and Kokichi returning to the apartment after walking for five minutes in the direction of the school. Still in absence of new games, he played the MMO again, gaining another level, but by ten he was fed up and so he started reading again. The story was really compelling, but suddenly a time skip occured and Kokichi felt a little lost, intrigued, but lost.

Once again, he ate his bento and then left in the rain. His first step was to go to Chiaki’s apartment to get the games. She wasn’t home, she was at her new job, but Hinata opened the door for him. She was now working as PR in a game company, not exactly her dream, but it was a step in the right direction. Chiaki wanted to become a game designer. Hinata instead was currently still unemployed, because compared to Chiaki he had worked his way up because he was a Danganronpa ex-participant, and he didn’t have an actual curriculum. Not that there wasn’t any place that would hire him, just he was being cautious about choosing a good place, instead of the first one that was willing to accept him. Her absence wasn’t a problem because she had left a bag full of stuff near the entrance, recommending Hinata to give it to Kokichi if he ever stopped by. The transaction between the two was almost business like, it was completed quickly and smoothly.

Kokichi, with his new bag of treasures and the umbrella, walked to the other side of the district, towards Teruteru’s cooking school. He made sure to sneak around and not make himself too noticeable while reaching the room Teruteru mentioned in his text. It was a very big kitchen, with many pieces of equipment. Teruteru, a little tense at first like all the times Kokichi was involved, explained that this place was for the students to practice, they needed to make sure to not break anything, but they were free to use what they wanted. Teruteru had booked the room for two hours.

The lesson went by much quicker than Kokichi would have expected. He had forgotten how satisfying it could be to learn something new and do it with his own hands. All his knowledge had been implanted; he didn’t need to spend much effort on what he was learning. Moving his hands during the process of learning was oddly relaxing and satisfying. He learned a very basic fried rice but Kokichi loved simple and light stuff, so it fit him perfectly. He was pretty sure Shuichi loved fried rice too. At the end of the two hours Kokichi returned home, his steps light, he almost started to whistle, but stopped himself. It was a good day; he didn’t want to risk being recognized in such a nice lovely rainy day.

The sky was full of clouds, but the first real cloud of the day Kokichi saw was when he returned home. Shuichi was outside, talking with Kiibo. Or Idabashi Makoto, to be more precise. Kokichi stopped and took three steps backward, he didn’t even really know why. The two talked for three to five minutes at most, and then Kiibo left. Shuichi’s face wasn’t too happy, his expression much more real than the one Kokichi had seen in the last few days. He turned and entered the building, disappearing from view.

Kokichi hesitated a moment before following him inside.

He had a strange feeling about this and not a good one.


	12. Marriage

Kokichi didn’t mention anything about what he saw.

Shuichi didn’t tell him anything about Kiibo either, so Kokichi did the same, ignoring the matter and pretending he hadn’t seen anything at all.

Life returned into a comfortable routine so easily, it was like second nature for Kokichi. Playing games in the morning and reading manga when he was bored, eating his now freshly cooked lunch, preparing the bento for the next day for Shuichi, having a cooking lesson with Teruteru in the afternoon, returning home a bit later than Shuichi, playing games with _Iliveintheinternet,_ pretend to do some studying, eating dinner and bothering Shuichi, then sleeping. The ideal life had come back, perfect and reassuring. His anxiety was mostly gone, only perking up a little when he was walking along the path between his apartment and the cooking school. More precisely when it seemed that someone had recognized him, his alarm would rise a little, but then return to normal when that person looked away. His guilt was almost completely forgotten, definitely he wasn’t missing the idiots at school and he was only deceiving Shuichi a little bit, nothing too major. Lying was more comfortable than confronting reality anyway. Lies were always warmer to him than the truth.

Two weeks passed by and Kokichi barely even noticed.

The only two black spots in his new renewed peaceful life were Kiibo’s visit that day and Takumi’s _existence._ Kiibo had not been a problem per se, but his visit had planted a doubt in Kokichi’s mind. Shuichi’s expressions and mannerisms had not changed at all since that day and Kokichi at this point was sure. _He was faking it._ With Kiibo, he had been far more honest and open, even though he had seen it only for a few seconds. Again, it wasn’t Kiibo the problem, the problem was that he didn’t know why Shuichi had changed in his way of dealing with Kokichi. He obviously could venture a guess, it was probably because of the failed sex, but _why._ What made him decide for this solution instead? This fake contentment that wasn’t doing a favor to either. It could be anything, from trying to protect him from being hurt to being fed up with him. The reason Kokichi was keeping quiet was that it was convenient for him, even though the doubt was making him grow impatient faster than he liked. The second problem, Takumi, was a bit easier to ignore. Kokichi had started to get used to the fact that one night out of three the mist and Takumi’s silhouette were going to hunt his dreams. Kokichi didn’t even try to lie to himself, Takumi was trying to make him feel guilty for his decision. He was judging him. Every time his mouth was more frowned and his figure more clear. He hadn’t spoken yet, but Kokichi knew it was just a matter of time. By morning, he couldn’t muster the strength to care. He didn’t regret his decision at all.

Since the second black spot apparently was there to stay and the best Kokichi could do was to ignore it, he focused a little more on the first one. It was true that he didn’t want to poke the beehive and get stung, but as the third week was coming and November was fast approaching, the situation started to become annoying real fast. Shuichi was sticking only to quick pecks on the cheeks and his regular schedule, treating him like something closer to a friend or a brother rather than a boyfriend. Yes, it had been Kokichi’s fear for intimacy that brought all this to life, but Shuichi wasn’t helping with the issue. He was suddenly acting as if he didn’t care about establishing some kind of intimate relationship with him anymore. Either that was true or there was something else going on. He wanted to at the very least try and make him react in some way, even rejection right now seemed better than to be treated with that cold and impersonal mask.

Was this what he looked like when he was the one doing it? He hoped not.

Kokichi didn’t know exactly why or what pushed him to the next step. He only knew that suddenly the roles were reversed. Before, it had been Kokichi who wanted to keep things stagnant, while Shuichi wanted to take them further, and now it was the opposite. This was not about sex, sex had left Kokichi’s mind for now and maybe for a long while, but it was about… well, love? Maybe, if Shuichi had been another person, Kokichi could have thought that this was the normal way for them to be together. But clearly it was not. Shuichi was a sweet, affectionate cuddler that liked small gestures of affection and deep connections that were supposed to be renowned basically every day. He wasn’t a fan of big, overwhelming gestures, but at the same time he needed that bit of attention daily. All the proof Kokichi needed for that was Shuichi’s obsession with touching his hair and the fact that until the incident had happened, Shuichi would be disappointed every time Kokichi would choose to ignore him for the whole evening. No way in hell, he was the one doing this because this was his way of being Kokichi’s partner. He was either being like this because the love faded or because he was trying to make him feel some kind of suffering. Whatever the reason, Kokichi wanted a clean cut, so he could accept that Shuichi didn’t love him anymore or else he wanted the kind of love relationship they both wanted.

Kokichi started to bother Shuichi at every occasion, but in the best positive way that he could. He proposed a bunch of stuff they could do together, tried to look as interested as possible about his life, tried to study with him, tried to be better with Haru-chan and Momo-chan. But nothing was working. Shuichi seemed… _distracted._

Another distraction from Kokichi’s mission suddenly appeared from somewhere else.

Fuyuhiko and Peko had escaped the city after the whole Danganronpa business. A bit like Kokichi and Shuichi, the two of them had been considered one of the golden couples coming out from Danganronpa. People _wanted to be a part of their love life._ It didn’t make any sense but it was true, they wanted news, they wanted to know everything. They wanted photos of dates and public declaration of love, all that good stuff. Of course they asked the same out of Kokichi and Shuichi, but Kokichi had been capable of telling everyone to fuck off, quite literally too. Fuyuhiko in the game had been quite aggressive at the start, but soon it had become clear that he was just a softy. While Kokichi honestly hated everyone and everything besides Shuichi and some other small things, Fuyuhiko was just pretending and quite badly too lately. In the end the two of them decided to move out.

Fuyuhiko had decided to fall into temptation and he tried to find his family again. Not that it had been difficult, it was really easy to find your family if you wanted to, it was more difficult to do the opposite. Kokichi had to make an actual effort to avoid any kind of reference to his past. Fuyuhiko found out that his family was the founder of a small store chain of furniture, apparently he had been given that role in the game because he had an issue with the lack of stability that his family business had. The chain was, not surprisingly, fighting really hard every day to keep up with the market and Fuyuhiko hated it. He was scared of his future as well as his family’s future and he wanted to feel successful, for that reason they made him into an heir for a very large Yakuza group. He and Peko had talked quite a lot and decided to be involved with the business again, together with the rest of the family. Obviously the public image of both helped the chain grown a fair share. Now they had their own house, in the countryside, and they were building their future slowly but steadily.

Kokichi had heard the girls gossiping about it so much he dismissed it as a joke but it turned out it was real after all. Fuyuhiko and Peko were getting married next year, in March.

It was Fuyuhiko himself that called him, inviting them to his house for a weekend. The two of them weren’t the only ones he invited, of course, he invited everyone just not all at the same time, the house was not that big. Together with Kokichi and Shuichi, that weekend, he had invited Aka-chan and Gonta. The strange combination was caused by the fact that Rantaro had a prior engagement so Aka-chan had been abandoned for the weekend and Gonta gentlemanly decided to fill in. Kokichi neither loved nor hated the idea, Shuichi didn’t oppose, so it was soon decided they would go.

It was a single night out, their luggage was small, but Shuichi, serious as ever, had insisted they needed to bring at least two sets of spare clothes. Because you never know or something like that. Kokichi was more of an improviser, so he didn’t feel the need to, but he immediately agreed on Shuichi’s planning just to make him happy. The four of them took the train early afternoon on Saturday, right after Shuichi’s lessons ended. Gonta, who was working in a bio lab, paid for everyone.

The train ride was fun. Kokichi had secretly replaced the extra set of spare clothes with Monopoly, a deck of normal cards and a deck of his favorite card game. It was no wonder why, not even ten minutes later, they were protesting against Kokichi and his cheating skills. They played the memory game four times, Kokichi and Shuichi aced it obviously creating a draw in all three, then they tried Monopoly and Kokichi won five times in a row in five stupidly short games. The fact that he had rigged the initial random drawing of the contracts for the terrains so he would have the ones he liked best all the time had nothing to do with it, clearly. Aka-chan was so offended she even refused to play when Kokichi tried to pull out the other cards deck. A pity, he really wanted to show off his ability to cheat at that one too. But karma punished her for her unfairness, Gonta spent the rest of the ride talking about centipedes, Kokichi saw in her face how much she regretted her foolishness.

The area where Fuyuhiko lived was actually pretty nice. The landscape was mostly flat with just some small hills, only trees breaking the line of the horizon, and of a bright shade of green. It didn’t look like an agricultural area however, more like a residential zone. To reach the house they had to pass beyond three or four rice fields, but after that only private gardens were surrounding the houses. Fuyuhiko and Peko’s house had a traditional Japanese style garden that made a strange contrast with the very modern feel of the building itself. Peko greeted them with her kendo clothes on, while Fuyuhiko had a modern suit that made him look like even more of a child. Now Kokichi could see where they took inspiration from to decide what kind of house they wanted, love was to compromise, right? Something along these lines.

“Welcome, Leader, Saihara-kun, Gonta and Akamatsu-san. I hope the train ride was alright.” Fuyuhiko exchanged handshakes with everyone.

Kokichi made sure to puff out his chest and act all high and mighty.

“It was barely acceptable, why didn’t you sent your limousine to get us? Is this your standard hospitality?”

“When I’ll buy a limousine, I’ll make sure you will be the first one to have a ride on it, does that satisfy you?” Fuyuhiko played along with him while the other ignored them and followed Peko into the house.

“Wow, that does sound like something that could appease a Supreme Leader, doesn’t it, Yakuza boy!” Kokichi immediately switched to his childish obnoxious voice.

“Yakuza boy…?” Fuyuhiko grimaced.

“From one Leader to another… nice place you have got here! It could be the right place to start world domination of sort!” Kokichi nodded, crossing his arms.

“I’ll be sure to dominate the whole world, one piece of furniture after the other. One day, every house will have one of my pieces in it, cool right?” he smirked teasingly.

“Only if you put secret cameras in them, then we can sell people’s dirty secrets on the black market and become rich. And I’m placing copyright on that idea, mind you. You have to give me a percentage of the revenue.”

The two stared at each other in silence for a second, then started to chuckle loudly.

“I’m happy you came, I wanted to ask you and Akamatsu-san something and of course I’ll give everyone the opportunity to come here and ask us what kind of gift we want, so we can spare you all from a headache.” he slapped lightly Kokichi’s shoulder.

“I won’t give you any gift, if you want something ask Shuichi, he will be a good boy and listen to you.”

“And that’s why I called both here instead of just you.” Fuyuhiko shrugged off the joke like a pro. “Anyway, come in, I’ll show you the house.”

“I hope you reserved the best room of the house for me!” Kokichi just needed to have the last word.

They joined the others who were already engrossed into the house tour. Kokichi liked this kind of modern house, but it felt too big and empty for him. This was a good house for people who wanted a big family, Kokichi liked better a small place where everything was in reach and it felt like a warm hug around him, more than a space he needed to fill himself. Fuyuhiko and Peko probably had already some plans for the future. They were moving so fast, Kokichi was barely able to keep up. Only the idea of getting married, at eighteen nonetheless, was making his head spin, let alone thinking about creating other humans. Iruma was the one that was closer than anyone to have some bastard child, he was expecting that day because he knew it was coming someday. But at this rate Fuyuhiko and Peko were going to beat her! He didn’t know what to feel about his friends procreating. He was seventeen now and he still felt like a little kid. Well, not like he wasn’t, he was a little kid one hundred percent. He hoped the day he would stop feeling like this would never come.

Unsurprisingly, Kokichi and Shuichi shared a room upstairs. It wasn’t very big, but it was nice and clean, with a nice view of the hills. The day was just getting into the second half, so after they dropped off the luggage they reunited in the living room and Kokichi discovered the activity planned for the afternoon and evening was fishing in the river nearby. This choice surprised him a little bit; the last time he had fished was inside a casino, catching salmons for a black and white bear. He had zero experience with real life fishing. Shuichi looked similarly reluctant, but didn’t say anything. Aka-chan and Gonta instead were ecstatic. Kokichi could see why Gonta would be happy to be surrounded by nature, but he wasn’t so sure what the deal was with Aka-chan.

They walked for ten minutes, bringing the equipment with them. Gonta carried the biggest share of it, while the others were just carrying their own fishing pole on their shoulder. Unsurprisingly, Gonta was constantly distracted by every kind of life form they met on their way there. The river was so cute, Kokichi almost wanted to make fishing his hobbies, just to play around in this place during summer. Being November, Kokichi had to give up playing in the water; the water was so cold it gave him chills down his spine as soon as he touched it. Fuyuhiko and Peko led the expedition, they were the ones preparing everyone’s pole and they explained what to do. Each of them had a folding chair, except for Gonta that was more interested in searching around for bugs. Aka-chan sat alone while Fuyuhiko and Peko sat close to each other. Kokichi, a second too late but better than never, dragged his chair to sit next to Shuichi. They exchanged a glance, Kokichi with a not so subtle smile and Shuichi gave a phantom of a smile back, neither addressed the fact that Kokichi was clearly copying the other couple.

However, the copying didn’t last long. Kokichi could see that they weren’t really trying to do it on purpose, actually they were trying to keep it to themselves, but the fondness between the two started to slip out and permeate the air. It was so normal for them to share these little moments between themselves, like a hand placed on the back while walking past the other or worrying about the other being cold, they weren’t even noticing they were doing it. The more Kokichi was seeing, the more things he noticed that he was _not_ doing, which looked perfectly natural on them. Was there a point in a relationship where the feeling of embarrassment at doing something sweet and cheesy was going to disappear? So it seemed, and in that case Kokichi was not there yet. Even just thinking of doing sweet talk for real, not as a joke, was making his insides contracting with embarrassment. Kokichi started to spy Aka-chan’s reactions to see her opinion of this thing. Was she doing the same with Rantaro or was this something only couples on the verge of marriage were doing?

Aka-chan’s reactions were as useful as the worm that was twitching on Kokichi’s fishing hook, not attracting any fish. She had that silly smile perpetually stuck on her face. Shuichi’s reaction was possibly even more useless. He was not smiling but he was looking away from them more often than not, making it impossible for Kokichi to understand if he was uncomfortable or envious. He didn’t look at them fondly with that ‘they are so cute’ face at the very least, that was for sure. Kokichi almost wanted to feel animosity toward them, why were they setting up a bar that Kokichi couldn’t hope to reach right now?!

“Ah!” Shuichi’s yelp destroyed the atmosphere and lifted the weight Kokichi was starting to feel in his chest.

“Oh, oh, oh, finally some action!” Kokichi jumped on his feet, happy to have something to do, and grabbed Shuichi’s pole.

“Wait, I can do this myself, don’t push me!” Shuichi protested when Kokichi gave the fishing pole a tug.

“Ehh? No, let me have some fun here!” he whined in Shuichi’s ear.

“Guys don’t fight! It’s just a fish only one person is necessary to reel the fishing line!” Aka-chan tried to be the voice of reason.

Obviously Kokichi had such a long history listening to Aka-chan common sense that he obeyed right away.

“Shuichi’s property is my property, so this fish is mine!” he gave another tug at the fishing pole.

“Stop being ridiculous, if you really want it that much—“

Shuichi never got to finish his sentence because Kokichi’s strength, united with the fact that Shuichi stopped tugging in his direction so suddenly, made him lose his footing and he slipped on the wet sand of the river. Everything happened so quickly he didn’t have time to try and grab onto Shuichi as he fell backward, his back into the icy river water. He jumped back up immediately yelping at the awful sensation of his clothes becoming soaking wet in the cold water.

“Hey, are you okay?!” Shuichi tried to get closer, but Kokichi was running in a circle making it a bit difficult.

“I’m freezing!”

“Oh no!” yelled Gonta, worried.

“You brought that onto yourself…” Kokichi heard Aka-chan whisper.

Kokichi started to whine even louder, just to annoy her, and Fuyuhiko grabbed the fishing pole on the ground that was being dragged away by the forgotten fish. He gave it to Peko and then grabbed Kokichi’s arm.

“Stop making a fuss, you need to take off your clothes, in silence, if possible.”

Fuyuhiko, Shuichi and Gonta dragged him behind a tree some distance away and Gonta gave him his coat with his usual huge smile. Kokichi got undress reluctantly and put on his long coat that was dragging on the floor because it was so much bigger than him.

“We should go back home and actually get you changed.” said Shuichi after considering the situation.

This entire situation was technically completely his fault, he had been the one to start messing around, but for some reason an intense irritation was growing in him, they were treating him as if he was an annoyance. Which was absolutely true, but it felt unfair all the same.

“No, you stay, I’m going back alone.”

“What, no I’m coming, I’m not—“ Shuichi tried to stop him from going.

“Nah, it was kind of my fault, so you go back there, I don’t want to ruin everyone’s fun. Go and catch the dinner for everyone Best Boyfriend-chan!” he waved a hand and started to run away.

He caught a glimpse of Shuichi confused expression and it gave him even more motivation to run faster and go away. He ran for a while, leaving the river and everyone behind. Then he slowed down and exhaled loudly.

“Way to go Kokichi, you fucked up again. Now you made it awkward for everyone. What’s new?” he said to himself out loud.


	13. How does love even work

“Hey, are you okay?”

Shuichi peeked from the door as soon as he returned to the house. It had only been half an hour since Kokichi had returned, changed and let himself fall onto the bed. He hadn’t moved from there, only looking at the clock, trying not to think about anything. He already knew he would start to overthink everything until he was going to make himself physically sick, so he just tried to keep his mind empty until the others were coming back. This way he couldn’t imagine what kind of thoughts they were having about him. Kokichi only sat up when he had heard the door of the house open.

“Heeeey, did you catch a lot?!” he tried to sound cheerful.

“Are you alright?” Shuichi ignored his question and asked again.

“Yeah, yeah, or course. I changed and chilled here until now, I’m perfectly fine can’t you see?” Kokichi shrugged.

“I’m not talking about that. I’m asking if you are still mad. I…” he hesitated a moment. “I don’t know what you were irritated about, but clearly you left because something made you mad. Are you feeling better?” he hesitated again. “Can you tell me what happened? What made you react like that?”

Kokichi’s words were failing him, he couldn’t think any response. He knew something like this was coming and that was why he refused to start thinking about it in advance. He instinctively knew the reason why he had reacted like that, but he couldn’t say that out loud. How could he say something like ‘because I feel useless, wrong and out of place all the time’?

“Seeing Peko and Fuyuhiko act all lovely dovely made me want to mess up the whole thing, so I decided to ruin a little the fun. I wasn’t planning on taking a swim into the North Pole river, but that was my punishment I guess.”

This explanation made him sound like an asshole and Kokichi kinda felt good admitting it. Shuichi stared at him without saying or doing anything for a while. He was probably trying to understand how much of what he just said was true. Kokichi wasn’t sure where the discussion could go from there, probably anywhere, maybe nowhere, but he was happy they got interrupted.

“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes, I’m going to start the fireplace if anyone wants to come down and warm up.”

Peko’s voice was very welcomed and so Kokichi jumped on his feet and ran for the living room, leaving Shuichi behind. Gonta and Aka-chan were already there, they were chatting about the three fish they caught and the single butterfly that Gonta found. Kokichi, completely ignoring the mood from earlier, started to scan through the books on the bookshelves; many were about some Japanese traditional art like bonsai and ikebana. The other half were thrillers, so he asked Shuichi if he had read any of them. Twenty minutes later, they were eating the fish and some side dishes and the topic of the marriage finally emerged. Aka-chan, in particular, asked a whole bunch of details about the ceremony and what they were planning to do, while the others were mostly listening in courtesy. Kokichi’s action from earlier had brought a strange kind of tension that everyone was trying hard to ignore. It was like no one knew where the mine was and what to do to avoid it. Kokichi tried harder than anyone else to ignore the tension, aware that he had caused it unwillingly.

After dinner everyone scattered and Fuyuhiko caught Kokichi and asked him to have a talk. Fuyuhiko guided him to the terrace. Outside was cold, but not so much since the terrace was almost like a glasshouse. It had big windows which stopped the wind from coming in and there were potted plants everywhere.

“I have a favor to ask of you.” Fuyuhiko cut straight to the chase. “I want you to be my best man.”

Kokichi blinked twice.

“Why me?” it came off without any kind of strange inflection, it was just a flat tone.

“What do you mean? Who else? You’re my best friend, aren’t you?” he asked, blushing a little.

Really? Even now? After the last months of basically silence and nothing?

“I’m not that good of a best friend, am I? I’m sure there is someone else who is more suited for this than me.”

“Why are you fighting it? What’s the problem, don’t you want to?” he frowned a bit. “If you don’t want to do it, then I guess it’s fine.” it didn’t sound fine to Kokichi’s ears.

“Well, I mean… I’m not going to make such an impressive presence by your side with an elegant suit, am I?” he tried to joke again.

“I think I can live with that, if anything it would help not to make _me_ look stupid. I say that’s a double win!” Fuyuhiko smiled.

“Are you really sure? You could ask someone else, like Rantaro.” Kokichi returned serious.

“Yes, I’m sure. I like Rantaro a lot, but you are the one I feel like I connected to the most. I really hope we get to spend more time together in the future, since you know where I live now.” he shrugged.

“Well, then… I guess I really can’t refuse then!” Kokichi smiled.

Fuyuhiko extended his hand at him and Kokichi shook it, sealing the deal.

The conversation moved forward a bit more, Fuyuhiko gave him some details of what he was supposed to do and details about a meeting he was supposed to attend before the marriage to prepare. Kokichi wasn’t very happy to have so many things to do, but he was feeling quite honored to have been chosen, even though he wasn’t feeling up to the task. Luckily it was just a formality, not a real big responsibility, so Kokichi could take it. If it was, then he would have refused no matter what. Rantaro was far better than he was at dealing with responsibility regarding the group. It wasn’t a coincidence he was called Vice Leader.

Kokichi was returning to his and Shuichi’s room when he heard voices coming from another room in the hallway. The door was just partially open, so he stopped and hid when he recognized one of them.

“…Why would you say that?” Shuichi’s voice.

“Because you two are trying so hard to ignore each other while still acknowledge each other… it doesn’t even make sense, I don’t know how are you managing something like that.” Aka-chan’s voice.

“I’m just trying to let him have some space, I think there’s something that’s been bothering him for a while.”

“Well then, why don’t you ask him and try to solve the problem directly? How long has this strange dance been going on?”

“Because… I have something to figure out on my own first. If I don’t do that then I would be a huge hypocrite, trying to get some answers out of him while I don’t have mine.”

“I don’t even know what to say anymore, you are both acting so strange!” she sighed. “I’m talking to you because I know he would not listen to what I have to say, but you aren’t really listening either, are you? At least tell me what you have to think about.”

“I’d rather not say, I’m… just being a little stupid, that’s all.”

“What does that even mean?! I don’t get it!”

“I’m sorry.”

The discussion kept going for a while, but Kokichi left. He already knew, when Shuichi was determined not to say anything he was not going to say anything, no matter what. Aka-chan was never going to be able to make him say it, and if she, one of his close friend, was not capable, then no one was. Continuing to listen in was useless.

So Shuichi was giving him space because there was something bothering Kokichi? It didn’t make sense, at least not entirely. Kokichi could see that being the case at the start or even when the failed sex incident happened, but now it couldn’t be true anymore. Kokichi was the one trying to make things move forward, if Shuichi was just trying to give him space then now he should pick up his clue to try and move forward again. He was not picking it up at all. He was ignoring it pretty insistently. So the real reason was the second thing he said, that he had to figure out something on his own.

Kokichi waited for Shuichi’s return in their room, again trying to keep his mind blank. This was not the right moment to let himself spiral into the pit of overthinking, not now that he had just had been given a role of importance. Shuichi returned a bit later and Kokichi immediately broke the news with him trying to sound as excited as possible. Shuichi congratulated him, he looked perfectly normal, there wasn’t a trace of the discussion he just had with Aka-chan in his attitude. So Shuichi really had become quite good at lying. This decision he had to make could be anything by this point, who knew what could have happened to him in these past few weeks if he was capable of concealing it so well. He forced down his irritation and tried to live the evening as peacefully as possible.

The night was too long, in Kokichi’s opinion, he wasn’t feeling tired, he was waking up every once in a while and every time the clock was telling him that he still had hours of darkness ahead of him. He turned in his sleep enough times that he was annoyed by his sheets. Kokichi got up and abandoned the room at four in the morning, stomping around with his naked feet. He walked around the house; the fireplace in the living room was warming up the whole place so that Kokichi was not missing the sheets in the bed. He discovered after a while that he was not the only person awake in the house. Gonta was outside, searching through the grass for nocturnal insects. Kokichi sat down and lazily observed him for a while from the terrace. It was warm; he could look at the stars in the sky and relax. Gonta noticed him at some point and waved his hand at him, Kokichi waved back. The two remained alone, divided by the glass, in that silent communication for a while. Gonta was showing him everything he was catching by bringing it close to the window so Kokichi could watch them without actually feeling the presence of the bug in his personal space. When morning came Kokichi was still there, at some point he doze off with his face rested on his arms.

When he woke up, the sun was already high up in the sky and someone had draped a blanket around his shoulders. Gonta wasn’t out there anymore, but Fuyuhiko and Peko were walking around and moving some cut wood. Kokichi yawned and went to eat breakfast in the kitchen. Shuichi looked at him but didn’t ask anything, maybe he had already seen him sleeping in the terrace. After Kokichi sat down, he greeted everyone and then started to stuff his face. Aka-chan instead looked between the two like she wanted to say something. Kokichi stole the opportunity for her to make things more complicated by telling her about the role that Fuyuhiko had given him. That distracted her for quite a while.

After breakfast, the day moved quickly. They talked about plans for Christmas, New Year’s Eve and so on. In the meantime, they were forced into a number of activities. Kokichi noticed they had prepared everything in advance to keep them busy on purpose, but he didn’t mind, it was actually helpful for him. All these activities, however, made Kokichi notice even more little gestures of affection between the two. The more Kokichi was watching, the more he convinced himself that this was exactly how love was supposed to be in his eyes. Fuyuhiko and Peko were not being overly sweet and they weren’t flaunting anything, like some couple he had seen, they were acting normal, like their usual selves, only placing the other at the edges of everything they were doing. Not seeing each other as the center, the whole reason, but as something that was making what they were doing better, warmer. They had been able to nail this ‘love’ thing so perfectly and so naturally. Now he wanted to see some other couples to see if everyone was capable of nailing it first try like this, to see if he was the only one that was having trouble.

Because if that was true, then it meant that the problem was mostly Kokichi and maybe in part Shuichi too. Maybe, they really weren’t meant for each other after all.

In the evening, Fuyuhiko accompanied them to the station to take the train back to the city. On Monday Shuichi had school and Gonta work to do. Fuyuhiko thanked him again for having accepted his position as best man and Kokichi patted him on the back looking smug. The ride back was very slow and exasperating for Kokichi, he had a splitting headache and everything was irritating him, from people talking to the train vibrating. He had originally planned to play some more card games, but he ended up leaning his head against the glass, closing his eyes and resting, trying to find some peace from the noise. After a while, he noticed that the voices of his friends were getting quieter and before he could process the change, he felt a finger poke his hand. He opened his eyes and blinked two times, unhappy with the light. Shuichi was looking at him.

“Are you okay, are you tired?” he whispered.

“No, I’m planning how to conquer the world, don’t worry. You keep taking care of your mundane activities.”

Shuichi sighed and returned to his conversation, but held Kokichi’s hand. Kokichi felt a bit better.

When they arrived home, Kokichi just checked in with _Iliveintheinternet_ to see if there had been an emergency of some kind and then collapsed onto the bed, not even trying to do anything else. The next morning, his headache had gotten worst and he buried his face on the pillow trying to fade from existence. Shuichi gently woke him up, he was worried about him. Kokichi begrudgingly raised his head just in time to sneeze hard in Shuichi’s face.

“I thought so…” he said after cleaning his face with a sleeve. “You caught a cold because of the river. You’ve been spacing out like crazy since yesterday. Stay here, I’m going to get a thermometer.”

When he moved away from the bed, Kokichi sat up and caught his wrist.

“No, you have to go to school, I’m fine on my own.” his voice broke at the end.

His head was hurting enough that he had not noticed the pain in his throat, it felt raw and swollen. Shuichi frowned.

“I’m staying home as well; I’m not leaving you here like this.”

“No, there is no need. I’m just going to stay in bed and sleep.” Kokichi shook his head, but he regretted it when the pain spiked.

“Even if you are only sleeping, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone.” Shuichi insisted.

“You are going to lose a school day; you never lost a school day since three months ago when you started.”

“So what? I’m just going to make up for the lost time later. It’s not relevant right now.” Shuichi’s voice had a hint of impatience.

Shuichi freed his wrist and disappear from the room. Kokichi fell back into the bed and buried himself alive, too tired to fight. Shuichi returned after an indefinite amount of time with a thermometer and a glass of hot milk with honey. Kokichi sat up and slurped down the milk super fast, burning his tongue. He gulped down everything to the last drop and then started to cough violently. Shuichi patted him on the back.

“Always so excessive… are you trying to drown yourself with that? Calm down, I’m not going to take it away. There is still milk in the house you know.” Kokichi didn’t answer and Shuichi placed the thermometer in his ear, waiting for the acoustic signal. When the measurement was done, Shuichi looked at it and nodded. “It’s not too bad, you have just a little. But truthfully the hour for high fever is later in the afternoon, so we shall see. Do you think we should call a doctor?”

Kokichi shook his head again and then grunted at the pain. Shuichi left again with the empty glass and returned with medicine and a glass of water. Kokichi swallowed everything and returned to sleep. At noon, Shuichi woke him up again and this time Kokichi got up to eat with him. Shuichi had chosen high caloric food to help him cope with the low blood pressure, even though Kokichi’s stomach was not really happy to eat so much solid food so he left some on the plate.

After walking around a little he started to feel better, so he decided to move on the couch instead of returning to bed, he even brought his laptop with him to distract himself. His headache had eased a little, but his coughing and sneezing not so much, so he knew he wasn’t out of the bad phase just yet, he would not start recovering for at least another two or three days. Around 4 pm, he felt his fever raising like he was expecting and realized this was going to be a problem for Shuichi in the following days. He would start to insist that he needed to stay home to take care of him and end up losing a lot more school days. Kokichi didn’t care about the school days, but he knew Shuichi cared a whole lot, for some reason.

He couldn’t remain there, he would be a burden, not to mention he could get him sick as well.

Trying to be subtle, he pulled out his phone and typed a text to someone he trusted himself to be in their care.

-Hey, are you interested in taking a sick puppy to your house for a few days?-

-Good afternoon Leader. What kind? Gundham just brought home a cockatiel, I hope it’s not anything large that needs a lot of space, we already had to dedicate the guest room to him-

Why was Kokichi not surprised? So the guest room that he wanted to take for a few days was now infested by a cockatiel, amazing.

-It’s of the size of a very short human being, he could probably share a room with said cockatiel if he is silent-

-Oh, Leader, are you sick? Are you okay?-

-Yeah, I just want to stay away from Shuichi for a couple days so I don’t infect him with my germs. Can you adopt the poor homeless temporarily?-

-Sure, but are you sure Saihara-san is okay with it?-

Kokichi’s eyes raised from the phone and landed on Shuichi’s back, he was studying at the kitchen table. He was going to get mad, for sure.

“Hey, I’m staying at Gundham and Sonia’s house for a couple days, okay?” he didn’t waste any time.

Shuichi took a moment to snap out of focus and process what he said properly.

“What? What are you talking about? Why would you—” unsurprisingly he immediately started to freak out.

“They picked up a stray cockatiel and now they have trouble with it, they said they need my help desperately! You understand that I can’t refuse a request of help from my lovely subjects!”

Shuichi closed his mouth and stared at him for a moment.

“Are you lying?”

“Nope! There is really a cockatiel and they may or may not need my help with it!” he admitted the lie implicitly.

“Am I really so bad at taking care of you?”

“That has nothing to do with anything. I just found a solution for you, you said you were worried about leaving me alone, now I’m not going to be alone. We can both get what we want at the same time this way.” Kokichi shrugged.

As predicted Shuichi’s face showed clear signs of irritation.

“Who asked you to find a solution? What if I was happy this way?”

“C’mon you can live without me for two days, and I’m not so sexy when I’m sick.” he tried to joke.

It didn’t work, at all. Shuichi stared hard at him for a while, Kokichi shrugged again and returned to his laptop. He sighed when finally Shuichi went back to his studying, but he could feel his suppressed anger clearly, even though he was facing his back. An icy cold atmosphere fell on the house, Shuichi didn’t speak a word to him the whole evening until later at night. Kokichi took another cold medicine and went to sleep after dinner, Shuichi didn’t follow.  

The next morning, Sonia texted him the hour they were going to pick him up and he waited, while Shuichi was getting ready for school, all still in cold silence. When he was ready and by the door, he stopped before leaving and turned toward him.

“If you want to know what’s happening here, if you are interested to know why I am mad, it’s because you didn’t trust me to take care of you when you needed help. You didn’t trust me to have a priority scale where you were higher than school. You think I care more about that than to make sure you are okay.” he extended his hand to grab the handle of the door, but then it seemed he changed his mind. “Do you want to know what’s the difference between us and Pekoyama-san and Kuzuryu-kun? They think about each other all the time, while you are only thinking about you. What you need, want and feel. You don’t get how this whole ‘us’ thing works, it’s always about you. You don’t consider my point of view at all and that’s why you didn’t ask why I am mad, because you are too stubborn and selfish to. So I don’t think you care about what I am saying.”

He left. Kokichi sighed deeply hearing his steps getting farther away. Shuichi was most certainly right, Kokichi was not a very selfless person in general, but at the same time Shuichi was contradicting himself. He wasn’t exactly being very consistent with the way he was dealing with Kokichi either. Like when he said that Kokichi was his highest priority… And yet instead of sitting down and listen to Kokichi’s needs, he just went ahead and chose his path for him. Kokichi could have fought for himself a bit more, that was for sure, but Shuichi was such a goal driven person right now, compared to inside the Neo World Program, that he didn’t know how to handle him anymore. If Shuichi’s highest priority was Kokichi, then shouldn’t he be more aware of Kokichi’s desires? Or should Kokichi adapt to Shuichi’s drive in the name of love?

How does love even work, Kokichi didn’t know.

He just wanted his whole being to stop aching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had some nice holidays, and I wish you all a happy new year! :)
> 
> I'm Kokichi right now, I'm sick just like him ahaha  
> I wrote this a long while ago, so it was not intentional at all, but it's funny that now I can personally attest how accurate some of these feelings are, I'm proud of myself ahaha


	14. A pet with clipped wings

Sonia arrived at his apartment at nine.

Kokichi had dressed himself in a bunch of layers, to keep away the cold, and it turned out to be the right choice. When he descended the stairs, a motorcycle was awaiting for him. She casually walked up to it and handed him a helmet confirming his suspicions that yes, that was exactly her way of moving around. Kokichi had forgotten that Sonia wasn’t only a princess in spirit, but a very quirky one too. He had imagined her in a luxury car and there she was, riding a bike that was probably bigger than she was. She loved to revert expectations.

“You’re wearing a skirt, your panties are going to be exposed if you ride that thing.” he said, his voice muffled by a scarf.

“Don’t worry!” she grabbed her skirt and lifted it past her knees and half her thighs. “See, I’ve got pants under this!”

She really was wearing pants, they were black shorts, probably more suited for summer.

“Aren’t you cold? You should get a suit if you want to ride a bike in winter.” he insisted, not really understanding the logic behind wearing a skirt in winter.

“Don’t worry.” she tied her skirt on her waist in a knot, leaving the shorts completely exposed. “Don’t you know my backstory? In the Novaselic Kingdom, we are trained for combat and we can endure extreme temperatures!”

“Isn’t that for the game only though?” Kokichi sneezed.

“Hold on to me and your laptop tight or it’s going to go flying!” she said enthusiastically, turning on the engine.

Kokichi hurried to climb on the back and fit his laptop into his jacket, holding it tight with one arm, while the other one was around Sonia’s waist. The motorcycle started moving with a jump, Kokichi held on her for his dear life. Kokichi would not be able to say, if anyone asked, where they lived because he kept his eyes closed the whole time, afraid that he was going to see death right in front of his nose if he dared to open them. When he felt secure enough to move his face from her hair, where he had hidden it, they were already in front of a building. It was a building like any other, on a street like any other, Kokichi would have not been able to go back here even if he tried. She let him down and then disappeared somewhere in a narrow alley on the left with the bike. Kokichi didn’t want to know if she had some kind of garage over there or if she was just hiding the bike there illegally. He was not going to get into that business.

When she returned, she guided him into the elevator and up to the fifth floor. The inside of the apartment was what he expected, now that he had remembered the odd side that Sonia was usually keeping at bay. The house was overly decorated with Japanese traditional trinkets and books. In the dining room was a massive cage for hamsters, under it another cage with a bunny and next to it a cage with something with gray fur inside. DICE immediately jumped on Kokichi, welcoming him. Kokichi pet him in silence, his throat hurting, and the puppy washed his pants with saliva. 

“Your room and your roommate are this way. Gundham will be back a little later.”

Sonia guided him in one of the rooms, it was small and cramped, especially since the birdcage was taking half a wall all by itself. As soon as the door was opened, the bird inside started to scream, they had probably disturbed his sleep and now he wanted to make sure they knew he was upset. Kokichi raised the blanket that was placed on top of the cage slowly and carefully and an angry cockatiel screamed in his face.

“Is he always like this?” he asked.

“She, it’s a she. Yes, this is how she always is… And on that topic… there is an issue.” Kokichi raised an eyebrow. “Cockatiels apparently needs to remain outside of the cage as much as possible, they want to be free to fly around and be with people. Females scream like this, instead of singing, so you’ll hear quite a bit of that, especially since she is an anxious diva… She doesn’t like to be manhandled but she wants to be with people so she will jump on your shoulder or head and… bite you… or poop on you.”

Kokichi needed a moment to process the information.

“Seriously?”  

“Yes, I’m afraid so. We moved the cage here so she could have the whole room to herself, since she poops quite often, bites and destroys everything she can get to. She was making a mess in the living room, and she hated DICE, so we gave her this room where she can do what she wants. But that implies… that this room is probably exposing a collection of poop. Ah, but I cleaned it a bit yesterday after you texted! It should be fine now!” she concluded smiling.

So this bird was destroying and dirtying the house on daily basis and biting people, all this besides screaming often like a lunatic? What a lovely creature.

“How do you deal with it?” he sounded incredulous even to his own ears.

“I don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t deal with her. After the first week, I told Gundham I could not keep up with her and I asked him to relocate her. She was ruining all my books and making the house basically unlivable. She was even stealing food from the kitchen and pooping all over the stove, and she was screaming constantly every time DICE would enter her sight. She even bit my earring off and pooped on my hair more than once. Gundham doesn’t mind, just as he doesn’t mind to clean rabbit poop every day and the smell of six rodents combined, but with the bird, I had to draw the line. He understood and he is trying to find a new house for her, I’m willing to wait until then. In the meantime, he takes care of her in here, away from me. I’m sorry, you have a terrible roommate, I hope she doesn’t bite you.”

“Well, if she does I’m going to hold Gundham responsible, not you. Don’t worry. I have to say… now, I’m quite curious to live with his beast for two days. Very curious.”

He had never heard that cockatiels were such a hassle. Well, maybe not all cockatiels, but this one, at the very least.

“Wonderful! Gundham is going to be back in two hours anyway so he will take care of her after he is back.” she smiled again.

“Okay sure. You don’t have to take care of me either, you can pretend I’m not here. I’ll probably sleep anyway.” he sat down on the bed, starting to feel a bit faint.

“If you can.” she sent a glance at the screaming bird. “Open her cage when you are feeling tired of hearing her scream. Try to rest as much as you can.” she bowed as she closed the door.

Kokichi and the bird were now alone. He looked at her as she was flapping her wings nervously, what he had just heard surprised him quite a bit. He had absolutely no idea that Sonia and Gundham were having a contrasting opinion on the animals. She had accepted all the others, but considering the way he was talking about them she would be happy even if they never entered her life. Instead, Gundham seemed to have space in his heart for every creature on the planet, disregarding completely his personal space and hygiene. How were they able to compromise? Wasn’t Gundham mad that Sonia wanted the bird away? How difficult had it been for her to tell him to get rid of it? If Kokichi had been the one in the situation, both in Sonia and Gundham’s shoes, he wouldn’t know what to do. Would he send away a beloved animal for his girlfriend’s sake? Would he ask him to give up on it for his own sake?

Maybe he was just exaggerating the problem, maybe Gundham wasn’t all that torn at the thought of sending the bird away, but it was a good mental exercise. A problem which solution was quite useful for Kokichi himself. He wanted to talk about it with someone. Not with Sonia though, at least not right now. He placed the laptop on the bed and got up to open the birdcage, the cockatiel flew outside in a hurry like her life was depending on it. Kokichi didn’t pay her any mind, returned to bed and buried himself under the sheets. He opened the laptop that he let it rest on his stomach.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _What do you think about compromises?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _What?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, something? Even a close friend is okay._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Oh, are we talking about relationship stuff? Unfortunately, I don’t have much experience with that. But I know what you mean, because of my family._

Kokichi observed the little sign telling him that he was writing for a while, he wasn’t in a hurry.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _My mother and father don’t get along, me and my brother were tossed around like pebbles all the time. We changed cities and lives so many times that I lost count. They both wanted us as their children, but not really at the same time. We would spend a month with one and then two months with the other, sometimes it was just a week, sometimes it was ten months. We had zero control on our life; we were like goods, for the strongest buyer to take. We changed school too many times; we could not really connect with anyone, nor chose a hobby or anything. You know why they ended up in this situation? They didn’t want to compromise. They both wanted to do what they wanted, but the other didn’t want to give up on their own objective. Us kids had no say in any of it, like we weren’t worth a better compromise between the two. My older brother took the worst of it, since I wasn’t going to school yet for the most part of it. At one point, my brother had some… trouble, and the authorities ended up knowing about our situation. A judge threatened to take us away to give us to adoption, so our parents for the first time stopped considering us like pets and tried to actually find a solution. Problem is… the compromise they chose was terrible, at least for me. They separated us, each taking a child for themselves.  My brother was my most trusted company, I was being tossed around but at least I wasn’t alone. Losing him was tragic for me, and probably for him too. I remained with father while he went with mother, they moved very far too. I haven’t seen my brother in five years._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _So long story short: Compromises are very important, but I hate them._

After a moment, he wrote something else.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I’m pretty sure this is not what you were asking for, sorry. Things with father are a lot better now, he listens to me and he is even being an actual parent now. I think that after I started to live with him indefinitely I stopped being a term for bargain and became an actual son. He probably realized for the first time I had thoughts and something to say. I’m not unhappy right now, don’t worry. Maybe you should explain to me what the context of your question is, that could be a bit easier for me._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _You know what, now I feel ashamed of myself. My problem is actually really stupid._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _What? No, I didn’t write all that to make you feel like this. The proportion of a problem is not equal to the proportion of pain each individual person can feel about it. One of my school friend last week wanted to go to the cinema and then made a fuss when the girl he likes said no because she had a prior engagement. It’s stupid, but he suffered for it a lot because for him it was so important. Tell me what this talk is about._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _One of my friends have a cockatiel, but his girlfriend can’t tolerate the bird destroying her house and life, so she asked him to get rid of it. Now he is searching for a new house for her. I just wanted a second opinion on what is the best solution here._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Hmm, well I think this is the best solution. Your friend can still see the cockatiel at the new house, hopefully. Whereas, forcing his girlfriend to be miserable if she really hates it it’s not a symptom of a healthy relationship. But I can understand why you think asked, what if the cockatiel was a child? Since it’s an animal, we easily think ‘well, it’s life is less important than that of a human’, but the bird has feelings as well. It’s very complicated, isn’t it? Hopefully he will find a loving house for it. This problem is not stupid, btw, it’s a very difficult one actually._

Truthfully, when Kokichi had written that it was something stupid, he meant his own problem with Shuichi. He just wrote about the cockatiel to cover his tracks. His own problem was much more stupid than these ones, both he and Shuichi were being selfish, much like this pal’s parents.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Thanks, it’s not me who is supposed to make this decision anyway, I just was interested in the moral implication of this particular choice. Sorry, if it’s a sore spot, but I was wondering; how come you can’t contact your brother anymore? You don’t have his phone number, or his email, or anything? Your father doesn’t want to talk to him as well?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _It’s a bit more complicated than that… we want to talk to him, but it’s not possible. We can’t contact him right now. Maybe one day. I hope so at least._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _It sounds like you know how to find him._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I do._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Okay, good luck then :)_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Thanks! You are home sooner than normal today. Is everything okay?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Yep, just a cold._

They chatted a bit more, about games, but Kokichi wasn’t feeling well enough to play. He was fifteen levels higher than he was anyway, after playing every morning for hours without him, so he told him to just play alone to his heart’s content, while he was recovering from his cold. He closed the laptop and slept for a while, later he was awoken because the cockatiel started to scream, he discovered the reason soon after; Gundham had returned and the bird heard him talk. Gundham entered the room and the cockatiel immediately jumped on his head.

“Good afternoon Leader, I see that my feral beast has not eaten you just yet.”

“Maybe she tried, but I was asleep and I didn’t notice anything. Did she poop on me?” he asked yawning.

“No, but she expelled her natural fertilizer on the blanket. Do be careful, My Dark Lord.” he started to scrub off the poop.

“It’s fine, if I die of illness you can use me as a flower bed.” Kokichi shrugged.

“I’ll make sure to plant sunflowers, so I can use your corpse to feed my Dark Devas.” he answered casually.

“Cool!” he observed the bird up on Gundham’s head. “Have you found a home for her?”

“Not yet, cockatiels live up to 20 years, sometimes more. I can’t give her to a casual. I need someone who knows what they are doing.” he placed a bowl of boiled diced carrots on top of the cage.

“That’s very nice. But why does she fly so funny?”

While they were talking, she had started flying around but she was pretty goofy, like she couldn’t really control her direction.

“She has clipped wings, a sign of domestication! Here, see.”

Gundham smoothly grabbed the bird from the top of the cage and turned her on his hand to show him her belly, and then with two fingers he opened one of her wings, showing the point where the feathers had been cut. The bird started screaming like crazy and he let her go.

“Cease this foolishness, my friend, I didn’t ruffle you a single feather!” he complained as she flew again on top of the cage and started to ruffle her feathers the way she wanted them to be.

Kokichi could totally see why Sonia was calling her a diva.

“What is she called?”

“Pidgey.”

Wasn’t that something from a very old game? Kokichi’s brain gears turned, trying to recollect what that was, but his memory was failing him. Maybe it was some kind of residue from the treatment in the Neo World Program machine.

Gundham left after a while, and Kokichi remained alone with Pidgey. The bird ate half her carrots and then jumped on Kokichi’s chest and started to nibble on the blanket. Kokichi took a nap after taking his medicine. Sonia came by later, to bring him some warm soup and she stopped just a moment, to inform him of a thing Kokichi had almost forgotten.

“Nagito’s trial is going to be next week on Tuesday. If you are feeling better, we can wait for him outside. We aren’t allowed to talk to him for security reasons, but we can wait for the news on TV. It’s a very important trial, not really for Nagito, who is going to be pretty much fine, but for the whole Danganronpa brand. If Nagito’s judgment is confirmed as simply breaking and entering plus some manumission on the program, then all the other crimes are more likely to be accepted as such. His father is going to have a harder time after this trial is finished. The media are very interest in this trial for that reason. Part of the decision-making about the next season that’s being kept on hold until the trial is finished will be influenced by this trial. They can’t start until the trial for the Chief is done and after that, if he is judged guilty, maybe it will be canceled entirely. It’s very important.”

“Yeah, I’ll see about that, I will talk with Shuichi too. I will be back home by then.”

“Of course, I hope she is not disturbing you too much.” Sonia gestured toward Pidgey that was breaking apart some piece of paper of some kind.

Kokichi ate his soup and ten returned the bowl to her, Sonia left immediately after because Pidgey was starting to scream loudly at her. After the door was closed, she jumped directly on Kokichi face, scratching his nose, he shooed her away and she moved up, grabbing his hair painfully. He caught her, trying to not be too rough and stared at her. She screamed again and tried to flap her wings. He let her go and she returned to his chest, biting the blankets again. Kokichi pulled out his phone and looked at it. Shuichi had not tried to contact him at all. He sighed and decided to ‘compromise’, or something like that.

-How was your day? I’m feeling awful-

-It was alright-

The answer arrived immediately and it was so short and curtly Kokichi grimaced. He was still mad alright.

-Ehh, c’mon, give me a smile!-

\-  :) -

Kokichi spluttered in surprise, scaring Pidgey a little. Yes, he had asked for the impossible, but this was something else. A second message arrived in a moment.

\- <__<  -

“Oh my god, you are so petty when you are angry!” he typed another message in a hurry.

-Wow-

-Did you enjoy my smile? Cool. Good night-

Kokichi started to laugh uncontrollably. When he had learned how to have such a sharp tongue?

-Yep, it was something else. See you tomorrow!-

-You are coming back tomorrow?-

-I realized I can’t live a moment longer without your magical sense of humor! <3 <3-

Shuichi didn’t answer, as he expected. He had decided to cut the ‘vacation’ short because he had decided to try again with the whole compromising thing, he wasn’t defeated yet, not until Shuichi would actually kick him out of his life. Pidgey bit his finger.

“Hey!” he returned the phone back into place to make sure she wouldn’t attack that as well and grabbed her again. “The two of us are actually pretty similar aren’t we?” she screamed in his face. He observed her a moment longer with a serious expression. “You are overly anxious, you destroy everything you can get close to, you poop all over the place, you scream at everyone you don’t like, you bite them and you can’t fly properly.”

She screamed again.

“Yep, the two of us are really the same.”


	15. Words of the weight of a feather

The next morning Kokichi was feeling a little better, his fever had gone down completely, he still was coughing and his throat was hurting, but aside from that, he was almost like new.

He finally left the little room and ate breakfast with the Sonia and Gundham, they let him pet all the rodents, included the one with the gray fur, which turned out to be a chinchilla. He remained in the dining room for the rest of the morning, playing with them and DICE. He communicated his decision to leave in the afternoon to the two before Gundham could leave to work again. He chatted with him about Pidgey for a little longer, since he was feeling some kind of connection to that bird, and Gundham obviously knew a whole bunch of stuff. Kokichi wasn’t interested in having a pet for now, but maybe one day, he wouldn’t completely reject that possibility, so he didn’t mind talking about animals. After Gundham left, Sonia prepared tea for him instead of milk and honey, and Kokichi was grateful for the little change of pace, he had already drunk milk and honey for two days.

They had ramen for lunch, apparently Sonia loved traditional Japanese food, and Kokichi played a little of his MMO, knowing he had still a bit of wait ahead of him. Shuichi wouldn’t return home before three or four in the afternoon and so it was useless to return home before then. While he was playing, Pidgey was napping on his head and Sonia asked him if he wanted to adopt her. Kokichi refused vehemently, he said that two brats in the same house were one too many. Once again, Sonia gave him a ride on her bike. Shuichi was already home when he opened the door of their apartment.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked him, looking away like he had some trouble maintaining his gaze.

“No, I’m a ghost now, I’ve come back so you could give me one last farewell before I reincarnate.” he opened his arms. “Do you want to use my one time only opportunity to get one last hug?”

“You are really shameless, you know? The first thing you do is joke around, and you know I’m irritated with you.” he shook his head, but he didn’t look too angry.

“Well, if I didn’t do it, you would be more worried about me, wouldn’t you? I stop being a jerk only when I’m literally dying, I’m sure you don’t want that, do you?” Kokichi nodded twice.

“Ah, very clever. At least you recognize that you are a jerk.” he was trying to keep a smile off his face.

“Aww, you wound me.”

“With your own insult?” at this point he was already smiling.

“You know, I met my soulmate! She is a cockatiel called Pidgey, she destroys everything, bites everyone and screams all the time, basically, she is me! But I discovered that people like us are sent away for adoption, no one wants us. You aren’t going to send me away for adoption, are you? I mean, I don’t poop on your head. I’ll make sure to not poop on your head, please don’t get rid of me!!” he whined loudly.

“What, just what. What are we even talking about anymore…” he massaged his eyes.

“About you getting rid of me.”

“I’m not going to get rid of you. And… I’m sorry about last time, I was too harsh, but this is already the second time you refused to let me take care of you. You always run away when you feel that something is wrong. Why won’t you let me know when you need something?” he returned serious and so did Kokichi.

“Because I’m used to taking care of myself. It makes me annoyed when people can’t do anything, but rely on everyone for everything, but I’m a bit on the… exaggerated side. I want to be able to do everything by myself. And being a burden makes me feel frustrated,” this was as truthful as he was willing to get.

“I never thought of you as a burden.” he answered immediately, easily.

“I know, you are a masochist, but I don’t want to get in your way at the very least. Staying home with me would have forced you to work harder later, not to mention you could have become sick as well. I knew you would’ve insisted to stay with me so I wasn’t alone.”

“Yes, because as I said, you are my highest priority. I would have not regretted missing some school days to be with you. I understand why you did it, I understood it from the start, but you don’t get to decide for me, do you understand? This is what I mean by thinking as a couple, you make decisions together.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m not very good at being part of a couple. You are right, I think always only about myself. It’s not so easy to change, you should know that as well. How many times have I already told you to stop pushing yourself too much and have more fun?” he placed his arms behind his head, trying to look casual.

He didn’t want to start another fight, but apparently his worry was wasted. Shuichi had a distant expression, like he was not even seeing him at all. He didn’t answer, looking away, he clearly had something else on his mind. There he was again, being all distracted. Kokichi decided to change the subject before both of them start becoming irritated again.

“Nagito’s trial in a couple days, do you want to come? I’m thinking of going there to wait with Sonia and the others.” he asked.

“Yeah sure, it’s pretty important.” Shuichi nodded.

“But we can’t enter or do anything, so really, we could wait home in front of the TV, like for the countdown at the end of the year, it wouldn’t make any difference.” he shrugged.

“I don’t get it, do you want to go or not? You just asked me if I want to go.”

“No, I want to go, I want to pinch Nagito’s cheeks. I’m just saying that we are going to wait outside like a bunch of annoying relatives waiting for the baby to be born. I’m going to be the godfather, by the way, it’s already decided! I’m going to make him my third in command, immediately after DICE!” he pursed his lips.

Shuichi sighed, taking the bait.

“Whose child is that?”

“Rantaro and Nagito’s love child. He is going to look gorgeous, the genes of the two best looking guys fused together? I can’t imagine!”

Shuichi hummed rolling his eyes, admitting defeat.

Everything returned to normal, or to be more precise everything went back to the way it was before the cold. Kokichi had not forgotten that Shuichi was keeping a secret from him, nor he had forgotten that he was keeping a secret from him, but he decided to put these thoughts in the back of his mind for now, focusing more on the present.

Tuesday arrived in a flash, Kokichi was almost completely recovered he was still coughing a little from time to time when his throat was prickling, but that was about it. Hinata was the one to gather everyone from their apartments, picking them up one by one with his car. It turned out that Chiaki had reserved a whole restaurant for them near the court where the sentence was to be given. As expected, immediately outside was a huge crowd of people, some were part of the security, while others were just nosy people. This was a major trial and the results were affecting a lot of people indirectly, so it was no wonder everyone knew what day it was today.

Kokichi obviously observed them only from afar, from very afar, from the window inside the restaurant to be specific. But even as far as he was, there was no way he wouldn’t hear the commotion they were causing. Some were protesting loudly, some other were being caught in the moment and adding to the noise. It seemed like everyone had an opinion to share about Danganronpa and Nagito. One thing was certain for Kokichi: no one was defending the idea of shutting the TV show down. Maybe they were defending Nagito, maybe Chief Towa, whether it was it didn’t matter. They wanted a change or they were refusing a change, they weren’t trying to destroy it entirely.

The TV in the corner, hung up on the wall in a way that was reminding him of the monitor in the Academy for Gifted Juveniles, was already turned on and at a high volume. It was showing a journalist speaking about the trial, right outside the court but past the wall of people. Kokichi wasn’t really interested. He had learned unwillingly, because the others were somehow obsessed with learning about the people’s opinion on Danganronpa, that the TV commentators were talking about them constantly throughout the afternoon. The new episode, during the season, was in the evening, so they were talking about gossip from the last episode before the new episode could air. They were using repeatedly the same argument, discussing repeatedly the same things, analyzing to death every single detail. Now they were still doing the same, only using Nagito as a catalyst, instead of the show itself. Kokichi hated it, and he hated the casual reference to Danganronpa that everyone was making everywhere even more. Trivia quizes always had Danganronpa questions, but even things completely unrelated had people that would mention it for the heck of it. Like a cooking show he had seen completely by chance one time, the cook had said ‘I may not be the Ultimate Cook but this dish is still delicious!’ with a huge smile for the camera. Kokichi had turned off the TV, determined to never turn it on again. Shuichi knew so he made sure to never watch TV when he was present.

And this was the story of how Kokichi had given up on TV forever.

Everyone was either watching or chatting loudly, Kokichi was not a part of anyone’s discussion. He had greeted and had been greeted by everyone when he arrived, but they left him alone after a while when they got the feeling that Kokichi was not in the mood to talk. He was staring outside the window, keeping an eye on the situation and keeping himself busy at the same time. He would only stop looking from time to time, when the waitress of the restaurant brought some appetizers. Chiaki paid for everything, but the restaurant had received the order to keep bringing the food until everyone was satisfied, so Kokichi didn’t doubt that by the end of the day she would have to pay just as much as if she had a full course meal.

It was around four in the afternoon when things started to get heated. The people on TV started to say things like ‘there is movement inside’ making sure everyone knew that the verdict was going to be given soon. A nervous tension raised in the room. It was true that they were pretty positive that the sentence would be the one they already had predicted, but maybe Chief Towa had found a way to corrupt someone. It wasn’t very likely, the barricade that Nagito had created around himself was very solid, people were constantly making sure none of them would enter in contact with anyone from Danganronpa, to protect their integrity on the case. Kokichi was still surprised that this was an actual thing; he had thought that justice out here had to be completely corrupted anyway. Trust Nagito to prove otherwise.

When the commotion on the TV became louder, Kokichi raised himself to his tiptoes, eager to see Nagito’s face pop out from the front door of the courtroom building. People started to leave through the door, one after the other without pausing to look at the crowd outside. They all left through the sides, going around the building so to avoid the main road. The police officers had already created a safe zone on the sides and back, not even the journalists were allowed there. The people on the screen were yelling so much that Kokichi ended up hearing all about it even if he tried to ignore it. The journalists were chasing every single person leaving, trying to have a word with them and get some statements about their opinion on the trial. Kokichi heard enough to be reassured; Nagito’s sentence had been the expected one, no surprises.

And there he was, the king of shamelessness, walking surrounded by people with a smile on his face. The crowd cheered for him, regardless of their alignment.

Kokichi felt his face smile back on its own free will. Everyone crowded at his side creating a mountain of human bodies of different sizes to see him. He yelled indignantly when someone pushed him so much that his face was glued to the glass window and he was not the only one, he heard Yumeno’s famous ‘Nye!’ somewhere on his left. Someone, probably Gonta, had forgotten that some of them were the smallest runts in the world. When Chabashira started to yell about degenerate males many more people started to yell themselves and in the chaos Kokichi barely noticed another person leaving the courtroom. Shirogane Tsumugi.

“Holy crap, she is still alive? Why hasn’t one killed her yet? Haru-chan, I’m disappointed in you! What’s the point of being an assassin if you can’t even kill your worst enemy?!”

The mountain started to disaggregate itself as people finally were taking a step back and finally Kokichi could breathe freely again.

“Was she supposed to be there?” asked Shuichi to Rantaro.

The Big Brother was still standing far away from the window, his arms crossed and his eyebrows knotted.

“I had no idea she was supposed to be here. I don’t know what kind of role she played, but she doesn’t look too happy. She probably failed.”

A journalist caught her and instead of running away like all the others, she remained behind to do an interview, in the meantime Nagito had disappeared from view. They could hear her interview from the TV.

“Shirogane-san, please can you give us a commentary on the trial and verdict?” a female journalist, a bit out of breath, managed to say before anyone else.

“What can I say? My season was completely ruined from the start by external interference from inside the production itself, I had to fight with all I had to keep the show going and be as entertaining as possible and yet look what I got! I was accused by the perpetrator himself that I was the one being nontransparent with how I was handling the production! I didn’t do anything that all my predecessors didn’t do. Yes, sweet angel Chiaki I’m talking about you, and yet I had to take the fall because of someone else’s fault? I don’t know what kind of trick you used, Nagito, but don’t think I’m going to accept this! I’m gonna—“

The interview was cut off short when Chief Towa’s attorney appeared from the door, solidifying, once again, that Shirogane was important like a pebble in the center of the street. Maybe a kid would trip on it, one day, until then no one was ever going to notice it. Everyone abandoned her and ran for him, surrounding him in a way that was making Kokichi feel claustrophobic for him, even though he was ‘the enemy’. His interest in his speech to the journalists started to deplete fast, he was saying what every single defeated attorney would say ‘we are still convinced of our client’s innocence and next time we will prove it blah blah’. His thoughts returned to Shirogane and the very pitiful impression she made in her interview. Was she really thinking that anyone would be convinced of her words after hearing that? He remembered her to be much more cunning and smarter than this. Was there something behind all this or not? Maybe this was his old paranoia talking. Either way he was not going to get involved, Nagito could play around to his heart’s content, Rantaro too.

“My, that girl hates me, doesn’t she?”

The voice was so unexpected that Kokichi actually was left out of breath. When he had seen that he had disappeared, he was sure he wouldn’t see him for a while, maybe until the next day or something, but there he was, inside the restaurant accompanied by four familiar people.

“Don’t worry, she hates me more.” Chiaki smiled sweetly, used to it.

Hinata, Byakuya and a person he hadn’t seen in a long time were right behind them.

“Ryota, it’s nice to see you again! You look much better!” Rantaro greeted him and slapped him in the back.

Mitarai Ryota was apparently famous for having overworked himself while working in the Danganronpa production as the Editor of the Neo World Program. Kokichi had met him a couple times already and he looked like a nice guy, even though he was much older than everyone in the room he was treated by everyone like a little brother because of his short figure and pale appearance. His quiet voice wasn’t helping either.

After breaking the moment of pause that everyone aside from Rantaro had felt at their surprising arrival, the V2 cast crowed around Ryota and Chiaki, hoping to get a piece. Nagito received the congratulations of some of them while others were just politely greeting him, like Fuyuhiko. Hinata and Byakuya remained a little in the background, they were both a little more difficult to approach than the others. At some point, Nagito and Kokichi’s eyes met. Nagito’s smile grew a little, while Kokichi smirked maliciously, ready to put him into his place again. He hadn’t forgotten how much space Nagito’s distorted ego was taking every time. This win had probably inflated it even more.

“Can I have one of these? They look really appetizing!” he sat down and without waiting for approval, then grabbed and ate a little ham tart.

“Hinata-san,” Rantaro ignored him and addressed Chiaki’s boyfriend, “what happened? Shirogane was not part of the list of witnesses for this trial.”

“Yes, she was an out of schedule. She had just discovered that Chief Towa has filed a complaint against her, saying that she was the one manipulating everyone’s memories and making these kinds of decisions without his consent. Apparently, they decided to use her as a scapegoat, saying that she was the head of this season and he never gave his consent for some of the things she did to you all. Which is technically not wrong, by the way, but there is just no way the Chief didn’t know. He just turned a blind eye because the show was working as intended. He never was opposed and never really exercise his authority over the decision-making on the Story Writing floor. This was a desperate move from her, because she realizes she doesn’t have the power that Chief Towa has. If they want to use her and all of the other workers in the company as scapegoats, they can. This is why she decided to make herself interesting again in the eyes of the public. Maybe those corrupting people in charge won’t be persuaded, but as long as the public opinion can somehow see her as a victim, she can win a little bit. Not that it matters. Her words have the weight of a feather.”

“Wait, but she accused Nagito, not Chief Towa.” noticed Aka-chan.

“Yes of course,” Shuichi had entered his Detective mode, “she can’t afford to antagonize the Chief directly… she had to choose a convenient scapegoat herself.”

“So… what now?” asked Rantaro.

“Now I have to go to my designated apartment as soon as possible, I’m under house arrest.” Nagito said, popping another tart in his mouth.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t referring to that.”

“I know what you were referring to.” Nagito swallowed his tart. “Now that I’m out of the way, two things remain. My father’s trial which doesn’t really concern us, he won’t come for us that much I can assure you, so whether he will be convicted or not it’s relatively unimportant. What’s really important is the other part of the deal; what will happen with Danganronpa and the machine. While Mukuro Ikusaba’s death is important, the other crimes can be easily overlooked if they really want to. The TV show will most certainly have some changes, but it’s not certain it will be shut down just yet. The fans are still mad, but if they want I’m sure they can get them interested again if they advertise a new season. For them, our tragedies aren’t really important, or real for that matter, so as long as they promise that nothing will be as unpalatable as last time they will still watch it. Danganronpa is too essential in everyone’s lives by this point.”

“So what do we do now?” asked Kazuichi.

“We have to choose.” Nagito answered again after cleaning his fingers on a tissue. “Which side each one of us is going to pick.”

“What are you referring to?” Sonia had her hands clasped in front of her chest.

“You have to choose. Do you want to fight to make Danganronpa shut down, the hardest path of all. Or do you want to turn the Neo World Program and TV show into something different, the middle path. Or do you not want to get involved at all, the easiest path.” he paused. The room was now silent. “Each one of you has to choose, with your own heads.”

Everyone looked around, as if they were hoping to have someone else make the choice for them. Kokichi kept his stare on Nagito. Nagito waited a moment longer than asked again.

“So, which side are you going to chose?”


	16. Like a bunch of geese

Or neither sides, that was Kokichi’s honest answer.

He didn’t want to take the middle path, nor the hard one, he wanted to choose the easy one, he didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore. Hadn’t he done already more than enough? What else could they want from him? He ruined V3, his responsibility was over, his duty already paid. He wondered if anyone in the room had the courage to ask for his opinion.

“Well, I need to go now, I don’t expect anyone to already have their answer, so think about it. I’m not stopping, I think everyone already knew that. If you are interested you know where I live. I can’t really run around freely so it’s up to you to make a move.” Nagito raised a hand in farewell. “It was nice to see all of you once again, I’m honored you wasted an afternoon waiting for someone like me! Have a nice evening.” he quickly placed another tart in his mouth and then left, not giving anyone time to say anything else.

Hinata and Chiaki left with him, probably to dive him back to his apartment, everyone else remained. Aka-chan clapped her hands loudly.

“That was interesting for sure, but I say we shouldn’t ruin the celebratory party just yet! Go on guys, there is still food!”

Many of them jumped at the distraction immediately, crowing around the tables, even if they maybe weren’t even hungry. Chatting exploded all over the room, filling completely the silence and brushing away the heavy atmosphere that Nagito had left behind. It seemed that for now no one really wanted to talk and think about this big problem, choosing the live the moment to the fullest. This was their victory after all, and one they had fought years to get. But Kokichi wasn’t stupid or blind or deaf enough to not notice that small groups were forming in the room. There was a group composed by people like Hiyoko, Ibuki, Yumeno, Angie and Kazuichi that was clearly part of the ‘not interested' faction, then there was a group composed by people like Rantaro, Aka-chan, Ryota and Byakuya that was gravitating together, everyone probably interested to know the opinion of the others. Shuichi joined this group almost without realizing, standing together with Momo-chan and Aka-chan and listening to them speak. Kokichi instead remained a little farther away, unwilling to join any group. He wasn’t the only one, he could see Hoshi, Haru-chan, Toujo, Gundham and Peko do the same.

Kokichi had a bad feeling about this, it looked like the perfect way to split everyone up in many different factions and then gradually lose their sense of unity. He wasn’t blaming Nagito, he was aware that it was a delicate matter. Anyone had different shades of interest and courage, some just wanted to forget everything, like himself. He didn’t want to get mixed in the real world business but he didn’t want to live for Danganronpa either. He wanted to do his own thing, in short. Yet he could not shake the feeling that something bad could happen because of this.

Routine started again the next day, Shuichi went to school and Kokichi ditched. He played again his MMO, cooked, then moved to the abandoned factory and read some manga, then back home. Again and again, day after day. Nagito’s apartment wasn’t far so some days instead of going to the abandoned factory he went to see him. Nagito was never alone, someone was always there, for a reason or another, and so Kokichi became somehow the witness of many decisions regarding the fight. After the first and second time he wondered if it was worth to keep trying, since clearly he was only getting caught in talks he didn’t want to be a part of, but something inside him prompted him to keep going. Luckily he had his façade by his side, every time someone would ask for his opinion he could just spout some nonsense and not answer at all. He didn’t want to let them know his decision, they would try to push him on one side or another. He was the Leader and so he was a valuable asset everyone wanted.

As the days were passing and Christmas was coming closer Kokichi’s prediction started to become true. Their group was breaking apart because some were getting very defensive of their own position, trying to drag more people on their side. In particular two groups could be defined as the ‘hardcore’ in both sides, while everyone else was gravitating around. Of the neutral people more and more of them were starting to feel uneasy spending time with someone from the hardcore groups and so soon gathering everyone together became impossible. Not to mention the fact that the hardcore people weren’t really in the friendliest term with the ones on the other side. Some of the divisions that were forming were actually upsetting Kokichi a little, because he was aware that the people involved were putting this fight in front of their feelings, one of the reasons why Kokichi refused to take any part in it.

The hardcore group that wanted to shut down Danganronpa was composed by Fuyuhiko, Peko was dragged into it by him, Momo-chan and the most fired up of the group were Nagito and Ryota. They weren’t up for negotiation, they wanted to demolish everything. The other side of the hardcore people was composed by Byakuya, who was seeing a potential business in it, Hinata, dragged in by Chiaki, Miu, who wanted to work with the computers, Aka-chan and Rantaro, and Chiaki. The last two were the more dedicated of the group, they wanted to make sure to create a change, instead of risk it and go back to the old way. They were trying to convince Nagito to find a way to inherit the company so they could be the one running it and be sure it was done right. Needlessly to say Nagito took Rantaro’s proposal like a betrayal. Kokichi wasn’t really sure of what kind of relationship the two had but he could sense that something very painful was happening there. Not to mention Hinata, who disappointed Nagito yet again and made him even more spiteful.

They were like a bunch of geese.

Kokichi lived this situation from afar. Observing but not intervening. There was something wrong with him not saying anything, it felt very wrong, but he just couldn’t bring himself to start a fight with neither parts, let alone both. He didn’t want to fight with Rantaro for a hundred reasons nor he wanted to pick a fight with Nagito and Ryota, the two other people he felt more grateful toward. Everything felt wrong, and his talent was failing him. Now he was most definitely certain that it had been fake all along. Here, in this world, Kokichi was alone with his thoughts and flaws, there was no way he could just swipe a solution out of his ass like always. It was all wrong.

To add to the pain there were the nightmares.

Takumi, the piece of shit, was hunting him like never before. For a period he had thought he would just stand there, reminding him of his existence in silence, being all creepy and gloomy. But no, it seemed he was indeed there to criticize his life choices. He had started talking, his voice so monotone Kokichi would get annoyed after five seconds. He had started by asking him why he was not trying to stop them from fighting and create conflict into the group. Then he started to comment on the events of the day, asking why he didn’t say this or that, why was he not helping his friends, why was he not taking a side. From there it only got worse, with him asking if he was really considering them his friends or not, if he liked them or not, if he was okay with them disappearing from his life. Kokichi knew, from a logical point of view, what was happening. His psyche had decided to use the image of something he feared, Takumi’s existence inside him, and use it to tell him all the things he was hating about his new self. This was nothing more than his brain showing him what he disliked all mixed together, and yet it felt a lot more like an attack to his persona coming from the outside, not from the inside. He already hated himself before, now he hated the part of himself that was hating himself as well, a wonderful relaxing situation. His brain really was a national treasure, no questions asked.

But there was something good in all that mess.

Maybe part of the merit was to be attributed to the holidays that were approaching, but his relationship with Shuichi was improving a little. The both of them were keeping a secret from the other, Kokichi the school and Shuichi something that probably started with Kiibo, Kokichi’s intuition was telling him so but it wasn’t that bad anymore. Nothing had changed on both sides so Kokichi settled into thinking that whatever it was it couldn't be so terrible. He wasn’t going to do anything else than living the moment. Kokichi wouldn’t call it trust, he wasn’t really trusting blindly that Shuichi loved him or anything, he was just convinced that it was better to stop fretting all this time.

Kokichi and Shuichi bought a Christmas tree together, it was a cheap plastic one but at it was okay because the decorations were all recycled from everyone else, they had given them their old ones. Kokichi wasn’t sure if he wanted to feel offended or grateful, in doubt he decided to not feel in any way, just taking them and using them on the tree. In the meantime Shuichi was doing the last effort before the winter break, unsurprisingly he was getting almost perfect marks in every exam he was taking. Shuichi asked him about his own tests but Kokichi was prepared; he had already signed up for online classes and so he could show him a print of the results hiding the name of the school from the paper. If Shuichi noticed anything strange in them he didn’t mention it.

After the first half of December it snowed, Kokichi wasn’t as happy to hide inside the factory. Sure, he had the thermal blanket, but everywhere was full of humidity and frost, he didn’t want to get a cold again or worse the flu. He took advantage of the whole situation with Nagito and made sure to tell Shuichi he was taking a break from the club, this way even though people were seeing him often by Nagito no one could rattle him out with Shuichi. Not if he had made an excuse for himself first. Considering how nosy and talkative all these people were Kokichi wouldn’t be surprised if they had all talked with Shuichi about him in secret, they loved to gossip. Some other day Kokichi ‘returned home sooner’ which simply meant he was not leaving the apartment at all, pretending to have returned home from school immediately after the end of the lessons. The new strategy worked perfectly and with the incoming holidays Kokichi was sure he could keep it up at the very least until the new year. He was looking forward to it. On the other hand, Shuichi started to come back home later than usual, he said he had one last group project before the end of the term and they wanted to have it done as soon as possible. He said that all the students on his group were workaholic with excellent grades and so he needed to keep up. Kokichi felt the bad smell of lies from afar but just nodded and said he was rooting for him.

That he had a group project of sort Kokichi was not doubting it, but it couldn’t be all there was. Not after he heard Kiibo calling him on the phone and the two talked for a while, Shuichi hid in the kitchen to mask the sound of their voices. Kokichi at that time was in the other room, playing a game with _Iliveintheinternet_ so he heard only the very beginning of the conversation but heard clearly him saying “Makoto”. He had pondered for a moment if he should spy on him but decided against it, he kept playing but the information was not forgotten. So some days later when this mysterious group project appeared Kokichi knew better than trust him on his word.

One day at past eight he had not returned yet, outside only the lights of the city were piercing the total darkness and Kokichi started to get anxious. He had already pulled out his phone to call him when he tossed it aside again, he didn’t want to seem too possessive or anything, maybe he was just a little late than usual. But then he remembered that one time where Kokichi had that bad moment at school and he had started to walk around the city aimlessly hoping to disappear, he remembered how worried Shuichi had been. Kokichi started to think that even though he was far more recognizable than Shuichi it wasn’t like no one ever had recognized him, what if someone had kidnapped him or something?

Suddenly he realized that this had to be the same exact train of thoughts Shuichi must have had that day. He started the phone call.

“Ah, Kokichi, I’m sorry, I know I’m super late!” Shuichi picked up after the second ring and answered in a hurry without giving him time to say anything. He was panting a little, like he was running. “I should have called but I was returning home when I got held back and then I started running to go back sooner and so I thought it was best to just run faster and—“

“Okay, okay, I got it, breath!” Kokichi interrupted him before he could pass out from lack of oxygen. “Don’t pass out on the street or else I’m going to have to pick you up before some perv can kidnap you! Seriously, see you in a bit.” he cut off the call with a sigh before Shuichi could start to apologize again.

In minutes Kokichi heard the steps outside of his door and the key inserting in the keyhole before the door opened. Shuichi entered panting and closed the door, his nose red and a wool cap and scarf hiding half his face. He got undressed quickly and run for the radiator even before saying hello to Kokichi who didn’t say anything as well. He just looked at him with a raised eyebrow like he was expecting something from Shuichi. He placed his hands on the radiator, still with the gloves on, and turned to face him.

“Hi Kokichi, sorry did I scare you?”

“Scared me? What could you mean? How could a Supreme Leader be scared that his loyal subject was missing for a couple hours, that’s really not my concern.” Kokichi looked at his nails trying to seem above all this fluffiness.

“I see, so you called me because…?” he smirked.

“Because you aren’t here to serve me if I need you! What the hell, I’m going to cut your salary in half if you keep missing your work hours!” Kokichi pouted.

“Ah, I understand, and what could my beloved Leader want from me?”

Kokichi’s internal temperature raised a little recognizing the flirt for what it was, while another part of his mind understood that Shuichi had no intention of telling him where he had been or why. He was distracting him on purpose. Kokichi let him believe that he was great at distracting, as long as Kokichi was remaining on his guard there was no way he could miss something crucial. And he could use Shuichi’s increasing confidence in his ability to keep the conversation where he wanted to his advantage, to hit it with a low blow if he was going too far.

“Who knows, I forgot because you took too much! Maybe I needed you to make me feel important and you weren’t there to do so! Shame on you!” he crossed his arms and looked the other direction.

He heard Shuichi snort and turned just in time to see him roll his eyes.

“I see, translated you are just lonely and annoying, what’s new.”

“Wh-!” he was actually surprised. “I’m so offended! I can’t believe you, treating your boyfriend like that! I think I’m starting a protest that involves a ban on sex, you are not getting any!”

“So, question number one: wasn’t I a subject until a moment ago? And second: whenever has the sex thing even started? I wasn’t aware.” he blushed a little saying the second question, he very rarely was saying the three letters word.

“In your dreams we started it, probably. I’m going to abstain there too from now on, come back when you do something that deserves it!” Kokichi turned away again listening to him snorting a second time.

“I have some doubts you have any control over my dreams, but suit yourself.”

“So you are not denying the fact that we started in your dreams!” he said petulantly.

“I never confirmed nor denied that, I was just stating a fact.”

Kokichi heard the steps, he was still turned away and didn’t move, waiting to see what the other had in mind. To his surprise he felt Shuichi’s warm hands on his cheeks and his head got turned toward the front.

“Your face is cold.” he whispered gently.

“No, silly, you had your hands on the radiator! It’s you who's hot!” Kokichi was the one to snort this time.

“I see, then I supposed I could warm you up.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened, was he really… flirting so shamelessly? He wasn’t even drunk this time, there was no excuse! Not that he really believed that Shuichi had been drunk the last time, but he liked to tell himself so. But this time he couldn’t lie like that, what was he supposed to say to himself now?! Shuichi didn’t wait for him to sort out his thoughts and bowed down until their lips met. Kokichi reciprocated the kiss lazily, still a bit caught off guard. Shuichi caught on it and he moved away a little.

“No?” he whispered, asking for permission.

Kokichi’s felt his face redden a little, recognizing what was going on. Shuichi was worried that something like last time, the famous failed sex, was going to happen. Or more precisely he was worried that Kokichi was going to not feel good, like last time. He was not stupid, they were both aware that Kokichi had ran away because he had some mental obstacle in the way, not because he was physically sick. So now Shuichi was asking for permission. Kokichi had a moment to ravel into his shame again, the shame he had tried to push away after that time in the bathroom. Admit a weakness for him required a huge amount of effort.

“Didn’t you hear me when I said that I was refusing sex out of spite from now on?” he whispered back.

“Yes, I heard.” he didn’t add anything else.

“So… basically you are ignoring what I said.” Kokichi filled the silence after a while, incapable of letting it stretch more than a few seconds.

“Kisses aren’t sex though.” a logical answer, actually.

“Hm, you are pushing your luck, punk.” Kokichi’s eyes were a slit.

“I see,” he moved away a bit more, “then I guess this is a no.”

Kokichi grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him until he fell on his knees on the couch.

“I’m the only one who gets to say no, I didn’t say no!” and this was not a logical answer at all.

“Kokichi, what did I say about mixed signals, some time ago?” he asked with a sigh.

“I dunno, I don’t remember, I don’t care! I like mixed signals!” Kokichi yelled.

“Now, this explains a lot.” Shuichi smirked.

Kokichi stuck his tongue at him and pushed Shuichi on his back, before straddling him. He did so before the embarrassment could stop him. He felt a tiny marble of anxiety awake in his stomach but he ignored it, wishing to finally enjoy this moment that he had waited for quite a while. Kokichi was still a bit scared, but not being the one on the receiving end helped. Before it was always Shuichi that was pushing for a change, while Kokichi was just feeling like he was enduring it. After he had been forced to try to move things on his own end, unsuccessfully, it was like balance had been reestablished and now they were again on equal ground, finally both willing but not so much.

He knew, in his heart and guts, that this was not the day, call it instinct or premonition, for this reason it was way easier to shorten the distance and kiss him again.


	17. Eagle’s eyes

That wasn’t the last time they would flirt with each other.

They had started a new kind of dance, instead of stepping forward or backward they were spinning in place, one moment one was in control, the next moment it was the other. The current place they were in the relationship was the one that suited Kokichi better.

Everything else was not doing so great still.

Starting from the fact that it was a week that everyone was trying to organize a Christmas party of sort for them all and it was just not working. Everyone had a different opinion about what they should do, or where, but Kokichi knew that the real problem was the company. For example Nagito refused to go to any party, the official reason was his house arrest but the unofficial reason was that he didn’t want to party with a ‘traitor’ like Rantaro, who was, in his words, promoting the proliferation of Danganronpa. Then there was Momo-chan who apparently got into a big argument with Miu, and now the girl was refusing to see anyone from the hardcore shutdown group. Since she was too much of a wimp to actually fight for herself she just decided to blame everyone for her unhappiness and she said they didn’t deserve her company for that reason. Fuyuhiko and Rantaro were at an odd too, because they had different ideas, and so they had dragged into the mess Peko and Aka-chan. Rantaro, on the other hand, being mild-mannered and trustworthy had somehow convinced many people from the ones that were unconvinced to listen to him, since they were a little scared of the more aggressive ones in the other group, like Nagito and Momo-chan. That didn’t help either.

Shuichi didn’t pick a side, but Kokichi noticed that he was often observing him, like he was waiting for Kokichi to chose and then align himself to his decision. He hoped that wasn’t actually the case because he didn’t want Shuichi to choose something purely based on Kokichi’s decision.

And so Kokichi kept looking from afar, only partially interested in discovering if they were actually going to have a Christmas party together or not, but he didn’t notice that he was being observed by someone from afar in turn.

The first time Hoshi approached him it was in Nagito’s living room. At first Kokichi didn’t know what he wanted or where he was getting at, and Hoshi started from a random place. He asked him some questions about how he was doing, in school and in the world in general. Kokichi, a master of deflecting, obviously didn’t answer anything straight out but he humored him. He got curious as to why someone like Hoshi, who was not talking to many people, had decided to approach him of all people. And to ask useless questions too. It was obvious he wanted something, the problem was what. Hoshi continued his personal strategy by changing his way of talking, instead of asking he tried to get some truthful confessions out of him by offering his own personal experiences in exchange. Kokichi was intrigued, all this effort to make him talk had to have a very interesting reason behind. He took it like a game, trying to obtain information while not giving any of his own.

One day Kokichi was cooking, he was trying a new recipe, baked honey sesame chicken. Thanks to the money they were saving by not buying the bento directly from the shop they were now able to buy some more sophisticated ingredients, like the honey and sesame. Kokichi normally would never dream of buy the sesame, even with the money, because he had no use for it, unless he wanted to sprinkle some on top of the bread while making a hamburger, but thanks to the cooking lessons that Teruteru was giving him he was now collecting some of these more uncommon ingredients. As of now, Kokichi was not sure of what he was going to do with some of them, he was just trusting Teruteru and the recipes blindly, which was the best he could do. He liked some of the dishes he had tried for the first time in his life because of the cooking lessons but he couldn’t call himself a culinary enthusiast.

The problem was that he was a little unsure of what he was doing, he had just got the recipe, not actually tried it out for himself before. Wasting five chicken legs was not an option so even though he took the decision and risk to try he was still feeling a bit anxious over it. Accounting his unisiness about the lack of handiness in some tasks he ended up knocking the honey pot on the floor while moving a pan. He jumped away to avoid the glass shards and he made a gesture of annoyance. This recipe was not doable without honey, it would be a completely different thing. Swipe off the honey from the floor was a pain in the ass, the floor was sticky and the glass pieces had flown everywhere. He was in a pretty bad humor by the time he had cleaned everything, and now he had to leave and by a new one, wasting some money as well. He wasn’t feeling incredibly guilty, since it was his effort that was making them save some money so he deserved a mistake or two, but still there were better ways to waste money.

He wore his favorite purple duvet jacket with a hood, making sure to cover his hair and ran outside with his hand deep into his pockets. The snow was piled up on the corner of the streets, the temperature had been low enough that the snow had not been able to melt in days. The whole city was illuminated with Christmas decoration, Kokichi’s mood lifted a little looking at them. He was a kid at heart, no way he could remain cold to this atmosphere. He needed to buy some fireworks, he wanted to play tag with Shuichi with one of those.

When he noticed him it was already too late.

Hoshi was drinking something in a café, sitting near the window and staring right at him. He raised a hand to greet Kokichi, completely calm and unconcerned and kept drinking but Kokichi felt mortification bloom inside. He had been caught skipping classes by someone that could talk to Shuichi anytime he wanted. Kokichi kept his face in check, thinking that maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe Hoshi could think that there was another reason for him skipping classes and so maybe he would not talk about it with Shuichi. It was a pretty empty hope, but just in case he wanted to make sure not to show himself too affected by this and confirm any suspicion he could have. Kokichi raised a hand as well, smiled and then kept walking like nothing had happened.

If Shuichi had not been involved in all this then he would not feel threatened at all by his presence or anything he could have thought or discovered, it was his life and he could do what he wanted with it, but this was different. If Shuichi was to get involved he would maybe question him about all the other days, and there was the remote possibility of him calling the school to inform himself personally. It was already a blessing that they hadn’t call themselves to ask where he had disappeared to, Kokichi had waited for their call every day, from the start. He was the one answering every call he could get his hands on. Sometimes in the evening he would not be fast enough, but it was a little less possible for them to call after the school had ended and closed. If they were to call, they would do it during the day. Shuichi finding out maybe was not going to be the end of the world but Kokichi didn’t want to deal with this mess.

Especially since Shuichi had kinda asked him to keep his lies contained to the white ones. He had a feeling that try to convince him that lying about going to school and instead skipping every day was not a simple endeavor. The moral ground to make that kind of claim was a bit gray in the first place. Kokichi bought the honey and returned home. Hoshi was not at the café window anymore.

The following three days Kokichi was always on the edge, wondering if today was the day that Shuichi would receive words from Hoshi and confront him. For the first time he regretted a little his decision, but thinking back about all the stares he had received in school he would change his mind immediately. It was worth a fight with Shuichi if he could keep away from that place forever. And he was already taking courses online anyway, it was way faster and easier.

One day the phone rang, but it was Kokichi’s. When he read the number and didn't recognize it he had immediately a bad feeling, his stomach closing and a sensation of defeat filling him. He had not answered yet but he knew already who it was.

“Hi, Ouma. I was wondering if I could have a word with you.”

“Ah, I wonder too, what could Hoshi-chan ever want with me?”

“Meet me and discover it. Wasn’t curiosity your thing?” Hoshi baited him, perfectly calm.

“Curiosity killed the cat.” and could kill him too.

“Clever. But we already know that you are smarter than that. You don’t need to fear me, kid. You made worst enemies than me in your short life.” he dismissed Kokichi’s attempt to escape his fate.

“You are not older than me, you know that, right?” Kokichi was already defeated but couldn’t afford to not have the last word.

“Meet me at the same café from the other day, tomorrow, school hours, I’ll be there.” he cut off the call, effectively making impossible for Kokichi to have the last word he wanted.

Kokichi didn’t enjoy the evening very much. Christmas was right around the corner and the group still had not decided what to do, which meant that Kokichi and Shuichi themselves didn’t know what to do. Shuichi spent the night trying to make plans and Kokichi shot them all down, effectively irritating Shuichi with his unhelpfulness. The next day Kokichi after leaving the house just went straight to the café, eager to confront this problem as soon as possible. Hoshi wasn’t there yet but he arrived after only ten minutes, Kokichi had just the time to chose the table and order a hot chocolate.

“You are here early.” Hoshi said, sitting down on the other side of the table. “I was wondering if you were going to bail me. It seemed I underestimated you.”

The waitress placed Kokichi’s hot chocolate on the table and tried to take Hoshi’s order as well when she recognized him and stopped dead on her tracks. Kokichi’s mood dropped when she turned in a hurry to take a better look at him, her eyes widening as she finally recognized him. Kokichi wished to brainwash her so she would stop staring. Her attention shifted again when Hoshi spoke up.

“I want a caramel mocha. Thanks for your hard work.” he grabbed the hat on his head, not the same from the game obviously, and bowed a little.

The girl blinked once, twice and then moved and spoke like she had suddenly become a machine. 

“R-right! Coming right up!” she put way too enthusiasm in her answer and almost ran away.

Kokichi clicked his tongue at her, aware that she was going to tell every single person in the café who they were in the next three minutes.

“Yes, she is going to tell and they are going to stare. Keep calm and ignore them. We can’t escape from here like we are thieves.” it was almost like Hoshi had read his mind. To be fair Kokichi guessed it wasn’t so difficult to read his emotions at the moment. “If you keep calm they won’t harass you.”

“How do you know that? Are you going to take responsibility if they come here to ask for an autograph?” Kokichi spat with a little more venom than intended.

“If it makes you happy, sure. I’ll take responsibility for it.”

The waitress returned in a hurry, placed the mocha on the table, bowed deeply and then ran away again. As Kokichi expected the other two waitresses were watching them and whispering from afar.

“Why am I here?” Kokichi asked, wanting to get this done as soon as possible.

“Do you know why am I here?” Hoshi asked back.

“To bother me?” Kokichi raised an eyebrow.

“I meant here in the city, I returned back home at the end of V3, remember?” Kokichi didn’t answer and Hoshi didn’t wait for an answer either. “I guess you didn’t care enough to ask yourself that.”

Was he trying to make him feel guilty? It wasn’t working.

“Well then, why are you here then?” he played along.

“So I heard you had some trouble at school some time ago.” the change of topic was so sudden Kokichi didn’t have the time to feel attacked. “And you aren’t going to class since then.” Okay, Kokichi was expecting this since the very beginning but the point was how. How could he know this? It never made it to the press, he knew that for a fact. “Were you aware that I have a cousin that’s a year older than me in this city?” and there it was, the abrupt change of topic again. What was he getting at? “He is not like me, he is tall, quite handsome, very good at sports, has a lot of friends, is very popular in his school and not only that… he has a good heart too. I just could not compete, you know? I was nothing like him.” he paused and stared at him in the eyes for a moment before delivering his final question. “Does any of this ring a bell for you?”

What kind of bell was he expecting all of this to ring? It was pretty clear that he was telling him something about his past, maybe about the motivation for him to enter the Neo World Program, but what all of this had anything to do with him of how he knew he was skipping school?

Then it hit him.

A tall, kind of handsome guy that was into sports and had a lot of friends ready to defend him. Not only that, a guy with his heart in the right place too. He had met someone like this. At school. It was Gym guy, the one that tried to give him his backpack back and got into trouble because of him.

 _Gym guy was Hoshi’s cousin?_ Just how small was the world?

“I see, so he was the one telling you about me.” there was no use in playing dumb, he had too many evidence already. “But this doesn’t answer my question, why am I here?”

“Don’t worry, I’m getting to that, give me a moment.” Hoshi sipped his mocha. “So, my cousin I was saying. When I was little I was so envious of him I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand _him._ I mean, who would stand someone that was so nice and perfect that he would even try to teach me how to play a sport, considering my height and size? Well, maybe someone would, me? Definitely not. I guess now you are wondering how can I know this, since the memory implants in the Neo World Program have erased everything. Well, in truth I still don’t remember, but I read my diary, the diary I wrote to myself before getting the treatment. Can you believe it? I left a diary to my new self after the treatment! In the diary I wrote all this and I wrote some delirious plans about what I should to after the treatment. Things like humiliate him with my popularity and stuff like that. Just with this, you should be able to deduce what kind of person I was.”

Hoshi paused again, he added some sugar to his mocha and turned the spoon slowly. Kokichi remained silent, he knew the point of the question was still to come. Hoshi was not the type to call him, of all people, to tell his sad story of the past.

“Can you believe it? They gave me the title of Ultimate Tennis Player and they made my backstory into that of a tragically misunderstood hero criminal. At first I thought it was a sad choice from the one in charge, now I know better. I don’t know what kind of lie I told my family… but I wanted all this. I’m sure that if I were to take a look at my video now I would hear all these delusions coming from the mouth of a spoiled brat.” Hoshi scoffed, mocking himself. “When I returned home I started going to school down there, I wanted to go back to normality as soon as possible. I even abandoned all of you guys for that, I wanted to forget and heal. I thought I was a victim of the events, while actually I was the perpetrator all along. I guess you don’t keep up with a lot of gossips do you?” he asked, looked up at him again. Kokichi didn’t answer in any way. This was a monolog, an answer wasn’t needed not requested. “No, you don’t. Something like five months ago I got into a… scuffle you may call it, with some of my classmates. You had the right idea, not going back home. Can you imagine how heavy it is to deal with all the people that knew the old you and now they treat you like you are the same person, only more famous? No, don’t even try to imagine, it’s better this way. Anyway, after that I decided to leave, I couldn’t deal with them anymore, I returned here. For a while I asked Gonta and Nekomaru to let me stay, these two have a good heart and too much selflessness for their own good. But… I didn’t want to not do anything, especially since it was me who caused my own unhappiness in the first place. I went to counseling for a while, did you knew that it’s free for the ex-patient of the Neo World Program? It really helped. It helped reconnect myself to the people in the season, my comrades, it made me feel a little better with myself, after all I was already on the right path to becoming a better person. It helped with popularity as well. She taught me how to not let the other people affect me as much. I even decided to live with my cousin for a while after all this, to get to know him better. It was really a great help.”

“Are you trying to convince me to go to counseling?” Kokichi stopped him before he could say anything of the sort.

“No, not really.” Hoshi said instead, surprising him. “It’s useless to force you to go if you have this attitude toward it. You need to want to better yourself first.” for some reason this answer managed to make Kokichi even more infuriated than the alternative. “No, what I wanted to say was that I have a feeling you are struggling with something similar, yet different. You don’t even know your old self, unless you lied and you actually made some researches, you shouldn’t be affected by him. Yet I feel like you are. Watching you I feel like you are the shell wrapped all around your old self, and his presence is sipping out every once in a while. Am I wrong?”

Kokichi’s anger evaporated, intrigued by the last thing he said. Everything was so preposterous that Kokichi felt it made full circle and became completely reasonable. He had always wondered why no one else was feeling like he was feeling, like there was something fundamentally wrong in him.

“You have quite the eagle’s eyes, don’t you? How can you say stuff like that with a straight face?” Kokichi asked smiling, he had drunk the hot chocolate leaving himself a chocolate mustache on purpose.

“You abandoned you Ultimate immediately, like it was garbage. You never tried to connect your old self to your new self, you just built another new self around them both. You rejected both Takumi and Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader. If this keeps up you’ll need to chose yet another name for yourself.” Hoshi finished his mocha.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s your big idea here?” he asked, honestly intrigued.

“I suggest you transform you anger in strength.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Transform you anger in strength.”


	18. Trapped into a cage

“I thought you had a better plan than this when you said something as impressive as ‘Transform your anger in strength!’” Kokichi mocked Hoshi’s deep voice.

“If you don’t like my plan you can make one on your own.” he didn’t take the bait.

“I mean ‘Let’s ask someone who could know what’s happening in your brain for clarification’ is even a plan in the first place?” Kokichi shrugged.

The two were walking down the road together. After Hoshi explained his ‘plan’ to him, they finished drinking, paid and left the café. It was still quite early into the day, it wasn’t even lunch time yet, Shuichi wasn’t going to return home for quite a while so the two had all the time in the world. It had become evident, after a while, that unmasking his lies to Shuichi was not Hoshi’s intention, so Kokichi relaxed a little. He was still waiting for a knife to suddenly make its appearance in his back, but for the moment everything was fine. Kokichi was feeling in a good mood again, if anything this was the first time he could walk side by side with a male that was shorter than him!

“Wouldn’t be nice to at least direct your anger in the proper direction? Until now what have you done? Except hate yourself, everything and everyone, I mean. I don’t hear any better idea coming from you, so shut up, kid.”

“Wow, so mature Hoshi-chan, I’m gonna call you gramps from now on!” Kokichi started to swing his arms back and forth as he was walking, looking even more like a kid, which next to Hoshi was a ludicrous image.

“Just calling me Ryoma would already be an improvement, honestly.”

“So where are we going? Who is this expert?” Kokichi asked, a skip in his steps now.

“You already know him.” Hoshi started to chew a lollipop.

How much sugar could such a short guy need? And everyone thought he was the expert on junk food and sweets.

“Oh really? Is he Hinata-chan? Chiaki’s boyfriend-chan?” he stopped the swinging of his arms to lock them together behind his back.

“Nope.”

Yeah, Kokichi was not expecting him to be. This was not the right direction for his apartment. Not only that, Kokichi wasn’t really sure he was qualified to talk about anything that was going on in his brain.

“If you are tricking me and you are actually dragging me to a counselor, your head is gonna fly.” he decided to clarify, just in case.

“No, he is not a counselor. If anything it’s him who needs to do something for his nerves. He should relax a little, the kid.”

“Is everyone a kid to you?” Kokichi raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, otherwise I’m the kid, we can’t have that, can we?” Hoshi shrugged.

They walked in silence for a while longer, then Hoshi entered an apartment complex Kokichi had never seen before. Whoever it was, it had to be someone he never visited before, he raised his guard a bit. Hoshi led him up two floors and then rang the doorbell of one of the three doors of the floor. From inside, came a nervous voice that Kokichi recognized immediately and he relaxed.

“I’m coming, just a minute!”

“Is he supposed to be the kid? You have strange ideas of kids Hoshi-chan!” Kokichi teased him a little in the time it took Mitarai Ryota to open the door.

“Oh, Hoshi-san and Ouma-san.” his eyes traveled from one to the other, clearly surprised. “What can I do for you? Would you like to enter?” he added a second later, realizing they couldn’t talk at the door.

“Thanks, Mitarai-kun. We won’t take too much of your time.” Hoshi entered first and Kokichi followed.

The apartment where the programmer lived was incredibly clean and empty, it was almost like a ghost was living in there. There was all the furniture one could imagine, but nothing on top of anything. There wasn’t a single decoration or paper or used cup anywhere, not even in the kitchen, which was an open space at the right of the living room. Kokichi had a feeling he wasn’t cooking for himself. If he were to open the fridge, he would probably find the same kind of prepared bento that Kokichi and Shuichi were eating before Kokichi started cooking. Probably only the bathroom and bedroom were used regularly.

“Can I offer you anything?” he looked around nervously, probably realizing that the only thing he could offer was a bento or a carbonated drink from the fridge.

“No thank you, we are not here for—“ Hoshi tried to speak, but Kokichi cut him off.

“A glass of champagne, please!” he raised his hand, smirking.

Ryota opened his mouth but Hoshi didn’t let him talk, which was probably for the best.

“Please, ignore him. We aren’t here to stay. I just needed you to give me a phone number.”

“Sure, what number?” Ryota nodded.

“The doctor that took care of us in the Neo World Program and after we woke up.”

“Ahhhhhhh…?” Kokichi protested loudly. “Why him? He is so boring!”

Of course, he already knew the answer. Hoshi had said to speak with someone that knew what could be happening in his brain, obvious it had to be someone from that time. When Hoshi had proposed this idea, he had a feeling they would end up like this. It wasn’t like he hated that doctor, he was an okay dude, but he was pretty frigid as well. Kokichi knew the man had somehow helped Rantaro greatly during V3, so he surely had his morals straight, but he never saw this side of him personally. The only thing he remembered from that doctor was him stabbing a rectal thermometer in his ass and that had been… no, he didn’t want to remember that part. It had involved some indignant yelling for sure. The bastard didn’t tell him in advance what he was going to do, he just went for it. Old perv.

“Please shut up.” Hoshi silenced him then turned toward Ryota again. “Do you have it?”

“Yes, yes I do… I… yeah, I can give you his number. Sure.” Ryota recovered from his paralysis and went for his phone in his pocket. 

Noticing that Kokichi had no intention of pulling out his phone, Hoshi grabbed his and the two of them exchanged data quickly.

“Thanks, Mitarai-kun.”

“No problem, has something happened? Is someone not feeling good?” Ryota was already starting to worry again.

“Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad, I just wanted to talk personally with him about the long-lasting effects of the machine. You know, how it can affect the brain and stuff like that.” Hoshi pushed down his hat again.

He didn’t lie but he didn’t tell the truth either, Kokichi liked this kind of half-truths.

“Oh, of course! I would make him speak with everyone if I could, everyone should listen to what he has to say before making a decision.” he seemed really pleased.

Kokichi had almost forgotten, since he didn’t care as much, that Ryota was part of the hardcore team for dismantling the Neo World Program completely. It was pretty obvious he would try to press for them to hear a scientific outlook on the situation.

“Well then Mitarai-kun, it was a pleasure to see you, we won’t waste any more of your precious time. If you are home, you should rest. We will see each other again at another time.” Hoshi bowed a little.

“Everyone is always so worried about me, I’m fine, really! Just because I collapsed and slept in the hospital for a couple days because of overwork it doesn’t mean I’m suicidal. It was for a just cause.” Ryota tried to justify himself.

“Yeah maybe. But you weren’t that hot in that hospital gown, you won’t find a girlfriend that way!” Kokichi nodded to himself.

“Err, yeah I guess not. It would already be something if I find some stability and a way to shut down Danganronpa. I have time to search for a girlfriend after.” Ryota shrugged just a little bit.

“Who has time, shouldn’t wait for more time! Or something like that. Am I or am I not super wise?” Kokichi smiled widely.

“Alright, let’s go. There is no need to start a comedy duo right now, come back another day if you want.” Hoshi grabbed his sleeve and dragged him to the door.

“Okay, okay gramps.” Kokichi freed his sleeve. “See you Mitarai-chan!” he waved at him and Ryota smiled sweetly, the guy was too sweet and passive for his own good.

Once the door was closed and they were descending the stairs, silence fell on the two of them. Kokichi placed his hands behind his head, wondering how useful could be to follow this plan. The doctor could probably answer any question he had about the Neo World Program, his mind, the memory implants and maybe Takumi… but was that his real problem in the first place? He wasn’t so sure.

Direct his anger in the proper direction, was it? He could try at least.

“Are you sure you don’t want the number yourself?” Hoshi asked after a while, when they were already down in the streets.

“I’d rather be called by some hot guy, you know? I don’t really want the old perv to have my number!”

“Yes, are you sure you don’t want it?” Hoshi ignored him and asked again.

“I’m sure. After we meet for the first time, if I’m interested I’ll get it directly from him. Not if he tries to take my virginity again though, in that case—“ Hoshi cut him off again.

“Okay, I’ll send you a message with the time and place. It’s not like you are busy anyway. You already have my number. Have a good afternoon.”

Kokichi didn’t answer, he just observed him going for a moment, feeling oddly satisfied and grateful. Maybe this would not help him or not solve his problem at all, but it was nice to see that someone was so observant to notice that something was wrong with him. Surely the cousin played a big role, but still it was his decision to approach Kokichi. He could’ve ignored everything.

He returned home for the day and waited for Shuichi to return, he wasn’t in the mood for games. Shuichi returned sooner than usual, he had his report card in hand and proudly showed it to Kokichi. It was almost perfect, only a couple subjects were down by a half a grade. Kokichi cooked Shuichi’s favorite dishes to congratulate him and they ate in a very positive mood. Kokichi’s report card, from the online school, was going to arrive the next day and Kokichi was expecting at least good results, even if probably they weren’t going to be as perfect as Shuichi. Not that he cared either way. After dinner, Kokichi finally received a message from Hoshi, with the time and the place. It was another café, almost on the other side of the district, it was quite the distance walking and Shuichi was not going to school anymore. He needed to tell him something as an excuse before leaving.

“Hey, boyfriend-chan?” they were both on the couch, in the living room, Shuichi was reading a book.

“What is it?” he asked without stop reading.

“I’m going out tomorrow in the afternoon, you’ll have to take care of your loneliness alone.”

Shuichi raised his eyes from the book.

“What?”

“You hear me, I have super secret and super important stuff to do! I’m going to execute the mission that’s possible only once a year: steal Santa Claus’ job. It’s a very scary and taxing job, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to come back home alive.  All these… aisles, and shelves… brrrr.” he faked a shudder.

“Oh, I see.” Shuichi smiled and returned to the book. “You don’t have to try so hard, I’m sure I’ll be happy with anything you give me.”

Kokichi looked at him with wide eyes.

“Who said it was for you? It’s for me! I’m going to buy myself a present, who cares about you? Buy yourself a present if you want it so bad!”

“Well then, I guess you’ll receive two gifts, one from yourself and one from me.” Shuichi was unaffected.

“Of course, I will. I’m the ruler of the world, I deserve as much. I don’t know why you would even need to clarify something so obvious!”

The topic was dropped there, Kokichi had skillfully concealed the real reason he needed to leave behind a very plausible lie. He almost wanted to pat himself on the back for that one.

The next day for the first time Kokichi didn’t need to pretend to go to school anymore, winter break was officially starting and so they could both remain at home together. Getting into a new routine was not that easy, especially since they didn’t really know what to do with one another. When they were home together last time, Kokichi was still doing rehab and everyone was poking their noses into their lives, basically never leaving them alone for real. This new reality was supposed to be ‘normality’ but how could it be when neither had ever lived something like this before? What were they supposed to do with one another and themselves?

Luckily, today was not the day he had to figure all that out.

The café that the doctor chose had a completely different atmosphere compared to the one that Hoshi chose. There wasn’t any cute waitress or young person anywhere, all the clients were older people either in their lunch break or unemployed and in search of a warm place to waste some time. They were all fiddling with their phone, using the wi-fi offered by the place, or reading the magazines and newspapers in the café devices. Almost all of them were male and many of them looked like someone no one wanted to marry, hence why they had chosen such place to find some degree of socialization. Even if it was mostly just drinking coffee or beer while trying hard to ignore their surroundings.

The doctor was in the middle of all this, sitting at the counter with a beer in his hand.

“My, no wonder you are so dry a person, spending your free time in this place.” was the greeting Kokichi reserved him.

The doctor turned his head in his direction just a little bit, his eyebrows as furrowed as usual, and then took another sip. Kokichi sat down next to him placing his arms on the counter to not look so short.

“And yet this is the best place to go when you want to be left alone, no one bothers you here.” he sent him another glance. “Except today, it seems.”

“Well, yeah, I’m not particularly amused either, you know? I’m sure I could’ve found something more interesting to do with today.” Kokichi tried to drag the chair a bit closer to the counter to be more comfortable but the legs hit the bottom of the counter.

“I’m sure. So, Hoshi told me you have some trouble with your new life? I’m not surprised.”

“Answer me just this one thing.” Kokichi decided to cut it straight to the chase. “Is Takumi still alive or not?”

“Who knows.” the doctor answered immediately.

“Wow, you are super useful.” Kokichi shot back in the same way.

“What I said was not a joke or anything, it was actually a scientific truth. Interesting, don’t you think?” the doctor smirked into his beer.

“Are you saying that it’s actually unknown what’s happening in our brain after the procedure?” Kokichi returned serious, this was too important to joke around.

“It’s not completely unknown, it’s mostly known, but not entirely. To be more precise… there are some aspects of the machine that never really got tested properly.”

“For example?” Kokichi urged him to speak.

“There are a number of different reactions coming from everyone that got a procedure. Most of them are like your friends or Hoshi, they struggle making their new lives fuse together with their old lives, so they mostly come to terms with it and move on. Another part refuse to know anything about their old selves, they don’t want to know anything, and they only recognize their new selves.” these were the things Kokichi already knew. “And then there are people who try to choose what to do… but can’t. People who get somehow contaminated with their old selves in a way they can’t hide or came to terms with. People like you.”

Kokichi shifted a little on his chair, slightly annoyed.

“Yes, well done. Now can you tell me something useful?”

“As I said, the machine didn’t get tested properly, fifty years ago. The process got accelerated way too fast after the first positive results and they ignored the long term possibilities… It’s not enough to change the memories of someone to restore a chronicle illness or a lost limb, it’s not enough to bring back people from the dead, we can only make people forget they existed… But then I wonder… what about the illnesses of the mind?”

Kokichi observed him play with his glass in silence. The man’s mind was clearly somewhere else entirely. After a while, he drank all the remains of his beer in one long sip and abandoned the glass.

“Of course, being that one of the biggest reasons to use the machine, they got tested. Obviously, really. But at the same time maybe not so much. What am I saying is that people, everyone, react positively at first to the treatment, no matter what kind of life they had before, and that made the scientists felt certain that it worked correctly. After only three years, the machine was transformed into a TV show and all the results became… unreliable. It became impossible to discern between a result caused by the machine alone and one caused by the events in the show. Everything became a mess, no one can even understand what’s going on anymore.” he paused. “So, you come here and ask me… if Takumi is dead. And I can’t answer that, because I don’t know.”

“That’s incredibly amazing, I never thought adults could be such incompetents.” Kokichi’s fists clenched his pants before he realized. "No wait, I actually can!"

“It’s easier to play science when you are not the subject. Not to mention money and all that, everything got in the way. Every ethical concern was fast forgotten after a while, everything looked fine on the surface.”

“On the surface?” it came out a little more aggressive than intended.

“I had my eyes on this project and concerns for a while now.” the doctor sighed. “Leaving aside the mess that the ‘Survivors’ mechanic brought up, many people suffered from strange symptoms after the end of the procedure. I tried to keep in contact with every one of them, failing more often than not. For that reason, I took a job inside the project itself, I became the person in charge of keeping you guys healthy. The job was my secondary concern, I wanted to see with my own two eyes what was coming out of that machine. But even more importantly… what was entering it.”

“You mean you know us… from before?” Kokichi felt that little feeling of anxiety that he was feeling every time that he was interacting with someone that knew some information about him from before.

He didn’t want to know anything. But maybe this time, he really didn’t have a choice in the matter, not if he wanted to know the truth.

“Yes, I made sure to be present in all your interviews and I was the one giving you all a checkup. I even spent a little time with you all, trying to persuade you to give up, as subtly as I possibly could. Of course, no one listened to me, kids always think they know the truth of the whole world and don’t want to listen to old farts like me. No one listened, nor before V2 or before V3.” the doctor shrugged.

“Alright. So what? Are you saying there is a relation?” he tapped a finger nervously, it was now or never, he needed to listen.

“I know you don’t want to know anything about your past life, so I won’t tell you. But there is something I have to say, or this discussion is purely a futile exercise.” Kokichi nodded without looking at him, he didn’t know if he saw him or not and didn’t care. “You didn’t come alone at your interview. You were strongly recommended by your mother, so we could cure your depressive tendency and anxiety. You didn’t say much at your interview, or at any moment after, you just went along with what she said you should do. I don’t really know what you were thinking at that time, but you didn’t blink at the prospect of losing your current self and become something else. I think you had given up on yourself, or maybe on the world, I’m not sure. One of the only things you asked was to give you a new personality that could make friends and never give up.” another pause. “And so, you were created, a Supreme Leader could fit the bill pretty well.”

Both Kokichi and the doctor remained silent for a while, Kokichi was digesting this news. He kinda figured out that much by himself, both because of his dreams and because he had always felt, deep down, that he was just an impostor. It wasn’t shocking, more like disappointing. This news just confirmed something he already knew. And that was that Takumi  _chose to die._

Not only that, he was now forcing ‘Kokichi’ to live in a field made of ruins. Unbelievable. Unforgivable.

“So, to summarize…” Kokichi spoke up. “What are you trying to say is that, just like a missing limb… my… illness, or what you want to call it, has made its way safely through the treatment and now it’s resurfacing?”

“More or less. That’s what I believe at least. Your brain is fighting against itself, in my opinion. You are not depressed, because you weren’t made this way, and so your brain doesn’t read the signs correctly, making you constantly jumping from one mood to another and surprising you in the worst possible ways at times. Takumi knew what he was, he was dealing with it or maybe he was just let it run amok, but you don’t know what to do or what it is. You are just fighting against something that was there before you were born and never experienced for yourself.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?! How can I erase his existence once and for all?”

“You can’t. Your brain has already endured more than it was supposed to, thanks to the Survivors mechanic. You can’t be connected to that kind of technology again.”

“Then what should I do…?” he already knew the answer.

“You, and Takumi… you both need to overcome this like everyone else. By fighting. Your only choice is to move forward, with the whole that’s you.”


	19. A cuckoo

“Well shit. How fun.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I would love to help you more than this, but this is not my field of expertise. You’ll need to figure out the rest for yourself.”

“And you are saying that this happened to a number of people?” Kokichi was feeling disgusted toward the Danganronpa brand all over again.

“Yes, in fifty years a lot of people joined and obviously people with trauma and mental illnesses were the most interested in this technology. I would say the percentage is 40% of people that went in with a condition. After it became so popular, more people that didn’t need it started to appear but at the start they were all like you or similar,”  he sighed loudly. “I should order another beer.”

“Do it without me, I’m not taking care of a drunk old man,” Kokichi got up. “This was a very interesting conversation, I learned a lot. Just one last question. Are you in favor or contrary to destroy completely Danganronpa?”

“In favor. I would have done it personally if possible. This technology is interesting, but it should be developed again, from scratch. This one should just go and not appear again.”

“I see, try not to kill yourself old man,” Kokichi started to walk away.

He turned a moment before leaving and saw that he had raised a hand, his back still toward him. Kokichi smiled, without any irony behind it for once. He was a good man, a bit odd maybe, but his heart was in the right place, he felt like he could trust him.

Leaving the café, he noticed that it had started raining and so he ran to the closest mall, he still needed to buy that gift. He had used it as an excuse, if he returned home empty-handed Shuichi would probably notice. Not to mention he couldn’t leave two times for the same reason, not even if the second time it was not an excuse anymore. He knew that Shuichi liked novels but just buying one of those was not a thoughtful gift at all, so he had decided for two different gifts. There was the practical one, that was the new volume of the novel that Shuichi liked and started reading this month and then the second part was the most personal and silly one. Just buy him something cute to look at was, just as buying only a practical gift, a waste, but together it was a whole gift. Something cute and useful together.

The cute part of the gift Kokichi had to search in the merchandise store for Danganronpa. Even though the brand was kind of in a pinch the stores were still working perfectly and Kokichi had seen one single object that he actually loved. Out in the real world, there were a bunch of talented artists and one of them had decided to make a collection of plushies animal themed of every member of the V3 cast. This artist had been noticed by the brand and he was offered an official contract to mass produce them, originally, he was making them by hand. Kokichi had seen some of them around, the kids were playing around with them all the time, especially elementary school girls loved them a lot.

Kokichi had ordered two of them directly from the artist, they were some of the last handmade ones, and he paid much more for them compared to the kids, but it was worth it, they were the cutest thing ever. Kokichi hated a lot the fact that this artist was wasting his talent on Danganronpa, but he couldn’t help but feel impressed by his skills, his plushies were too adorable. Being Kokichi was almost broke, he decided to cut the expedition fees and so he made sure to tell him to ship it to the store where he was picking it up right now. He entered and went to the counter in a hurry, his package already wrapped in a wonderful Christmas paper, a courtesy directly from the artist. He was very generous and Kokichi had no doubt that if he had told him who he was he would have sent him all his merchandise for free, but he wasn’t that kind of person. No way he would take advantage of someone using his fake status.

With the first part of the gift in his arms, he went to pick up the novel, luckily it was on sale for Christmas, and then ran outside covering his precious load with his jacket, protecting it from the rain. When he opened the door of his apartment, some food smell arrived from the kitchen. Shuichi had heard him entering because he appeared when Kokichi slammed the door closed, still trying to hide the two presents in his jacket.

“Welcome back, it suddenly started raining are you—“ Kokichi didn’t let him finish.

“Ahh, don’t come here, I’m not going to let you steal my Santa stuff, it’s mine! Don’t look at it, it’s a secret, go away, I won’t let you steal my Christmas!!”

Shuichi froze on the spot and Kokichi ran in the other room without even getting undress. He needed to hide the presents, they had to be a surprise! Kokichi moved some supplies in the laptop room and hide the gifts at the very bottom of the drawer. They weren’t incredibly hidden by any means, but Shuichi should know better than sneak a peek in his presents before Kokichi said he could!

When he returned on the other room, his head high, Shuichi barely hid a smile.

“Have you hidden your gifts for yourself? I’m allowed to move now?”

“I dunno, I don’t trust you! I’ve seen a very old movie once, there was something called a Grinch, he was stealing everyone’s gifts and making the kids sad, or something like that, I dunno, that movie looked like it had a happy ending, not a fan,” he shook his head.

“Ehm… your point is?”

“Oh, right! As I was saying, I suspect that you think you can ruin my Christmas, because you think these gifts are for you, you see? I told you, they are mine!” he waved his fists.

“Okay, I get it. I feel that my point is more important, if you don’t mind, so now I’m going to say it.”

“Hmph, is that so? Then let’s hear it, what’s your point?” Kokichi puffed his chest.

“It suddenly started to rain, and you didn’t have an umbrella, you should change. I don’t want you to get another cold.” he extended a hand to feel Kokichi’s hair.

“Oh right. The famous two drops of water from the sky that makes you magically sick after five minutes. I’ve seen it all in anime, I’m an expert! I could even write it on a piece of paper and start a scientific investigation: how many minutes precisely before you collapse on the ground with two red circles on your cheeks and your breath like you ran a marathon? You think it’s like ten minutes and a half or more like thirteen? It’s difficult to tell because most of the times they are running aimlessly, searching for a girlfriend that ran away because of a misunderstanding. What do you think?”

“How much anime have you seen to round up so much about the trope? That was specific,” he moved some strands around. “You are a little wet, go to the bathroom, I’m gonna dry them up.”

“Uhh, that sounds like something you would do to show your respect to your Supreme Leader, so I’m going to take the offer! You better do a good job!” Kokichi happily ran into the bathroom and sat on the toilet.

“Do you have to sit there?” Shuichi asked entering and grabbing the drier from the cabinet.

“Yes, where else am I supposed to sit, genius, on the sink where you can’t reach me because you are too short?” Kokichi narrowed his eyes.

Shuichi sighed.

“I’m getting a chair, wait here.”

Shuichi dragged a chair in the bathroom and then proceeded to dry his hair, Kokichi basking himself in the hot air, like a cat under the sun. Shuichi’s fingers were gentle as usual.

After dinner Kokichi decided to tackle the problem at hand with him. The first thing to do, if he wanted to really take a position in this ‘war’, was to make sure to know Shuichi’s opinion and let him know his.

“So, what are your thoughts about Danganronpa currently?”

Shuichi stopped changing the channel on TV, he was trying to avoid all the stupid commercials with Christmas carols. Kokichi was allergic to them. Not for real, but almost.

“Is this about the discussion that is going on lately with the others?” he asked after his brain caught up with the sudden question.

“Yep.”

“Oh,” he paused a moment. “I think we should completely detach the machine from any TV program and then make our way from there. I don’t think it should be allowed to continue working until we have a very good way of using it. It’s better to stop everything for now compared to doing a poor job. But I see why Amami-kun wants to keep everything running and do changes as things develop. It would surely lead to a result, while stopping everything could end up in nothing done.”

“I see, I was wondering, you never spoke up during the meetings.” he was relieved by his opinion, at least they weren’t on opposite sides.

“You didn’t either, and that surprised me. I thought you would be very opinionated about this particular topic. Has something happened that made you uncertain?” he was looking at him, the TV forgotten.

“Nah, not really, I would still light the whole thing on fire,” he launched a square of chocolate in his mouth. “But I figured others could work for me now that I have a whole bunch of subjects at my feet to use, and yet they are all so lazy, meh.”

“I see,” Shuichi smiled. “That’s too bad. So, do you plan on becoming more active from now on?”

“A little bit, these kids are hopeless without me.” Kokichi faked indifference.

“Alright,” Shuichi made a surprise attack, he took his hand turning again toward the TV. “I’m on your side so don’t worry. If you need me I’ll support you.”

With that out of the way, Kokichi resolved himself to go to Nagito’s apartment the next day and actually quantify the number of people on each side. If he was going to fight this battle, even a little, he needed to know what kind of game he was playing. He wasn’t going to do anything drastic from the get go, right now that he wasn’t in a life or death situation he could play a little subtler, there was no rush. And even if he failed, he wasn’t going to die, it would just suck that Danganronpa was allowed to continue, upgraded or not. At least he could trust Chiaki and Rantaro to try and do their best.

The next day the two of them went together. Nagito’s living room had been basically transformed into a café, everyone was going there to see the others, not really to visit Nagito, because they knew someone was going to be there. Unfortunately, though the hardcore people on the other side weren’t visiting often anymore, because they knew they would end up fighting if they did. In a way, this was a plus for Kokichi, this way he could quickly learn about everyone’s alignment for sure. People who never showed up were either on the other side or people who really hated to talk about it and so they weren’t showing up. Everyone else was either on his side or neutral. It would take only a week to learn about most people alignments, and then he could use that time to learn about how deeply they were convinced of that decision.

At some point in the afternoon Shuichi left, he said he needed to do grocery shopping, but Kokichi had a feeling he wanted to pick up Kokichi’s present, since he didn’t offer for him to come. He did offer to accompany him back home before shopping, but Kokichi had not yet tested the waters with Mahiru, so he wanted to stay a little more in case she was not going to show up again after that day. Mahiru was important because she had a big influence on Hiyoko’s decision as well.

When he was ready to go back home, it was almost night, the sunset had passed twenty minutes ago, and it was getting dark. He walked fast, the temperature was quite low, his nose was hurting and red. When he was in sight of the entrance of his apartment complex he slowed down. There was a guy right to the left of the door, he was leaning against the wall, with one foot placed on the wall. He was clearly waiting for something, and not in a very educated way. Kokichi didn’t want to judge him so quickly, especially since this person had really nothing to do with him, but he had a feeling he was an arrogant guy. He had light brown hair, there was some gel in it, to give it some kind of direction, and a better than average face. After seeing people like Nagito, Rantaro and obviously Shuichi, Kokichi had quite high standards, but this guy was objectively not average. He surely had to be popular with girls or boys. He wasn’t even all wrapped into clothes and scarves, like Kokichi that was dying of coldness, he looked perfectly comfortable against that wall in the snow. Kokichi tucked himself better in his scarf, to hide a little more his face and kept walking. He wasn’t waiting for him, they didn’t know each other, and it was almost impossible he knew that Kokichi Ouma was living there.

He was thinking all this while walking, he was almost inside the entrance hall of the complex, when suddenly the guy called him.

“Hey, sorry can you wait a moment?” his voice was not bad as well. Kokichi repressed the need to start running and turned just a tiny bit. He didn’t speak, his voice could may be recognizable, and one shouldn’t talk with strangers, right? “Ah, I was right, it is you.”

These words dropped on Kokichi’s stomach like stones.  _ So, he really recognized him.  _ Kokichi’s mind started running in panic, what now? If he ran inside, he would tell him his address, he should maybe run towards the city instead. But the guy already knew the complex, so he could tell the media that much, he was screwed.  _ Screwed, screwed. _

“Ah, no, no wait! I’m not a fan, I’m not here for this reason,” the guy raised his hands. “I just wanted to meet you. You know, see if you really are anything like you were on TV.”

Kokichi glared at him, his bad temper already flying. What the fuck did he want, this arrogant jerk?

“I have no idea what you are saying.” he let all his hostility leak out.

“Seriously, there is no need for you to be so defensive! I’m not trying to make you mad. I just wanted to meet Yuuta’s new boyfriend, that’s all.”

Kokichi’s mind froze, all thoughts vanishing. Yuuta was Shuichi’s real first name. This guy knew Shuichi’s real first name.  _ New  _ boyfriend?

“Hm, if I have to guess based on your face, you didn’t know about me. So Yuuta didn’t tell you about me, hm? Well, that was to be expected I guess. After he—“ Kokichi cut him off.

“How do you know about this place? Did… Yuuta tell you this address?” he used this name because he was still hoping it was some misunderstanding or mistake, if he called Shuichi’s name he would play right into his hands.

“No, no, he didn’t want us to meet I guess? He didn’t tell you about me, so I guess he was trying to keep me a secret. It was one of your friends. Don’t tell him you met me, okay? He would probably be mad, there is no need, really. I just wanted to see if you were truly what you looked like.” the guy smiled, and Kokichi wanted to punch his mouth.

“You are lying, Yuuta can’t remember anything from before, how could he tell me anything about you? You are just delusional.” it was just a hopeless attempt and they both knew it.

“I’m sorry, it seems he is keeping more secrets from you than I expected. He met me some days ago, you know? He was with another one of you, Makoto,” and here he was shooting another first real name. “He definitely remembers me!”

Kokichi felt his fists tighten even more, he really wanted to punch him. But the problem was that this guy… was making perfect sense. Some days ago, Shuichi had started to return home later than usual, and one day he returned very late. Not to mention Kiibo, all started from him that one day outside when he had seen them. Shuichi had started acting strange since then.

“Good for you then,” it was useless to keep a secret he lived there by this point, so he entered and left the guy outside, luckily, he didn’t try to follow, he just shouted ‘Bye!’ at his back.

Kokichi entered and slammed the door shut angrily.

He had known since quite a while that Shuichi was keeping a secret from him, so he was not shocked. If anything, he was a little disappointed to see that this intuition had been correct. Kokichi started to pace in a circle in the living room, incredibly annoyed. It wasn’t as much the fact that Shuichi had an ex, Kokichi could have ten exes as far as he knew, but it was more about,  _ why was this guy here now?  _ Why he had to meet him outside the door of his apartment complex? Why was he being a smartass with him, like he wanted to compare dick sizes or something?

Kokichi growled out loud.

It had been so infuriating! And humiliating. What was that guy implying, saying that he wanted to see if he was  _ anything  _ like the one on TV? And saying that Shuichi was keeping a bunch of secrets from him like he didn’t… love him.

Kokichi laughed bitterly.

So, this was the guy’s objective! To make him jealous, to make them fight! Of course, it made perfect sense, he wanted his boyfriend back, now that he was so popular! It had to be a status symbol or something, dating one of the most popular characters from Danganronpa. Kokichi wanted to go back there and punch him in the face! He ran for the window that showed the entrance of the complex, below, but he saw no one standing there. The guy already beat it.

Kokichi growled again and then let himself fall on the sofa.

_ Annoying bastard. _

He wasn’t going to play his game, he wasn’t going to say anything to Shuichi, not before he could assess the damage for himself. The first thing he needed to do was search for this person that leaked their address. Whoever it was, it was a danger, he needed to get rid of it. Obviously not by killing them, but depending on who they were it could be a big thing, like what if it was someone like Rantaro, who Kokichi trusted, within reason? It could have been a mistake or a misunderstanding, or the guy could have lied and got the address some other way, but Kokichi needed to know for his own peace of mind.

Kokichi would have liked Shuichi to tell him about all this before it ended up being a problem, but he couldn’t really blame him for it. Not when Kokichi was cutting out from Shuichi’s life all the information he wanted himself. No, he wasn’t going to make a scene and scream at him that he lied, but if the guy was going to pop up again he needed to confront the problem with him. Until then he needed to get the context and patch up the hole in security.

He needed to talk with the other person that popped up in the conversation, dear Idabashi Makoto, also known as Robocop.

Problem number one: He didn’t have his number. Solution: Shuichi or Rantaro had it for sure. Problem number two: Rantaro already told him to ask Kiibo himself for his number because he didn’t give him permission to give it away, and Shuichi would ask him why this sudden interest. He could probably steal Shuichi’s phone more easily than Rantaro’s though, he just needed to wait for the night.

So, he waited. Little by little his irritation subdued, and it sunk right below the surface, he was able to act like normal when Shuichi came back home. His boyfriend was hiding something inside his pocket, it was sticking out too much to not be anything, so it was a gift after all. The two cooked together, watched some comedy show whatever on TV and then went to bed. The day was so cold that Kokichi curled up into a ball, the sheets under and around him were cold, they needed a moment to warm up. Kokichi waited for a second but with his ice-cold feet, he asked himself why he should be cold when there was another human being in the room, one that was supposed to be his lover or something like that. He dragged himself backward until his back touched Shuichi’s back. He felt Shuichi twitch a little in surprise then moved an arm, until it rested a hand on Kokichi’s shoulder and stroked him two times.

Kokichi closed his eyes.

“You know what I realized?”

Kokichi opened his eyes again hearing Shuichi’s voice. He tried to say something, but his tongue was tied in place.

“You are an interesting egoistic piece of work. My advances are not okay, but you come to me when it’s beneficial to you. But you are a hypocrite, so this is all good for you right? Just like your reasoning in solving this problem with my ex, you only care when it touches you, you won’t question if I’m okay myself. It’s nice to see just how low I am in your scale of priorities.”

Kokichi sat up so fast his joints hurt, his heart beating fast and painfully. Never in his whole life he could have expected such a harsh honesty from Shuichi. He liked to try and make things sweeter, no matter what they were, there was nothing sweet in what he just said.

Wait, how could he know about him meeting his ex?

His head spun a little and he felt like he was unable to breathe. The room was completely dark, and black spots were covering the gray image he had in front of him, making it unrecognizable, unfocused. And he couldn't  _ move... _

He sat up taking a desperate breath like he was going to die in a moment if he could not inhale as much oxygen as he could.

The room was in the shades but still quite light up, the other side of the bed was occupied by a sleeping Shuichi and Kokichi’s hands were clammy.

It had been a dream.

A  _ nightmare. _

Kokichi clenched the sheets with all his strength.

_ Fucking Takumi, shut up, like you could have done any better! _


	20. Upwind

Taking advantage of the fact that Shuichi was still sleeping he slipped out of bed and stole his phone in a hurry.

 It was the same model as Kokichi had so he easily found what he was looking for, considering that Shuichi was putting in all the numbers and names precisely, last name first and the first name after. Idabashi Makoto’s number was safely acquired in less than a minute so he made sure to place Shuichi’s phone exactly where it was and then he ran back to bed. The floor and the house in general was cold, so fuck what Takumi was thinking, he was going back and cuddling with his boyfriend. They were both on a break anyway so they could even remain into bed all day if they wanted to.

There was all the time in the world to call Robocop and have a bad day.

He wasn’t really tired so sleeping again was probably out of question, but it wasn’t necessary, Kokichi was rested enough, even after the nightmare. He crawled until he was again next to Shuichi, but this time he faced him. Shuichi stirred a little when Kokichi forced his arm around him, his nose snuggling his neck. Kokichi felt a shudder running around Shuichi’s back and after a moment he sneezed, maybe identifying the shudder with the cold. Kokichi snickered and reached for Shuichi’s hand that was right outside of the sheets, he felt his fingertips slightly cold. Kokichi, in the mood for mischief, moved the sheets away a little more and started to drag down slowly and gently his sleeve, leaving the arm naked at direct contact with the air of the room. Shuichi didn’t react until Kokichi had reached halfway between the wrist and the elbow. Suddenly Shuichi snatched away his arm and hid it again inside the sheet grumbling against Kokichi’s silly prank even in his sleep. Kokichi chuckled a little louder, aware that he was bothering him in a cruel way. He changed his target, he moved his hand and dragged down the sheets that were covering his neck and front, leaving his throat exposed. He slowly slid a finger in his collar, dragging it down and uncovering a part of his collarbone. Shuichi twitched violently, awakening from his sleep suddenly and scared.

“What!” he raised his arms, a gust of cold air reaching them both making the situation worst. “What are you doing!?” he scolded him for waking him up in such an inconsiderate way.

“I was bored, stop sleeping!” Kokichi yelled hugging him more tightly.

Shuichi dropped his arms and sighed, burying them both under the sheets again.

“Were you think of fighting boredom by having me get a heart attack?” he asked with sarcasm.

“That could have been fun for a little while, but if you had to be brought to the hospital then I would need to give some explanations to your friends, so try to have only a half heart attack, okay?”

“So reasonable…” Shuichi muttered to himself. “What time is it?” he asked a bit later.

“Who cares? We don’t have anything to do, we are going to stay in bed the whole day, I just decided this!” Kokichi snuggled his side.

“But we haven’t decided what to do for Christmas yet, it’s in three days you know?” Shuichi waited for him to get closer and surrounded his shoulders with an arm, lying on his back.

“I vote for spending the next three days in bed. It sounds by far the best way to spend our time. Can you think of anything better than avoid the cold completely and forget the Christmas carols exist? The only thing I’m going to miss is the food, I don’t know what we can eat in bed, cold air probably.”

“Yeah, how about we try to organize something instead? I understand that it’s probably very difficult to gather everyone considering the recent developments but I really think we should try. If we lose touch with each other so soon we are going to lose everything in less than three years.” Shuichi stroked his hair.

“Uff, you are too grounded, do something more stupid and selfish, organize a VIP party, write everyone’s name on pieces of paper and then do a random draw. The lucky ones are going to get a badge with ‘Congratulation you are a VIP!’ written on it and then we will start a war between ourselves to decide which side is the coolest! The VIPs or the normies!” Kokichi raised his head and showing him his cute pout.

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at him but then his expression became more interested.

“Wait, wars aside it’s not a bad idea. We could pretend to have a party for some people only, specifically the ones they like, and then invite everyone instead and have them meet when the deed is done.”

Kokichi opened his mouth wide faking a surprised reaction.

“Are you going to _lie_ Shuichi-beloved-chan? Wow, I corrupted you so much?! I’m so proud of you!!” Kokichi jumped forward and kissed him on the cheek.

Shuichi, recognizing a mockery for what it was, moved his face away and stopped him from kissing him again.

“So you think it’s a stupid idea?”

“No, not really. I just think that they are going to kill each other after they realize they have been toyed with. After killing you, obviously.” Kokichi shrugged, now he was lying right on top of him, he rested his face on his hands, his elbows by each side of Shuichi’s neck.

“They won’t kill each other. Hopefully the party itself will help keep everyone at bay.”

“You are underestimating the personalities of our subjects, my left hand-chan.” Kokichi tilted his head and smiled down at him. “But hey, I’ll endorse your plan, if this is really what you think we should do, but at one condition!” he touched his nose with one finger.

“What condition?” Shuichi didn’t move, meeting his gaze head-on.

“Not here. Not in our apartment. I would get mental trying to organize a party in two days _here._ Absolutely not, negated. Somewhere else!” Kokichi pinched his nose at the end of the sentence. Shuichi blinked and wrinkled the skin of his nose in a cute way. He nodded. “Alright, it will be interesting to see you trying!” Shuichi nodded again.

Kokichi released his nose when Shuichi’s hand was placed on the curve of his back. With his warm hand in this place the position suddenly stopped being a joke and became more intimate. Kokichi remained still, his mind fighting with itself, his reaction delayed by the indecision. Shuichi raised his head a little and stole a little chaste kiss on his lips. Kokichi still didn’t move, looking at him from above like he was observing a new phenomenon.

“What are you doing?” Shuichi asked him in a whisper.

“I don’t know. I think I’m trying to decide if the weak Ultimate Detective that you presented me in the game was fake all along. I can’t find a trace of him in you.” he decided to say something honest for once, Shuichi wasn’t taking him so seriously anyway.

He scoffed and pushed up, they both sat up.

“Don’t be silly, I’m still me by a long shot. It’s just that I’m comfortable with you and so I can act a little more openly. Would you rather me being all scared of you like the first days in the Neo World Program?”

“Well, that was kinda satisfying, in a sensual kind of way. But I guess I can allow you to act first every once in a while.” Kokichi played with his hair.

“On that topic, I should start calling around to organize this party.” Shuichi smiled and climbed down the bed.

Kokichi waited for him to pick up his phone and leave before burying himself in the sheets again, unwilling to leave. He waited to hear him speak to someone on the phone and then he hid completely pulling the sheets up over his head. He unlocked his own phone, the light illuminating the closed space he had created, and called the number he had just stolen.

“Hello? Who is it?” Kiibo’s voice answered on the other side, or well, Makoto’s voice since it was a bit different while still being the same.

“Hello, my favorite Gundam! It’s me, your one and only master, I’m going to ride you and conquer the space. The people born on Mart are going to attack soon, we need to fight. Yesterday my father, who turned out to be a man that wears white gloves and sunshades even indoor like a lunatic, called me and told me ‘Get into that fucking robot!’, so now I’ve got no choice you see? You are the only robot I know!” he tried to sound as obnoxious as possible while still keeping it as down as possible to not alert Shuichi.

On the other side there was a long silence that ended with a deep sigh.

“Ouma, do you need something serious or have you just called to ruin my day?”

“What’s all this story about my beloved having an ex and you having something to do with it?” a slap in one direction, then a slap in the opposite direction.

Shock therapy was the best therapy to administrate, a lot less awesome to receive. There was another long silence, but this time it was Kiibo that was uncomfortable.

“Has Shuichi told you?” he asked in the end.

“So you are not even going to try and deny it, ha? No, that charming individual came directly for me. Outside of where we lived. Have you told him our address?” he tried to keep his aggressiveness at bay but still present.

“No, of course not! Have you talked with Shuichi about him?” Kiibo’s voice had a certain urgency.

“Not yet, I want to know who is the bastard that told him where to find us.”

“Are you alright? What has he done?” he sounded worried, interesting.

“What do you suppose he could have done to me or to anyone else?” there was some history there for sure, and he wanted to know before confronting Shuichi about it.

Silence filled the conversation again for a while. Kokichi waited with patience, he had Kiibo in his pocket, it was just a matter of time.

“Listen, there are some things you should know. I swore to Shuichi I would keep silent but he is… underestimating him. I think you should be aware, especially if he approached you. I would prefer if you spoke directly with Shuichi first, but he is not completely objective. Can we meet?”

“That was my plan all along, have you read my mind Ironman? I didn’t know that was your Ultimate!”

“Okay, when?” Kiibo wasn’t in the mood for jokes, he ignored him entirely.

“Tomorrow? I got Shuichi, somehow, interested in organizing the party himself, I can make good use of the extra time when he is busy.”

“Fine by me. Call me if he appears again.”

Kokichi got suspicious of how worried he was.

“He is not a stalker with killing tendencies right? I’m not gonna die, am I?” he was joking, but not so much.

“No, no, he only talks. But the problem is that he talks _a lot._ See you tomorrow, send me a text with the details.”

The call ended and Kokichi finally left the bed. The day went by fast, Shuichi was deep into the organization while Koichi was deep in thoughts even if he tried not to show it. It was decided to have the party in Hinata and Chiaki’s apartment which meant that they had to go without inviting Nagito, he could not leave his apartment for so long and he would not go in that apartment anyway. They tried to convince Nagito to have the party in his own apartment but he immediately spotted the bigger picture, obviously, and refused to host the party for the ‘other side’. Kokichi knew Nagito was just being petty, he wasn’t angry for real, not with Rantaro or anyone else. He just loved to be difficult, just like Kokichi. He was doing it on purpose, like he had always done in the game and outside as well. He was pretending to go with the flow always but in reality he was manipulating everyone to move the way he wanted. In this case he was trying to attract attention by look angry and pitiful, so to force Hinata to seek him out.

It was probably not going to work.

Everyone else was invited, Shuichi worked together with Chiaki to attract everyone in the party one by one in a precise order they made up to make sure there was always at least a person they wanted to see in there already. Kokichi didn’t stick his nose in that beehive, but observed them with a lot of interest. People could be a real hassle to work with, but they were fascinating all the same.  This chain of dragging people to a party in secret was a great example. The first day of the organization went down like this, they invited people and planned the party itself, the preparation was going to start the next day, in the apartment.

As soon as Kokichi learned the time and place of the organization the next day he knew he had the opportunity to call Kiibo in his apartment while Shuichi was away, and so he texted him. The next morning Kokichi threw a senseless tantrum to convince Shuichi to go and organize without him and waited for the hour he had given to Kiibo. He was almost getting impatient, waiting for him to show up, he even looked a couple times outside of the window, to make sure Shuichi’s ex was not around.

Kiibo arrived ten minutes late, for Kokichi’s delight.

“I’m sorry, I ran as fast as I could! Have you spoken with Shuichi?” he didn’t even greet him, starting the topic as soon as Kokichi closed the door.

“No, I told you, I want to know what the hell are you all complotting against me and then I’m going to spank Shuichi accordingly!”

Kiibo sighed.

“I can see why you two are together, you are so similar it’s almost charming, if it wasn’t annoying.” Kokichi almost wanted to ask if Shuichi had claimed he wanted to spank him as well but let the joke drop for now. “He refused to share the problem with you and you are doing the same thing now that you know of it as well. Seriously, just talk between yourselves!”

“Look, I already told you, I want to know who is the one that gave away our address, this is more important now! I don’t really care if he had an ex or what, I need to know we are safe first. I’ve got all the time to pretend to be a jealous and neglected boyfriend later.” Kokichi had to try hard to not tap his foot on the floor with impatience.

“Alright, okay, I got it.” Kiibo sighed again and he sat on the sofa without being invited to. “So, I guess I should start by how I discovered about him first. I was the one to bring Shuichi to him, but only because he started to become a real annoyance, back at home.”

“Back at home…?” he already had sensed that there was history, but he apparently had underestimated the depth of it.

“Shuichi… no, Yuuta and I are childhood friends. We have known each other since we were kids, we lived next to each other back in our hometown. Yuuta was… he was the most proactive of the two, he was outgoing and kind of forward at times, so he had a couple flirts back home. The guy you met was the only one that actually lasted enough to be considered a boyfriend and only because he was the obsessive kind. He didn’t want to let go easily and Yuuta was okay with it to some extent even if he didn’t particularly love him or anything. Yuuta was the one to decide to enter Danganronpa as well, he was… a fan. He got me in too. I’m not going to make excuses for myself, I definitely participated in the V3 season on my own free will, but Yuuta was the one to give me this idea and pushed it forward. Anyway… this is mostly a reconstruction I made based on everyone’s testimony back at home, my parents included, but from here we are entering what I know for certain.” Kiibo closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts. “After the end of my season I went back home, with my monetary prize and all that. It took some time for me to collect all the information I needed to understand who I was, because I wanted to go back, I wanted to be Makoto again, Kiibo was never me. After I discovered enough I realized that Danganronpa did a lot more good to Yuuta, Shuichi, than me and I was happy about it, I was happy for him. For this reason I’ve been giving half of my monetary prize to Chiaki-san, so she could give it back to Shuichi. I wanted him to have the money but I knew I couldn’t give it to him directly. I thought he didn’t want to recover his past and I agreed with him after… seeing his room and talking to the people he used to hang with besides me. His ex-boyfriend being one of them.”

“So the money we have been using until now…?” Kokichi was feeling a little annoyed that they all went behind his back like this but they tried to help so he bit his tongue.

“Yes, it was the monetary prize. I’m sorry but whether you like it or not I felt somehow responsible for Yuuta’s well being. I didn’t need all that money anyway, only bad people would come after it and I really don’t want that. The monetary prize was always supposed to be divided in three anyway.” Kiibo met his stare head-on, like he was ready to fight, Kokichi had never intended to.

“Okay, so if you were convinced that he shouldn’t be reminded of his old self then why have you made the two meet?” he asked instead.

“Ah, right… I wasn’t planning to… Until he started to become more and more problematic.” Kiibo looked very uncomfortable. “Yuuta was not an angel,  everyone in the town knows, but he was getting overboard, sullying his reputation. He was going around spouting all kind of nonsense and private details that I’m sure aren’t even real, and I couldn’t just stay still anymore. I tried to ask him what he wanted, and it seems he fabricated some kind of lie for himself. As I told you before he is an obsessive kind of person, so when Yuuta left without asking his permission to become someone else he convinced himself he was going to come back home and share the prize and glory with him, or even only his new successful self, you follow me?” all too well, it was very believable, almost obvious. “He insisted that Yuuta promised and that he was not going to lose against… well, you. After a while I could not ignore him anymore, I was afraid that Shuichi would want to come back one day and discover that everyone in the town was talking behind his back. Shuichi, differently from you, asked for some information here and there about his past… he was curious but scared all at the same time. I was really afraid of his reaction if I was to remain out of this and let his ex continue.”

“So you told him.” Kokichi concluded for him.

“Yes… I met him and told him all about this. It was a difficult talk, Shuichi was… disheartened, to say the least. I think he was ashamed of his old self, he absolutely refused to tell you any of it. As you can see I am breaking his trust right now, so you better be worth it.” Kiibo sent him a judging glare.

“Ah, that is why you were so insistent that I spoke with him first, you wanted to save yourself the trouble.” Kokichi raised his eyebrows, judging him as well.

“Don’t think you are going to make me feel ashamed because that’s not going to happen. I tried my best to help everyone and sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who has this kind of approach to life.” he sighed and shook his head a little. “Back on track. I took Shuichi back to our hometown a couple times, to see his parents and everything else, and the two of them talked. He acted a lot more normal in front of him, he looked perfectly reasonable and so Shuichi was persuaded he had solved the problem. I had a feeling it was not going to be so simple and it turned out I was right. So now he decided to bother you instead…”

“How has he found out where we live?” Kokichi asked again the question he cared for the most.

“We didn’t tell him, of course, but there was another way he could have found out. In fact… I’m pretty sure I know what happened. Shirogane told some details of our pasts, the ones she thought were the most ‘funny and ironical’, to Tsumiki Mikan, the one that was the most interested in listening.”

“Are you saying that Mikan told him?” unbelievable, how far was she going to go to get revenge for nothing, what Kokichi did in the game was nothing special in the big scheme of things!

“No, not her directly, she is difficult to approach. No, it was someone that’s way more easy to approach and will talk to anyone that’s willing to listen.” Kiibo looked at him in the eyes. “Can you imagine who is the only person that’s happy to speak with Mikan?”

Kokichi didn’t have to think for a long time, there was just one person that was so stubborn and insensitive.

“Yonaga Angie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly a San Valentine special but...   
> Happy Valentine, everyone!   
> And of course I hope it's a very good day for the singles like me :P


	21. There cannot be two roosters

“Yes, that’s the conclusion I came up as well. I think she is a walking danger.”

“How funny, you liked her a lot in the game!” Kokichi mocked him.

“Please, don’t mix together what I did in there under the influence of the audience and what I really feel! I joined the student council because the audience wanted me to.” Kiibo gave him side eyes.

“Oh, so you don’t believe in Atua anymore? That’s kind of a pity, I loved to treat you like the worst idiotic piece of iron ever.” Kokichi pursed his lips.

“Yeah, I know.” Kiibo glared at him even harder, then looked away. “Anyway, this is the situation. I think you should talk to her to confirm my hypothesis but considering she was the one to narrate me about the past of Rantaro, and she told me Mikan told her, I have a feeling I’m right.”

“Great, I’ll see her at the Christmas party anyway. The only problem is that she is so illogical that I have no idea how to make her shut up, she won’t listen to anyone. I’m impressed that this guy managed to meet her and have her talk in such little time, he should be a pro at stalking, he is a better investigator than Shuichi.” Kokichi tapped his fingers on his thigh.

Now he knew how things went down but he wasn’t much closer to find a solution. How do you stop Yonaga Angie from being Yonaga Angie? Not even death managed to make her stop being the lowest of the human race. A much more reasonable answer would be stopping Mikan from spreading bullshit, but that still would not stop the problem. Yonaga knew the address of all of them, if she were to give them to the fans, then what? They were all already on the edge of a cliff as they were.

“I’ll try to speak with her as well, our addresses are our last line of defense, we can’t have them all leaked to the public. She is actually dangerous, everyone else understands when to keep their mouth shut.”

Kokichi didn’t have any faith in Kiibo’s ability to mediate with the crazy cultist girl. She was trying to create an actual Atua cult. On the internet. People were joining in. Yeah. Kiibo had no chances.

After the discussion was over, Kiibo immediately left, it was almost like he just remembered he hated him and wasn’t forced to spend time with him. Kokichi didn’t want to have him around anyway, what were they supposed to do, small talk? The two never became friends, and neither were interested in starting now. One thing not many people realized was that not being friends was okay too, always getting all along was not a realistic thing to hope for. In a way, it was refreshing to have people you didn’t want to force yourself to see.

Shuichi came back after lunch and gave him a rundown of the organization process. Kokichi didn’t care one bit but now was grateful for the event. He could keep an eye out on Shuichi, talk to Yonaga maybe and if possible do something to stop Mikan. Not to mention he didn’t need to worry about Shuichi’s charming ex to fuck things up. It seemed he wanted to bother Kokichi alone, as long as Shuichi or someone else was around he was staying hidden in the shadows. The thought of after Christmas it was a bit scarier, what if their address had been leaked? Kokichi didn’t want to move, the first time they didn’t have anything, so they moved fast and easy, but now they owed stuff. Moving was a pain in the ass, Kokichi wanted to avoid it if possible.

The next day, Kokichi received a text message from Kiibo that was telling him he tried to reason with Yonaga and it didn’t work out. Not surprising. Thinking about it Kokichi realized that maybe the only way to stop her was to put her on the minority, corner her. If everyone knew about it, they would bother her enough to make her stop or at least exasperate her enough to make her go away and never come back. To Kokichi that was an acceptable solution as well.

Christmas came finally and Kokichi and Shuichi went to Chiaki’s apartment an hour before lunch as agreed. The living room was all decorated and a big Christmas tree with multicolor lights was shining in a corner. In the middle were three tables of different shapes and sizes. They were too many to sit all around a single table, so compromises had to be made. People started to arrive, one after the other, and as expected Chiaki had to step in and stop people from leaving or fighting every time, but thanks to the atmosphere, everything got settled pretty quickly. No one was so insensitive to actually ruin a party. Kokichi was glad to see Yonaga at the party, but waited, there was a ton of time to approach the topic and it was best to not do it during the meal, panic was not the best spice for spaghetti. After the dessert Chiaki handed to everyone a little Christmas gift and Kokichi opened it immediately, instead of putting it in a pocket like most of them out of respect, and revealed a pin with her signature symbol on it, something from an old game.

Other people exchanged gifts afterward but not Kokichi and Shuichi. Kokichi didn’t bring his present, he wanted to give it to him when they were alone and apparently Shuichi had the same thought. Chiaki and Hinata left before anyone else despite this being their house because they wanted to bring a portion of the food to Nagito and his present. And so, as the party started to break up into smaller groups, just like many times in Nagito’s apartment, Kokichi found his chance to strike. Yonaga was currently bothering Hiyoko, the latter clearly mocking her in Yonaga’s face openly, not that Yonaga was showing any sign of being bothered by it in return.  Kokichi interrupted them, not as much because he wanted to save Hiyoko but because there were worst people Yonaga could be glued to.

“Hey Atua fangirl, is your god okay with you celebrating a Christian festivity? Shouldn’t you stay away from blasphemy?” yes, he had to admit that he had actually prepared this introductory sentence in advance.

“Aww, don’t be like this Kokichi!” she made a downcast face that screamed fake. Kokichi resented the fact that she felt authorized to use his first name. “Atua is a very magnanimous god, as long as people believe in him he will accept everyone and everything!”

“This sounds like a convenient way of getting all the benefit of the holidays and still proclaim yourself a believer.” Kokichi shrugged and Hiyoko snickered, agreeing with him.

“You are always so cynical! You should start to enjoy all aspects of life without thinking so much and search for a deeper meaning. You know, one of the reasons why people are always sad is because they search for meanings where there aren’t any!” she joined her hands in prayer and closed her eyes. “Everything would be better if everyone would just live a life a little more carefree and filled with faith!”

Kokichi had to contain himself from screaming, she was talking about living without worrying too much when she was his major worry right now!

“So, like… leaking our addresses to people is all part of living without worries, right? Like… this way we can live without boundaries and grant people access into our hearts or something, how close am I?” Kokichi smiled widely.

“Yes! See, in time you are finally starting to understand Atua’s divine advice! Boundaries are only there to keep ourselves trapped inside, it’s always better to leave the door open for others!” she laughed.

Kokichi had to stop himself from punching her, punching a woman in public was not cool. In private was acceptable only if it was someone as stupid as her.

“Wait, what did you say?!” Hiyoko’s scream managed to distract him enough. “You leaked our addresses?!”

Kokichi was glad for the unexpected assist.

“I don’t know which one, but she surely she leaked mine to a creep! I was ambushed on my way home!” he faked a scared expression. “I almost died because of her!”

Hiyoko screamed again, questioning Yonaga about which addresses she leaked and Yonaga started to use that annoying disappointed tone. Many people were attracted by the commotion and soon the word spread, in moments almost everyone was questioning her. Rantaro was attracted by the commotion as well and he came over, with his authoritarian aura he was immediately noticeable.

“What’s going on?” he asked, and they explained again, using incomplete information since everyone was basically adding parts to the story as they liked.

By this point, the story was something along the line that she was selling their addresses to the cultists to gain more support and Kokichi had almost been kidnapped by a bunch of them. It didn’t matter how unbelievable the story was, the level-headed ones were not getting sidetracked and the most empty-headed ones would get sidetracked anyway.

“Alright, I get it, please stop ganging up on her.” he spoke up after a while and after the other shut up, he spoke directly to her. “Is it true that you are giving our addresses to people? Angie, you can’t do that, it’s too dangerous.” he sounded gentle and patient.

“I just help people in need! If they ask me to meet with someone and I can help I don’t see why not, Atua has sent them to me!” she protested with a cheerful tone like always.

So, it was pretty much confirmed that she leaked multiple addresses.

“Angie, listen, not all these people have good intentions, some are trying to do bad things. You really cannot go around and give people information about us.” he still tried to keep his voice as leveled as possible.

“What? I’m sure Atua will send to me only the pure of heart, he is always watching over me.” she looked really disappointed that anyone could even presume that she was making a mistake.

“It’s useless to try and make her see reason, her brain got fried by the Neo World Program and that’s that.” Kokichi spoke a little too loud by accident, he actually didn’t mean it, he was just a little too annoyed, Rantaro looked at him.

“That’s not true, she is perfectly sane, she just doesn’t want to listen. The Neo World Program has nothing to do with it.” his eyebrows were a little furrowed.

Something in what he said rubbed Kokichi the wrong way.

“Oh yeah, that machine is infallible, it’s just us that are defective products in the first place. The machine helped us bring it to light way faster.”

“What are you talking about? Anyone has the power to change themselves if they want to; what the machine gave us is just a little part of us, we can even choose to ignore it if we want to. Angie is perfectly capable of choosing on her own, she is just refusing to.”

Kokichi felt the topic strangely personal, a moment ago he was trying to badmouth Yonaga and now he had the impulse to defend her. Like her attitude was somehow connected to Kokichi’s or something like that.

“That’s what I said, we are the problem, not the machine. If we are already broken, then the machine can just add a nice little ribbon to it. It must be nice to be a whole from the beginning and being able to choose what one wants to be. It doesn’t matter how much perfume you spray on a pile of garbage, garbage remains.”

Kokichi registered the silence in the room only vaguely, he was completely focused on Rantaro and his displeased expression.

“Are you saying that Angie is garbage? And everything else you mentioned doesn’t make any sense. The machine has the purpose to help heal, it doesn’t put a ribbon over anything. The way it was used it was wrong, but the technology is valid.”

“That’s what you say, but do have you any proof of that? The Neo World Program was never used as a medial machine beyond the test stage, it all went to shit immediately after. You don’t even know what that thing does for certain. Why are you protecting it like it saved your life?” he didn’t notice that his voice had raised a little.

Rantaro’s face twitched a little before answering.

“That’s exactly why we need to study it properly and use it in the right way! Or what, are you proposing to destroy it without even trying? Are you on the same side as Nagito?” Rantaro raised his voice as well.

“Yes, maybe I am! Maybe the world would be a better place without a technology that can create a serial killer from scratches! Shinguji, anyone?” he asked sarcastically.

“That’s not the fault of the machine, but the fault of people! It does all depend on what people do with it!”

“So, are you saying the best thing is to just  _hope_ that the machine will fall into the right hands? Over and over again, for generations? What do you propose, that we held a contest for the most worthy people to control it every few years so we keep it fair?!” he was almost shouting by now.

“That’s not even that bad an idea! Human error is inevitable, but one can try at the very least! Do you really think no one else will ever create a machine like this after we destroy the first one? At this point technology cannot be stopped, someone else will make a new Neo World Program all over again and we won’t know who or what that person is doing with it!”

Kokichi opened his mouth but no words came out. The last point was impossible to refute, he was right, sooner or later the machine would be recreated once again. Maybe it would have a different name, but same difference. Even if by some miracle, he can make the whole Japan free of this plague, somewhere else in the world they would still try. This was a fight that was impossible to win. Kokichi closed his mouth and grimaced in pain.

“Well then, take responsibility for the monsters that the machine creates then.”

His interest for Yonaga dropped to zero and he walked away, unwilling to spend another minute in the others’ presence. The party was over as far as Kokichi was concerned. He supposed he had gotten some result out of it, he exposed Yonaga, but he was even more unhappy now. It was too late to stop Shuichi’s ex, he had to deal with him by himself. He was so annoyed now, though, that even moving sounded a far better alternative than talk with the others again. Kiibo tried to approach him, a very concerned expression on his face, but Kokichi shoved him out of the way and grabbed his coat. He sent a glance at Shuichi, to see what he wanted to do, but he wasn’t going to wait for him, he was leaving, whether he wanted or not. He was simply giving him the possibility to follow if he wanted. Shuichi’s face was unreadable, but he walked to his coat as well. Kokichi opened the door and left, walking slowly, giving him time to catch up.

Some minutes later they were walking away from the place. Shuichi was completely silent, but he didn’t look mad at all. When their eyes met the corner of his lips raised and Kokichi didn’t know how, but they ended up walking hand in hand. Kokichi knew Shuichi probably wanted to hear about this address leak and stuff, but he really didn’t want to talk about it right now and apparently, he sensed it.

Once inside the apartment, Shuichi went into the other room and returned with a small package, Kokichi’s gift. Kokichi had forgotten about the gift exchange until that moment, with all that went down at the party, but immediately grinned.

“Ohh, it’s my tribute? I’m pleased to see that you remembered, I didn’t want to punish you for ungratefulness!” he almost snatched the gift from his hands and once he plopped down on the couch, he rested it on his laps.

He looked up at Shuichi for approval before opening it. One thing was his antics, another being actively and purposefully mean in a completely unnecessary setting. Shuichi nodded and Kokichi immediately started to rip apart the paper. It was squishy to the touch so there was something soft inside, if Kokichi had to guess it was some piece of clothing.

He should have bet some money on it because he was right on the spot, they were two pieces of clothing, actually. It was a set of purple gloves and a long scarf, they were made of fleece and were both soft and warm, but what caught Kokichi’s interest was the smell.

“I know it’s not much, I have some trouble coming up with something original, and I’m sure you like that kind of stuff instead of a simple game that I can buy in any store. I thought that at least this could be—“ Kokichi interrupted him.

“Is this the smell of grape Panta?” he asked, honestly surprised.

“Yeah…” Shuichi blushed a little and looked away. “I had it soak in grape Panta scent. I know it’s stupid, but I thought I could be fun at least.”

“Wow, this is the best amazing shitty idea I have ever seen!” Kokichi smiled widely, unbelievably amazed.

“Wait, is it shitty or amazing?”

“Both at the same time! I’m at a loss for words!” he chuckled, sniffing the scarf.

“Do you like it at least?” Shuichi smiled a little, he probably already guessed the answer.

“A lot! Now I want a whole wardrobe like this! I can only imagine what I would smell like if I was completely soaked into grape Panta clothes!” he wasn’t even lying, a wardrobe with this smell could be amazing to shock people.

“Okay then, I guess you find it funny enough, I’m glad.” he sat down next to him and Kokichi sent him a knowing glance.

“There is no gift for you, I told you everything was for me.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes.

“Yes, yes, you said so.” he didn’t insist. He probably guessed Kokichi was going to give his gift to him later, when he could be caught off guard, that was just a Kokichi thing to do. They remained silent a little longer then Shuichi broke the silence again. “You know, about earlier…” there we go, “I see where Amami-kun is coming from. It’s true that a machine like that will exist for sure, somewhere one day, but this particular one already bears an ill intent behind it, we don’t even know if it’s suitable for medical procedures anymore. I think it’s really for the best if the scientific community starts the machine all over again and this time they stick with treatments… after all the advertisement that Danganronpa gave to the treatment itself, I can see people still going even without the popularity involved, I don’t think money will be an issue. And another good side could be that only people who really want another themselves will get the treatment, not people who just want to appear on TV,” he fell silent again and looked away. Kokichi wondered if he was remembering about Yuuta and his reason to join the game. “What I wanted to say, in short, is that I am still on your side. I’m sorry that it came down to a fight with Amami-kun though, I regret not saying anything to help you out. It’s just that everyone was there, and I felt… awkward speaking in front of so many people with a strong personality. I’m not as brave as you.”

Kokichi’s hands twitched involuntarily when he called him ‘brave’. Yeah right, Kokichi was definitely  _brave._ The bravest, most amazing person in the world even.

After how much they ate for lunch they didn’t have anything for dinner, except n herbal tea, and then Kokichi wasted the rest of the day reading manga, he stopped only to wish a merry Christmas to  _Iliveintheinternet_ that was celebrating it with his friends at the ice palace. Kokichi eagerly awaited the moment they were going to bed, since he had hidden his present under Shuichi’s pillow, waiting for the very last useful minute to give him his present. Kokichi tried to read in Shuichi’s mind a bunch of times but if he was starting to wonder when his present was coming, he was not giving any sign.

When finally, Shuichi proposed to go to bed Kokichi changed in his pajama and jumped on the bed as fast as he could, so he could be on the front line for the live reaction. Shuichi sent him an indulgent glance, surely sensing something. If Kokichi really wanted to make it a surprise then he shouldn’t be so transparent about it, but really that was not the main point. Shuichi carefully sat down and looked around, like he was expecting to be assaulted by something. Kokichi kept staring at him, even when Shuichi raised an eyebrow at him and looked in the most obvious place, under the pillow.

When he saw the box, Shuichi turned a little to smile at him, but Kokichi beat it on time and stole the box with a yell.

“Ohh, here it is! My secret Santa! I was wondering where it went, now I can finally open my second gift of the day!” he shook the box violently, aware that nothing in there could break. Shuichi protested against the rough treatment and Kokichi stopped, his eyes narrowed. “Oh, I see. You are jealous because Santa forgot about you, uh? Hmm, well, listen, we can see what’s inside and then if I don’t want it you can have it, how about that?!”

Shuichi nodded, still smiling and playing along. Kokichi tossed the box to him and Shuichi caught it clumsily. He started to open it, much more carefully than Kokichi had done to his own gift and the first thing to pop out was a second layer of paper, wrapped around something with a strange shape. Shuichi picked it up and revealed the book under it. Before he had the time to take a good look at it Kokichi grabbed the second gift from his hands.

“Ah, I don’t want that book, I’m not into that series, you take that. Let’s see if there is anything in here that’s worth keeping!” Kokichi started to open the package himself, not waiting for Shuichi to comment on it. He did it slowly, allowing Shuichi to read the title of the book and then finally returning his attention to him. Something white was revealed under the paper. “Ohh, I think I like this one, I may keep this!” Shuichi leaned closer to take a better look, and Kokichi pulled out both the small objects inside.

One was a sitting white cat plush with purple stripes on his head and a smug face, his shining eyes were purple, and he had a checkered scarf around his neck. The second one was a penguin plush with a black striped jacket, two strands of hair down his face and a single strand coming out of his head like a spike. Kokichi smiled and nodded, satisfied, they were precisely what he was hoping for.

“Ohhh, so cute! Look at  _me!_ I’m such a cutie, no wonder people consider me a catch!” he shrieked like a little girl.

“Stop overreacting about the gift you picked, you are so ridiculous!” Shuichi laughed happily. “They are really cute, where did you find them? I didn’t even know there was something like this out there!”

“Ehh? Why are you asking me? Santa brought them, not me!” Kokichi pouted.

Shuichi shook his head smiling and then kissed him on the cheek.

“Thanks, I really like them.”

“Wait, who said they are yours, they are mine!” Kokichi glared at him.

Shuichi’s lips twitched in amusement.

“Hmm, there are two of them, we can share. I can have the Kokichi one and you the Shuichi one? This way we are going to have one another… and stuff.”

Kokichi narrowed his eyes again.

“You just want mine because I’m cuter, admit it already.”

Shuichi laughed again.

“Oh Kokichi, you definitely are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I'm celebrating a year of writing.  
> I started a year ago writing for the very first time, both in general but most importantly in English.  
> My writing skill and general confidence grew a lot thanks to all this, and PP was my most important breaking point, I'm very grateful to it and you all, especially if you are following me ever since.   
> Thank you!


	22. Birds of a feather flock together

For the next few days, everything moved at a slower pace.

Some of their friends contacted them because of the fight, the ones that were agreeing at least partially with Kokichi’s argument. He had tried to avoid entering any particular group, forsaking all the others, but it couldn’t be avoided anymore, not now that he made it public. The rest of the holidays and winter break Kokichi and Shuichi mostly spent time together in comfort and peace, leaving the apartment only if they really needed to. Takumi’s nightmares had become a mix between Shuichi, Rantaro and Yuuta’s ex. All of them, trying to point out some aspect of him that was not good or could be better. Some of them, though, were again of Takumi standing in the mist. Contrary to before, Takumi was not getting any closer and clearer, but more distant and difficult to define, like he was losing sight of him progressively. The last time he dreamed of him, Takumi shouted something at him, but Kokichi didn’t hear it, luckily.

The first day of the New Year, in Western cultures at least, Shuichi and Kokichi went together to the shrine to get their luck for the year. Kokichi didn’t believe in these things, nor did he want to believe in them, but this was more like a tradition he wanted to do with Shuichi than anything. They threw some money away at the shrine, as per tradition, made their wish and shook the big bell thingy. After this part was out of the way, they ate went to eat takoyaki and pulled their luck for the year. Kokichi read his with just mild interest.

-Moderate luck.

This year will hold many hardships and some small luck,

prepare to fight for what you desire and don’t lose

faith if the result is not the one you hoped for.

Love: Small luck.

Money: Moderate luck.

Health: Great luck-

Well, it was nice to know that he was not going to be ill all year if anything else. The description of his luck left him completely unfazed, this was the truth always, what was different at all. The love luck was pure irony, of course that had to be the worst one of them all, what else could he expect. Kokichi tried to sneak a peek at Shuichi’s luck, since they were a couple their love luck should be the same, unless Shuichi was to get a new boyfriend during the year. Even in that case, it should still be a small luck, he wanted definitive proof that it was all a big scam. Shuichi, however, hid his luck from him and asked to see his first. Kokichi wondered if he was thinking the same thing, maybe he believed it and he wanted to use it as proof that their relationship was going somewhere at all. If that was the case Kokichi didn’t want to make his life easier, so he refused to show him his luck as well. The two of them bickered all the way home, in the end, they didn’t get to see each other’s fortune.

The next Monday, the deceit started again, as Shuichi had to go to school again and hypothetically so should Kokichi. Three days passed normally, just like right before winter break, but Kokichi wasn’t that surprised to discover that peace was short-lived, not after reading that fortune.

Yuuta’s ex-boyfriend was once again next to the entrance door to the apartment, waiting.

Kokichi didn’t bother asking him who he was waiting for, he just prepared for a headache. He had strongly hoped that once he had confronted Yonaga and learned all there was to learn, he could forget the whole deal, but no, he had to appear again. Now he needed to find a way to shoo him away, and then he needed to talk with Shuichi because there was the very concrete possibility that this guy was going to stalk them for a very long while. He had hoped avoiding talking with Shuichi. He didn’t want to force him to say anything about the past which made him so ashamed, but Kokichi wasn’t selfless enough to endure this guy’s rudeness. He slowly walked toward the building.

“Yuuta is up there already, probably, aren’t you worried he may see you?” Kokichi asked, breaking the awkwardness first.

“I’ll only be here for a moment, I was waiting for you,” no shit. “I was wondering what you two were doing now, in the outside world. I’m not surprised Yuuta is going to the best school in the area, and with good results too! I’ve taken a look during the last days, the results were hung on the wall outside the hallway. I sneaked inside, it wasn’t that difficult, strange for such a good school to have this lax security!” he laughed, Kokichi got goosebumps.

“Was Yuuta very smart before too?” Kokichi didn’t ask because he was curious, he just wanted to distract him to search for an opening to enter the building.

“Well, not this much, but he was smart, yes. Many people could not hold a discussion with him for a long time. Yuuta was good at winning arguments, I wasn’t surprised when he became the Detective! I was a little more surprised by his new meek attitude, Yuuta had as much confidence as he weighed. The part that shocked me the most was his friendship with the Ultimate Pianist. Yuuta disliked girls very much, he badmouthed them all the time because he hated how they were into fashion, gossip and stuff like that… I never thought the Neo World Program machine was strong enough to change even preferences. Well, I guess his preferences didn’t really change… you are male, aren’t you?” he smiled amiably.

“I see, who knows, maybe his hate for girls was just a front because he was a moody adolescent?” Kokichi got a little closer to the door.

“Maybe, I can’t really say. Anyway, he is making good use of what he got in the Neo World Program, what are you doing? What school are you attending?” the guy asked, observing him attentively.

Kokichi felt a shiver down his back, a premonition of a terrible situation.

“A school. Why?” he tried to not sound defensive.

“A cooking school?” the guy smiled again.

Kokichi refused to react physically, but still took the blow hard.  _He knew._ He had followed him and found out he was wasting time in Teruteru’s cooking school. What  _else_ did he know? Kokichi was not an optimistic person, so he immediately assumed he knew everything.

“No, I’m only learning how to cook, so I can prepare Yuuta some nice bento. I’m going to a completely normal school.”

“In the abandoned factory near here? It must be a very interesting career you are shooting for!” he was still smiling, his voice sounded as honest as it could.

This guy was a nice liar himself, alright.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, is there even an abandoned factory nearby? I’m going to a completely normal school, and I don’t have to tell you anything else, this is none of your business.” Kokichi smiled and shrugged.

“I guess not, I was just wondering if Yuuta knows what you are doing. You leave in the morning just to go back home, and in the afternoon you are hanging out either at the factory or in that cooking school. Does he knows?” ah, so he was threatening him now.

“What if he does?” Kokichi asked with his best poker face.

“But what if he doesn’t? I could ask him.” the guy had a nice poker face as well.

“I thought you didn’t want to be seen by him?”

“Yeah, but if you are lying to him, I feel like I have a duty to tell him, you know? He shouldn’t be together with someone he doesn’t know, as his friend I feel like I really should.” so he thought that revealing his secret to him would get him the upper hand?

Kokichi had no doubts that Shuichi would never accept someone by his side just like that, let alone a shady person like this one, but it was true that revealing his secret would at least damage Kokichi. It was not going to work in the guy’s favor, but not like it was going to work in Kokichi’s favor either. He just wanted to be left alone, he didn’t want to have this conversation with Shuichi.

“You know, he became my boyfriend after learning that I am a liar, what makes you think he would be so shocked by it? Being a liar is kind of my stitch, what make you think you can call me out for that?” Kokichi shook his head, looking as unconcerned as he possibly could.

“If that’s true, then it wouldn’t matter to you if I talk to him or not, right?”

“Do what you want.” Kokichi shrugged again and walked in, leaving him there.

Unfortunately there was no way out of this one, anything that he could say to him, he would take it as a proof of being right. The real problem now was what he really was going to do, risk it or not? The ball was completely out of Kokichi’s hands, the guy had the power to decide the fate of both of them. Kokichi now could not talk with Shuichi about him, if the two were to meet the guy, he would surely spill his secret to him. Kokichi didn’t want to get rid of him so much to compromise his position, a position that could be compromised either way on the guy’s whim. This whole situation had become ten times more annoying all of a sudden.

It was partially Kokichi’s fault, if he never had a secret in the first place, this would not have happened at all, but on the other hand, Kokichi’s secret was essential to him, to his mental peace. Hoshi told him to fight, but Kokichi didn’t know how to fight against Takumi, he had the upper hand as well, in his dreams. Did everyone have the upper hand on him right now? Was there anything he could do?

He wanted to speak with someone, someone that was completely neutral… and he knew the perfect person for it.

Inside the apartment, he talked a little with Shuichi, feeling around for his mood to make sure he was not already aware of the truth. Shuichi looked completely normal, he was focused on some essay he had to write and humored him only a little bit before asking him to talk later. Kokichi accepted cheerfully and escaped to the other room, to safety. In no time, he was already talking with the person he wanted to talk to.

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Hey, when you have a stalker, what do you do?_

**Iliveintheinternet:** _What? O_O_

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _This comes with the role, I’m cool and sexy, of course I have a stalker!_

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Ah. Okay. Hm._

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _No really! Don’t you believe me? There is someone that’s waiting outside of the door of my apartment and it’s someone I don’t want to see. He is bothering me and I wish he would leave._

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Call the police?_

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _That’s a little extreme… but not impossible, I guess. He is my boyfriend’s ex, I feel like calling the police could create more trouble. Isn’t there any better solution?_

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Well… it depends on him, is there any way to convince him to go away and not come back?_

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Cut off his dick? So he would lust over my boyfriend no longer?_

**Iliveintheinternet:** _That’s a… solution… but I was thinking about something with less blood involved. So, let me get the facts straight: he is bothering you because he wants your boyfriend to go back to him? If your boyfriend rejects him again, wouldn’t that help?_

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _He already did it two times, before he started to wait for me outside. He is trying to get me out of the picture now. I can’t tell my boyfriend about him now because he has some dirt on me. He is quite persistent and cunning, I don’t know how to drive him away. He doesn’t really listen to reason, he is just obsessed by the fact that my boyfriend is not with him anymore._

**Iliveintheinternet:** _I see…_

Kokichi waited but nothing came after that short answer. He started to feel actual sadness, he wasn’t expecting to be ignored after asking for some kind of help. He wasn’t really expecting him to solve his problem, after all the guy was probably younger than him if Kokichi had to guess, but at least, he would have liked some kind of comfort. He refused to feel disappointed, but he knew that deep down he was indeed disappointed.

He closed the laptop and then wondered what he should do the next day. Going to the factory and the cooking school was out of the question at this point, it would offer the ideal target for the guy. He needed to stay close to Shuichi as much as he could, but he was aware that he could not follow him at school. If the guy was determined to tell him, then he had a ton of opportunities to do so. The best thing he could do was to remain close to the house at all time, leaving only Shuichi’s school as a potential blind spot. Giving up on the cooking lessons and the secret nest was not that big of a deal, he had learned many dishes by now and he was not planning to become a chef, furthermore he didn’t like to cold and humidity of the factory in January.

The things he had to give up were not interesting or important per se, the problem he had with this was another one: was he going to close the circle of places he could hang out more and more until he could not leave the house even if in some instances he really wanted to? Was he going to lose the right and courage to leave at all? That was unacceptable.

That night, he slept very little, waking up every now and then so he didn’t dream of anything, which was a good thing because he could feel the nightmare just at the corner of his mind. Takumi’s presence had already sipped too much in his awoken time already anyway, by this point, he didn’t even need to dream to feel him all over the place no matter what he was doing. He was like a shadow spying on him, behind his back, Kokichi could feel his weight and coldness. He was clearly heading in the wrong direction, everything was telling him that much by this point, but the only thing he could feel about it was anger. What was he supposed to do about it? He was trying his best, it wasn’t like Takumi could do any better than him.

By morning, his mood was quite down, everything had slipped below the surface, leaving him feeling kind of numb. He was tired and didn’t want to confront the day ahead, no matter what it was. He pretended as if nothing was different and left the house with Shuichi like every day, going back after less than fifty steps, but apparently even that much had been too much.

Yuuta’s ex was waiting for him outside.

Kokichi’s mouth became a thin line, he ignored him and walked for the door like he was just part of the scenery.

“Hey, wait, are you ignoring me?” Kokichi slowed down, but didn’t stop. “I can see that you have not changed your plans, are you still going to skip school? And judging by the fact that he sent you off to school like usual, you haven’t told him yet either.”

“Don’t you have school as well? Or a family, something? No one is wondering why are you down here instead of back home?” Kokichi asked, not really interested in the answer, just wanting to point out the inconsistency between his request and his behavior.

“Of course I do, I haven’t lost a year because of Danganronpa though, I’m a year ahead of you two. In your case, I think I’m even a couple years ahead, right? Even if I fall behind this year it’s fine, I’ll just end up in the same grade as Yuuta again.” he answered completely unconcerned.

“I see, good for you then. Are you sure your parents aren’t going to be mad at you for that?” again, he didn’t care about the answer, he tried for the door but for the first time the guy actually stood in his way.

Kokichi stopped and stiffened, was he going to become physical now?

“Yes, I’m sure. More importantly, I find interesting that you are not asking me anything about our relationship from before you met him. Aren’t you curious to know what we were for each other and things like that? Don’t you want to know him better?”

It was the stupidest question ever, Shuichi was ashamed of his old self, so why should he learn more about something that Shuichi wished he could erase from the face of Earth? Not that this guy would care or believe that this new Shuichi was negating everything that had been.

“Nope. Can I go now?”

“Surprising, I would want to know everything if I were in your shoes, but we are very different people, aren’t we? Are you sure, you don’t want to know anything at all? Like for example if he is really virgin or not?”

Ah-ah, how funny. Did he really think that he would change his opinion on Shuichi either way? If anything, it sucked a lot for Shuichi if he could not remember something so important about his body, but maybe it was for the best. He wasn’t sure he would feel okay knowing he had had an intimate relationship with who knows how many people. Kiibo had said he had had quite the active life before, it could have meant anything. Kokichi didn’t really want to put himself to the same level of all these other people, whoever they were.

“Nope. Have fun with your fond memories, I’m the one who gets to fuck him now. Bye.”

He pushed past him quickly and this time the guy didn’t stop him. He climbed the stairs and then shut himself in, aware that the guy would be there if he left again. He sat down on the sofa and sighed all his breath in one long sound of annoyance. He had absolutely no idea how to send him away, he was stubborn and shameless.  _Iliveintheinternet_ had proposed the police, but could Kokichi really bring up this subject to them? Wouldn’t this end up becoming a big public matter? The last thing he wanted was to have Shuichi’s past and potential bad memories all over the gossip world. He could not see this remaining under wraps.

Maybe, in another time of his life, he would have called Rantaro and asked the Big Brother for advice, but now he couldn’t, even if he wanted to. He had tried to think about the fight as little as possible but it was still nagging him. He never thought about asking him for advice before, of course, he had to start wishing for his help now that he had successfully closed that door for himself. He was always great at making his life conformable and easy.

Talking about a person that owed him some help;  _Iliveintheinternet._ He was still quite bugged by the fact that he left him hanging with a stupid ‘I see…’. Kokichi stood up and grabbed his laptop from the other room, returning to the sofa soon after because he was feeling like being lazy and not sit down properly on a table. He turned on the power and typed in the password, which was still very much pertinent, and as soon as he was on his desktop he heard the beeping sound of a new message. So  _Iliveintheinternet_ was not dead or escaped to the real world, as opposed as his nickname.

The first message was after twenty minutes from the last one, the famous ‘I see…’.

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Okay, sorry. I was talking with my father. This person knows where you live and what else? Where you and your boyfriend go to school as well?_

The next message was ten minutes later.

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Are you still there? Please answer me._

Another five minutes.

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Are you okay?? You are not dead, are you??_

Okay, okay, maybe Kokichi was  _a little_  wrong when he thought that  _Iliveintheinternet_ didn’t care about his problem at all.

**Iliveintheinternet:** _Okay, I’ll take for granted that you are still alive and you are just away from your pc (please answer me!). So, can you wait a little longer for now? If the situation is dangerous please go to one of your friends and spend the night, the problem should solve itself soon enough. Just keep a close eye to your surroundings and don’t trust him or meet him if you can help it, don’t confront him anymore. If possible, keep a close eye on your boyfriend as well, okay? Maybe find some excuse to avoid leaving the apartment. Contact me if anything happens._

Huh?


	23. Kicked out of the nest

**Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _I’m okay, I had something to do. What do you mean ‘the problem will solve itself soon enough’?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Oh finally! I was getting worried because I could not get through you anymore. You are making a mistake, you should talk to your boyfriend about all this before the situation goes out of control, you can’t stop it._

Since when was he so direct and abrupt? He had always been very submissive almost, following Kokichi’s lead on everything. It wasn’t like Kokichi hated this kind of personality, but it was a huge contrast to his normal way of speaking, or well, writing.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _That’s not what you told me last time, and if I talk to him what about the dirt he has on me?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _The ‘dirt’ is stupid, you are being ridiculous, can’t you see that all your actions right now are that of a scared child? Don’t pretend to be better than me and stronger than me if you are going to make the same mistake as I did. Why are you reverting back so quickly, this should not happen. Is the past influence really so strong?_

What…? Just  _what?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Who the hell are you? What are you talking about?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Really? And you are supposed to be the intelligent one of the two as well. I’m starting to think that the Neo World Program is really bugged, real bad. Looking at you, I realized now why people were so frustrated at me. No wonder mom wanted to change me at all costs. Look, I understand because these are my same thought processes but really, now that I’m not the one making these decisions I can see that they are stupid. Please, just talk to Shuichi and solve the school problem as well._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Takumi?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Yeah, hello. Finally, I got through you. How does it feel to directly talk to your old self? This wasn’t supposed to happen but hey, I’m glad. I can’t believe how much a privileged point of view put everything into perspective for me and showed me what you are lacking and wasting. If I could go back right now I would, but this is not my body anymore and I won’t let you waste it for both, especially since I have to look. Trust me, nothing of what you are experiencing is actually a problem, you are just creating phantoms in your own mind. I’m the expert at that, so I can tell. Please, leave your own head and try to do things without thinking too much for a while, it’s all in your head._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _The only thing that’s on my mind is you and I want you to go away! This is all your fault!_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _If that’s what you think, then let me help! Let me try to make it right!_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Yeah right, says the one that’s giving me a ton of nightmares!_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Hm, I don’t know how to break the news to you, idiot, but that was clearly not me. If your conscience is not letting you sleep how is that my fault? What did you say during the V3 season? That you take responsibility for your actions? Then take responsibility, your nightmares are a gift that you are giving to yourself, what do you think I am, a God?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _And yet you are writing to me via computer, how does that even makes sense to you?!_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Unbelievable, I’ve had enough of you today, woke up idiot._

And Kokichi indeed woke up with a start.

He was in bed, Shuichi was by his side and everything was completely normal. It took a long moment for Kokichi to finally put together enough memories to remember what happened that afternoon and evening. He had answered to  _Iliveintheinternet_ messages, Shuichi had returned, he had lied telling him that the club was on an extended break and then the rest of the evening had been completely normal.

Kokichi left the bed and returned to the laptop, just to make sure that this conversation had indeed been a very elaborate dream but nothing more than that.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _I’m okay, I had something to do. What do you mean ‘the problem will solve itself soon enough’?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I mean… that may have been a little optimistic but if he is still young, possibly underage, then he will need to be in a hotel to sleep and still remain close to you two, right? I can’t imagine this going on for too long, they are going to search for him sooner or later. He will need to go home._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _That’s what I thought as well but he said that it didn’t matter to him that he was missing out school._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Maybe so, but I think that it would be a different story if we are talking about money and stalking. I can’t imagine a parent endorsing such activities publicly. One thing is looking away from the truth, another is ignoring someone that’s telling you directly that your son is wasting money on stalking another kid._

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Okay… makes sense, I’ll admit… Then you think I should talk to his parents?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _No need, I told you, he can’t keep doing this indefinitely, sooner or later they’ll call him back home. But if something happens then yes, you need to be ready for this eventuality, inform yourself about where he lives and his family._

Kokichi suddenly understood why Takumi had taken posses of this particular dream, he remembered being a little weirded out by this conversation. He had been very reasonable, a little  _too much._

In any event, the dream had been just a dream and nothing bad was happening, maybe something good was happening instead, depending on how right  _Iliveintheinternet_ was. He hoped it was really going to solve itself so easily, while not being completely optimistic. All things considered, the trip back and forth to his old home could not be that long because Shuichi had done it in a day, but he actually never had clarification if he had gone to school that day or if he took the whole day to get there and return. 

He returned to bed, Shuichi shifted a little but remained asleep.

The next day was the last day of the week and the guy appeared again, unfortunately, and tried to bother him again. Kokichi this time had no patience for him, he ignored him and returned to his apartment immediately. His fear of the guy was starting to fade, he still had not done anything, he probably was all talk. Kokichi still wanted him away, as soon as possible.

The weekend passed, Kokichi took three tests on his online course during the week and showed his results to Shuichi during the weekend, keeping his alibi alive. Shuichi had taken a test of his own and obviously, he got a perfect score, but Shuichi was even too modest for his own good. He had caught up with his classmates completely and now he was in the lead of the class with his top scores. At some point, during the winter break, Shuichi had even mentioned the fact that they asked him to join the student council or become the class representative but he was embarrassed so he refused to speak about it as soon as Kokichi asked for more details.

The next week, Kokichi kept his eyes open but incredibly, the guy didn’t appear again, it was almost like he vanished. For the whole week, Kokichi checked for his presence multiple times a day, looking outside of the window, and nothing turned up. A part of Kokichi wanted to believe that it had been so simple from the start, that  _Iliveintheinternet_ had been right, but the most rational and grounded part of him was telling him to stop being naïve, there was something wrong with the whole thing. He didn’t talk with his online friends about him anymore, he purposefully avoided the subject for a little while, and after Monday even he didn’t ask anymore.

Another Monday came and went by and nothing changed, aside from the fact that he caught Shuichi observing him in secret more than once and it didn’t give him a good vibe.

Something felt very off.

“You are off. In the head.”

“Yes, did I already mention that I hate you?”

“Plenty, in your thoughts. I’m in your head, you know?”

After the first dream, Takumi had started to plague him every night, with nice little conversations. For as absurd as it could sound, Kokichi, once he got used to it, started to be glad that this was the new standard, it was way more comforting that what was going on in his head previously. Now it was not his conscience that was eating at him, it was something closer to an annoying little brother whining directly inside his head. It was not creepy, jump-scary as before, it was helping making it look like a little less important, and it was helping to talk to someone about what he was going on, without filters, even if it was only in his head.

Currently they were sitting around a white iron table, the kind you would see outside an ice cream shop. Around them was only the mist, not even frigging ice cream, Kokichi wanted some.

“So you don’t feel like there is something going on behind our back? Are you blind?” he asked Takumi.

“Of course I feel like something is wrong. That’s why I’m trying to get you to talk with people and figure it out. I mean, you know you should ask  _Iliveintheinternet._ Start from there and move on.” Takumi rolled his eyes at him.

“You are quick to tell me what I should do, I have to do it after all, not you.” Kokichi rested his face on his hands.

“Exactly. I love this situation, when you are not stupid beyond belief. I get to live without the pain of living, it’s amazing.”

“Coward.”

“Says you.”

Kokichi paused a moment, Takumi looked relaxed and comfortable.

“Were you always like this? I don’t think you needed the frigging machine.” he asked in the end.

“Of course not, I learned from you.” his answer was oddly soft, almost nostalgic.

“So now you want me to live your life in your place? Giving me orders for what I should do?” Kokichi raised his head again and leaned backward into the chair.

“Not at all, as Takumi there was nothing I wanted to do, I’m excited to see what you will come up with.” Takumi shrugged.

“What if I come up with nothing but mistakes?” Kokichi asked, not completely disinterested at the answer.

Takumi remained silent for a moment before answering.

“In that case, you’ll keep meeting me here and hear me lecture you forever.”

“Sounds fun.” Kokichi sighed deeply, exaggerating the gesture way too much.

It did actually sound half not-so-bad. At the very least that meant that there was someone he would never lose, no matter what. They were stuck together, whether they liked it or not.

When Kokichi woke up, he was feeling confident he could finally have this conversation with  _Iliveintheinternet._ There were some questions that needed answers and he had to confront them, even if there was the possibility he was not going to like them. He may even lose a friend today, but he was not going to run away from it any further.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Hey, can we talk a moment?_

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _Yes, sure, everything okay?_

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _Yes, he disappeared, just as you said._

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _That’s a relief, right? He wasn’t too crazy then, that’s good. Is your boyfriend safe as well?_

This could go on forever, he was too impatience and cut directly to the chase.

 **Halfeatenpurplelollipop:** _I have some questions for you. So first, you said ‘Maybe find some excuse to avoid leaving the apartment’, how do you know I live in an apartment? Second; ‘he will need to be in an hotel to sleep and still remain close to you two’. So, I NEVER mentioned the fact that he is not our school mate, or lives like, I don’t know… across the street? You are right, he was probably staying at a hotel or something like that… but how would you imagine something like this? Anyone else would have taken for granted he was someone living nearby, how would you know that he was missing out school? You knew. No, you KNOW him, don’t you? You were particularly insistent that I had to wait a little more, and miraculously he disappeared. So… you can not answer these question as long as you answer this one question: who the hell are you?_

He didn’t answer for a while, not that Kokichi was expecting anything different, but he waited patiently, flooding him with messages was not going to help. There was a very concrete possibility of him never writing back again but in that case, Kokichi would know to block him, he wanted to give him a chance to explain himself first.

But he answered, after only ten minutes.

 **Iliveintheinternet:** _I’m sorry, please read through the end. So… I may have known from the very beginning who you were, and where you live and everything else… because I approached you intentionally. You don’t know me, not anymore, but I know you, or at least I knew you. Do you remember when I wrote about my family? Well… that was all true, but it’s not like it doesn’t concern you. My name is Fujisaki Chihiro and I’m your little brother. Me and father know that you refused to learn anything about your previous life at all, as Takumi, but… we are family, there is no way we wouldn’t worry about you! Father… is kind of a hacker? He found out where you lived and some other details, but we only watched from afar, I swear, we weren’t going to bother you unless you asked. We just wanted to be there to make your life a little easier if possible, and yes, maybe pretending to not know you was a little unfair, but I really wanted to talk to you… I was never able to do much for you, I wanted to be there for you at least as a friend. I swear we just wanted to be sure you were okay! Now, that stalker dude… father checked a little into Saihara-san’s backstory and we found about him easily, that’s why I didn’t answer for a while, I’m sorry I was with him, looking into things. Father got the parents’ phone number and called them, they called the son back. I was not sure this would be enough but he was ready to call the police as well, luckily, the threat was enough to convince them to back off. I was really worried once you said he had some dirt about you, he hasn’t done anything in retaliation, has he? Please, I really want to help you, I’m fine if you are angry at me because I lied to you but don’t cut me off from your life anymore! Please, you can stay mad at me as much as you want, just don’t disappear again!_

Kokichi was trembling, something like a feral fear was eating at his organ, leaving him with nothing but the feeling of cold hands and a heavy head.

_Betrayal._

_Betrayal._

_Betrayal._

_Betrayal!_

_BETRAYAL!_

Kokichi immediately banned the account of his  _fucking little liar brother._

But he knew this was not enough, if their f _ather_ was really a hacker then he found them thanks to the IP, and he could find any other kind of media, like the phone. Even creating a new account or destroy the phone was not enough to get rid of them. They knew where he lived too, there was no escaping that truth. He was  _trapped._

Panic was completely overwhelming him, reason completely forgotten. He was illogically feeling like they were going to come and drag him away at any moment, so he could go back and be Takumi again. He didn’t know these people, nor he wanted to know them, he wanted them to  _dissolve into nothingless, who were they, what they wanted from why, why he had to be forced to go back, he didn’t want to!_

With his mind in full panic, the first and only thing that came to his mind was to run away. He couldn’t stay in a place they knew, he needed to go somewhere where no one could find him.

In his rush, he completely forgot Shuichi and everything related, he didn’t even take his phone. It didn’t come to his mind that later Shuichi would come back to an empty home and freak out once he realized he didn’t have a way to contact him.

He left with just his coat on and walked fast around the streets, without a destination in mind. He didn’t know anything about the city outside of the normal comfort zone, like Nagito’s house or another friend house, but he couldn’t go there. He wanted to be alone, he needed to be alone to calm down. The other areas he knew where the cooking school, the two cafes he had visited, his own school and the abandoned factory. None of these places were fit for Kokichi’s need, but he wasn’t mentally stable enough to find a different place right now, so he chose the only place where he could be alone and not in the cold.

He wrapped himself in the thermal blanket inside the abandoned factory and slowly calmed down, but then sadness and emptiness took the place of fear. His prediction had been correct, he had lost a friend and in the worst possible way. How could he speak with him again after something like this? He clearly tried to make him remember, to make him go back, by telling him all his past, and without his consent. He couldn’t trust him anymore. He wanted a person that didn’t know him, and it turned out that this had always been an illusion, his disappointment was burning inside him.

He remained there for a very long while, he didn’t even notice when the darkness had fallen until he realized that he could not see much further from where he was. He could not muster the strength to get up even at that moment, going back home meant confronting a furious Shuichi and go back into the problem all over again. He could not run from it forever, he knew, but for once he wished he could just switch over with Takumi, observe from the other side while he was the one dealing with the consequences. Of course, that never was an option.

He looked around again only when he heard some steps and a surprisingly gentle voice.

“Ah, there you are, finally found you.”


	24. I can't fly with these broken wings

“That’s a surprise, I wasn’t expecting Haru-chan to pick me up.”

He only tried partway to sound cheerful.

“Shuichi is really worried about you.” she answered, her tone calm and almost soft, if she could even be called soft in the first place.

“Yep, so you have come here to punish me, because I’m making suffer your golden boy. I already know. So what are you going to do to me?” Kokichi shrugged, not moving an inch from the floor.

“Not this time, I’m just here to bring you home. This time we are not going to take anyone’s side.”

Kokichi could only guess that ‘we’ meant her and Momo-chan. He remained where he was a while longer, waiting to see if she was going to actually pick him up and drag him home. Nothing happened for a long while, aside for the fact that she asked him to move two more times and then fell silent looking away. In the end, Kokichi gave up and collected everything from the floor, aware that his secret lair was now something he had to abandon forever.

“I still find you annoying.” he said, just to be sure.

“Likewise, but for once, I feel confident that this was not completely your fault.” she answered curtly, now her voice had that usual edginess.

“So it’s only like, 80% my fault?” he tilted his head, his mood getting a little better.

“Probably around 90%.” she was the one to shrug this time and then she led the way back to the apartment, Kokichi followed.

“How did you find me?”

“I still have some skills hidden in my pocket, not all I learned were physical abilities, some of them are useful to trace down runaway teenagers.”

“Cool!” he let the conversation die there; there was nothing else to add.

On the way, they met Momo-chan who looked at them both and then strangely didn’t comment in any way, just started walking next to Haru-chan. Kokichi was grateful for the silence, but there was clearly something strange in the air if even Momo-chan was unwilling to shout at him. Nothing happened even after they reached the apartment and they entered, Shuichi was not inside, Momo-chan called him on the phone while Haru-chan ordered him to put away all the stuff he had brought along. Normally he would not listen to orders, especially coming from her, but this time he did as told in silence.

He took his time and while he was cleaning up he heard the door open and close and then voices. Again strangely they were quieter than he expected, he wasn’t going to delude himself that Shuichi wasn’t mad, but there was something strange going on, they were treating it like it was just a little part of a bigger problem. Which was of course true, but they weren’t supposed to know that. He didn’t want to go to the other room and see them all, especially now that there were three of them, his mental strength was not enough to deal with them all.

Once again, Haru-chan came to get him.

“We are staying for dinner; Kaito is almost done with the cooking. When you are ready come eat.”

“Momo-chan cooks?” Kokichi asked, only partially interested.

“Better than me at the very least. Don’t expect a feast.” she left but Kokichi was surprised she even answered calmly at all, he was expecting to be silenced with an insult of some kind.

Kokichi took a deep breath, preparing to go to the other room; he couldn’t move, so he took another one, he was able to leave at the third one. In the living room, Shuichi was moving around as if he didn’t know what to do with himself, Momo-chan had taken possession of the kitchen and was messing up Kokichi’s personal order for the utensils. He almost wanted to complain, but he took another deep breath, this was not the right time, he was tired. When Shuichi noticed him, he stilled, his face stuck in the expression of someone who wanted to say something, but was trying hard to stop himself. Kokichi was surprised he was able to contain himself from showering him with questions like last time, or worst maybe. After a moment of general confusion, Haru-chan asked them to help set the table and everyone cooperated in silence, the atmosphere as anomalous as it could be.

The dinner kept maintaining the same trend, the conversation was very forced and Kokichi and Shuichi didn’t directly talk at all, immediately avoiding the other’s eyes. One interesting thing that Kokichi noticed, however, was that even the atmosphere between Momo-chan and Shuichi was strange, tense. What had happened between the two of them while he was away? It seemed almost like they had fought, had Shuichi tried to preserve his honor or something? But that didn’t make much sense because Momo-chan was not angered with him, he was not good enough at acting, a lecture from Shuichi or Haru-chan never changed anything. It was almost like the opposite had happened, Momo-chan protected Kokichi, but that made even less sense.

After dinner, the two left but only after Momo-chan and Shuichi had another secret conversation in the other room that Kokichi could not eavesdrop because Haru-chan was guarding the way to the hallway that led to the bedroom. He tried to question her a little but she was evasive, she told him only one thing.

“You two need to talk, but do it tomorrow, right now you are both tired.”

After they left, Shuichi was the first one to break the ice and he pretty much said the same thing she had just said, that they should sleep for now. Kokichi didn’t object and they changed and laid down in silence, the atmosphere still ruined and cold. Tomorrow was going to be a big day and they both knew it.

He met Takumi in his dreams, the two were walking in a path surrounded by darkness.

“What are you going to do now?”

“What, don’t you have any witty advice to give? Shouldn’t you tell me ‘why don’t you go back to my family’ and cry and plead me all the way?” 

“Not necessarily, you already said you don’t want to go back, you are free to do whatever you want. I wouldn’t dislike seeing Chihiro again, I wonder how big he has gotten, considering the average size of our family, yours included, I can only guess not so much.” that actually got a smile out of Kokichi. “But you don’t have to. If they wanted to bother you they would have already done so, and you know that. They have known where you live for a long while ago, they never made their presence known, they are just waiting for the day you’ll need them.”

“Okay then, so you are saying I should stop worry about that one part of the problem.” Kokichi summarized.

“Yep, that’s right, moving onto the next part: I think it is the time to tell Shuichi the truth. He won’t be angry at you if he knows about his ex and your family contacting you.” Kokichi was about to speak, but Takumi stopped immediately. “Yeah, I know, I know. You didn’t want to talk about his ex because it would make him feel bad, but it is worth being the one to feel bad all the time instead? I don’t think so, be a little more egoist and let him take the fall this time. Don’t you agree?”

“Be a little more egoist, uh? It’s strange considering I consider myself to be quite selfish.” Kokichi smiled without humor.

“You can be childish, stubborn and a pain, but you are not very selfish, not when it counts the most. Maybe it’s the completely wrong approach, but I feel like you should start to stop stockpile your feelings and problems, when something is bothering you just come out and say it, let the other deal with the resolution. You’ll feel better.”

“Surprising. Have you ever taken your own advice when you were alive?” he smirked at Takumi.

“Nope, not even once. I would go back home and cry myself to sleep before saying a word to anyone. That’s exactly why I am saying this, since I’ve got a new chance to live as a spectator, I want to see something different happening.” Takumi shrugged.

Kokichi chuckled.

“I can see that you have actually taken your advice now, you are being egoistic with me!”

“True!” Takumi smiled in return.

“There is something else going on, I can sense it. Something Shuichi isn’t telling me,” Kokichi returned serious.

“All the more reason to be egoistic, tell him about his ex and then force him to tell you the truth about his own secret. You are Kokichi Ouma, you can corner a liar easily, can’t you?” Takumi’s smile didn’t fade, it was almost like he was teasing him right now.

It was a challenge, wasn’t it? Kokichi felt a wave of energy pass through him, he was reminded of season V2 and the start of V3, before he remembered, when he felt as free as he could feel. When had he stopped being courageous? When had he given up on winning every battle like it was a game?

When Kokichi woke up, the other side of the bed was empty, Shuichi had already got up. Kokichi noticed that the light was strong, it had to be later in the morning or even noon, had Shuichi gone to school? It was a school day, but for some reason he had taken for granted that he wasn’t going today, but maybe he had gone. He got his answer after he changed and went to the other room. Shuichi was in the kitchen, stirring a cup of tea mindlessly. The weather was quite nice, there was a warm sun outside, Kokichi almost had the impulse of taking a walk even though it was almost the end of January. It looked almost like fate was mocking him, having him confront the first real big trouble of his relationship with Shuichi on such a nice day.

“Alright then, I guess we should start by the fact that I owe you an explanation.” Kokichi decided to break the ice immediately, no use in waiting. “Or maybe you owe me an explanation. Your ex started to stalk me outside of the apartment after you went and dumped him officially, which by the way I discovered only by asking Kiibo. Nice secret you kept from me.”

Takumi had said to be more egoist? Okay, he was going to flip all the blame onto Shuichi then, if he had told him then they could have worked a way out together, not have to use his ‘father hacker’ or whatever to make him return from the place he popped out from.

Of course, on the logical level, half the fault was still Kokichi’s since he should have told him about the guy immediately instead he kept it to himself until the very end. But this detail was unimportant right now, he was on the offensive, he couldn’t let himself hesitate.

“Yes, I know.”

Shuichi’s answer caught him completely off guard leaving him immediately speechless. He predicted him to start fussing, get embarrassed for having been found red-handed or something along these lines. He was expecting him to apologize at the very least, since Shuichi was so good at it. But this was none of it, Shuichi’s voice had been dead calm. He knew, like,  _he actually knew._

“You knew?”

“Yes, he came to me directly some days ago and told me everything. I knew about it, and I know for a fact he stopped because I called his parents as well and they confirmed me he was not going to bother me again. I don’t really believe them, but if he comes here again I’ll call the police. I know who he is and where he lives.” Shuichi stopped stirring his tea and pushed the cup aside, not really willing to drink it anymore.

“So… you knew and you didn’t tell me anything.  _Days_.”  Kokichi could already feel his temper waking up and they had barely started.

“Not telling you the first time I went there was… a mistake maybe, but still my choice. Just like you don’t want to know anything about your past I tried to keep my two lives separated as much as I possibly could. I didn’t know he was going to come here and bother you, I really am sorry for that, but I won’t apologize for the secret itself. I think I am allowed to have at least one thing I don’t want to share with you, am I? Especially since it doesn’t have anything to do with you, not until he came here.”

Oh  _well then._ With this cute exposition he efficiently got himself up on the high moral ground. Now Kokichi’s slaughter was going to begin, he could feel it coming.

“You, on the other hand, have quite a  _list_ of secrets you are keeping from me, don’t you?” he got up and made his way around the table until they were almost face to face but a couple feet away. “You haven’t told me about him, and I’m sure you know you should have. How can I help you if you don’t tell me that you are being bothered? I may have been a detective in a game, but I can’t read minds, it doesn’t work conveniently like in manga and anime, I’m not Deus Ex Machina. There is no way I can understand if you don’t tell me.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to make you feel bad after I realized what this was all about?” it came out with quite a bit of venom but his advantage had all been kicked out of the ring.

“So finding you maybe dead with a knife in your guts would have made me feel a lot better, I guess. There is no telling how far he could be willing to go, it was dangerous. This is what I fear the most about you, you don’t tell me anything even when it’s dangerous, next time I’m going to find you dead somewhere or not find you at all!” Shuichi was starting to get heated.

“I was being careful… and I talked to someone about it, I wasn’t alone.” he originally had planned to tell him about Chihiro as well but now that he was feeling attacked he wasn’t in the mood for this delicate confession anymore. It wasn’t relevant anyway. “I was working on it with Kiibo and you saw me confront Yonaga, didn’t you?” he was already angry enough that he was not using –chan anymore.

“I’m sure you were very safe, skipping school and hanging out at an abandoned factory.” Shuichi’s words were sharper than a sword.

Ah. Well, shit then, this was going to end so poorly, Kokichi could already smell it.

“Did he tell you this as well?”

“Yes. I didn’t want to believe it, so I went to your school personally and talked to your homeroom teacher. She told me you only went there for about a week and never showed up again. She tried to contact you with the email address we gave them when you enrolled but you just deleted them, didn’t you?” nope, the address he gave was a fake one, he never was interested in receiving emails from school in the first place. “I called Hanamura-san to see if you really were taking cooking lessons in the time you were wasting and he confirmed it. I didn’t trust that guy but it seems that for once he told me the truth, probably because it was beneficial for him.”

_In the time you were wasting._

“Right, in the time I was taking cooking lessons, I was wasting time.”

“Do you want to become a cook? If that’s what you are going for then okay, it was a good time investment. But what about the mornings? Weren’t you just doing nothing all the time?”

“You really just care about results! I can’t believe you are so mad at me skipping school and  _wasting time!”_ Kokichi didn’t bother keeping in check his volume anymore.

“No, I don’t! I care that you lied to me! You kept spinning more and more lies every single day! Do you really not understand how I felt when I realized that you were making fun of me all this time and didn’t think much of it? It’s been months!” Shuichi was getting there too, with his volume.

“Didn’t think much of it?! Do you even know how hard all this had been for me?! No, you don’t.” Kokichi didn’t let him the opportunity to talk back. “I can’t go to school, but you didn’t really listen to me when I said so, did you?”

“It’s not like you gave me a good explanation, either! You were just whining and saying ‘I don’t want to, can we cancel this agreement blah blah’, is that a good reason to you?” his imitation of an obnoxious voice made Kokichi so pissed.

“No, but it’s not like you asked either! What if I wanted to be understood or at least respected without having to explain… something I didn’t really understand myself at the time? I… can’t start there, I hate everything and everyone, I’m… not ready. I’m inadequate, I need to find myself before I can find anything else. Until then no matter where I go or what I do, nothing will turn out right, because I’m the problem. I need to fix myself before I can fix anything else.”

Shuichi didn’t speak for a moment, but his face didn’t relax one bit, then he spoke again.

“It doesn’t matter if you are lost, inadequate, broken, scared or hateful. If you are while keeping it a secret to everyone around you, especially the people that should be important to you, then you are hurting everyone else as well. If you had told me any of these things earlier, we could have worked on it, but you didn’t, you just thought about yourself for months, without any consideration for my feelings. You never learned how to ask for help and maybe you didn’t even try. I can’t help you if you don’t want my help.”

Kokichi’s eyes were stinging, his throat tight and hurting, and his whole body trembling a little. He knew he was about to spit some poison, but he didn’t fight it.

“You, of all people, should know how difficult it is for me to ask for help, but if you don’t, then maybe it’s you who never learned anything.”

“You—!“ Kokichi didn’t let him speak.

“I think we should break up, we aren’t good for each other at all.”

Shuichi stared at him with his mouth open. Kokichi didn’t move, flinch or withdraw his statement. He never planned this to happen, but right now it was the only thing that made sense. He didn’t regret saying it. Shuichi must have read it on his face because his expression hardened.

“Do whatever you want, like you always do.”

He turned and disappeared in the kitchen with his cup of tea, Kokichi turned as well, leaving the apartment.

Maybe for good.


	25. But it's easier to fly in a formation

“Now, I haven’t got enough tea for the both of us.”

Nagito looked at the mug in his hands and sighed, like giving it to Kokichi was a big sacrifice for him. Clown.

“I’m depressed here, stop being selfish and serve me like you are supposed to.” he urged him on.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry, I’ll serve you properly, do you require anything else?” he immediately gave him the mug with a huge smile, he was always so theatrical, sometimes Kokichi really wondered how people could consider him worse than Nagito.

“Do you remember this one thing you gave me?” Kokichi asked, starting to search in his pocket. It was something he always brought with him since he received it, like a charm or something. “Was this a curse? Were you trying to bring me bad luck?”

Nagito sat down on the bed, next to him, and took the piece of paper from his hand to see it.

Kokichi, after the fight with Shuichi, had left the apartment and he didn’t ask himself where he should go, there was only one person he could take advantage of in this situation. He had ignored the piece of paper until today, never mentioned it or showed it to anyone. He hadn’t asked for an explanation either, it wasn’t very relevant until that day, he could somehow feel that it was supposed to be asked about on a special occasion, probably this one.

After he arrived there, he narrated a little the events, without going too into details, and claimed the bed for himself. Nagito didn’t complain, not openly, but he was making him regret his decision every step on the way by treating him like a burden. But if he thought he would get discouraged so easily, especially now that he didn’t have a house anymore, he was completely delusional. Nagito could do and say anything he wanted, he had claimed this bed at his own now and no one was going to kick him out, Nagito deserved it after he cursed him with that message.

_The problem when you are chasing something_

_that’s brighter than you is that you have to use_

_as a comparison the mediocre and the bad. I tried_

_to forget that, for once, and I got blinded._

“You gave me this particular message to throw me off balance, didn’t you? This thing made me doubt myself from the very beginning. You did it on purpose knowing that it would have this effect on me.”

“Interesting interpretation. I have a different one. Have you asked yourself why a simple piece of paper was on your mind for so long?” Nagito answered his question with another question.

“Because it’s cursed?” he knew this was not the case, but he wasn’t going to offer any other explanation.

“Because you felt it resonate inside you. You know, right? It’s not like I planted these thoughts into your head, you already had them but you were trying to ignore them. I knew you would try to, so I tried to force you to confront them.” Nagito gave back the piece of paper to him but Kokichi didn’t take it.

“Why? Why would you want me to confront them? Because you wanted to make me like you? Alone and spiteful toward everyone’s happiness because it didn’t include me?” Kokichi hugged his knees.

Nagito laughed.

“Aren’t you a smart one? I already knew you were, of course, but it’s always nice when my expectation gets fulfilled so nicely!” he shook his head and then sighed. “But this is just a part of it. I think my situation and yours is a little different. I was always left behind, it’s not just a perception I made in my head, it’s reality. All the firm points in my life moved forward without me. In your case, it’s more like it’s the opposite, isn’t it? You were the one leaving everyone else behind and running away alone. It’s fine to run, but not if you are going to regret it. If you are going to suffer because the others can’t follow your pace, then stop running.”

“What do you know about me and running, I don’t agree with anything you are saying.” Kokichi furrowed his lips.

“Really? Then I guess I’m wrong!” he laughed again, Kokichi sighed and waited for him to stop self-satisfying himself. He was doing this little show for his own benefit, he didn’t believe he was wrong at all. “So I guess you don’t agree that you are suffering and regretting breaking up with Shuichi on the spur of the moment, right?”

Kokichi furrowed his lips more.

“I don’t regret it at all, it was not a healthy relationship, so I cut it.”

“I see, good for you then. I, personally, would give everything to be in your place though. At least Shuichi is within your grasp. To let him go, to take him back, to heal, to broke, to mend, to destroy, it’s all up to you. It must be nice having that kind of power.”

“We are still talking about this ‘Hajime’, aren’t we?” Kokichi rolled his eyes; Nagito had such a one-track mind when he wanted. “That’s another unhealthy relationship you should cut once and for all.”

“Is that so? I still would have loved to have a choice there. But going back to you,” he was saying so but he was only talking about himself, using Kokichi as a term of comparison, the annoying bugger, “if you are absolutely, one hundred percent, sure you did all you could and that there was nothing you could have done better to make the two of you understand each other, or if you don’t love him all that much… Then congratulation! You are a free man, without any regret and lose tie!”

This  _fucking…_

“Shut up, it’s exactly like that, I have no regrets whatsoever!” he turned his face the other way.

“Perfect! Then I guess this was not a party to comfort you because you have made a mistake and now you don’t know what to do, it was actually a party to celebrate freedom! How wonderful!” Nagito smiled widely.

This discussion had taken a sudden turn and it was completely incoherent with what they discussed at the start. Nagito was not stupid, he was obviously doing it on purpose to rub it in on him and make him change his mind. He used this kind of manipulation so often that it wasn’t even necessary to decipher it. Rationally speaking Kokichi shouldn’t even register his words in his brain, because he knew he was trying to get a reaction out of him, even so… he knew Nagito was not doing it with bad intentions. If he wanted he could have left him alone, just giving him a place to sleep and nothing else, but he went out of his way to get him to talk. True, probably he wasn’t doing it with good intentions either, he was the kind of guy that would accept any outcome, positive or negative, he was probably doing it just to witness ‘something interesting’. Either way, Kokichi was now forced to think some more, like he wasn’t already spending every moment thinking about what he should do now.

“Well then, unless you want to do something special I want to go back to a novel I was reading, it’s about a dystopia based around time, they have a limited amount of time and they can gain it by working, trade it or sell it. Isn’t it interesting? Playing with the time you have left to live? Sound like the kind of mental exercise you would like, maybe I can lend it to you after I finish it.”

Kokichi remained in his position, with his knees hugged to his chest, a little while longer, wondering what he should do. Maybe he should really go back and confront Shuichi once more, but he knew it would be a mistake right now, it would be a rash decision. Shuichi surely was still pissed at him and Kokichi didn’t know what to tell him, even if he was to talk to him. He didn’t know what he wanted, if to mend or to cut off, at least for a while. He was still in love with Shuichi, or at the very least he still wanted him in his life, but he wasn’t sure if now was the moment. Maybe it was better to… take a break. They both had some assessment to do in their lives, or at least  _he_  needed to. Maybe Shuichi had already everything planned and right now he was not confused at all, contrary to him.

He was going to sleep right now, decisions and talks were delayed at least until the next day.

“Hi, how are you?” Takumi was sitting under a gray tree, the scenery around them was gray as well, but it smelled like moss. It wasn’t half bad. “That wasn’t exactly the result I was expecting from today.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting it either.” Kokichi sat down as well, looking at the view of the forest around them that was getting fuzzier the farther he was looking.

“Uh.” Takumi hummed and didn’t say anything else, they were silent for a few moments.

“Wow, you are so much help.” Kokichi clicked his tongue in sarcasm.

Takumi chuckled.

“You wished me death and insulted me a bunch of times almost every day in your mind and now you want my help?”

“Well, don’t help me then, see if I care!” Kokichi turned his head the other way pouting.

Takumi laughed a little.

“You know I can’t take the decision for you,” he said in the end, “and it’s not because I don’t want to help or I don’t have a few ideas… It’s because this is an important decision and it’s one you have to do for yourself, or you are going to regret it forever. If anyone but you tells you what to do now you are going to spend the rest of who knows how much time thinking about what it could have been otherwise. You need to fully take control of your life.”

“What if I make the wrong decision?” Kokichi insisted. “What if I go back to Shuichi and realize a month or a year down the line that all I have done is keeping alive something that’s not worth it just because of my feelings? I could have maybe done something completely different instead, like find something more important to me. Or maybe I could do just that, search something that makes me happy and start to run around like a rabid dog without a house or a purpose in living.”

“That’s what it means to be young and… well, alive. You learn as you go. One day will be good, one day will be terrible… another will be so boring it’ll be forgettable. But you know the best part? As long as you are alive, you can always turn your back and change your mind, or start something completely new. There isn’t a deadline, not really, if you really want something. Don’t let anyone say to you that you have to know and decide all you want now, don’t let anyone say that you need to achieve everything as soon as possible. You can find something more interesting during the journey and realize that the objective is not what you wanted. You have the door of possibilities open right in front of you right now, there is no rush.”

“Ahh…” Kokichi exhaled loudly. “I didn’t realize I have a philosopher in my head, you should have told me sooner, I would have listened to you when I had trouble sleeping.”

Takumi smiled and stretched his arms, then he jumped on his feet.

“I’m sorry I’m so boring, I guess I’ll leave you alone then!” he stuck his tongue at him and started to walk away.

“What if I become alone. Like… really alone, what if I somehow end up losing everything and everyone? You know I’m not an optimistic person.” Kokichi asked, in the end, the question that was maybe the most pressing to him.

Takumi stopped and turned to study him a moment.

“Are you asking this question because you want an answer or comfort? I’m fine either way.” he shrugged.

Kokichi smiled, having this sarcastic smug directly inside his brain was both infuriating and amusing.

“Which one do you think I need the most?”

Takumi tilted his head, thinking.

“Hmm…” after a while he seemed to have reached a conclusion of sort. “If even you are alone… completely alone, and fail everything… isn’t it fine as long as you are happy with yourself? It’s useless to have everything, people and things, and still be unhappy about it. Would you rather have all the things that people crave and envy and still live an empty life or do you prefer to not have anything but know that you can at least count on yourself?”

“Hey…” Kokichi just needed to ask. “Are you real? Like… are you actually real? Or are you something I created to cheer up myself?”

The corners of Takumi’s lips moved up just a little bit.

“Does it matter?”

They looked at each other in silent agreement over the answer.

“If you are alone, there is still me. Come talk to me, I’m bored, I can always listen. I’m not going anywhere, I can’t abandon you. When you need something, just pass by. And when your life is so full and exciting and you forget about me… it’s okay too, it may be a good thing. Either way… you are never truly alone. You have you.”

“So I waited to be almost seventeen before creating a cute imaginary friend to hang out with. That’s so me.” he shook his head, smiling.

“Thanks for calling me cute.” Takumi turned and started to fade into the scenery. “Good luck with all of your decisions.”

“No thanks, I don’t want luck to have any part of it. I am, by myself, more than enough to put the game difficulty on hard, with luck involved I would play at hellish.”

Kokichi woke up with the remnants of Takumi’s chuckle in his ears. 

Today was going to be a good, no, a wonderful day. And it was going to be independently of the events, it was going to be simply because Kokichi wanted it to be.


	26. Riding the wind of the future

When Shuichi opened the door, Kokichi was ready for a number of different results, he had calculated them all on the way.

“Hi Shuichi-chan, how is your day? Can I come in?” he said while smiling, like everything was normal and fine.

Shuichi stared at him for a long moment and Kokichi waited.

“You dumped me.  _Yesterday ._ ” he said in the end.

“Yes, I know. Unfortunate, right? Can I come in or do you want to talk at the door?”

Shuichi sighed with a hint of annoyance and let him in. 

“You back here already?” he said.

“Is it a bad thing or a good thing, do you want me to be here or not?” Kokichi planted himself in the middle of the living room, he wasn’t going anywhere until this was completely solved, one way or another.

“So after the scene you made yesterday now you want me to take responsibility for your own decision? You were the one that dumped me, you should be the one telling me what you want.” Shuichi crossed his arms and stood two feet away from him, quite tense.

“I’m here, I think that answers your question already. But I guess you need some kind of context as well, don’t you?” he paused a moment, to collect his thoughts. “So… first thing I want to say is that you are right, I lied a lot in the last few months and that was not good, but I never did it to damage you. I was just trying to… I don’t even know, I guess I was just coping as well as I could with all that happened. I know I never told you anything but I had problems with my own head, I wasn’t very okay, let’s just leave it at that. In a way forcing me to go to school ultimately forced me to get over everything, but it wasn’t a very gentle way of doing it, it was pretty hard on me.”

“I’m not following completely, but what I am getting from this is that everything started because I forced you to go to school? How did I _force_ you to do anything? You never do anything I said if you don’t want to.” Shuichi frowned.

“You really need to realize that it’s not true, I do plenty of things to try and make you happy, or at least not mad. Don’t get me wrong, in this case it is my fault, I underestimated the problem and so I didn’t fight hard enough to convince you that it wasn’t a good idea… but I forgive myself because, honestly, I didn’t know how hard it was going to be until I found myself in the middle of it.”

“So in short it is my fault, you are saying.”

Kokichi sighed, he really needed to be so hung up on this detail, didn’t he?

“What am I saying is that I ended up agreeing to it and regretting it, but I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t because I didn’t feel like you were looking at me, you were always looking forward, to goals and the future. I… probably wanted you to stop and ask. I think I needed your support but I didn’t want to admit it to you. Yes, I’m a bitch.” he shrugged, he was already over this by now, if Shuichi could get over it as well then there was still hope for them. “But… I wanted a boyfriend, not a personal trainer.” he saw Shuichi drop his gaze to the floor. “I think part of the reason why I started keeping secrets was that I was mad at you.”

“I’m… did I really push you that hard? I never thought too much of it, because with all we have confronted to even arrive at this point, this seems like nothing. But I guess I was coming from the wrong direction. It’s not about how big the events are, it’s about your mental health, is it? I can’t read your mind though, it was a difficult expectation you had for me.” he exhaled, it looked like he wasn’t so mad anymore, more like tired.

“I know. That’s why I’m saying I was wrong. But then again, I wasn’t in the condition to really be objective there. So let’s agree that we were both in the wrong?” he proposed, hoping to leave all this behind forever.

“Heh, I guess.” Shuichi smiled sadly. “Interesting, so I was wrong after all.” Shuichi shook his head and sighed again. Kokichi waited for clarification. “After we left the Neo World Program, the only thing I could think of was how to build a stable life for the both of us. I wanted to be able to stand on our own feet and confront any adversity, and to do that I was convinced I needed to have us both pursue a carrier or something along these lines. I wasn’t going to force you into anything you didn’t want to, but when I noticed you weren’t trying to start anything on your own, I decided to give you that little push, because I thought you were trying to… I dunno, make the world pay for Danganronpa existence? Something like that. You could have chosen anything you wanted, as long as you were doing something. That’s what I thought. About me…” he hesitated again and almost forced himself to continue. “I wanted to be your safety net. I wanted to make sure to earn enough money for both, in the future, so nothing could drag us down into the dust. I know it’s not very realistic, but I guess I was kind of obsessed by this idea, scared maybe. The world is big and we are really small… I thought this much would already be something.” he grimaced.

Ah, that explained a lot about why he was so adamant about going to the best school in the city and being a detective again. It was probably the easiest thing he had been able to think about doing that would give him stability and money.

“Does this mean that you don’t really want to go to that specific school or even become a detective at all?” he was confident he already knew the answer.

Shuichi looked away before answer, his voice weak.

“Can I… stop trying so hard at it? I’m not going to change school, that’s a pain, but… no, I dislike it a bit, honestly.” he added something else in a hurry. “And I really don’t want to be a detective, ever again, if possible.”

“Geez, you are so stupid my beloved Shuichi-chan, why ruin your life for a little piece of shit like me? Truly, so stupid.” he crossed his arms and nodded.

Shuichi tried to stop a smile from forming on his lips.

“Alright then, what else? Are we finished with the awkward confessions?”

“Hmm, I guess that I should tell you that I was found by my younger brother and father… I ran away, like most of my life, but… I think I’ll try to talk to them, a little bit at a time. Aside from that, I think this is all.”

“Oh, okay.” he didn't seem to know what to say.

Silence fell on the room. Kokichi knew what was going on, he had been the one to dump him, so he was the one that had to take it back, Shuichi wasn’t going to do anything. It was kind of fair, but what Kokichi had in mind was probably not what he was expecting either.

“So… I was thinking about us, about what we could do now. I have reached my own conclusion, and so I wanted to talk about it with you, so we’d be in agreement, okay?” Shuichi nodded. “Okay, I personally think we should start all over again. And with that I don’t mean our romantic relationship, I mean starting from the basics. I think we shouldn’t live together for a while, and we should start to hang out like… friends, then if it’s still worth it for the both of us we can move on again. I mean…” Kokichi sighed and looked away, embarrassed that he had been forced to talk so much so seriously, he hadn’t joked in a long while and that was an anomaly, but this discussion was too important, this had to be clarified once and for all. “We barely even know ourselves, I don’t think we are ready to give something to someone else. The both of us. We started this relationship back in the game out of necessity, and don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything and I still think you are attractive… but at the same time I don’t really  _know you._ I personally don’t even know myself all that well, so how could you understand me? In the end, we are both kids, it’s okay to be together as kids… but living together isn’t quite the same, is it?” he smiled, but Shuichi wasn’t looking at him. “Do you agree that we should start all over again?”

Shuichi sighed dramatically and shrugged.

“I didn’t know you were such a philosopher. I guess that proves your point, doesn’t it?” he shook his head smiling.

“I have a couple of psychology textbooks stuffed into my brain, that messed me up more than helped, but still I can pull out of my ass some cheesy lines when I want to.” Kokichi smirked. “Like for example… What’s the point of being together for five yeas and then realize we hate each other and our life thus far? We can take a step back and decide a little later if we really are suited to be together.” he tilted his head. “Was this one good?”

“Good enough, you don’t have to keep repeating it, I got the picture quite well.” he paused a moment. “Okay, I see your point. I’m feeling a little lost right now, so maybe it’s not the best moment for me to make decisions, but at the same time I guess this is a symptom that what you are saying it’s true. I don’t know what to do now that you said you need a little more time, I was structuring my days based on what my ‘objectives’ were, so now I don’t know anymore. I’ll have to start all over again. Which one of us get to keep the apartment?”

“Ahh, this sounds like an agreement to divorce! We should have prepared a prenup!” Kokichi joked a little, finally. “You keep it, I don’t need it for now. If things never get back to how they were, we can talk about it a little longer. For now, there is no need to get a headache over it.” he shrugged.

And this was how everything was solved for the moment.

The rest of the day Kokichi spent it gathering some clothes and necessities to take back to Nagito’s apartment. The little bugger could spare some space for him, he owed him big time. Kokichi’s first objective, once this matter was settled, was to reconnect again with Rantaro, and find a compromise with him and the others about the Neo World Program.

Making up with him had been easy, Rantaro accepted his joke apology immediately and was open to discussion. Kokichi explained his point of view again to him but agreed in the end that there was no stopping technology. They waited together for the second trial, the one for Nagito’s father, which was in the first half or March. The end result was perhaps to be expected: Nagito’s father and his family had to give up all rights on the company, but the company was still going to run, as long as there was a brand new staff taking care of it. Rantaro and his crew moved fast after that, Chiaki and him ended up hired in the new staff without too many problems after they showed how dedicated and knowledgeable they were. Miu ended up tinkering with the machine for a living, it seemed that out of everyone she was the one that got the real happy ending.

Rantaro and Chiaki, with some moral support from Aka-chan, remained in the company for a long time and Kokichi couldn’t imagine anyone he trusted more to take care of the new season of ‘Love Across the Universe’. The name sucked, but at least this spin-off of Danganronpa was peaceful enough.

Ryota Mitarai and Hinata Hajime never returned to the company, quite the opposite in fact. Ryota ended up working as an animator for a gaming company, his real calling. Hinata and Chiaki remained together for two years in total. After the girl returned working for the company, even if it was a new project, the two started to argue and then fight more frequently. Hinata ended up breaking up with her.

Nagito didn’t get his happy ending either, Hinata didn’t run in his arms after leaving her or anything. But Kokichi guessed Nagito was happy enough, he saw the two of them a couple of times after the broke up and Nagito looked satisfied at the very least. Kokichi knew the two of them were still hanging around together, as friends. It was kind of weird but Kokichi had seen weirder.

Fuyuhiko and Peko got married, and Kokichi was his best man, as planned. He wore a suit that was tailored specifically for him, checkered white and purple. He was way more flashy than the husband. Fuyuhiko complained a little, but Kokichi reminded him that he had willingly chosen him, Kokichi had even tried to warn him at that time. Peko was stunning in her dress though, she, on the contrary, was a hundred times more impressive than the bride's witness, Mahiru. It turned out that the reason why Aka-chan had been invited together with him that one time was because she was put in charge of the music for the ceremony. Fuyuhiko and Peko looked very happy and excited to start a life together.

Momo-chan and Haru-chan was the most turbulent couple Kokichi had ever seen, and he had seen himself in the mirror! It turned out that the two knew about Kokichi’s secrets because Shuichi confided with them after talking with his ex. Kokichi was shocked to learn that the both of them had decided to side with Kokichi after hearing his story, which finally explained their odd behavior that day. Haru-chan had looked way too soft and Momo-chan hadn’t even insulted him about having worried Shuichi, definitely odd. The next day, Shuichi, after having been dumped, had called them and they had apparently scolded him as well. Kokichi never ever expected something like this, and afterward it became a little easier to actually become their friend. Once they dropped their attitude and stopped being mad at him for ‘stealing Shuichi’ they became slightly more pleasant, enough for Kokichi to warm up to them, just a little bit. It was then that he noticed.

He would have never guessed before that they were arguing so much. They were having debates about pretty much everything, from the dinner to the color of the pillows on their couch, from the way Momo-chan was dressed to the kind of glasses to buy and use in formal occasions. In the following years, the two of them broke up and made up so many times Kokichi gave up completely understanding them. They didn’t look happy for a single moment, and yet they looked always satisfied. Kokichi really could not understand.

Most of his friends' careers turned out to be similar to their talents, but not quite. Ibuki ended up a DJ, Hiyoko became a gymnast instructor, Mahiru a journalist, Teruteru the owner of a hotel, Gonta a beekeeper with fruit trees and cultivated fields, Himiko the champion of a card game tournament. Everyone got something that maybe was not their dream, but that was making their lives full and bright.

The first one to have a child, contrary to everyone’s expectation, ended up being Kirumi Toujo.

No one knows what happened to Kiyo. When Kokichi had left the hospital for the first time he was already gone, a vacant apartment was all he had left behind.

They saw Mikan some other times, she had a shaky career as a model for advertising, and she never spoke to them again.

Yonaga Angie traveled overseas, she decided to go to India, and she said that Atua was planning to found a new religion there. Kokichi doubted the girl was still alive and well.

Shirogane was arrested one year after Chiaki reformed the brand. She had sent a handmade bomb in her office; obviously it was caught by security even before it could pass the gates.

Shuichi’s path ended up being a surprise until the very end. He graduated from the famous school as planned and left all the doors he could open. He said he wanted to choose as late as possible. Kokichi was the first one that had the honor to know that Shuichi had been hired as an assistant publisher for a big publishing house. His reasoning was completely logical: “I love reading novels, so what could possibly be best then get to read as many as possible before anyone else?”

Kokichi had laughed a lot after he heard him say that. But… all thing considered, he would be a phony to criticize his choice, it wasn’t like he had done something different.

After he settled down a bit more, he contacted Chihiro Fujisaki, his younger brother, again. He was expecting a scolding or some kind of strong reaction from him but he was surprised to discover that after he unbanned him, _Iliveintheinternet_ just greeted him like normal and then didn’t do anything besides react to everything Koichi wrote to him. Kokichi was surprised to attest that he really was going to wait for him to adjust and he was respecting his pace. For something like a week, Kokichi spoke with him only about games, just like before, more or less, and Chihiro did the same. One day he decided to throw out some more questions and considerations about him finding Kokichi, hoping to throw him off balance a little, but it didn’t happen, Chihiro flawlessly changed to his pace all over again.

After the second week, Kokichi finally asked to meet him in person.

Kokichi didn’t meet Takumi’s father until a month later, first he learned how to get along with Chihiro only, and then he met the father as well in the end. Chihiro was a very short guy, almost feminine and with a soft voice. His hair was lighter than Takumi’s but the softness, length and haircut were quite similar. Their father was short as well, and very similar to Chihiro, a little less to Takumi but he could definitely see his genes in him. He only saw a photo of his mother, and he discovered he got the hair color from her, but she didn’t try to contact them at all, so Kokichi ignored her existence as well.

It took three months after that for Kokichi to decide to go and live with them for the moment. Nagito was a good roommate, if nothing else, playing chess with him was fun because he was cheating as much as he was, but he had indulged him for free for months, Kokichi decided to give him a break. Chihiro and his father’s home was almost always in semi-darkness and filled with every kind of piece of technology. It was a completely different vibe compared to both Shuichi and Nagito’s apartment but it was not bad. Chihiro revealed himself as a technology nerd, just like their father, and he had become interested in games only after he contacted Kokichi. At first, he just wanted an excuse to talk to him, in the end, he actually became an enthusiast.

That was when Kokichi and Chihiro had the idea.

If anyone had told Kokichi he would end up in a collaboration with another person, for his career, he would have never believed it, Kokichi was a single-player. And yet the union of the two brothers brought to life a mini indie studio for developing games. Chihiro was the programmer and art director, Kokichi the story writer and alpha tester. They hired some external help, like with music and things that Chihiro was not really great at, like the character designs, but they were mostly working alone on every project. In three years, they successfully completed two short games and Kokichi kept coming up with new ideas to use for new ones.

Kokichi had a big ally as well, Shuichi was a publisher after all, and he had learned how to recognize a good story. Kokichi was bringing all his projects to him first, to get a first opinion, even before he was presenting them to Chihiro. Shuichi was a great source of inspiration, just letting him read his works was enough to come up with new ideas.

Everyone spent the next years wondering what the hell these two, Kokichi and Shuichi, were doing. They were dating but not dating, friends but not friends. It turned up that they were great at hanging out together, in a platonic way, but not quite as friends either. Some of their friends were defining them as ‘dating’ because they were always doing things together alone, while others were considering them just ‘close friends’ because what kind of couple hang out together for three years without going any further than that? Them, apparently.

Miu solved the problem by calling them fuck-buddies, even though it wasn’t even nearly correct.

Kokichi’s sexual appetite was probably not that big to begin with, but he discovered he had still quite a way to go before he was a fully-grown adult, ready to have a sex life. He didn’t know how this was for Shuichi, all the times they talked about it he said he was cool with how things were. It was possible that he was seeing someone else to satiate that other part of a relationship, Kokichi wasn’t excluding it, but he trusted him enough to say it if he was no longer interested in this kind of slow-burning relationship.

They started living together again in the fourth year.

It started one day when Kokichi was slightly drunk, not really drunk drunk, but a little bit. They ended up going home together to Shuichi’s apartment. They just slept together like old times, but it felt right, much more than before. From there Kokichi started to stop by, from time to time, and leave some objects there, like a contamination spreading, a virus. It progressed like that for a while, no one really placed some kind of schedule on things, they just moved forward. Kokichi never returned to live there completely, he was still stopping by Chihiro at night at least once a week, but that was the best that he could do and Shuichi wasn’t complaining either.

Rantaro once asked Kokichi if they were ever going to consider getting married, but Kokichi answered he never felt any need, weren’t they already living the best of their lives in the way they wanted? Rantaro had laughed and patted him in the back. He said he was glad he could say so with so much confidence now.

Takumi, Kokichi’s imaginary best friend, never left. Kokichi was visiting him only occasionally now, sometimes months would pass between a visit and another but it always felt normal and natural. He was there when he needed him; he was not when he didn’t.

Kokichi’s public life never became easy, after the fame from Danganronpa faded he became famous for his games instead, so no matter what he was always under the eyes of the criticism. Just as Takumi had predicted, however, as long as he was doing something he really cared about, he could ignore them all, he wasn’t even reading feedbacks. Maybe it was wrong, but he cared more about the opinion of the people he loved, not of random people behind a screen. And if his games ever stopped selling, he could re-invent himself as many time as he needed, he was a good flexible thinker. He had to hire private security for himself and the places he lived, though, he had bodyguards always ready to accompany him when he wanted, for as long as he wanted. The world was never going to be a perfect place, but Kokichi could create a place in the world that was perfect for him.

He had started that day, when he left Nagito’s apartment to talk maybe honestly for the first time with Shuichi.

It started when he had abandoned in the trashcan the little message that Nagito had left him and that he carried around for almost a year.

_The problem when you are chasing something_

_that’s brighter than you is that you have to use_

_as a comparison the mediocre and the bad. I tried_

_to forget that, for once, and I got blinded._

 

He wasn’t going to let anyone else, but himself, decide if anything was brighter than him ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand... this is it.  
> This series started a year ago and it accompanied me for my whole growing process as a writer.  
> I feel like this was my graduation project, I sometimes have mixed feelings about it, but I have fond memories about it all.  
> I want to thank you all for your support, I wouldn't have made it this far without you!
> 
> And I want to apologize to Kokichi and Shuichi, thank you for putting up with my plot ahaha
> 
> For anyone who is interested...  
> I'm going to start a new story next week, same day, same hour.  
> It's a strange story, so I'm warning you now ahaha


End file.
